Secret Longing
by izzyred
Summary: Sometimes Sora wonders if there's something wrong with him. He's groped by guys far too often for it to be a coincidence or an accident. Worse, his own dreams start betraying him, showing him a vision of something he may or may not want... with Riku. He can't help but feel like he's betraying the only person who's ever respected his boundaries. But what if Riku wants him back?
1. Chapter 1

**Pairings: **Sora and Riku, obviously. Hints at Tidus/Axel. Axel/Roxas. Xemnas/Saix. And many others. Prepare for a rain of unholy sexual tension and an unheard of concentration of gay boys.

**Warning: **Shameless smutiness and general boy/boy content. Drug use and underaged drinking, cursing, fighting, and a lot of high school shenanigans. An overabundant use of the "oh-so-desirable lead" stereotype, along with the use and abuse of many other cliches. Undoubtable pheromones, padded speedos, groping and molestation. Music that I'm in love with and don't own, high schoolers bashing Hemingway, sexy black teachers in low-cut tops. And probably more to be added.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any characters involved other than like... some teachers I'm loosely basing off of people I know. I mean! Wait! Any resemblance is purely coincidental! Yeah. Gotta cover my ass. ;)

* * *

**Fantasy**

It started with a dream. It wasn't anything novel or unheard of, but for Sora, it was mortifying and intoxicating all at once, sending tremors through his slumbering body.

He was standing at the free throw line, his gaze trained on the metal rim before him, barely aware of the boys jostling along the sides of the restricted area. He breathed in steadily, that slight inhalation the only sound ringing in his ears as he lined up the shot, swiped sweat away from his lips, bounced the ball once, then bent his knees and, with perfect form, sunk the ball. No rim, no net, just a pure, game-winning, crowd-shattering shot, that single, unerring key to victory, splitting the court in two as his teammates rushed around him, flinging themselves on him in a sweaty heap. There was cheering, so much cheering, and then the sound of everything clicking off, the people around him flowing away like wisps, as though they'd never existed. A single point of light shot out, illuminating the area immediately around him, emphasizing just how terribly alone he was. He spun, panicking, looking for a way out. Somehow, the darkness seemed impenetrable, and he didn't dare to step from his ray of light for fear of being swallowed up, or reduced to mist like his erstwhile teammates and admirers.

He paused, his breathing labored, eyes connecting for one fleeting second on the form of a slowly approaching individual, shrouded by the darkness even as he stepped closer and closer to the light. Just as he'd appeared, the being disappeared, his footsteps still echoing everywhere, surrounding Sora even as he spun and sought their source, slowly growing more frantic as the knots in his stomach coiled. "Sora." A small gust of air flitted past his ear as the voice attached intoned his name. He felt hands settle on his shoulders, sudden yet smooth, dragging over his arms seconds later in a lingering manner, fingertips gently massaging his skin. "It's just me, Sora," the voice uttered again, even closer to his ear, even lower and more laden with meaning. "Sora," it whispered, lips pressing to the ridges of his ear as he shivered and gasped, noting that the hands were moving to wrap around his waist. He turned his head slightly, eyes mere slits, lidded with lust and fear. His heart thundered through him resoundingly, picking up even as he turned and took in the person holding him, now touching him, slipping those hands lower towards his-

"No!"

Sora's corporeal form sat up as he screamed this, his mind shaking off the dream he'd just been lost in. He panted, his heart thundering much as it had in his sleep, his body giving a little jump and shudder as someone knocked on his door.

"Sora?" his mother called, her ear obviously pressed to the door. "Is everything alright?"

Sora nodded hastily, then internally chided himself for being air-headed as he realized that his mother couldn't physically see him. He swallowed down the lump in his throat and called out a thick, "Yes" before scrambling out of bed, his mind still a mess. "I'll be out in a minute," he continued after a moment, noting that he hadn't heard retreating footsteps after his reassurance.

He waited, swallowing again and pressing his lips tight, evening his breathing as it rushed through his nostrils. Even as his mother called out a quick "Okay" and he heard her wander away, his heart wouldn't cease its pounding. It didn't help that he kept reliving flashes of his dream, or that he was just now noticing the throbbing between his legs.

He groaned and squeezed his eyes shut then ventured a tentative peek down at himself, hoping, praying, that he wasn't… He groaned again when he noticed the unflagging erection making itself clear beneath his shorts, flapping his arms in an uncouth attempt at distraction. He let out a few more whines and annoyed grunts before sinking to the floor next to his bed and leaning against the mattress, seeing no other option. He squeezed his eyes shut once again and finished it quickly, imagining every arousing thing possible in quick succession so that his mother wouldn't worry that he was taking so long and come to check on him again. He stood up and clenched his right fist, making his way to the door until he heard a voice behind him that made him start.

"You're up early," Riku declared, a knowing smirk on his face. Sora, whose heart had already suffered quite a bit of abuse that morning, nearly jumped out of his skin at the sound of his best friend's voice, immediately pressing himself against his door with one hand on the knob. His chest gave a little heave as he sighed and took in the familiar sight of the silver-haired boy slung across his window sill, that smirk still firmly planted on his lips. He crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow at Sora, staying where he was and waiting for something.

Sora paused, confused, and started turning his door handle. "Uhhh…" he stammered out, gulping and remembering something… "I'm going to get ready!" His voice came out hastily as he fled the room and ran down the hall, slamming a door behind him.

Riku stayed behind and chuckled, licking his lips in satisfaction. Then he glanced down at himself just to make certain he'd controlled his body well enough under the circumstances. To his relief, there was nothing revealing under his pants, just a lingering heat in his body telling of what he'd seen.

He shuddered as he remembered, wishing he could go home and get back in the shower to fantasize for a few hours. Instead, he rolled off the window sill gracefully, planting himself on the edge of Sora's bed, which was still warm with his presence. RIku could smell the sweat and imagined the dream Sora must have had, one that had probably almost become a bit of a mess for the boy.

He couldn't help but smile again as he dragged his hands over the sheet and took in how rumpled it was, picturing Sora thrashing, begging, gasping, moaning-

He stopped himself, gulping and shrugging off that returning heat. He couldn't let himself give in to his attraction to his childhood friend. That would spell disaster, not just for Riku, but for Sora, who would feel - Riku was certain - hurt, betrayed, etc.

'Shit,' he thought, running a hand through his hair, pressing it to his lips a moment later.

Meanwhile, Sora, who felt thoroughly drained and dirty, stepped hastily into the shower, squeezing his eyes shut and scrubbing away the sweat and cum and feelings and _Riku_-

He paused and slowly let himself relax, staring down at his hands, silent tears surfacing in his eyes. 'This isn't right,' he thought, sobbing deep in his chest. 'I've… defiled our friendship. I've dishonored his trust.' Sora shook himself, resuming his scrubbing and sobbing and general self-hatred without a second thought, unable to shake the mood that settled over him even as he stepped out of the bathroom with a towel on his waist and returned to his room, shocked to find Riku still there.

Part of him had already given in to the reality that Riku knew, Riku hated him, Riku was disgusted and wouldn't talk to him again. While the rational part of his brain knew better, Sora hadn't been able to shuck off those misgivings and harsh "truths". They were so ingrained in his mind, in fact, that he didn't even bother saying anything to his friend as he dropped his towel and got dressed, completely ignoring the other boy's presence.

Riku, on the other hand, was staring in disbelief, his heart skipping out an erratic beat and his throat clenching up as Sora stripped before him without a care. He'd seen him naked before, of course, and, as the previous scene proved, more often than Sora knew, but there was something about the nonchalant movements, the tense rolling of his skin, the complete lack of focus. It was driving Riku crazy. He almost reached out, unconsciously, to trail a hand over Sora's back, but refrained at the last second, catching himself even as Sora turned around and gave him a strange, shocked look. It sent shivers through Riku's spine.

Sora just stared for a moment longer, however, even after Riku smiled at him and flicked his eyes off into some empty corner, seemingly lost in his own world.

"Hurry it up, Sora," Riku sighed, flopping onto his back on Sora's bed. "We haven't got all day. I don't want to be late because of you."

Sora snorted, retorting indignantly "You'd be late without my help anyways" forgetting, momentarily, that he was a bad friend with a sick mind full of dirty thoughts.

Riku laughed and shrugged, moving on. He leapt to his feet and shoved his hands in his pockets, rolling his shoulders forward. "Well let's get a fuckin' move on, then, so our combined lateness doesn't get us another week of detention."

Sora smirked, despite himself, and followed his friend through his door, slinging a beat up old backpack over one shoulder as he went, not bothering with the other strap. His mother gave him a strange look as the two boys wandered past, but said nothing, long past the point of scolding Riku for coming in through the upstairs window, possibly wrecking the pipe he shimmied up on his way.

"Hey Mrs. Sakuraba," Riku called as they passed, slipping out the front door without much in the way of a reply and hoisting his own backpack from the bushes onto his shoulder. Sora paused, reaching towards the edge of the porch where he kept his skateboard, his eyes flicking over Riku's waiting form as he did. He nearly slapped himself, but snatched up his skateboard instead, favoring his friend with a grimace as he dropped it on the sidewalk and rolled past. Riku didn't hurry to catch up, as usual, counting on Sora to linger when needed, stop when needed. It was the same old routine. Except today, even Riku, who had no clue what was going through Sora's mind, could tell that something was off, and it nagged at him ceaselessly for the duration of their silent trek through town. Even as they stopped at the entrance to their school, Sora kicking his board into his hands and hunkering through the near-silent hallways, Riku chided himself for some unknown wrong he must have done Sora. He knew the kid was blaming himself for whatever transgression had occurred.

Finally, Sora turned to look at him, seeming to forget his sour mood for a split second as he favored his friend with a smile. That was the only encouragement Riku received as the two of them pushed their way into Mrs. Geringer's class and scurried to their seats.

"Late again, I see," the woman said with a smirk, flicking her pen against the surface of whatever paper lay on her clipboard without further comment, then turning to resume the lecture they'd interrupted.

"Plato," she started, and that's where she lost both boys, their minds immediately shutting out the sound of her strong voice as their thoughts wandered.

Sora stared at her mouth to be sure it appeared he was paying attention, scribbling something on the paper in front of him casually whenever it seemed like she was looking. He'd gotten through three previous years of school doing the exact same thing, cramming with Riku and their considerably more studious friend Kairi when exam time came, barely scraping together the necessary information to get an A- and a consistent 3.75 average GPA each time.

Sora was careful during this particular bout of pretending to pay attention not to glance at Riku, think about Riku, or even breath the same air as Riku, keeping his breathing short and tight. The only problem with his method of avoidance made itself evident shortly as Riku's every movement flickered in his peripheral vision, and Riku never was very good at sitting still.

Riku, for his part, was staring at Sora. Not obviously so, just enough to get a pleasant eyeful while also pretending to listen. It soon came to bother him, however, that Sora's gaze never drifted over to him - not once - when, normally, he'd glance over during any lull or break and smile, maybe making a goofy face which would make Riku smirk. Today, however, Sora was staring ahead fixedly, his body tensed and one hand trembling. Riku thought, briefly, that perhaps Mrs. Geringer was the reason he was so taut and drawn in. That perhaps she'd been the one in his dream that had inspired that lovely little scene of self-pleasure Riku had witnessed earlier. He glanced at the woman angrily, trying to figure out why that might be.

Sure, she was young and thin and had beautiful arching cheekbones and a quick smile. Sure her skin was a creamy, shimmering ebony that drew in light and reflected it back like nothing else. And, sure, her eyes were surprisingly chocolatey and lustrous, and maybe that was attractive… "Dammit," Riku murmured just under his breath, drawing a stare from Tidus, who was sitting just in front of him. He shot the boy a dirty look, which was returned before he settled his gaze back at the front, probably ogling Mrs. Geringer just as Sora was.

Riku noted, with dismay, that Sora's last girlfriend had been black, as had his first, and only a few in between had been anything but. 'He has a definite thing for dark skin…' Riku glanced down at his own pale arms and sighed, slumping down on his desk. 'This is ridiculous.'

While Riku was absorbed in his own depressing thoughts, he had no clue that Sora had parted his lips slightly to allow his breath to rush a bit faster. That Sora was peeking at him out of the corner of his eyes and his cheeks were flushed and bright. Or that Sora, whose hands had never ceased trembling, was now remembering a brush of fingers, a movement of lips, that, though only existent in his dreams, was making him lose all sense of his surroundings, and it all had to do with Riku. He couldn't get Riku out of his mind and it was driving him crazy.

He tempted fate with a longer glance, a more obvious sigh, a- The bell rang, jolting him out of his reverie, making him jump out of his seat and collect his things a bit too quickly, nearly sending everything scattering.

Riku watched him and furrowed his brow, not sure what to do with his thoughts, with Sora, with his now ruined day. Then he sighed as he helped his friend, drawing out an "accidental" brush of hand and smiling as he watched Sora blush. 'I can still elicit that much,' he thought, somewhat satisfied.

"Hey man," Tidus called from behind them, his arms crossed over his chest and a smirk gracing his lips.

The two boys, each lost in each other without knowing it, turned to greet their friend back, following as he walked out. He turned as he walked, skipping backwards and chattering on about some party.

"Cloud's having it at his place because his parents are gone all weekend. He told me to invite you guys if you're down."

Riku shrugged. "Yeah, I guess. Though I can't exactly speak for Sora."

Sora's heart clenched at the comment. Though it was completely innocent and meant nothing, it still made his chest hurt. Sora nodded after a moment, staring at the ground. "Yeah, I'll come," he muttered, speeding ahead and wandering into his next class, Physics, with Dr. Spurling. He sat down, noting, out of the corner of his eye, the confusion on Riku's face as he entered the classroom behind him and sat down next to him. It almost made him happy. Almost.

However, Riku was staring at him as he sat, concern etched across his features, which only served to swipe away any of the happiness previously imparted. Sora gave him a brief, watery smile and stared ahead, hoping they were doing a packet today, or something. This, as it turned out, was indeed the case, and they were all left to their own devices, most people chattering or listening to one of Spurling's crazy stories as the period wore on.

At their little table, Riku continued to stare at Sora, masking his ogling with concern and reaching out for his friend, brushing one hand along his arm. "What's up with you today?" he murmured, distracted briefly by someone calling his name and waving, which he met with a nod and false smile before turning back to what really mattered. "You seem… pissed, or something."

Sora shook his head. "I'm totally fine."

"Oh, c'mon Sora. You know I'm not buying that bullshit."

Sora just shrugged, pretending to focus on his packet.

When Riku wouldn't let up, Sora finally got the courage to face him, turning his gaze on him with yet another watery smile. "It's fine. Seriously. I'm just tired or something. I had a weird dream…" He trailed off barely in time, realizing with horror that he'd almost imparted the details. It seemed so natural, after all, for him to tell Riku, who he told everything.

Riku sighed. "Well, whatever. I just hope you're in a better mood at the party tomorrow."

Sora nodded absently and bit his eraser, ignoring the fluttering in his chest as Riku discussed their current problem with him and the period wore on.

After second, they went their separate ways for one period, which was a relief to both, since it gave Riku time to think and Sora reprieve from his agitation.

"Hey man," Tidus said for the second time that day, flopping down next to Riku in the back of their lecture hall. "What was up with Sora?"

Riku shook his head, trying to puzzle that out himself.

"He seems distracted," Tidus noted, nodding to himself. "I wonder if I pissed him off or something…"

Riku narrowed his eyes at Tidus' remark, suspecting that, under the surface, Tidus had the same feelings for Sora that Riku did. The guy was blatantly pansexual, and had even dated some semi-goth with face tats named Axel, briefly, before turning to celibacy. Riku could only guess that he was holding out for Sora, which made his blood boil uncontrollably when he remembered.

"Don't worry. I doubt you even crossed his mind," Riku said nonchalantly, putting on his most neutral face. He almost smirked as he noted Tidus' hurt look out of the corner of his eye, knowing he was getting to him in the best way. Nobody could read Riku's emotions except Kairi and, sometimes in his moments of clarity, Sora. Still, he felt a twinge of guilt at his manipulation, wondering if, maybe, he was depriving Sora of something he wanted.

He thought that, if it came to it, he'd be able to stand passively by and wish Sora well if he wanted to date someone else. But even as he wished that were true, he knew it only applied to girls. If Tidus tried to get with Sora, Riku would raise hell to stop him, and he knew he wouldn't regret it, even if it was what Sora wanted. 'I'm so fucking selfish,' he thought, picking at the edge of his notebook and staring up at the head of the classroom. He had self-study in place of an elective, this period, so there was only the supervisor and a smattering of students present in the class, making for a quiet, and slightly disturbing environment as the teacher proved himself to be an enormous creep. Even as Riku pondered the empty blackboard and sunk into his thoughts, the teacher drew his attention when he stood a little too close to the female students, laughed a little too much at their jokes. The worst part was, however, when he craned over Riku's head later in the period, resting his hands on his shoulders, making Riku tense up. He knew the guy's attention didn't just extend to female students.

"Looks like you're not working on anything, Riku," he said with a quick grin. Riku grimaced, rolling his shoulders out of the man's touch.

"Yeah. I got all my work done earlier," he lied, staring ahead and picturing blue eyes and chocolate hair to distract himself.

"Well, if you say so," the slimy voice whispered, its owner wandering past to prey on some other pretty boy.

"Ugh," Riku shuddered, swallowing. "I hate that prick."

Tidus nodded at his side, his eyes darkening. "I heard that he tried to grope someone on the swim team last semester but he didn't get in trouble because some kid backed him up. Makes me fucking sick."

Riku swallowed again, this time against a lump in his throat as he recalled that Sora had been on the swim team. He imagined Sephiroth sitting on the sidelines as he instructed them, smiling just a little bit too broadly at Sora, lingering just a little too long as he directed his body, touching just a little bit too much-

He growled at his own thoughts, hoping it wasn't Sora who'd almost been groped. He stored the thought away for later, thinking of ways to bring it up without scaring his friend off. He knew he'd weasel it out of him eventually if he was persistent enough.

The day moved on without much more interaction between them, however, because Sora was _still _in his mood. Even at lunch, with the hustle and bustle of everything around him, usually enough of a catalyst to set him talking, he remained silent.

"What's up with you Sor?" Cloud said, nudging him. "You better not bring this little attitude to my house tomorrow because I've got an amazing surprise for you."

Leon glanced over at Cloud and grinned, obviously in on the plan.

Sora sighed. "You know I hate surprises," he said, a ghost of his effervescent charm coming out. "You better tell me now before I beat the shit out of you."

"Whatever," Leon scoffed, raising an eyebrow. "You're like a twelve-year-old. I've seen girls with bigger muscles."

Sora bared his teeth in a semi-facetious glare, smiling despite himself. "Is that a challenge, captain hair gel?"

Cloud barely repressed a snort, flicking a piece of Leon's hair with a grin. "Remember when I cut off a big chunk of his hair last year and he cried in front of Lisa Cona-"

"Okay!" Leon yelled, elbowing Cloud in the sternum. "Yeah! We were all there! We all saw me crying. Awesome, it's out there." He glared at his laughing, wheezing friend, shooting his angry stare around the table. "Also, I'd like remind you all that we were entirely too wasted, and Sora had puked on Riku, who was in the process of laughingly groping the aforementioned barfer-"

"'Kay let's not talk about that anymore," Riku butted in loudly, fidgeting. "I thought he was Aerith."

"Yeah, sure you did," Leon laughed, elbowing Sora. "Like I said: you're girly as fuck."

Sora said nothing, simply growing red and silent, staring down at the table.

Riku let his gaze wander off to the side, hoping that Sora wasn't thinking too hard on what Leon had just said. It also made him remember what Tidus had said earlier about Sephiroth and the swim team... He cast an unintentional and over-concerned stare at Sora, withdrawing it immediately after and starting up a meaningless conversation with Tidus.

Sora, on the other hand, began growing red as he thought about Riku drunkenly groping him. He remembered that incident rather vividly, actually, and suddenly realized what might have really triggered his shameful dream. It wasn't his fault, but he still felt responsible, somehow, for the dream he'd had. Even as he told himself it couldn't be helped, or that his thoughts, which had been turned strange by the same dream, he reasoned, were perfectly acceptable, he couldn't shake the feeling that he'd betrayed Riku. Still, it was hard to forget his comfort with the boy, on occasion, which led to various missteps in the way of looking too long, smiling too much, etc throughout the day. It was frustrating.

Riku, on the other hand, was worrying more and more for Sora. Especially as they walked home and Sora continued to say not a word, clutching onto his board with white-knuckled hands rather than riding it.

"Hey Sora," Riku said abruptly, gazing off into the distance to invoke a feeling of nonchalance.

"W-what?" Sora stammered out, licking his lips and swallowing. He didn't dare look at Riku.

"Well, I heard something weird today," he muttered, "and I wanted to ask you about it, since you were close to the situation."

"Oh," was all he could manage. Riku waited for more, but when it became apparent nothing else was forthcoming, he sighed and continued.

"Tidus and I were in self-study with that fucking creep, Sephiroth, and the guy was being his usual creep self. And then Tidus told me that he tried to grope someone on the swim team."

Riku dared a look at Sora as he said this, noting, with dismay, that his friend had stiffened. He continued slowly after that. "I guess I was just wondering if you knew anything about that…"

Sora shrugged nervously, his breath rushing as his mind forced a flashback. The smell of chlorine, the echo of his locker - the only one whose owner was still around. Then the sudden warmth behind him, a hand against his-

He shook his head rapidly, eyes wide and staring straight ahead.

"I dunno," he said immediately, dropping his board, finally, and rolling forward a bit, waiting only slightly for Riku. The other boy watched, fearing the worst behind those words, and realized with an ache in his chest, that Sora wasn't just irresistible to him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Pairings: **Sora and Riku, obviously. Hints at Tidus/Axel. Axel/Roxas. Xemnas/Saix. And many others. Prepare for a rain of unholy sexual tension and an unheard of concentration of gay boys.

**Warning: **Shameless smutiness and general boy/boy content. Drug use and underaged drinking, cursing, fighting, and a lot of high school shenanigans. An overabundant use of the "oh-so-desirable lead" stereotype, along with the use and abuse of many other cliches. Undoubtable pheromones, padded speedos, groping and molestation. Music that I'm in love with and don't own, high schoolers bashing Hemingway, sexy black teachers in low-cut tops. And probably more to be added.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any characters involved other than like... some teachers I'm loosely basing off of people I know. I mean! Wait! Any resemblance is purely coincidental! Yeah. Gotta cover my ass. ;) Really, I don't own anything. Nothing at all.

**Jessica would like you to note: **I failed to mention, in the previous chapter, that I started this story based on the playlist I was listening to. The song titles are the same as the chapter titles (yeah, I'm really uncreative like that). Last time, it was "Fantasy" by LAMA.

This time, "Fluorescent Adolescent" by Arctic Monkeys.

Anyways, I'm really new to this site and trying things out, still, so bear with me here. I hope you enjoy and, if you wish, please leave constructive criticism. I'll even take flaming if that's really what you wanna do.

* * *

**Fluorescent Adolescent**

Riku spent all morning debating whether he wanted to go to the party or not. On the one hand, it would involve Sora, and anything involving Sora had to be good. On the other hand, it would involve Sora and about twenty other guys, which was never a fun situation. The biggest reason for this was the tendency of these other guys to grope and caress and generally invade Sora's bubble. Not that Sora couldn't or wouldn't handle it, it just pissed Riku off to see others so casually touch what should belong to him.

He sighed at his own unreasonably possessive thoughts, tugging on a shirt and slipping out the front door, deciding that, either way, he was going to go see Sora.

In the same moment, he didn't know - couldn't have known - that Sora was thinking solely of him, remembering a dream Riku didn't even know about. Sora had had it again, but it had gone even further. This time, Riku had slipped his hands inside Sora's pants, slowly pushed them down his hips, ran his fingers over him longingly, languorously- Then Sora woke up with a shout, again, his heart pounding and a painful erection tenting his sheets. His mother repeated essentially the same process when this happened, knocking, asking, waiting. Sora assured her he was fine and buried his face in his knees until it became uncomfortable. Then he decided he needed to do something about his unruly body.

Before he slipped down against his bed again, he thought of Riku. He thought of Riku's hands ruffling his hair, Riku's skin being slowly revealed, Riku's deep green eyes pulling him in, drowning out his senses- Before he'd realized what was happening, he was pumping away, his head lolling back against the mattress and his eyes shut, mouth open to let out ridiculous noises. He finished despite himself, thanking the universe for his stereo which was loudly playing music that drowned out his moans. Before he could stand and clean himself up, there was a tap against his window. It sent a shot of anxiety directly through his nerves, and he knew there was little hope of hiding what had just happened. He tried anyways, crawling over to his desk and pretending to knock the tissue box down so he could stow away in his closet and wipe off the evidence of his fantasizing.

Fortunately, when he finally let Riku in, the boy pretended he knew nothing. Whether he did or not, Sora appreciated it, forgetting for the millionth time that this was the same person he should be feeling guilty towards. He cast his gaze aside when his friend sat on his bed, realizing that he was growing more shameless as time passed. 'How do I face him like this, knowing what I just did?' He smiled and hoped it seemed genuine, because it was hard, from his end, to not imagine Riku in his bed for a very different reason than simply visiting his friend.

"Are you still going to the party?" Riku asked abruptly, his gaze almost… pleading? Though, one way or the other, Sora couldn't tell. He simply stared dumbly at Riku, moths seemingly swarming into his skull, drowning out any reasonable answer he might have given. "Sora?" Sora's head sunk between his shoulders, he felt something wash over him and jump-start his brain and the whole, confusing thought-process he'd been involved with again. 'Why am I having dreams about Riku? Why am I _masturbating _to Riku? Why am I standing here, right now, dumbfounded at the mere sight of Riku?'

"Sora." Riku's hand landed on his shoulder, making him jump. He shook his head quickly. He brushed the hair away from his forehead, along with a tangle of unpleasant thoughts. He managed a fleeting smile before nudging the hand on his shoulder aside, deciding quickly that he needed things to go back to normal. He needed to maintain his cool.

For a few scant seconds, while he had his back turned to Riku, it seemed wholly possible. He _believed_, down to his very core, that he could forget his hormone-driven fantasizing and the subsequent actions whose scent still clung to his skin. He really really did. But as soon as his gaze met Riku's again, his heart sunk and he knew he was kidding himself. He'd fallen. He'd irrevocably, entirely fallen for his one true ally, and it was a stab straight to the gut… or maybe somewhere more like the groin region. He still wasn't sure what it meant, and he needed - more than anything - to do some serious soul-searching, but there was something comforting in acceptance. Something warm and inviting and strange, even if he still wasn't quite clear on anything. Not that he really felt any better than he had before, it just quieted his mind enough to regain some composure in the face of his desire.

The very manifestation of his desire stared at his friend quite carefully, deducing, quickly, that he wasn't getting an answer anytime soon unless he brought it up again. Sora was distracted, and though it wasn't entirely unusual considering Sora's personality, Riku found it frustrating that he'd taken to ignoring him.

"Sora," he said, a little louder, a little more forcefully. Sora whipped his head around, his hand falling away from his chin where it had been stroking away, a reflex associated with being deep in thought in only the most stereotypical instances. Sora was the only person Riku knew that genuinely did such a thing. He grinned at the action, consciously not explaining that smile as he drew his brown-haired friend's attention back to him. "Are you going, or not?"

Sora, for better or worse, had regained something of his natural air, which was a relief to Riku, even if Sora had simply raised a whole new mass of problems within his mind. It didn't seem to hold him up much as he laughed and informed his friend that he'd be going, immediately getting dressed. They both looked at the clock simultaneously, deciding that noon was a bit too early to leave the house, even if they could just hang around Cloud's if they wanted. Thus, in lieu of skipping over to their friend's house and possibly being conscripted for the purpose of acquiring illegal substances, they hunched down on Sora's bed and played Call of Duty for 6 hours, all their energy and focus poured into that rather than each other.

However, when Sora's mother came in, a look on her face that said "You'd better a) stop screaming at that video game or b) get the fuck out of my house", Riku and Sora decided it was time to leave. Without much else to do, they headed for the basketball court across the street, knowing what the outcome of their one-on-one match would be from the very start. Riku didn't really care much for the sport.

Still, he put up a decent fight, for all his disinterest, solely based on the fact that he was naturally athletic. And though Sora was a Beta male while Riku was an Alpha, the two of them competed with each other at everything. In this case, it ended as expected, with Sora three points ahead and lining up shots gratuitously even after he'd won.

"God dammit, Sora," Riku panted, swiping a line of sweat from his forehead. "I can't believe this. This is the only sport you beat me at."

Sora laughed and shot from the three-point line, sinking the ball with no effort. "It's the only sport I really focus on," he shrugged, his Beta male personality dictating that he must concede and coddle in the face of the self-doubt of others.

Riku brushed the whole thing aside, focusing instead on the way Sora's body moved as he dribbled and shot and lined back up. Though completely innocuous and seemingly un-sexy, it made Riku's blood pound as much as anything else that Sora did. The other boy, seemingly oblivious, was going through the motions while his mind became absorbed by other things, lingering on questions regarding his sexuality. 'Does this make me... bisexual? Pansexual? Or is it… just for Riku?' He considered that carefully, going through the list of his male friends with luke-warm results. Sure, he could see that most of them were attractive, and he probably wouldn't mind them feeling him up a little (which they did regardless), but it was only Riku - whose face appeared in his mind more than once - that made him quiver and lose his touch, missing a shot that he had been sure to make. "Damn," he muttered, chasing after the ball. After he'd grabbed it, he faced the person he'd been thinking of moments before, clearing his throat.

"What time is it?" he asked, bouncing the ball between his legs as he wandered in Riku's direction. Riku glanced at his phone.

"It's almost 9," he answered, shrugging and slipping the device back in his pocket. "We could head to Cloud's now. It's probably safe to assume that they've taken care of all the unpleasant things we were avoiding." The two boys grinned at each other, feeling only vaguely guilty for not assisting, yet again, in any facet of the house party they were attending. Their friends, of course, didn't really give it much thought, acting on their own impulses and knowing that they could count on Riku to provide alcohol, if nothing else, and on Sora to provide himself, which secretly kept them happy.

So they left for Riku's house, stopping off at Sora's to drop his ball in the garage, and skipping into Riku's pantry for a bottle of something hard and mostly full, usually picking vodka or tequila. His mother wandered past and shook her head at the two boys, knowing, of course, about their habit of raiding the scant stash kept in the house. "Riku you left your socks in the bathroom again," she hummed, bustling about the kitchen and favoring them with a few wistful smiles. "I expect you to be responsible," she said, without preamble, regarding her son coolly. Riku rolled his eyes, pulling the chosen bottle down.

"Mom, you know I am."

"I don't know anything, Riku. I'm just telling you what I _expect _from my son."

Riku groaned but didn't protest, smiling instead. He wandered out of the pantry and past his mother, kissing her on the cheek before heading for the door.

She didn't stop them, but raised an eyebrow when Dakota, Riku's little sister, came into the room. "What's thaaaaat?" she said, grinning at Riku and Sora both. Riku quickly stowed the bottle behind his back, leaning up against the wall.

"Nothing," he lied, flashing a quick smile and nudging his sister aside with his foot. "Go play, Kota."

"I wanna play with you and Sora," she said, huffing with all of her eight-year-old indignation.

Sora laughed quietly and knelt next to Dakota, squeezing her in a hug. "We could watch Pokemon with you for like... half an hour!" he said enthusiastically, ruffling her hair. Her eyes widened as she nodded emphatically, dragging Sora away by the hand.

Riku pouted and groaned, but followed anyways, slipping the bottle he'd been holding onto a counter while his mother watched on with a smile. Dakota and Sora debated over which episode to watch for five minutes after that, flicking through the ones saved on their DVR over and over before settling. Riku was grateful for any quality time spent with Sora, even if it meant watching Pokemon, and even if it meant Dakota would be there. Still, it annoyed him a bit when Dakota plopped herself between them on the couch, pressing play enthusiastically. So he did something about it.

"Move it, squirt," he said with a grin, picking her up and switching places, settling in immediately.

"Hey! I wanted to sit next to Sora!"

Riku favored her with a cool look. "He's my friend."

"Well he likes me better."

"Whatever, Kota, I know him waaayyy better."

"Nuh-uh! Sora is _myyy_ boyfriend."

Sora laughed, his cheeks red as he watched the siblings battle. "Umm... Kota, I don't think that's allowed," he interjected, reaching across Riku to ruffle her hair. Riku watched impassively, frowning at Kota's pout. 'Even my little sister wants him. What the fuck...' Then he decided it was time to really assert himself. Riku stretched out and put his arm around Sora, noting how he froze and turned bright red, with satisfaction.

"Well, you're obviously wrong, Kota, because, actually, Sora is _my _boyfriend."

Her eyes widened, a long, drawn-out inhaled gasp filtering between her lips. "But you're both boys!" she cried, tugging on Riku's hand. "Sora likes girls."

"You don't know that. Sometimes boys like boys."

Dakota pouted, flopping down on the couch indignantly at the unfairness of the world. Her distress was soon forgotten, however, as she grew absorbed in what they were watching. Riku, on his end, kept his arm tight around Sora, watching his friend's fidgeting and furtive glancing with a blank expression. Really, he was wondering what was going through the kid's head, and, each time a wave of body heat rolled off of him, wishing they were alone so he could be closer. Or maybe not. He sometimes forgot that Sora wasn't really his.

After a grueling half-an-hour, during which Dakota got bored with Pokemon and switched to Spongebob, and then back again, Riku and Sora got up and told her they had to go. Dakota whined, but her mother entered the room and swooped her up in her arms, grinning. "It's your bed-time anyways, boo boo." Dakota giggled and let her mother carry her away happily, forgetting all about Sora and Riku.

"Pain in the ass..." Riku muttered under his breath, grabbing the bottle off the counter again.

Sora raised an eyebrow at him. "You should feel lucky. I wish I had siblings like yours."

Riku sighed in response, leading Sora toward the front door. It swung open as they were leaving, however, revealing Aki, Riku's older brother. Riku groaned for what seemed like the millionth time, rolling his eyes.

"Hey lil bro," Aki said wryly, ruffling a hand through Riku's hair. Riku glared and combed it back into place, sliding past Aki and yanking on Sora's arm to guide him away from his brother.

"Hold it!" Aki shoved his foot in the door as Riku tried to close it, grinning at him. "Whatcha got there?"

Riku glared and shoved the bottle deeper into his jacket, letting go of the door handle. "Why do you even care? It's none of your business."

He sighed. "I'm just looking out for you, you know. I don't want you to end up in a pile of your own vomit or anything."

"I'm not as irresponsible as you-"

"Hey, Sora! How are you?" He leaned in to hug Sora, distracting Riku from their previous quarrel with obvious intent. Riku grabbed Sora's shoulder before the embrace landed, turning him and walking away as quickly as possible.

"Still wish you had siblings like mine?" he asked, laughing mirthlessly and frowning.

Sora shrugged, skipping along beside Riku, smiling at him. "I think I'd be glad to have _any _siblings, really. But what do I know?"

Riku slowly smiled at his friend's smile, his heart going a mile a minute. "You seem full of pep," Riku noted wryly, catching Sora's eye briefly. "You usually don't get so excited over parties. It's not like you do anything anyways."

"I dunno, it just feels like…" He paused, distracted by his own thoughts, then smiled as he picked back up. "It feels like I'm back to myself after a long time away."

"It was only one day."

"Whatever, it still feels nice okay?" They grinned at each other, completely ignorant of the other's feelings, but still optimistic. Riku was picturing getting Sora drunk - a rare occurrence - and possibly feeling him up a little, using his drunkenness as an excuse. Sora was picturing a riotous evening, sitting with Riku in a circle and talking to his friends, laughing as Wakka did something ridiculous as usual, casting glances at his silver-haired friend and getting a smile in return-

"Hey remember that party over Christmas break?" Riku asked, bouncing his eyebrows as he interrupted Sora's thoughts.

Sora smirked and pressed his lips together, knowing exactly what Riku was insinuating. "Yeah, okay. I remember…"

"…that you jumped into my lap and squished my cup under your ass, getting alcohol all over both of our crotches?"

Sora laughed loudly, unable to suppress the noise. He even snorted a bit. "Cloud was pissed. He kept getting up and gesturing at us with that face, and then forgetting why he was about to yell and sitting down. I've never seen him so high in my life."

"Did you notice Leon collapsed on the floor? Cloud said the guy didn't wake up until 3 p.m. the next day and that he vomited on a lamp."

They both laughed this time, the echoes dying out as they started relaying other anecdotes, finally arriving at Cloud's place as they were discussing the finer points of a particular evening in which Wakka and Sora had ended up falling into the pool while wrestling.

The place was already full when they got there, and as the door opened, the two boys were overwhelmed with the stench of weed and alcohol and about fifty bodies all mingling together. Riku held out the mostly full bottle they'd procured at his house, cringing at the heat and noise coming from inside. 2pac was blasting out of the stereo, and Riku could pick out about twenty people who were already baked beyond recognition. Sora wavered a little on the doorstep, watching with slight discomfort as people cackled and hung all over each other and generally made fools of themselves. He really didn't like becoming one of them, but sometimes he gave in. He didn't think tonight would be one of those nights, however.

He accepted a cup from Cloud so that he wouldn't be pestered later and made his way past the beer pong table to the couch, flopping down next to a very bloodshot Leon. "Oh my god, you look just like that guy who was raping his kids in his basement in Austria."

Leon narrowed his eyes, swinging his head a little too heavily in Sora's direction. "Youuuuuuuu…" he trailed off, raising a finger and pointing it at Sora's smirking face. "Shut it."

"Good one, Lee."

Cloud laughed from the other side of the couch, hunching forward and pillowing his head on his knees, staring at Sora. "Dude, what took you so long to get here. We couldn't wait and vaped in my room like three _hours _ago."

"Yeah?" Sora raised his eyebrows. "And how many joints have you smoked since then?"

Cloud scrunched up his face, rolling his eyes up as he mentally counted. "Like… five, maybe."

"You're a menace. You waste more weed than that fucked up dealer of yours, and he can't even remember where he parked his van 98% of the time."

Leon and Cloud both snickered through their noses, closing their eyes and remaining in their respective positions. Riku, who had left the room moments before, returned with two shot glasses in one hand hanging at his side, stalking towards Sora with a wide grin.

"Sora, get your scrawny ass over here," he called, waggling a finger. Sora's heart gave an unexpected jerk at the movement, associating it with something a little less innocent than taking a shot with his friend after all the dreaming and masturbating and fantasizing he'd done in the past two days. However, he got up anyways with a smile, forcing the shot down his throat and hoping his night would go the way he'd imagined.

Five minutes later, he was downing another and sitting in the den in a loose circle with some other friends, Riku hanging at his side encouragingly.

"Hey Sora," Roxas slurred at his side, knocking his head against Sora's shoulder, "let's play a game."

Sora cringed at the thought. "What are we, middle schoolers?"

"No, I think it's a good idea," butted in the kid next to Roxas, peeking his head around to reveal his head of flaming red hair. He slung his arm around the other boy, leaning heavily. "We should play five fingers or something."

"King's cup," supplied Riku, eyeing Roxas who was still sitting a little too close to Sora. "Although, I doubt you guys will last very long in that state."

Both straightened up as if to prove him wrong, eliciting a grin from Riku. Wakka and Tidus snickered on the other side of him, scooting forward from where they were leaning against the wall. "I'm in," Wakka stated, smacking a hand on the floor as Tidus crawled towards a desk at the far end of the room. He rifled through a drawer before revealing the cards he'd been searching for within, crawling back to his spot next to Wakka and fanning them in a circle on the floor. "We need a cup," he said, looking up just as Riku downed the rest of his drink and dropped his in the center of the circle of cards, grinning.

"Let's do this."

Everyone got up to refill before they started, along with Riku who needed an all new cup. In the meantime, Sora stayed and stared down at his still mostly full drink, wondering if he really wanted to get wasted. Then he caught Riku looking at him from the kitchen, and decided that, yes, he really really wanted to get wasted, and really really wanted to forget the things he'd been thinking about Riku recently for the night just so he could feel alright at his side again.

Sora knew that there was really nothing wrong with what he'd been thinking and feeling, but that didn't stop him from feeling bad about it regardless. In the end, nothing had really changed with his acceptance, but he was beyond caring as Riku sat down next to him and flashed a brilliant smile, melting something in his chest. Then the game started. He drew first, since he was the youngest, pulling a King on the first try to everyone's chagrin.

"Ugh," uttered Wakka, grimacing at their poor luck but patting Sora on the back. "If we run out of Kings we're still playing. Everyone agree?"

The circle nodded as Sora dosed the cup in the middle with some of his drink, his cheeks burning up. He glanced back, suddenly aware that he was on all fours with his back to Riku, and he kind of hoped his friend was staring, even as his shame bubbled at the thought. And while he _was __looking_, Riku wasn't drunk enough to get caught doing so and averted his gaze as Sora cast his eyes at him, smirking at the unexplained pout Sora assumed after sitting back down. He slung an arm around his friend under the pretense of comfort, keeping it there when he received no protest and the game proceeded. Before the end, they'd had to waterfall all four possible times, had played five fingers more than once, and were currently being caught answering Wakka's question almost in unison as a group, groans and laughter erupting as most of them drank and Wakka grinned.

Sora, for his part, got busted seven times for breaking the no pointing rule, which made everyone laugh even as Riku cringed, noticing that Sora was getting sloppy. He prevented him from pointing after that, cupping a hand over his each time he went to laughingly extend his finger. Sora gave him a confused look when he did it, but smiled when he remembered, bumping his forehead against Riku's. As much as Riku appreciated the attention, he worried about how drunk Sora was getting, and considered taking him away from the game. However, it all ended as Sora's turn came around again and he grinned holding up the last king, leaning forward to grab the cup in the middle. "I guess I lose," he called loudly, tipping the slurry of different alcohols into his mouth. He sputtered against the first mouthful, wrinkling up his nose. "Ugh! This's fucking foul."

Riku winced at his friend, lifting him by the waist and leading him away as Axel, Roxas, Wakka and Tidus carried on an obnoxious conversation about sex. "Give me that," he murmured into Sora's ear, gently pulling the cup out of his hand. Sora stared at him, but didn't protest, smiling as his heart thumped; Riku was so close to him, his arm still around his waist and leading him upstairs. Everything was perfect as far as he was concerned. Riku felt the same, and grinned to the side, wondering if it was too good to be true.

The two boys stumbled into Cloud's room, Riku dutifully downing the King's Cup and Sora cackling drunkenly, his eyes scrunched shut as he sunk to the floor in a heap. Riku glanced at him as he drank, his mind muddled by the alcohol coursing through him and the scent of Sora strong in the room.

"Riiiikuuuuuu," Sora called, laying on his back with his arms straight up in the air. "I can't feel my toes."

Riku sighed, tossing the empty red cup against the wall and falling down next to Sora, rolling onto his side to look at him. He licked his lips, his breath coming out in a little shudder as he reached one hand out, sliding it over Sora's stomach experimentally. The other boy groaned but didn't brush him off, simply covering his eyes with one arm. Riku's breath rushed a bit faster as he shimmied closer against the carpet, his eyes trained firmly on Sora who was giggling and letting his arm slip now.

Sora seemed to notice, then, that Riku was staring, his head rolling to the side to stare back, a sudden increase in his heartbeat nearly making him jump. Riku breathed out heavily, licking his lips again and glancing down at Sora's. He was really so incredibly close.

"Sora," he whispered, his hand moving in little circles over Sora's stomach, sliding over to the other side of the boy, cupping his hip. "Sora," he said again, bumping his nose against his brown haired companion's, their breath mingling. Sora swallowed and let his eyes slip closed, panting heavily. "Sora…" That was the last thing that punctuated the air as Riku pressed his lips to Sora's, the space between them shrinking to millimeters in mere seconds. Sora gasped briefly but kissed back soon after, panting into it. "Mmmm Sora," Riku groaned against his lips, his arm pulling Sora's body against his and running roughly up his side. "Sora, Sora, Sora..."

Sora's lips parted so he could breathe better and Riku's tongue slipped inside immediately, lapping against his with drunken fervor. Riku couldn't take it anymore and rolled Sora onto his back again, straddling him and pressing in further, tilting Sora's head to get a better angle. And then… nothing. Sora stopped responding. Confused, Riku let go, watching with dismay as Sora's head flopped heavily to the side. "Oh fuck," he whispered, leaning in to make sure Sora was still breathing. He was out cold, but otherwise fine, his breathing fairly steady and strong. Riku sighed and sat back on his heels, reluctantly extricating himself from his dozing friend. He lifted Sora onto Cloud's bed, sighing again as he brushed back his hair and kissed him on the forehead, slipping out into the hallway a moment later. "Hey what's up?"

Riku nearly jumped out of his skin at the sudden appearance of Cloud, who was smiling and hanging all over Leon. Both were still too high to function, but were obviously on a mission. "Where's Sora?" Cloud asked, slapping Riku on the shoulder ineffectually. Riku scowled and pointed at the door to Cloud's bedroom. "He's asleep, so leave him alone. I'll get him in an hour after he's sobered up some."

"Aww no fun, Riku!" Cloud yelled, shoving past him. "Lemme show Sora his surprise-"

"No." Riku shoved him back, eyeing Leon. "Can you keep him in check, please?"

Leon shrugged and grabbed Cloud, leading him downstairs with enticing promises of food. Riku thanked the universe for munchies and headed down as well, glancing back at the door briefly before he'd gone.

It wasn't long after that Tidus emerged from the upstairs bathroom, relieved after a bout of puking and full of bravado. 'I'm going to confess to Sora,' he thought, slamming one fist into his palm determinedly. 'Where is he, though?' He paused, opening and closing his mouth tiredly before stumbling towards none other than Cloud's bedroom, his priorities changing as he felt his weariness. And as these variables met in uncanny and disastrous synchronicity, Riku fell asleep himself, making sure to tuck himself in a corner without his shoes and thinking nothing of what might be happening upstairs


	3. Chapter 3

**Pairings: **Sora and Riku, obviously. Hints at Tidus/Axel. Axel/Roxas. Xemnas/Saix. And many others. Prepare for a rain of unholy sexual tension and an unheard of concentration of gay boys.

**Warning: **Shameless smutiness and general boy/boy content. Drug use and underaged drinking, cursing, fighting, and a lot of high school shenanigans. An overabundant use of the "oh-so-desirable lead" stereotype, along with the use and abuse of many other cliches. Undoubtable pheromones, padded speedos, groping and molestation. Music that I'm in love with and don't own, high schoolers bashing Hemingway, sexy black teachers in low-cut tops. And probably more to be added.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any characters involved other than like... some teachers I'm loosely basing off of people I know. I mean! Wait! Any resemblance is purely coincidental! Yeah. Gotta cover my ass. ;) Really, I don't own anything. Nothing at all.

**Jessica would like you to note: **This chapter is short and sweet, and I apologize for that. There's really no use for further elaboration, though. The following chapters will probably come a lot faster because of the nature of this one so... that's good, right? Anyways, the title is this song: "Blind" by Chapel Club. One of my favorites.

* * *

**Blind**

Riku furrowed his brow, shoving the hand that was jostling him aside with a grunt. "Fuck off," he groaned thickly. A chorus of snickers arose around him, piquing his groggy interest enough to rouse him. "Oh my god, I said fuck off!" he yelled, his eyes opening to a group of his inebriated classmates hunching forward and chuckling, Cloud leaning over him with his mouth hanging open and a permanent marker uncapped and poised over Riku. He glanced down, noting that his shirt had been hiked up and there were fuzzy black drawings all over him, a few red swirls mixed in from a separate marker that had run out of ink.

"You mother fuckers!" he yelled, jumping up and glaring at the obvious culprits. "I took my fucking shoes off and everything." He gestured to his giant, worn-in combat boots emphatically, charging at Cloud and yanking the marker out of his hand, attacking his face with it. Cloud and the rest of the group laughed, and Riku, mostly just playing along for the hell of it, did as well as he etched a large, veiny cock on Cloud's face. He drew back in satisfaction, his gaze whipping towards Leon who was shuffling to the back of the group, attempting to hide himself. "You can't get away Lionheart!" he called, sprinting towards him and tackling the brunette, scribbling the words, "Cloud's Cock Goes Here" with an arrow pointing towards his mouth. Riku drew back in satisfaction, laughing with everyone else at the obvious jokes, feeling juvenile, but shrugging and taking joy in it anyways.

He sighed after a minute of mingling with his friends, noting that most people had gone home. Those left were basically part of the inner-circle, or were the girls who infrequently made themselves present in the selfsame inner-circle. Kairi, he noted dismally, was sitting on the couch in the living room, grinning at him teasingly. Selphie and Namine were arguing about something or other, the brunette's brows drawn into a frown while the blonde's remained perfectly smooth, her air of calm authority overpowering any frustration she felt. Everyone else was mingling around in the den, basking in the aftermath of their stupid prank and shoving each other around drunkenly. Axel and Roxas were sneaking out the backdoor (to make-out, Riku knew), and Wakka had both Cloud and Leon in headlocks, and was forcing their faces close together to a laughing audience of Hayner, Pence, and Xemnas.

Riku shook his head and turned from all of this, stomping his feet back into his boots and meandering upstairs to check on Sora. It didn't hit him until he'd just reached the door who was missing from the mix. 'Tidus…' he thought, panic flashing red in his mind, his sense of danger overwhelming. He practically threw the door to Cloud's room open, finding that his suspicion had been dead-on: Tidus was there. Not only was he there, he was next to Sora on the bed. And not only was he next to Sora on the bed, but he was pulling Sora's clothes up, touching him and leaning down to kiss his smooth skin.

Riku boiled over. He'd experienced this degree of anger only once before when Wakka landed an accidental punch on Sora that drew blood and split his lip. That time, it had been forgiven with only a warning at the urgings of Sora who had clutched his lip and smiled awkwardly. This time, Riku was out for blood.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" he growled, maintaining his calm facade far better than he'd believed he was capable of. Tidus jerked away from Sora, rolling to his feet and wobbling slightly, clutching his chest as he almost puked.

"I was just-"

"You were just **molesting Sora!**" Riku hissed, yanking Tidus by his shirt, sending him toppling to the floor. "You fucking **touched SORA!**" He screamed out the last word as he yanked Tidus forward and sent him sprawling again with a punch.

"Wait, please! Riku-"

Another punch. Blood splattered across the carpet, barely visible in the dim light, but Riku felt it, couldn't take it, needed more. He yanked him up then slammed him back on the floor, knuckles connecting to cheekbone connecting to the floor as he hit him again, and again, and agai-

A hand clenched around his fist, yanking him backwards with surprising strength.

"Riku!" It was Sora's voice, he was sitting up slightly in the bed, barely hanging on to Riku's bloodied fingers, his brow furrowed and his shirt still hiked up. "Stop…" he whispered, slipping to the floor to kneel over Tidus. "Why are you-"

"He fucking touched you, Sora," Riku growled, his voice barely streaming through clenched teeth. "You were out cold and he-"

"Riku," Sora said again, knocking his head against his friend's shoulder in exasperation. Riku could feel the heat of Sora's skin even through the fabric of his shirt and shuddered, certain that Sora was blushing. "Thank you, but… it's enough. You'll put him in the hospital if you do anymore."

And as his mind cooled and his temper ebbed, Riku realized that it was true. He'd thoroughly wrecked Tidus, pounding his face into a bloody mess and sending his body into a fit of coughing that only made his smashed-in face even more apparent. "Oh shit," he muttered, not really feeling bad, but feeling a bit, well… fiendish. He glanced over at Sora worriedly, hoping that he wouldn't scold him or get angry. Fortunately, Sora was just looking on in a daze, somewhere near the verge of passing out again.

A thundering of footsteps on the stairs indicated that the others had noticed something was up, finally, and as they crowded in the door to Cloud's room, Sora toppled backwards, barely giving Riku time to catch him. Wakka, noticing who it was on the floor, shoved through the crowd and knelt next to Tidus, touching his face gingerly. "I'm okay," Tidus wheezed, giving a murky smile and promptly passing out. In proper best friend fashion, Wakka lurched at Riku to attack, noticing, just in time, that Sora was slung across his shoulders, completely gone again. Riku glared at Wakka, giving him a 'We'll talk about this later' look as he stood up and shoved his way through the group of people outside the door.

No one followed or even called after him, and even Kairi, who was standing idly near the back of the group, simply gave him a wince and then trailed her gaze off to the side as a hush fell over everything.

Riku was beyond caring what any of them thought, however, and simply smirked with satisfaction as they all began muttering about cleaning Tidus up. 'He's mine,' Riku thought, shifting Sora in his arms so that he could look at him. 'No one can touch him but me.'

He stepped into the cold night with a shuddering breath, still a little bit tipsy and spattered here and there with drying blood. He remembered kissing Sora earlier in the night with bleak appreciation, hoping that Tidus hadn't marred that by touching his lips. Sora shifted against Riku, murmuring something in his drunken doze, clutching onto Riku's shirt. He smiled and readjusted Sora carefully, preparing for the long walk home. It was less than a mile, really, but he knew that - with Sora's weight against him - his arms would be in a sorry state by the time they arrived.

As Sora shifted in his sleep again, he thought it would be easier if he could just piggyback him, but he worried that Sora would fall off. He paused for a moment to consider if it was worth the risk, and then got a better idea, justifying it to himself as he thought of it. 'He's passed out and I have to take care of him. He wouldn't mind. It's not like I'm taking advantage…' Then he shook his head furiously, setting Sora down on a patch of grass nearby. 'I shouldn't even have to justify this. It's perfectly normal.'

Sora, for his part, remained completely inactive, and dreamless (luckily), simply flopping against the grass with his arms spread wide. Riku grabbed one of his friend's hands and pulled out his practically useless boot-laces, grimacing as he lashed Sora's wrists together. 'It looks like I'm kidnapping him.' He sighed and dismissed his troublesome thoughts, hoisting Sora up and pulling his arms so that they were resting around Riku's shoulders, hands behind his neck. Then, with trembling hands, he lifted Sora by the backs of his knees, pulling them around him and shifting his weight so that Sora was practically supporting himself, even asleep. It wouldn't last, the equilibrium, but Riku could handle the whole walk better this way.

In the end, Riku managed to get Sora to his front yard before his arms were begging for a reprieve, which was perfect because he needed to untie him before taking him inside anyways. It was understood by all parents involved that Sora would sleep over at Riku's on nights like these, so Riku, after untying his friend and slinging him over his shoulder, pulled out his key and walked inside, shuffling through the quiet house carefully and eventually flopping Sora onto his bed. After that, he wasn't sure what to do or think, and simply stared at Sora's sleeping form, wondering, with a pang of anxiety, whether Sora remembered anything. 'If he doesn't remember tonight he won't remember…' The kiss. He'd kissed his best friend and now he was realizing that it might have been for nothing. Or, at least, for nought but a memory, and a bitter-sweet one at that. 'How do I know if he really wanted it, or if he was just too drunk to fight? How do I know if he'll remember and talk to me about what it means tomorrow?' The way Riku had envisioned things after the kiss had been fairly linear and stereotypical. They would talk about it. Sora would be shy and ask what it meant, why he'd done it, etc etc. Riku would smirk and be assured and kneel down next to Sora (who would be sitting on his bed) to tell him, without a doubt, that he loved him, and he wanted to be with him, and he couldn't take it anymore. And then they'd kiss again and… live happily ever after? Riku thought so.

He sighed and shook his head at his own stupid romanticism, noting that Sora was the only person to bring that side out in him. It wasn't very common in Riku's everyday life, at least. Again, Riku sighed, feeling frustrated and helpless, and wishing uselessly that things were different. He yanked off his boots and tossed them in the general direction of his closet, slipping his jacket and shirt off in the next moment and flopping on the other side of his bed. He didn't want to, but he stayed far away out of respect for Sora, something Tidus had obviously not had. Then he thought better of his actions and stood up, grumbling and pulling off Sora's shoes and jacket, hoping it didn't wake him. He slid the covers over his sleeping friend after that, noting, with a smile, how Sora curled up underneath and cradled his head with both hands. Riku leaned down hesitantly and kissed his forehead, shivering and moving away again before things escalated. He wouldn't forgive himself if he took advantage. 'I guess I already took advantage.' He moped at the thought, rolling against the wall on his bed so he was as far from Sora as possible. 'He was too drunk to know what he was doing, and I kissed him…'

"Riku…"

Riku froze, his shoulders hunching up at the touch trailing over his back. He turned his head and stared at Sora, who was still sleeping. 'He said my name in his sleep.' Riku's heart gave a start as he rolled and took the hand reaching out to him, kissing the knuckles and stroking it fondly, a wave of sweet pain coursing through him. He pulled Sora closer with shaking breath, cushioning him against his chest and laying back to stare at the ceiling, stroking at the soft brown hair under his palm. His other hand moved on its own, trailing over Sora's shoulder again and again, rumpling the fabric of his shirt. 'I'm not really fit to be his friend,' Riku thought, clenching his teeth. 'I've been thinking things a friend shouldn't think…' But then he wondered why he felt that way, wondered why it was so wrong for him to love someone. 'Guys have friends that are girls all the time, and it's perfectly acceptable to have crushes on those girls and still stay friends. They can even admit it and still stay friends.' Riku ground his teeth, suddenly overwhelmed by his anger at the injustice of the world. 'It's only because it's a homosexual love, that's why it's wrong. That's why I believed it myself…' His epiphany was interrupted, however, as Sora shifted against him and let out a little sigh, the breath and the rustling tingling on his skin. "Sora," he whispered, pressing a kiss against the boy's forehead for a second time that night, sliding lower so they were even on the bed.

Sora, who was supposed to be passed out, was just regaining his consciousness, and panicking as he took in what was happening. Riku didn't seem to notice this, however, because he was still holding him and stroking his hair, and that was just too confusing to the one whose hair was being stroked. Sora noticed, with an internal jolt, that Riku's chest was bare, and his lips had just brushed across his forehead, and that even as he pretended to sleep, Riku was shifting lower and murmuring his name. His heart was trying desperately to beat out of his chest, it seemed, and he thought for sure that Riku would notice and stop, giving some ephemeral smirk and rolling away to sleep with his back turned. But, no, he just continued his hair-stroking and snuggling and distracting bare-chestedness. Sora let out an uneven breath, begging his body not to betray him. It was a confusing situation to be in for many reasons, but Sora, for all of his previous oblivious behavior, was starting to get the picture: Maybe Riku really did like him.

Riku drifted off to sleep without much further ado, his breathing evening out and lulling Sora into a state of calm. The brunette stared at Riku's face as he slept, noting the way his lips curved, like pale flower petals. He pressed a hand to Riku's chest, feeling the slow thud of his heart and the way his breath echoed through him. He inspected Riku's jawline and nose and pale eyelashes, and for a brief moment, he considered kissing him, just to see what would happen. He kept himself from giving in to that impulse, however, and satisfied himself by brushing a hand over Riku's stomach. It was full of ridges and divots, and unlike anything Sora had felt before. He'd always been with girls before then, after all. But contrary to what he'd always found attractive in the past, Sora was now discovering that he rather liked Riku's hard stomach. He even liked the little trail of fine hairs near the bottom.

He slid his hand back to Riku's chest after awhile, a twinge of guilt shooting through him. 'I shouldn't feel a sleeping person up,' he thought, squeezing his eyes shut. He realized, then, as his eyes slowly opened again, that he didn't mind that Riku didn't have boobs anymore than he minded that Riku had a defined stomach, and that confused him even more. He had always been pretty clear about what was attractive to him: dark skin (usually), soft lips, curves, and, most of all, boobs. It wasn't really anything creative or unusual, and he could put all of that aside in an instant for personality… But he'd never imagined he'd be able to completely disregard _gender_ for personality. Well, no, not really for _personality_, but for _Riku_. He didn't find, as he explored Riku's chest, that he wished he was a girl. Rather, he loved Riku's body exactly the way it was, because it was Riku's and - if he was being honest with himself - it was beautiful.

Sora tried to contemplate all of this further, but his mind was telling him to go back to sleep, and his body was already agreeing. So he snuggled close to Riku without thinking, and promptly drifted off for the third time that night.


	4. Chapter 4

**Pairings: **Sora and Riku, obviously. Hints at Tidus/Axel. Axel/Roxas. Xemnas/Saix. And many others. Prepare for a rain of unholy sexual tension and an unheard of concentration of gay boys.

**Warning: **Shameless smutiness and general boy/boy content. Drug use and underaged drinking, cursing, fighting, and a lot of high school shenanigans. An overabundant use of the "oh-so-desirable lead" stereotype, along with the use and abuse of many other cliches. Undoubtable pheromones, padded speedos, groping and molestation. Music that I'm in love with and don't own, high schoolers bashing Hemingway, sexy black teachers in low-cut tops. And probably more to be added.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any characters involved other than like... some teachers I'm loosely basing off of people I know. I mean! Wait! Any resemblance is purely coincidental! Yeah. Gotta cover my ass. ;) Really, I don't own anything. Nothing at all.

**Jessica would like you to note:** In the last chapter, I didn't really explain why Riku emphasized that he took his shoes off. It's one of those things that I thoughtlessly inserted without considering that some people don't know what it's all about. So, to clear that up for anyone that might not know, it's one of those unwritten rules of partying that if you fall asleep with your shoes on, you're fair game for… pretty much any sort of prank. If you take them off, people are supposed to leave you alone but… it's more fun not to. Hehe. That particular situation actually has some basis in reality, right down to a few select details. Let's just say that I had to scrub my face raw to get that - ahem - appendage to disappear before class the next day. Anyways, the title song: "This Must Be the Place" - Talking Heads.

* * *

**This Must Be The Place**

Sora, much to his chagrin, found that sleeping at Riku's house did not prevent him from dreaming. Even as he slept, that same dream repeating itself in his subconscious, he fought against the inevitable outcome and what would be the embarrassing aftermath.

'Oh god…' he thought, trying to stop the boy who wasn't really Riku from touching him. 'Wait! If this is a lucid dream, I should have control, right?' But, no, his struggles were for nought. As he tugged and tugged at his feet, straining his leg muscles, they proved themselves to be irrevocably stuck to the floor time and again. He whined in his sleep, nearly in tears, hoping that he would wake up soon.

Instead, he could feel dream-Riku slipping his hands up his shirt, his pants already having disappeared. Then, once that was gone, there was a tug at his hip and an insistent hand on his chin, forcing him to kiss the imaginary boy. 'You're not really Riku!' But it still felt so good… He jolted awake clumsily, his body flailing and sending him over the edge of the mattress onto the floor. He stayed there for a moment to breathe, cringing and swallowing down the lump in his throat as the real Riku shifted above him on the bed. 'What the hell!' he thought angrily, clutching at his crotch. 'Why does this keep fucking happening, even here?' He chanced a look at Riku, peeking his head just high enough over the edge of the covers to see if the other boy was still sleeping. To his relief, he was, and as dirty as it felt, he really wanted to touch him and be touched in return. But that was the lower half of his body speaking (at least partially), and he didn't want to wake his friend or let him wake up on his own and see Sora's unfortunate state.

Sora paused as he woke up fully, remembering something strange and uncertain. His mind was cloudy, and a pounding headache was quickly making itself evident, causing him to clutch at his forehead and his still throbbing groin simultaneously. "Dammit," he muttered, slumping back onto the floor and sighing. He thought harder once he was there, trying not to fidget and make himself any more uncomfortable. 'I remember playing King's Cup, then… nothing. What happened after that?' He closed his eyes, rolling onto his stomach and pressing his face into the floor, forcing himself to devote all his energy to remembering. 'Ah! Riku brought me here, I remember that! And then…' He blushed furiously, flashes of the previous night flickering through his brain. He remembered Riku warm and close, Riku stroking his hair, Riku brushing cool lips across his forehead and whispering his name. The memory made him smile, and tempted him to climb back into bed and wait for his horniness to pass, but then… He panicked. 'What if it wasn't real?' That was an incredibly likely possibility. He'd been imagining such things consciously, after all, and had even had that same dream again. What if that was also a dream, brought on by his drunkenness? Sora cursed himself for being meek and uncertain in the face of Riku, but didn't deny his nature. Instead, he stood and cringed at Riku's still-sleeping form, pressing his lips together. He had to leave.

'I'll work up the courage to ask, eventually,' he told himself, licking his lips and trembling slightly as he breathed in. He bent to pick up his shoes and jacket, noticing that all the heat pooled in his lower body was gone, having dripped away at the thought of Riku not wanting him. Then he shook his head with a sad smile, wondering what to do. 'This is too confusing. If I were more honest, more accepting… braver… this would be much easier.' A wave of anxiety gripped his body as he considered his own pitfalls, the problems they caused seeming more important than usual as he slipped through Riku's door and gave the unconscious boy one last look before shutting it behind him.

He hadn't really felt like crying in a long time, but he almost gave in to the impulse on his way home, when the loneliness of the trek presented itself and dragged up all the hopelessness attached to his current situation. He tried to make sense of his problems in his head to distract from the tears pooling in his eyes, gulping several times in succession to force them away. 'I like Riku. I have inappropriate dreams about him. He jokes like we're a couple sometimes but doesn't go further than that. He may or may not have snuggled up to me in my sleep last night and kissed my forehead. And, in the end, he has always been my protector. He gets angry for me, defends me, even keeps some of the creeps at school from feeling me up. So… what do I do with all of this information?' He wondered, at length, if it was okay to assume that Riku liked him. It was the most optimistic choice, and would normally suit his way of thinking, but Riku - and things involving Riku - tended to cause his thoughts and actions to deviate from their normal course. He incited such upheaval just by being around. That, at least, made sense to Sora, now. He really did like Riku. It wasn't just sexual attraction. He liked him, down to his very core. He didn't go so far as to use the word 'love', just yet, the mere thought of it driving a spike of apprehension into his heart and making him worry his chapped lip with his teeth. No, he wasn't really ready for 'love' just yet, but it was definitely on the horizon. It was something he knew he could look forward to if his desire ever came to fruition.

Sora wanted to continue his internal dialogue for awhile longer when he reached home, but found that the consequences of his drinking were dominating everything else as a wave of nausea wracked his body. He at least made it to the toilet in time before disgorging the scant contents of his stomach, ending the whole debacle with a series of dry heaves that made his head pound even harder. 'Oh god… I need Taco Bell,' he thought, scrubbing at his eyes and heaving again at the thought of food. He knew he'd feel better after he'd gotten it, though, and he wouldn't be able to take any medicine otherwise since he'd just throw it up, so he reached for his cell phone, which had fallen out of his pocket, intent on calling Riku to ask if he wanted to go. He paused once he'd grabbed at the device, however, realizing, with a pang, that Riku was the last person he wanted to see in his confused state. He probably wouldn't be able to see him again for quite some time, actually. He had to grow the balls to do something about their situation, first. So, instead, he called Roxas, who he'd designated as something of a back-up best friend.

"Mn, yello?" Roxas answered, the echo Sora heard indicating that he was probably doing the same thing Sora was.

Sora grinned, despite the pain he was in, picturing the mess Roxas was in. "Hey man. Wanna go downtown with me?"

"Ugh. What for Sor? I'm kind of in the middle of barfing."

Sora snickered, then confessed that he was doing the same. "But we seriously need some greasy shit to fix this. Otherwise, well, you know the drill: headache all day, sweating and barfing every four hours, etc."

Roxas seemed to nod over the phone, the rustling on the other end sounding suspiciously like hair. "Okay," the other boy breathed, his phone apparently clattering out of his hand and onto the tile. Sora heard a groan and a sickening retch, just barely audible through the phone. He cringed and thought about yaking again himself, but repressed it forcefully, scowling against the discomfort it caused.

"Can I bring a friend?" Roxas' voice came suddenly, jolting Sora out of his concentration as he nodded.

"Yeah, man. I'll come by your house in twenty minutes if it's cool…"

"Okay. See you." Roxas hung up, leaving Sora to go into another fit of dry heaves, the last few ending with the expulsion of some bile, which really hurt. Sora cradled his head in his hands and promised he'd never drink again, an oath he'd made at least once a month for the past two years and usually lasting about two weeks before he broke it. He assured himself that, this time, it was for good, and, even knowing that it wasn't true, and that he'd said the same thing before, he felt a bit better. He hoisted himself up and stood carefully, glancing down at his phone to check the time with a nod. It was only 9:30, which was surprisingly early considering how long they'd partied and how awake Sora felt. That might have had more to do with his hangover, however, which never failed at rousing him.

He sighed and left the bathroom quickly, hoping his mother had already left for work and wouldn't have to see him as he was. She would chide him and straighten his clothes, insisting that he get into bed with a sad shake of her head. As much as she didn't deny the unsavory foibles of youth, or stop Sora from exploring them himself, she didn't like to know, with certainty, what he'd been doing on his nights out. She'd prefer to keep it under wraps while he was living at home and maybe discuss it when he was older. Luckily, she wasn't around to sigh and shake her head and look on with a sad, wistful expression, so Sora escaped his home easily enough after locating his wallet. He stopped briefly to put his shoes on all the way, having only slipped them on enough to crush the backs under his heels and allow him to walk home earlier that morning. When he was done, he went outside, grabbing his skateboard and rolling along to Roxas' place, which was a few blocks away. He went at a fairly leisurely place, barely putting his foot down to speed up, his headache preventing any more movement than was necessary. He was suddenly feeling groggy, and even with his life in turmoil and so many things to consider, he couldn't form a cogent thought to save his life.

He was grateful for the brief respite from all the questioning and pining and day-dreaming, and decided he would spend the rest of the day that way, taking solace in Roxas and maybe video games. He forgot, however, about Roxas' friend - the one he'd asked to bring along. It was this friend, Sora noticed, that answered Roxas' door, a quick smile flashing across the guy's face as he ushered Sora in. "Rox is puking his guts out," the guy confided, his name escaping Sora in his weakened state. He almost asked, rudely, if he knew the redhead, but Roxas was quick to make an appearance after hearing the comments being made about him.

"I'm perfectly fine," he announced, emerging from his downstairs bathroom with a scowl at the taller boy that immediately changed to a smile for Sora. "Hey Sleeping Beauty," he snickered, ruffling a hand through Sora's hair. "You made quite the scene last night."

Sora frowned at the comment, not sure what Roxas was talking about. So he expressed as much with a simple, "What?" and a shake of his head.

Roxas raised his eyebrows, glancing at the other kid, who Sora remembered was named Axel. He wondered why the two of them were suddenly hanging out, but was interrupted mid-thought by Roxas' laughter. "I don't think he remembers!" Axel seemed to agree and was chuckling himself, a toothy grin planted firmly on his face.

Sora looked back and forth between the two laughing people, his frown growing in tandem with his confusion. "I don't…"

Roxas slapped him on the shoulder, grinning from ear to ear as he got ready to explain. "Riku beat the shit out of Tidus-"

"What!" Sora interrupted, unable to comprehend such a thing. 'He and Tidus are pretty close… why would that happen?'

Roxas answered a moment later, somewhat sobered by Sora's reaction. "Well, apparently you were passed out in Cloud's room and Tidus felt you up or something. We didn't really get the details. All we know is that, when we got there, Tidus was passed out on the floor and you were fainting into Riku's arms." Axel and Roxas grinned at each other with barely repressed snickers, waiting for Sora to say something.

"I-" Sora clenched his fists, lifting them slightly from his sides and glancing from one to the other as if they contained the answers. "I don't remember any of that," he sighed, rubbing his face with both hands. "I don't remember anything after King's Cup until-" He halted himself there, blushing at the almost-memory from Riku's house. Roxas raised his eyebrows and whistled at Sora, ignoring the heavy pause and smacking his friend's shoulder again.

"You must have been fucked _up_!" he said casually, turning to Axel and muttering something to the taller boy. Axel nodded and left with a smile while Roxas turned back to Sora, his expression far more serious than before. "What happened?" he said quietly, glancing around to make sure Axel was still gone. "You can tell me, you know."

Sora cringed, wondering if he was ready to trust Roxas with all the messy details, but before he could decide, Axel walked back into the room, tossing Roxas his jacket. "Let's get out of here."

Roxas and Sora nodded with fake smiles, stepping outside and commencing a comfortably silent walk. Axel eventually began a story about Xemnas (a mutual friend) in which the silver-haired boy stole the baby Jesus from a porcelain Nativity scene on his neighbor's lawn and replaced the piece with one of his sculptures. Sora colored at the thought and laughed along with Roxas, knowing that Xemnas' sculptures were less than innocent. "Which kind of sculpture?" Sora poked, grinning.

Axel grinned back. "The long, veiny kind. His neighbors were none too pleased. They smashed it to bits and dropped it back on his doorstep. So, Xem stole the whole thing, had it bronzed, and replaced the old sculpture with one of the ones he makes with Ken dolls. You know, the ones he adds genitalia to and then puts them in sex positions?"

Sora nodded and laughed, waiting for the rest of the story. "Anyways," Axel continued, "he bronzed them and bolted them in place. Then he took pictures and sent them to the homeowner's association. They got in big trouble and eventually moved away."

Sora shook his head, finding it amusing, but knowing it would piss him off if he were in their situation. He laughed anyways and tried not to think about it, not even wanting to deal with his own problems let alone those of some people he didn't know. After the story with Xemnas, he told one about Demyx, then Luxord, and, finally, had to stop in the middle of a particularly embarrassing tale about Tidus and a rubber duck because they were in public. They'd reached their destination, and all grew silent and wary as they stepped inside and determined whether the smell would make them wretch. It didn't, but Roxas remained a little green around the edges as he stepped up to order and watched Sora already tearing into his own food. In his impatience, Sora finished all of his disgusting, greasy burrito and immediately dosed himself with soda and painkillers. Roxas followed suit quickly, taking four for better effect after Sora offered. Axel laughed at them both and called them pussies, sipping on his drink with a bored expression. The two smaller boys shrugged and headed out, not sure what to do with themselves until their headaches went away.

They decided to just walk aimlessly for awhile, and Axel finished his story as they did, unintentionally reminding Sora that the redhead had once dated Tidus. 'I guess that's how I know him,' he thought, pausing and considering Axel and Roxas, wondering… 'We have a lot of mutual friends, so it makes sense… but, should I ask? Would they get offended?'

Eventually, after a long lull in conversation during which Sora had zoned out and walked a bit ahead, Axel cleared his throat and paused on the sidewalk, his gaze cast to the side and one hand scratching at the back of his head. "So, Sora," Axel said, "Roxas kind of wanted me to… get in good with you, I guess? I hope you don't mind…"

Sora shook his head, confused. "Umm… I'm not sure-"

"Axel, he has no idea what's going on," Roxas laughed, rolling his eyes. "His head's in the sky all the time."

Sora scowled, crossing his arms and regarding the two boys in front of him. "Are you going out?" he asked, though it came out as more of a dead-pan statement. He was taking a rare gamble and hoping he was right, secretly quivering in anticipation inside. He'd be so humiliated if he was wrong.

"Yeah…" Axel answered, smiling. Sora let out an internal sigh of relief, nodding his head solemnly and raising one eyebrow.

"Yeah, I guessed as much," he responded, shooting Roxas a complacent smile. The blonde rolled his eyes and made a gesture with his hand to get them walking again, the satisfaction on his face apparent despite his efforts to hide it. It hadn't been said outright, but Sora had implicitly accepted the relationship, and both smaller boys knew it, even if Axel was still confused (he didn't even know why Sora's approval was necessary, really). What the taller boy wasn't aware of was that Roxas and Sora were more than secondary best friends to each other, they were almost brothers. It was a different relationship than the one Roxas had with Demyx, or the one Sora had with Riku, but it was just as strong in different ways. They had no secrets.

Despite the outing of Axel and Roxas' relationship and Sora's daydreaming and introspection, the day proved to be enjoyable for all, and they left for home feeling immensely relieved. Sora picked up his skateboard from Roxas' house before waving goodbye, figuring he'd give them time alone after acting as the third wheel all day. Roxas gave him a special look just as he was walking away, that look always promising something more. Sora sighed, knowing he was going to receive a phone call later during which he'd have a lot of explaining to do. He didn't really want to tell Roxas all of the embarrassing things he'd been experiencing, but he was obliged to by their unspoken pact, and, thus, spent his ride home preparing his mind for that eventuality. He also prepared himself to discuss the finer points of Roxas' new relationship, which would be a topic whether he liked it or not. This was partially because Sora knew it would discomfit the blonde, and partially because he was curious about such relationships now that things were so confusing.

What he_ wasn't_ prepared for (and probably should have been considering the circumstances) was Riku waiting for him when he got home, a strange disapproval in the older boy's eyes. Sora fidgeted on the bottom step of his porch, his cheeks burning as he met Riku's gaze and relived his (possibly) false memory. "What happened to you this morning?" Riku asked, jumping up from where he was sitting and closing in on Sora. The brunette almost bolted away at the mere sight of his friend, but forced himself to stand firm and still the trembling in his hands, wavering only slightly as Riku quirked his head.

"I- I needed to get home. My mom called me," he lied, glancing over at the garage and noting that it did, indeed, have a car in it, and didn't bely his little fib. Sora swallowed down the lump in his throat and gave Riku a quick smile, no relief playing across the silver-haired boy's face at all.

"That's funny," Riku said, meandering closer to Sora, "because your mom actually came home just when I got here. I asked her if she'd seen you and you know what she said?"

Sora swallowed, clenching his fists and looking away, laughing a little bit in his chest. "Ah. Haha. She must have forgotten. That crazy old broad is going senile-"

"Sora," Riku said quietly, forcing the smaller boy to look at him. And the hurt and confusion in his eyes was enough to make Sora's head spin, a slight wave of nausea overcoming him that had nothing to do with his hangover.

"I- I'm sorry, Riku," he whispered, not sure why he was so serious. "I just had a bad dream and wanted to get home. It wasn't anything..."

Riku seemed to look at him a bit too long at that, a slight hint of color rising to his cheeks. What Sora didn't know is that Riku knew all about his dreams (sort of) and could guess what Sora was really hiding. 'Even when I'm right next to him,' Riku thought, shivering, 'he still has dreams like that? I wish I'd have woken up…' He shivered again and let out a calm breath, giving Sora his signature smirk. It was returned warily with a smile, and Riku thought briefly about reaching out to cup Sora's cheek, realizing as soon as he had the thought that he couldn't be certain that it was welcome.

"Um, Sora?" he said quietly, suddenly not so sure of himself. Suddenly wondering if he'll be able to handle it if Sora doesn't remember the previous night. He sighed and prepared for it, even if it hurt him to do so. "How do you feel after last night?" he started, baiting him, knowing what it will mean if he answers -

"I threw up all morning," Sora laughed, scratching the back of his head. Riku's heart sank. He was certain, now, that Sora either didn't remember, or didn't _want _to remember and was being gentle. He was always gentle… and kind. And sweet and caring and so- god damn beautiful.

"Oh, haha," he said noncommittally, kicking the step behind him with his heel. "That sucks. Did you… are you okay now? And… are we okay?"

Sora quirked his head, smiling at Riku, his heart pounding. He wasn't sure what was going on, but there seemed to be some strange, silent conversation going on between them. There were things neither of them were saying. He still wasn't ready to face the problem, however, so he continued the ruse with a shrug, touching his stomach. "I feel fine, now," he said softly. "But… why wouldn't we be okay? I'm not sure why you're asking…" His heart stuttered, suddenly, at the thought that it might just be because of what may or may not have happened in Riku's room. He hoped, with every scrap of his being, that Riku would say something about it. That he would bring it up and tell Sora something… something amazing, or just laugh it off and tell him it was nothing, leaving an opening for Sora to wriggle into.

Unfortunately, Riku's mind was far gone from that particular moment in the night, and he was remembering something completely different. It was a memory he'd already given up on and, as such, he answered Sora's question all wrong. "I was just wondering if you were pissed about me flattening Tidus," he sighed, pretending not to notice the fall in Sora's expression. 'What does that even mean!' he thought, frustrated. 'How do I read you? What am I supposed to think if you don't say anything?' He wasn't trying to blame Sora for anything, really, but he couldn't help but feel a bit flustered and overwhelmed. He'd thought they'd gotten somewhere the night before and the other boy wasn't responding at all. It was too disheartening to bear.

"I didn't even remember that happened until Axel and Roxas told me about it this morning," Sora admitted, putting a halt to Riku's swirling storm of thoughts. "I don't really remember much of last night up until we… went to your house." Riku sighed, semi-relieved that Sora genuinely didn't remember, and wasn't just trying to make him feel better. That, at least, allowed him to hope. But then he paused. his mind working over the last thing Sora had said (a statement the brunette was now cursing himself for uttering). 'He remembers going to my house… He remembers… What?' He whipped his gaze up to Sora's, but the smaller boy was already rushing up the porch steps and dropping his skateboard, turning to Riku with a distant, hurried smile.

"Well, I'm beat, Riku," he called, opening his front door and stepping partway inside. "I'm gonna sleep for awhile and I'll call you later or something, okay?"

"Wait, Sora-"

"Bye."

Sora shut the door with a firm click, panting and sliding down against it once he had. 'I almost brought it up. I almost made a fool of myself. I'm not ready to face his rejection-' He gulped and looked down at his hands as he realized the real basis for his fear: Rejection. It was probably the most basic fear of all in humans, and one that Sora had gotten used to handling in the face of girls. But with Riku… he wasn't strong enough. He would break if Riku rejected him. He trembled and squeezed his eyes shut, pushing himself back to his feet and stumbling upstairs, ignoring the look his mother gave him.

"Sora, I expect you to be down for dinner at 8," she called, leaving him be after he gave her a quick nod and shuffling off to do… mom things.

Sora tried to think of something to do other than what he'd just claimed he'd be doing, worried that he'd have another dream, but he quickly found that nothing seemed satisfactory. The only possibility that appealed to him was logging in some practice swimming, the steady motions of which would undoubtedly soothe him and wash away his pesky thoughts. He scrambled for the things he needed as soon as the thought entered his mind, unable to calm down and desperate for a distraction. He changed and rushed out of his room immediately after, calling to his mother to let her know where he'd be. She offered to drive him but he turned her down. It was a brief walk to the community pool, and he didn't feel much like company at that moment.

He stepped outside his house and glanced around, suddenly aware that Riku could still be around. Fortunately, the other boy was nowhere to be seen, and Sora was able to heave a relieved sigh and be on his way, the mere act of heading for the pool soothing him. He knew once he got there that no one would be around. It was rare, even during summer, for people to use the indoor facility, preferring newer, more attractive places to meet their swimming needs. Sora had always found that impractical, but knew that they weren't really after the same thing he was,… and it didn't bother him much that they weren't around to disrupt his peace. He was always soothed by the quiet and liked the fact that the place was owned privately by some rich bastard and, therefore, required no life guard. One would think it would serve as the owner's personal pool, but for some strange reason, he'd designated it a public facility and given people free reign to use it how they wished. For Sora, that meant hours and hours of laps, sometimes supplemented with a quick dive under the water to touch the bottom of the deep end.

He started off this way when he finally got there, stripping down and slipping deeper and deeper underwater as he adjusted to the temperature. He came back up for air several minutes later, his lung capacity still impeccable even after several months out of the pool. He sighed and began a lazy bout of drifting around in the water, not really in the mood to do serious laps. His mind wandered as he stared up at the ceiling, an eery creaking and the slight swish of water the only noises echoing through the place. He wondered, for a moment, if it were true that the guy who owned the pool had posted cameras everywhere, but shrugged the thought off a second later, not really caring either way.

He waited for his thoughts about Riku to dissipate patiently, hoping the water would dissolve them and carry them away just as it was carrying his body. But it was all to no avail, he found. It was true that he was calmer and more centered after being in the water for some time, but it was also true that his calmer more centered self wanted nothing to do with anything but Riku. It was frustrating.

Instead of worrying so much, Sora allowed his mind to focus, considering what had happened earlier and how he'd almost blown everything. 'His face was so confused… But he didn't freak out. Even when I mentioned that I remembered something he didn't seem to have a melt down. So that means… what? Did it happen, or not? I guess it could be either.' He figured there were two options to explain why Riku had been so calm: It didn't happen, and Sora was delusional, or it _did _and Riku was trying to a) brush it off or b) figure out for sure if Sora remembered before he said something about it. "Jesus, Riku," Sora muttered to himself, shaking his head. "It shouldn't be this hard to be around you. We're best fucking friends." Sora paused, wondering what time it was. He'd been floating around aimlessly for a long time, and he couldn't be sure how his mother would react if he spent too much time there. He sighed and got out of the pool, slapping wet feet against the concrete as he moved towards his pile of rumpled clothing and found his phone amongst it, groaning when he realized it was almost five o'clock. 'Mom's gonna bitch at me about staying too long in the pool,' he thought, hurrying to put his clothing on, not even waiting until he was dry. He paused halfway through the process, noticing a small whirring noise just above his head. He glanced up and saw, with little surprise, a small dome he knew contained a camera. He waited, his shirt half on, then lifted a hand and waved, a ridiculous grin pasted on his face. Then he yanked his clothing the rest of the way on and walked out, shaking his head and wondering if anyone had been watching.

What Sora didn't know, is that someone was sitting in his house on the other side of town, staring at a little monitor displaying him and thinking, with a lascivious smile, of the boy's regulation speedo and how good it looked on him… And then, more importantly, how good it would look _off _of him.

* * *

**End Notes: **So, I just really want to thank those of you that review and fav and whatnot. Means a lot to me. Seriously. I get a little jolt of surprise every time my phone buzzes and I see an email telling me of such actions. I appreciate any support. ^_^ I really really adore all of my lovely readers!


	5. Chapter 5

**Pairings: **Sora and Riku, obviously. Hints at Tidus/Axel. Axel/Roxas. Xemnas/Saix. And many others. Prepare for a rain of unholy sexual tension and an unheard of concentration of gay boys.

**Warning: **Shameless smutiness and general boy/boy content. Drug use and underaged drinking, cursing, fighting, and a lot of high school shenanigans. An overabundant use of the "oh-so-desirable lead" stereotype, along with the use and abuse of many other cliches. Undoubtable pheromones, padded speedos, groping and molestation. Music that I'm in love with and don't own, high schoolers bashing Hemingway, sexy black teachers in low-cut tops. And probably more to be added.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any characters involved other than like... some teachers I'm loosely basing off of people I know. I mean! Wait! Any resemblance is purely coincidental! Yeah. Gotta cover my ass. ;) Really, I don't own anything. Nothing at all.

**Jessica would like you to note:** I wrote this really quickly because, for some reason, it was far easier to write than the previous chapters, but then I didn't post it, because I finished it like... four hours after I'd posted chapter four, and it seemed like it was too soon. I like to keep you guys in suspense. :p But no longer! So here it is. Song: "You're Mine" by Devin.

* * *

**You're Mine**

Riku was annoyed. He'd been annoyed on Saturday when Sora had lied to him, dangled strange sentences before him, and then brushed him off. He'd been even more annoyed when he saw that Sora had lied again and was leaving his house not ten minutes after he'd entered it to "sleep". And he was overwhelmingly, blindingly, stupidly annoyed when Sora started ignoring him.

It wasn't just his phone calls either - of which there were about twenty that Sunday. No, Sora was pointedly, painfully ignoring him in every way. When he rang the brunette's doorbell, he pretended to be asleep. When he tapped on Sora's window, he crawled out of the room like he'd never been there, avoiding looking in Riku's direction. It made him sad and mopey and unpleasantly restless, but mostly just _livid_. Sora was pissing him off.

It wasn't just all of that that put him in such a funk, however. There was another, new problem on the horizon, and, more than anything, it made Riku terrified: Sora was going back to swim practice. 'Sephiroth will be there,' Riku thought angrily, shoving things into his locker with a bit too much force. 'I wonder if Kairi is still going to be the manager. I could probably get some information out of her and get her to keep an extra close eye on Sora…' His thoughts trailed off as Wakka approached him, a stern look plastered on his normally jovial face. Riku scowled in response, waiting for the punch… It didn't come, however, and Wakka sighed instead, scratching the back of his head. "Why did you beat him up?" he asked quietly, staring Riku down. He knew, deep down, that Riku had to have a good reason to lay someone out like that, and was certain that Tidus deserved it on some level. However, he still needed an explanation, even if the explanation would hurt him.

"Tidus… _touched_ Sora," Riku said shakily, clenching his hand into a fist. He was still annoyed about that, and probably would have punched Tidus again were he around, but, in the end, he had more pressing matters on his mind, and couldn't be bothered to offer much more than that. Fortunately Wakka understood that about Riku, and nodded once solemnly, a brief smirk passing between them.

"He can be a real bastard sometimes," the darker boy said, chuckling.

Riku agreed, an unintentional malicious grin splitting his face. Wakka barked a laugh and slapped Riku on the shoulder. "We're cool," he said simply, walking away while tossing his keys back and forth between his hands. Riku sighed as a weight he'd not been aware of lifted. He'd been unconsciously worried about his world falling apart and his friends ostracizing him, but Wakka's acceptance sealed the deal: Everything was fine.

A moment later, however, his relief passed and was replaced with all the worry, anger, hurt, sadness, etc, that he'd just been pondering. It all doubled when he saw Sephiroth, his usual self-assured smirk bright on his lips, and an annoying tune susurrating between his lips. Riku watched the man pass with a glare, not even acknowledging the nod of regard that was sent in his direction. He turned and slammed his locker, trudging off to class with renewed purpose.

On the other side of the hall, Sora was lingering at his locker watching Riku surreptitiously, a small smile on his face. He'd taken to avoiding him on a personal level, but still enjoyed watching his friend, feeling a bit like a creeper the whole time. His dreams had gotten even more risque over the weekend, and he found that there was hardly any distinction in his mind between dream Riku - who touched him and kissed him and made him gasp - and real Riku - who gave him puzzled, hurt looks and brooded constantly. The only problem was, he still hadn't figured out how to bridge the gap between them and end the stupid non-fight fight they were having. The obvious answer - and the one he was avoiding - was to go and talk to him, ask him what had (and hadn't) happened, man up and stop fearing that he would lose Riku just because of a misunderstanding. He could trust him more than that. Sora shook his head and sighed, knowing that it wasn't so simple, even though it should be.

The bell rang, and Sora realized he had been sitting there moping for far too long. As such, he was almost late to class and had to half-run there to avoid getting detention. It was third period (thankfully lacking Riku's distracting presence), and for him that was gym class, something he found mind-numbing and freeing, which was perfect for his current mood. He almost didn't bother changing, because that ran less risk of earning him detention than his ensuing lateness would (he'd only not dressed out one other time and it took five times to earn detention), but he decided, last minute, to do it quickly before heading out.

The period went by in a flash as did the rest of the day, and even the classes he was supposed to see Riku in seemed to lack the boy's presence. He respected Sora's avoidance (which kind of disappointed the brunette) and met all of his stares with a cold shoulder. Never once did they interact.

Riku, on his end, was biding his time after a talk he'd had with Kairi. During his fifth period - art with a crazy conspiracy theorist - he and Kairi sat in the back and surreptitiously discussed the swim team.

"You're still going to be the manager, right?" Riku murmured, not paying attention to Mr. MacArthur at all.

Kairi nodded slowly, her eyes straight ahead. "You want me to watch out for Sora, right?" she said with a tiny, almost imperceptible smirk. Riku said yes, and they sat in silence for a moment, pretending to pay attention.

"I think Sephiroth is after him," Riku whispered, pillowing his chin on his arms. "I need you to seriously look after him. I can't let that creep get his hands on Sora."

Kairi turned her gaze from the front, finally, favoring Riku with a shocked stare. "You know about that?"

Riku blanched and flicked his gaze up at her face, wondering what wasn't being said. 'It must have something to do with the groping and how reluctant Sora was to tell me anything about it.' Riku sighed, knowing there was nothing he could do about past incidences, and looked, instead, towards the future.

"I think we should try to catch him," Kairi said quietly, smiling at Mr. MacArthur to keep him from chiding them. "We need evidence of what he's doing… or trying to do so we can get him fired. He's a menace."

Riku almost nodded, surprised at how tenacious the girl was being, but then he realized what she meant. They'd be using Sora as bait.

"Oh, no," he said, frowning. "I won't let that happen. No way I'm letting that happen."

"Riku, this is the only thing that will work."

"I don't think so." He frowned, shuddering at the mere thought of someone else getting that close… "Maybe you could do it."

Kairi raised an eyebrow at him, a slight frown crossing her lips. "Sorry to break it to you, but he won't chance that. He's only handsy with Sora because he knows he can get away with it better with boys. There's no way I'd catch him before he realized something was up."

Riku sighed, conceding the point. Then had a better idea.

"I'll do it," he offered, his stomach churning at the idea, but his mind placated. He wouldn't be letting Sora get groped that way.

Kairi seemed to consider his proposition for a moment, then slowly shook her head with a sad smile. "He's pretty set on Sora, Riku. Not that he wouldn't take the bait. It's just that you'd probably have to go home with him or something if you even offered to do anything, because he won't play games with someone like you. Sora is different. We both know it."

He hated to admit it, but she was completely right, and it was killing him that he was slowly coming around to the idea. "Dammit," he muttered, glancing to the side. "I just don't want Sora to have to dodge full grown male penises." He _really_ didn't want that... and he didn't want it to come to using Sora because he knew that it would be risky, but… it would be worth it in the end. They'd probably prevent him from being raped or kidnapped. At least, that's what he thought.

"All right," Riku sighed, dropping his chin on his hand. "I guess we'll have to use Sora."

Kairi grinned in a sad way, digging around in her backpack. "I have my video camera with me as usual," she informed him, continuing her digging. "It can get some really good close-ups, which will be necessary from the distance we'll be recording from."

"Woah, have you already thought this out?" Riku whispered harshly, wondering just how long Kairi had been planning this.

She shook her head, shrugging. "It just came to me in a moment of inspiration. It's pretty obvious, Riku. We would have come up with it eventually either way."

Riku sighed, but dropped it, watching as Kairi pulled out her camera. "After school," she said softly, glancing up at their teacher, "I'm going to be at swim practice. When it's over, Sora is always the only one left because he does laps by himself. When he's done, Sephiroth is usually there watching him, so I'll hang back too without them knowing, and hide under the benches on the far side of the locker room. I can record them from there because most of the lights will be off. They shouldn't see me." She flipped open the little viewing window and checked the battery life, smiling and closing it again with a nod. "If this goes well, we can plan what we do next. I might even get the footage we need in one go."

Riku stared at her and tried not to look as amazed as he felt. She was quick on her feet, as usual, and her plan seemed to consist of not really having a plan while also having a complete handle on the situation. "Jesus, Kairi," he muttered, "sometimes you scare me."

She giggled, which earned them both a harsh look, and after that, they sort of paid attention, giving each other knowing looks every once in awhile.

* * *

When all was said and done, and the day had truly ended, Riku suddenly felt the full weight of what he and Kairi had planned. He was incredibly anxious and didn't know what to do with himself. He had nothing to do at school once sixth period was over, but he was desperate to stay behind. He wanted to protect Sora. Kairi, however, forbade him from even stepping back on school property.

"You'll just jump out and start yelling or something and ruin everything," she scowled, crossing her arms - the hand of one clutched around her camera - and tapped her foot, cocking one hip. "Go." She pointed away from the school and waited, eyebrows raised. Riku sighed and moped away, his brow furrowed and his stomach in knots. 'What can I do? I'm so helpless like this…' He told himself to be patient, but by the time he got home, he was full of frantic energy, ideas spinning in his head like a centrifuge. 'What if Kairi gets caught and he rapes Sora in front of her? Or rapes _both_ of them! What if he doesn't even do anything to Sora and we waste our time, and then when we graduate, he stalks him and kidnaps him and _then_ rapes him.' He shivered and paced his room, nearly tearing at his hair by the time his doorbell rang.

He bolted to the front of his house frantically, hoping and praying not to find a dripping, sobbing, torn-up Kairi with a half-clothed Sora slung over her shoulder (he had that image firmly planted in his mind), and opened the door. She was fine, there was no Sora with her. Riku heaved a sigh, almost hugging the girl. Then he thought better of it and pulled her inside, shutting the door and making for his room. Kairi followed without a word, a bemused smile pasted on her lips.

Riku waited until the door was closed behind them to ask about how it went, somehow feeling nervous that someone would hear.

Kairi sighed (not a good sign) and plopped down on Riku's bed, holding out the camera strapped to her hand. Riku took it and flipped open the viewing screen, sitting in his desk chair and finding the most recent video before pressing play.

He almost threw up at what he saw. Sora was standing by his locker in his speedo, humming to himself and pulling out his clothes without a care in the world. A few seconds passed innocuously like this until the dark shadow appeared, casting itself over Sora's shoulder and slowly moving to envelop him. It was Sephiroth, of course, and he was smiling at Sora, his mouth moving with unheard words and a hand snaking out to trail through Sora's hair. Sora looked shaky and pulled away, saying something back as he yanked his clothes on in a hurry and shuffled in the direction of the unseen Kairi and her camera. Then the recording stopped, and Riku could feel the rage bubbling in his _bones_. "That fucker," he growled, glancing over at Kairi. She gave him a sad nod and sighed.

"What're we gonna do?" she asked quietly, tucking her camera away. "We'll have to wait for it to get worse to make anything happen."

"I know," Riku grunted out, pulling his knees up and staring down at his carpet, wondering if they had any options. It didn't seem like it, and the sinking feeling in his chest told him that there was really only one thing they could do. "We'll just have to stick it out" he said, squeezing his eyes shut to block out the world along with what he was saying. "We'll have to get evidence of him _really _touching Sora."

Kairi nodded, sighing. "I didn't really feel like this when I proposed the idea, but seeing it makes it so hard…"

"We don't have any choice," Riku said quietly, his chest constricting and his throat working. If that had enraged him this much, who knows what he'd do once he saw a video of the kind of evidence they needed. "This has to stop one way or the other." He told this mostly to himself.

Kairi chanced a look up at her friend, scrunching her face up a bit. "And… you're thinking it might be a chance for you and Sora, too?"

Riku whipped his gaze down at her, glaring icily. "Are you accusing me of using this situation for my own benefit?"

"No! No, Riku, that's not what I mean, I just…" She sighed, resting her head in her hands. "I don't want Sora to get hurt… at all! So, you need to promise me that, if we're going to do this, you'll be careful and fix things properly. You have to corner him. Man up and talk to the poor kid."

Riku winced at the thought, knowing how stubborn Sora could be, and how much his kicks hurt when he wanted them to, but he also knew that Kairi was right and he needed to do as she asked. He huffed and promised he would fix things, worrying, all the while, that this was going to be the end of the most important friendship of his life.

But he couldn't think about that anymore, because he needed to be ready. He needed to have a game plan for when the shit hit the fan, and that required his full attention. Kairi and Riku worked out the details for a few hours before Kairi left for home. A million things tumbled through his brain ceaselessly after she left, and he found that he was losing energy fast from the stress. Eventually, he fell into a fitful sleep, and woke up the next day wishing he didn't have to do what he was going to do that day. It really wasn't fair.

He sighed and got up, walking to school groggily, going through the day in a funk, and, finally, ending up in his designated position two hours after school had ended, a fluttering feeling settling in his stomach and bunching it into knots. He waited, waited, then tensed as he heard the wet slap of Sora's feet approaching. Then there was relative silence as the boy gathered his things, humming softly to himself. Riku watched in a trance, barely able to keep his eyes off of Sora. His body was still glistening with water, and his skin clung onto its summer tan even now… he was so silky and sinewy and taut and _beautiful_. Riku was almost laying in a puddle of his own drool.

Then, Sephiroth arrived. Riku could hear the soft clunk clunk of his boots as he approached, and he nearly jumped out right then and grabbed the guy, laying him out just as he'd done to Tidus. Instead, he swallowed to lessen the clenching of his throat, scowling up at the man even though he was hidden.

As Sephiroth drew nearer to his back, Sora was none the wiser, lost in his own little world as usual, making it too easy for people to get in his personal space. Then (jackpot) the man reached out and slid his hands over Sora's hips, smiling as the boy jumped and turned around in shock.

"Hello, Sora," Sephiroth said quietly, trailing the back of his knuckles over the tan skin of the teenager's face.

"Uh, hi coach," Sora replied, glancing down at the hand still clutching him, wriggling away from it slightly.

Riku was suppressing a shout and his own nausea, clutching at the floor and growling low under his breath. He was going to explode. Kairi gave him a look from where she was posted, waving a hand for him to shut up and continuing the filming.

"Please, call me Sephiroth," the creep breathed, still too close to Sora, still touching him.

Sora was trembling, Riku could see, and it was growing harder and harder to remain still, pressed to the floor with his hands at the ready, arms cocked back to help propel him up when the time came.

"You know," Sephiroth continued, smirking at the way Sora writhed subtly to get away from him, "I've been watching you."

Sora smiled, but it was too nervous-looking to appear genuine, and it wasn't earning him any reprieve from the hand on his hip, now moving up his side.

"I know you have," Sora replied. "You've been giving me pointers, after all-"

"I'm not talking about here," his coach interrupted, squeezing gently. Sora squeaked and banged an elbow against his locker, jumping at the sound. Sephiroth snickered, Riku barely suppressed a growl, Kairi filmed and waited. "I'm talking about at the _other_ pool." Sora's eyes widened at the confession, his face going ash-white.

"I uh… didn't realize you were the one that owned it," he muttered, panicking.

Sephiroth just nodded in response, his other hand - which had been hanging at his side for some time - moved back to Sora's hip, and joined the other in sliding up the boy's body.

"Coach," Sora said, swallowing. "I don't think that- um… You probably shouldn't be touching me like that."

Riku smirked at the remark, hoping Sora would be firmer once he saw that Sephiroth might not let up. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case, and the creep just kept feeling him up and kept getting no response from Sora.

"I'm just checking your body. You seem in good health so far-"

"I'm- I'm seriously fine. I need to get home-"

"Sora," Sephiroth cooed, pressing in closer to the boy. And then, they got what they really really needed. Sephiroth leaned in, and with the hint of a smirk both devilish and saccharine, he kissed Sora. The boy sputtered against the lips being forcefully pressed to his, and then shoved his coach away, using enough force to separate them for a second. That's when Riku presented himself. He swung around the corner once he was on his feet, clenching his jaw and staring directly at Sephiroth. The man stared back, his face hardened, an expression Riku had never seen before playing across his features.

He pointed at Sora, eyes still trained on Riku and a bitter smirk forming on his lips. "Honeypot?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. Riku shook his head, fists clenching, fighting the urge to tackle the bastard and pound his face in. Then he would throw him in the pool for good measure. Instead, he stood there and slowly smiled, totally ignoring Sora, who was trembling and looking around confusedly in his peripheral vision; he would deal with that later.

Sephiroth barked a laugh at the expression on Riku's face, favoring him with a contemptuous glare in return. "You think you've caught me, Riku?" he asked, harrumphing a bit for effect. "No one will believe you even if you tell. I've got too many people on my side, and you're just one kid."

Riku shook his head, still smiling, and listened to the clicking of the keys on Kairi's laptop that could be heard from the back of the room. Sephiroth noticed them too, and turned to the noise, frowning. "What is that?" he asked, slightly frantic. Riku just continued to smile. "What is that!" Sephiroth stormed towards the sound, glancing around quickly until his eyes met Kairi's. She grinned at him and waved her camera, showing him her laptop screen as well, which indicated that she'd saved it to the hard drive and an external internet source. She could access the video from anywhere.

Sephiroth stood there for a moment, not sure what to do with himself. He seemed to go over a million options in his head before finally giving up, a sardonic laugh escaping his lips. "I can't believe this," he said, still laughing, covering his eyes with one hand. "I can't fucking believe this."

No one made a move as he looked around at the three of them and left with a shake of his head, probably preparing to attempt an escape. Kairi was fast, though, and had already left the locker room, her laptop and camera in hand. That left Riku and Sora to sort things out between them, and Riku didn't even know where to start


	6. Chapter 6

**Pairings: **Sora and Riku, obviously. Hints at Tidus/Axel. Axel/Roxas. Xemnas/Saix. And many others. Prepare for a rain of unholy sexual tension and an unheard of concentration of gay boys.

**Warning: **Shameless smutiness and general boy/boy content. Drug use and underaged drinking, cursing, fighting, and a lot of high school shenanigans. An overabundant use of the "oh-so-desirable lead" stereotype, along with the use and abuse of many other cliches. Undoubtable pheromones, padded speedos, groping and molestation. Music that I'm in love with and don't own, high schoolers bashing Hemingway, sexy black teachers in low-cut tops. And probably more to be added.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any characters involved other than like... some teachers I'm loosely basing off of people I know. I mean! Wait! Any resemblance is purely coincidental! Yeah. Gotta cover my ass. ;) Really, I don't own anything. Nothing at all.

**Jessica would like you to note: **I wrote this chapter in the bathtub of Navy Lodge hotel room in Lemoore, California. This was after I slept for two and a half hours and then lay awake wondering what to do with my insomniac self. I'm in the empty bathtub because my parents and little sister are asleep in the main room and this is the only way… sigh. Anyways, this chapter, as with the others, is frustrating. They are all frustrating. I hope you - my amazing readers - do not mind a good bit more toil before the end. It's really not in my nature to leave people hanging so much, but… I cringe at the thought of deviating from the plan I've laid out for this story. "Killin' the Vibe" is by Ducktails, and it's really repetitive but I adore it.

* * *

**Killin' The Vibe**

Sora closed his eyes. He shut out the sight of the cavernous locker room, and banished the messy tangle of thoughts clogging up his brain as best he could. He tried not to think about things like 'What is going on?' and 'What was Kairi doing?' and 'Did I really just get kissed by Sephiroth?'. Instead, he focused on his own steady breathing, and the trustworthy presence of Riku who, even now, was only looking out for him. 'Even with the way I've treated him lately, he still came for me…' Sora choked on a sob as he considered this, sniffling slightly as he forced impending tears away.

Before he could fully steady himself, however, a warm pair of arms wound their way about him, their heat contrasting with his slowly cooling skin still wet from the pool. He sobbed again at this new turn of events, and scrunched up his face, thinking that he really didn't deserve to have someone like Riku taking care of him. He didn't deserve what he had.

"Riku!" Sora choked, burying his face in the warmth nearby and sobbing quietly, the dam finally breaking. He'd been so wrapped up in his own problems, in keeping his heart safe, that he hadn't been acting like himself, and he'd hurt Riku. He hated his own guts for that. "Thank you," he sniffled, feeling that it wasn't enough to express his emotions fully. He opened his eyes and looked up into Riku's, which were scrunched in concern. "Thank you," he said again, whispering.

Riku shook his head, sighing and squeezing Sora tighter, trying not to think about how close and naked Sora was. "Sora, there's no reason to thank me-"

"You didn't have to do this for me," Sora interrupted, shaking his head furiously. "By all rights, you should hate me right now. I've been so… selfish-"

"Sora, I don't care about that!" He paused, furrowing his brow and making a noise."Well," he amended, "I _do_ care about that… but it's nothing in the face of something like this. I want to fix our friendship, but I don't want you to get hurt just because I'm upset with you."

Sora nodded into Riku's shirt, his lips trembling and his body still cooling rapidly. "I need to change," he said quietly. He didn't want to end their conversation, he just needed to be warm before he could think properly. Riku jolted away, shocked as he realized just how cold Sora really was.

"Jeez, sorry!" he said, wincing. "You're freezing-"

"I'm fine." Sora grabbed his clothes from his locker and pulled his thoughts into a line, shooting a weak smile at Riku as he dried off and changed quickly. Riku averted his eyes for good measure, but couldn't help but feel his breath rush at the circumstances. It wasn't like he'd forgotten how much he wanted Sora.

"Riku…" Sora said hesitantly, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. Riku turned his gaze back to Sora and tried his best to keep it neutral, his heart throbbing at the possibility of reconciliation. 'And maybe more…'

"Why are you avoiding me?" Riku cut in, trying to get right at the heart of the issue. Sora seemed unresponsive to this, so he restated the question, staring Sora down unflinchingly. He wasn't in the mood for skirting problems and bandying around words until everything was peachy keen again. He just wanted Sora to state what was wrong, help Riku come up with a solution, and then maybe tell him that he returned Riku's feelings… And then they'd kiss and hug and Sora would be so soft…

"It's… hard to say," Sora murmured, casting his gaze to the side and drawing in a shaky breath. "I don't want to mangle our friendship beyond repair."

'But no… I can't have soft, breathy kisses and confessions and simple, to-the-point resolution, can I?' Riku sighed.

"You're not going to mangle it Sora," he insisted, stepping forward and grabbing the brunette's shoulders, seeking out his eyes until they returned his gaze. "You can trust me. I'll be here for you no matter what. Hasn't today proved that well enough?"

Sora cringed, then nodded, trying not to think too much as he began. "I… at your house the night of Cloud's party…" He paused, glancing down and sighing. "I woke up sometime during the night and I guess you were… hugging me, or something-"

"Shit, Sora I-"

"Let me finish!" he said shakily, the frustration in his voice surprising both of them. There was a brief silence, then Riku nodded and waited, his heart flickering unsteadily. "Well," Sora continued, "I wasn't sure if it was… real, or not."

Riku shook his head, his brow furrowing, and insisted that Sora look at him again, pushing his chin up with one finger. "What do you mean?" he murmured, his mind racing with the possible implications. 'Does he mean that he'd like it to be real, or he'd like it to… _not _be real?'

"I don't know, Riku, I'm just embarrassed!" A loud click echoed through the locker room, and both boys whipped their heads towards the noise, knowing it to be the door shutting. "Is that Kairi?"

"Don't avoid the issue, Sora!" Riku grunted, shaking Sora's shoulders in frustration. "Tell me the truth: Why? Why are you embarrassed? Why did you think it might not be real?"

Riku saw Kairi peek her head around the corner then retreat, hiding behind the dividing wall before Sora could catch sight of her. Sora tried to turn and see what Riku had been looking at, but the taller boy demanded his attention. "Sora!" he said angrily, his breath coming out in short bursts. He was getting impatient, and he felt as though he might be a hair's breadth away from either gaining, or losing everything. He needed the suspense to end.

"I don't know, Riku!" Sora finally huffed, his own impatience coming out. "I… maybe I'm still not ready to say! Maybe this is all too fast for me and I'm scared-"

"Fuck that! Sora… I don't even know what to think about this situation-"

"I didn't know if it was just a dream again!" Sora yelled, drawing everything to a halt. Riku paused to take in that information, feeling stupid for the first time in his life. He couldn't comprehend what that meant for the longest time, and as he stood there, the sounds of the dripping shower and the two boy's heated breaths echoing through the silence around them, he felt Sora pulling away.

"Again?" he finally whispered, his mouth slightly open as he stared after Sora. The boy had grabbed his bag, and was already half-running out of the locker room.

As he went, tears coursing down his face and the back of one hand against his lips (holding in his sobs), he passed a confused-looking Kairi and gave her a small wince before fleeing, the retreating echo of his footsteps slowly fading to nothing. Then Kairi rounded the corner and crossed her arms, staring at Riku in disbelief.

"How, might I ask, did you manage to fuck_ that_ up so royally?" She raised and eyebrow, tapping one foot against the ground in a steady rhythm as she always did when she was chiding someone.

Riku just stared, his brain finally clicking into gear. "Shit!" he ground out, clenching his fist and then slamming it into a locker, glaring at the tile beneath his feet, and at the world in general. "He… he's been having dreams about me-"

"He basically set you up for a perfect ending," Kairi commented, stepping into the room and perching on a bench with a heavy sigh. "You could have had him so easily, and now he'll be avoiding you even _more_."

Riku whipped his scowling eyes up to meet hers, a low growl escaping his lips. "You think I don't know that!"

"No, I think that you need someone to spell it out to you for you to do anything about it," she quipped, not backing down. She sighed and softened her gaze, cocking her head slightly in commiseration. "You need to talk to him. He's being a pusillanimous little wang and he won't do anything on his own. He's too scared and too overwhelmed. I don't think I've ever seen him shy away from something like this."

Riku nodded, pushing his hair away from his forehead. "That's what's worrying me most: This isn't like him. It's not his nature to deny a challenge or a problem. It only seems to happen with me."

"Maybe it's because it's the only thing that really matters to him."

They both got quiet at the remark, each drawn into their own line of thoughts at its implications. Kairi looked a little saddened, but it gave Riku an unmitigated burst of hope, propelling him forward with new purpose. "I need to go," he said, running out of the locker room, not stopping when he reached the double doors at the back of the gym containing the pool. They led directly outside, and he barely paused as he headed through them. His backpack was in a classroom nearby, and he stopped in to grab it before completely leaving campus and rushing home, preparing to do something a bit shady to get what he wanted.

He went to his room and threw his backpack down, whipping around immediately after as he began searching for what he needed. "Mom," he called, heading down the hall and glancing into rooms.

"What is it honey?" his mother called back, her voice carrying from somewhere further into the house.

"Where's Dakota?" he responded, still looking through room after room. She wasn't in hers or any others in the hallway, so he headed back into the living room, frustrated.

"She's at a play date," his mother finally answered, shuffling into the room with a smile and an armful of laundry. "Why do you need her?"

His mother's smile faltered as she took in his frantic personage, a new, more concerned one replacing it. She stepped forward and touched his face, seeking out his eyes. Her fingers smoothed back her son's hair with a fond touch, lips tilting a bit more as he calmed and looked at her. "What's wrong honey?" she murmured, pulling her hand away and setting it on his shoulder. He stared at her for a moment, not saying a word, not sure where to start. It was all a little bit confusing to him, really. When he finally got his bearings and had evened his breathing out a little more, he sighed and slumped onto the couch, glaring at the blank TV screen.

"Sora and I are fighting," he muttered, glancing at his mother as she sat down next to him and took his hand.

"Oh, sweetie… why are you fighting?" she asked. And all of the motherly love in the world seemed to be poured into that question. It soothed Riku down to the core, and made everything just a little bit easier to bear. His mother was really good at achieving that.

He smiled a little tired smile and rubbed his eyes with his free hand, throat working as he tried to find the words.

"Does it have something to do with your feelings for Sora?" his mother guessed.

Riku turned to his mother in shock, frowning slightly as he grew red. "How do you know-"

"Oh, Riku," she laughed, rolling her eyes. "You're not very quiet in the shower."

"Mom!" he yelled, a slight whine in his voice. He was flushed bright red, then, and he was fidgeting more uncomfortably than he had in his entire life.

His mother laughed at his side, covering her mouth with one hand. "You really should learn to control that," she continued, laughing even harder at the look on her son's face. Riku groaned and let his head fall against the back of the couch, wishing he hadn't a moment later when his skull began to throb. 'I'm going to kill myself. I'm going to kill myself. I'm going to kill myself.'

"I can't believe you're talking to me about this," he muttered, smiling despite himself and his repetitive thoughts. It really was funny, even if it made his blood bubble with embarrassment.

His mother stopped laughing and patted his hand, waiting for Riku's answer since she was done embarrassing him. He sighed and gave her what she wanted, explaining that he'd kissed Sora, but Sora didn't remember, and that he now believed Sora had been having dreams about him, and had mistaken something that happened in his room for a dream. His mother frowned when the telling was over, crossing her arms and favoring her son with a stern look.

"You didn't grope him in his sleep, did you Riku?"

"What! Mom! No!" He stared at her in disbelief, shaking his head. "I can't believe you even thought that-"

"I don't know Riku," she said, holding up her hands in defense, "I've seen how you look at him."

"That's beside the point. I would never do that to him! I really care about him. And, really, all I did was like… cuddle him, basically."

His mother snickered and patted Riku on the shoulder, standing and picking up the laundry she'd been carrying. "Well, I'd say Sora is a bit more at fault here," she said idly, moving towards the other side of the house. Riku got up and followed her, knowing she wasn't done. She went into his room and began setting things from the pile of clothing on his bed, speaking as she did. "You either need to wait until he's not too scared to talk to you-"

"That could take months!" His mother turned and nodded seriously, picking everything back up and moving to Dakota's room, putting things in her dresser. She waited until that was done to continue, pausing as she shut the last drawer with a sigh.

"You could either wait, like I said, or force him to talk to you. I'm guessing that's why you were looking for your sister?"

Riku blushed and nodded, glancing away from his mother. "Well… I don't really know what else to do. He's being… well, a 'pusillanimous wang' as Kairi put it."

His mother chuckled and moved back to the kitchen, putting a pot on the stove to start dinner. "I've always liked that girl…" she muttered, saying nothing more as she moved around and got things together. Riku waited, but realized quickly that he'd get nowhere if he didn't say something.

"What should I do, mom?" he murmured desperately, shaking his head. "Should I corner him at school? Threaten to never talk to him again? Hold his mom hostage? What?"

His mother sighed, stirring the food she was preparing idly and turning to Riku. "I think you need to be a little bit patient. Maybe find ways to coax him subtly, but… give him some space. He'll get desperate to see you again soon enough if things are as you say." And with that, she shooed him from the kitchen, claiming that he was distracting her from making dinner. Riku kissed her on the cheek before he left, and slipped into his room quietly, all his energy completely sapped.

He would have had a long, brooding bout of deep contemplation after that, but something clicked in his mind the minute he flopped onto his bed, and he felt like a complete idiot.

"Oh my god," he said into his pillow, "I left the school without finding out about Sephiroth!"

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**End Notes: **So, uhhh, this chapter is really short, I know. I kind of wanted to make the next part and this one all one chapter, but the next part is pretty long and kind of worthy of being separate content-wise sooo... this happened. The next will come out soon, no worries. And the things I have planned for chapters 7-12 (or so) should be fraught with sexual tension and gooey goodness so just stick with me here, guys. I know I'm dragging things out at a frustrating pace.


	7. Chapter 7

**Pairings: **Sora and Riku, obviously. Hints at Tidus/Axel. Axel/Roxas. Xemnas/Saix. And many others. Prepare for a rain of unholy sexual tension and an unheard of concentration of gay boys.

**Warning: **Shameless smutiness and general boy/boy content. Drug use and underaged drinking, cursing, fighting, and a lot of high school shenanigans. An overabundant use of the "oh-so-desirable lead" stereotype, along with the use and abuse of many other cliches. Undoubtable pheromones, padded speedos, groping and molestation. Music that I'm in love with and don't own, high schoolers bashing Hemingway, sexy black teachers in low-cut tops. And probably more to be added.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any characters involved other than like... some teachers I'm loosely basing off of people I know. I mean! Wait! Any resemblance is purely coincidental! Yeah. Gotta cover my ass. ;) Really, I don't own anything. Nothing at all.

**Jessica would like you to note: **Here we go. I wrote this chapter and the next one simultaneously (though I'm still not finished with the other one), so it shouldn't be long for chapter 8. But oh man I seriously love you guys and all the reviews (haha). Anyways, though there are many songs titled "Hallelujah", the one this chapter is named after is by The Helio Sequence, and it's my favorite Hallelujah of all.

* * *

**Hallelujah**

Sora - finished sobbing and completely drained - had no idea where he was going. He'd begun wandering after rushing out of the school - his mind ablaze and his heart tearing itself to bits - and found himself in an almost unfamiliar neighborhood and his phone battery dead. "Great," he muttered aloud, getting ahold of himself and looking around, checking for any landmarks. There was a nearby park that he vaguely remembered frequenting with Roxas as children. 'He must be nearby, then,' Sora thought, realizing that he'd probably drifted where his subconscious was telling him to go, and that was, apparently, to his secondary best friend/ brother.

It was nearly dark out when he finally managed to turn himself in the right direction, and when he did, he came up on the back of Roxas' house to find the blonde sitting outside staring at the sky. He was alone, which Sora was grateful for, because he didn't think he could handle anyone but Roxas seeing him in his diminished state.

"Roxas," he called quietly, leaning over the fence that marked off his friend's backyard. The other boy sat up and stared at Sora, his face morphing from recognition to joy to shock to concern. He bolted up and ran over to Sora as the last emotion fully settled onto his features, swinging open the gate and enveloping the brunette in a warm hug, asking no questions. He led Sora towards his house immediately, sliding open the backdoor and pushing through to the living room where he sat his friend down, plopping onto the cushion next to him with a curious stare.

Sora didn't say a word, at first, simply looking down at his hands and fidgeting until he was comfortable, then swinging his gaze up to meet Roxas'. Then he told the whole thing, from the very beginning. He talked about the first dream, then the following day. He talked about the party and what may or may not have happened. He talked about Sephiroth and their fight in the locker room and everything that was going through his mind that he could dredge up and offer to Roxas in the hopes that the other boy would be his savior. That he would find the answer and tell him what to do, and know that it would work. Unfortunately, Roxas wasn't a miracle worker, and Sora needed to be open to actually taking action if anything was going to work anyways, so the whole confession was met with a sort of stifled silence, pregnant with the knowledge that there was little in the way of solutions floating around in either of the two brains in the vicinity. Sora cleared his throat after talking so much, slumping slightly as he began to feel that it was helpless, and banishing his visions for the future to a realm of darkness, completely bereft of Riku. He was so caught up in his fantasies of misery, in fact, that he had to be shaken by Roxas until he was snapped out of it.

Then, Sora's friend fixed him with a patient stare, placing one hand on his shoulder and boring into his soul with focused eyes. "Sora," he began carefully, maintaining his gaze, "I need you to listen to me very carefully, okay?"

Sora hesitated, furrowing his brow and almost pulling away due to fear - because Roxas was being really creepy - but then he decided to at least hear him out, and consider the things he said. He'd never steered him wrong before. He nodded, then, settling in for some sort of pep talk or chastisement.

Roxas sighed and began again, shaking Sora's shoulder slightly. "You need to tell him everything you just told me," he said simply, shaking Sora again when it seemed like the kid was zoning out. Sora just looked on blankly, his mouth slightly open and a fuzz - like static - shivering through his brain. It seemed to him that Roxas was just messing around, once he managed to take in what the other boy had said, but he could tell from the solemn stare the blonde was giving him that, no, he was dead serious, and he wanted him to do it now. Right now.

Sora shook his head violently, glaring at Roxas. "You're out of your mind-"

"Sora, I said for you to listen to me," Roxas cut in, pinching his friend's cheek. "You're only making things worse and this seriously isn't like you. You're avoiding problems-"

"Roxas-"

"betraying your best friend's trust-"

"I can't-"

"AND, you're just being a big, fat pussy about everything right now, and that's really not cool, Sora."

"Roxas, it's not that simple-"

"Yes it _is_, Sora!" Roxas yelled, throwing his hands up in the air. "What the fuck are you so scared of! You told me you like him, you told me that you can trust him, so what's holding you back from just clearing up all the misunderstandings!"

"Maybe I'm scared of what happens after! Maybe I'm scared of getting hurt-"

"Bullshit! You know better. Tell me the truth, Sora." Roxas stared him down, his unrelenting, stubborn glare the only thing anchoring their conversation and keeping Sora from fleeing. Sora knew that he had to tell the truth. It was unspoken between them, as always: No secrets.

"I'm scared…" Sora whispered, pulling up his knees and pressing his eyes against them, his voice muffled when he finally continued. "I'm scared of being gay."

Roxas snorted, then realized what Sora really meant. He wasn't scared of actually _being_ gay, he was scared of the implications. He was scared of what people would do to him.

"Sora-"

"I don't know why I'm so scared by it," he interrupted, squeezing his knees in closer, not moving his face. "I've never been so terrified of something in my life, though."

"Sora, _I'm_ gay," Roxas muttered, slapping his friend on the back. "Hell, Leon and Cloud are too. And you already know Xemnas-"

"What!" Sora whipped his gaze up, his mouth falling open at this new bit of information. "They're… seriously?" Roxas nodded, raising an eyebrow and smirking at Sora's expression, knowing that the kid would come around if he kept pushing. 'The things I do for my friends,' he thought, smiling. "How come they never told me?" Sora murmured, his gaze wandering off to the side in contemplation. Roxas interrupted him a moment later, patting his shoulder and sitting closer, grinning from ear-to-ear.

"I think you'd be shocked to find out who's part of our LGBTQ community at school."

Sora's eyes widened as he realized the implications: There were tons of people he knew that were already out, and they hadn't told him.

"What the hell," Sora groaned, letting his head flop back against the couch cushion. "I can't believe nobody told me. How many people that are in my immediate friends are gay or something?"

Roxas tallied up the number in his head, grinning the whole time. "About 13 including the ones you already know."

"Holy shit! I don't have that many people in my friend group. Seriously." He paused, contemplating, then amended in his mind, realizing that he really did run with a large crowd. He nodded silently to accede this, waiting… Roxas said nothing more, so Sora shook him. "Who are they, dammit!"

Roxas laughed, grabbing Sora's wrists to stop all the shoving. "Well I'll give you a sort of list, okay. Let's start with the ones you know." Sora pouted, sitting back in the corner of the couch with a frown as Roxas grinned, knowing that he was winning. Roxas ticked off five fingers, holding them up to Sora. "Me, Axel, Xem, Leon, and Cloud," he started, then paused, ticking another finger. "You knew about Tidus, too, I suppose." Sora nodded, then made a motion for Roxas to hurry it up, his curiosity overwhelming everything else. "Okay, then there's Saix, who's dating Xem. Vexen and Demyx. Marluxia, Selphie and Namine (no surprise there), and then Wakka, who really threw me for a loop when he came out."

Sora's eyes widened, a sputtering gasp escaping his lips as he went over everything in his brain. Without realizing it, he'd been hanging out in the biggest group of homosexuals in the school, and only Kairi was left out of the equation. She was like the token straight person.

"That means that we basically _are_ the LGBTQ community at our school," Sora groaned, dropping his face in his hands. "Everyone must talk about us like that or something. I bet they say awful things."

Roxas laughed, drawing Sora's glare of disbelief. He wasn't taking it seriously at all! "How can you laugh!" Sora whined, nearly punching the other boy in the arm. Roxas brushed him off and shook his head, eyes still full of mirth.

"Don't you get it? Those people don't matter! And even if they did, have you ever even heard anything like that before? Have you heard of people calling us fags or fruits or whatever, like, ever?"

Sora paused considering that for a moment. He really never had heard anything like that before - as evidenced by his lack of knowledge about most of his friend's sexual preferences - and he didn't even really care if those things were being said. Roxas was right: other people didn't matter. The people that were important were all… well, gay, just like him. Or… what was he? 'I guess I'm pansexual, like Tidus,' he thought, ignoring Roxas who was grinning away at his side, chuffed with his own success. 'I wonder if Riku's gay or something?' He froze up at the thought of Riku, suddenly feeling like complete shit. 'It's all my fault. I've been a selfish bastard and a wuss. Roxas is right: This isn't like me.'

"I'm going to talk to Riku," Sora announced, standing and slinging his bag over one shoulder. Roxas sighed and stood with him, leading him to the door.

"You do that," Roxas muttered, nodding and ushering Sora out of his house. "But don't do it tonight because it's late and he's probably pissed at you. I'd wait until tomorrow."

Sora nodded, his heart pounding at the idea and his brain completely unprepared. "That's probably a good idea," he said quietly, smiling and heading outside.

The night was cold and lustrous, wrapping around Sora's lithe frame with each gust of wind and propelling him forward, closer to home. He stared at the stars quite a bit during his walk, letting his thoughts filter out of his brain to be replaced by the vastness of the sky above and the universe it had come to embody in his mind. Sora rarely felt insignificant, but when he pictured what lay beyond the small portion of night sky visible to him - as people often do - he couldn't even begin to understand any of it, let alone feel as though he were a part of it.

He knew he was made up of star dust, just like every other being, but he wasn't inclined to explore such notions any further than that. And, anyways, thoughts about star dust and the fact that they comprised his corporeal form in some way got him thinking about other things… 'If anyone looks like they're made from the same material as stars, it's Riku,' he thought, smiling as he walked. 'He's all silver and pale and… beautiful.' His smile widened at the thought, and he paused outside his house when he arrived there, a part of him believing Riku might be waiting on his porch to confront him again. But, no, he was nowhere to be seen, and Sora was left to sigh and wish and feel remorseful, which was just as well. 'I deserve it.' Later, after he'd entered his house and been chastised and hugged and shaken by his mother for an hour, he would think he'd deserved that, as well, and accept it with a smile.

"Are you okay, honey?" she asked, brushing hair away from his forehead and giving him one of those "mom" looks. One where she managed to appear concerned/annoyed/hopeful/frantic/helpful all at the same time. Sora sighed and chuckled at her face and the question, hugging her because it was his duty as a son.

"I'm fine, mom," he murmured. He almost told her more - about Riku, about his friends, about being made of star dust - but he didn't. He wasn't sure how ready he was to face that reality yet. He'd have to come out to her eventually, but until he had solved everything, it felt like he shouldn't. He'd more or less established that it was only Riku that incited any homosexuality in him anyways, so unless he was going to be with Riku, it didn't seem to really matter if his mother, or anyone else, ever knew about that side of him.

After promising his mother to "never make her worry like that again", and "always call if possible", he trudged upstairs to shower off and flop into a restless sleep, the usual dream overtaking his subconscious mind throughout the night. By now, Riku had him practically naked, and he was taking his time feeling Sora up, whispering things in his ear, fingers grazing just under Sora's bellybutton and making his breath hitch. Then, something went wrong. The dream morphed, and it was a different setting altogether. There was a carpet under his back, and a strange feeling in his head, and Riku was laying next to him holding onto his hip, rolling him so that they were both on their sides facing the other. And Riku kissed him, but it wasn't like the dream kisses they normally shared, something about it felt real and familiar…

Sora's alarm blared, jolting him out of the dream with a start. He wasn't in a worked up state, for once, but his mind was racing, working to recapture the dream he'd just been in and the strange familiarity of it. He touched his lips and thought back, stretching and stretching for the truth until he grew exhausted by the task and had to get up.

It was a bit late, and his mother was calling for him to hurry or he would get detention. He sighed and forced himself to get dressed quickly, rushing down the stairs and tossing his skateboard onto the sidewalk, jumping on and coasting to school with his mind whirring nonstop. 'What was that dream all about?' he thought over and over, wracking his brain. 'It felt like…' He gasped, ramming into the curb at the front of the school and stumbling off of his board, barely catching himself before he fell face-first to the ground. He straightened up and looked around with an embarrassed smile, exhaling in relief when he saw that barely anyone was around and only one or two people had seen him. He grabbed his board and raced to first period, making it there less than thirty seconds before the late bell rang. He screeched to a halt by his desk and suddenly became aware of something: Riku wasn't there.

Sora glanced around the class room quickly, lowering himself into his seat with a barely repressed groan. 'I can't talk to him if he's not around!'

He spent the rest of the period not even pretending to pay attention, focusing, instead, on the clear lack of Riku and the subsequent strain it put on his plans and his heart. He wasn't ready to let their friendship go, but if Riku didn't want to reconcile anymore… then what? How did he make him listen? He experienced a twinge of guilt as he realized how Riku must have felt while he was being ignored, and felt like a phenomenal ass. He'd screwed up big time. 'I need to make this right…' he thought, standing as the bell rang and everyone began filing through the door.

Sora looked all over for Riku after that, asking various people if they'd seen him, and even venturing to Home Ec to find Kairi and ask if she'd seen him. She looked pissed when he asked, and assumed her signature pose of annoyance, crossing her arms and tapping one foot, an eyebrow raised in contempt. Sora fidgeted under her scrutiny. "He left in a rush after you ran off," she said, huffing. "He didn't even help me deal with Sephiroth! I had to talk to the principal all on my own, and then she kept asking me where you and Riku were, and I couldn't even give her a decent answer. You two owe me now that that bastard's been fired."

Sora's eyes widened. He'd completely disregarded Sephiroth after everything that had happened. He had forgotten that the guy had kissed him and fondled him and probably had a bunch of video footage of him from the pool. He shuddered when it all came rushing back, clutching at his own arms and staring at Kairi hopelessly. "I'd not even considered…"

The girl shook her head and rolled her eyes, steering him out of the classroom with one hand. "We'll talk about this later. You need to hurry. You'll be late again." Then she promptly turned and slammed the door, leaving Sora to scurry off at the sound of the bell. He made it to class just in time, narrowly avoiding his doom (in the form of detention). But he didn't really care about that as he slumped to his desk, because his mind was preoccupied with Riku's absence and various things involving Sephiroth. 'I bet they'll call me in to talk about it… I wonder if they'll call Riku at home and get him to come in as well.' Despite how depressing the whole situation was, getting Riku to show up still excited him. He wanted to talk to him, and whether it ended the way he hoped, or ended with them just staying friends, he needed it to happen soon. He was impatient.

Dr. Spurling approached him as the period commenced, ignoring the ruckus behind him - Cloud was using a yard stick to slap some Sophomore on the ass while the kid grinned and just barely defended himself with a book (which eventually got thrown at the older boy). The old man generally didn't care what went on in the classroom as long as everyone sort of got their work done and ended up with good scores on the tests. He wanted his students to really learn something instead of worrying about busy work, which turned out to be a lot more effective than it appeared (Spurling always had perfect scores from his students on state tests - which he couldn't care less about because they were bullshit). He cared more about AP scores, if anything, which were almost always 4's or 5's. But Sora wasn't thinking about any of that as the guy approached. He was still worrying about Riku and pedophiles and talking to the principal.

"What's the matter Sora?" Spurling said wryly, leaning on the table and adjusting his glasses. His grey mustache wiggled slightly as he spoke, and Sora found his eyes being drawn towards the facial hair every time he talked to the man. At Sora's silence, Spurling grinned and leaned in closer, speaking very loudly. "Are you moping because your boyfriend's absent?" Sora's teacher gestured towards the empty seat next to the boy, and Cloud - along with a few other students - laughed at Sora's expense before turning back to their shenanigans. Sora rolled his eyes.

"I'm fine, Dr. Spurling," Sora said, hiding a smirk. He continued after a moment, giving his teacher a fake look of wariness. "Although, I imagine you'd understand my mistrust for teachers now," he whispered, "considering what happened yesterday."

The old man raised an eyebrow, silently calling Sora on his bullshit. Of course, he knew, and he secretly sympathized (because he really was a nice guy behind all the bluster) but he also knew Sora was just fucking with him, and expressed as much by turning around and walking in Cloud's direction, smacking the blonde on the head as he passed and yanking his yard stick from the boy's hands. Cloud just stood there and laughed, glancing at Sora. He mouthed a quick "Are you okay?" at the brunette, who returned it with a nod and began working on his packet, ignoring the lingering stare of his friend.

After the hour was over, Spurling called Sora to the front of the room, leaning over his desk as everyone else left. "The office called and said to send you up there at the beginning of the period. I told them you were busy so you wouldn't have to go, but they'll probably call you in later. I can write you a note to go home if you want."

Sora considered this carefully, wondering if he really wanted to avoid talking to the principal. He did. He really did, but the possibility of seeing Riku because of the meeting made him shake his head and smile, shooting his teacher a quick "Thank you, though," as he walked to gym class. Of course, as soon as he got there, they called him in, and he trudged to the office in moderate disappointment with a bit of hope sprinkled in. Riku, however, still wasn't there. 'I should of known,' he thought, sighing. 'He'd never come in from home even if they did call.' The principal met him in the main part of the office, beckoning him towards her office with a small smile. He followed begrudgingly, counting his steps and unwittingly holding his breath. He wasn't really ready to face the realities of what had happened.

When they got to the principal's office, she shut the door and told him to sit in one of the chairs across her desk as she took up her own. Sora waited there patiently as she sighed and looked at him, hoping it wouldn't take long to wrap up whatever was happening.

Fortunately, the principal didn't have much to say. She apologized for the behavior of "one of her staff" and started going on about legal action and all of that. Sora wasn't really in the mood to deal with it, so he sort of brushed her off, but when she mentioned calling his mother about it to bring her in, he pepped up and insisted that she not be bothered. "I don't want her to worry," he said quickly, glancing from the principal, to her hand that was resting on the receiver of a phone.

"Sora, this is a very delicate issue," the principal pressed, folding her hands in front of her. "We want you to make a choice that's... best for all involved. I think you should pursue legal action because it would benefit everyone for you to do so."

Sora shook his head rapidly, eyes wide. "I... I don't want to think about that. I don't want anything like that-"

"You realize what will happen if you don't, don't you? Sephiroth will stay a free man. You can send him to jail, though. You can prevent what happened to you from happening to anyone else."

Sora rolled his eyes, sinking down into his chair with a pout. "It's such a pain, though, seriously."

The principal sighed, then smiled at Sora, reaching for the phone and waiting. Hearing no protests, she dialed a number and began speaking to, Sora assumed, his mother. The conversation was short, but Sora knew his mother would immediately assume the worst from what Ms. James was telling her, because all that vague language could only lead to misinterpretation, in the end. After the phone call had ended, it wasn't long before Sora's mother arrived, her eyes wild and about a million things spilling out of her mouth at once.

Sora calmed her, grabbing her shoulder and insisting that everything was fine, sitting her down in the chair next to his. When that was done, Ms. James smiled and began speaking, gesturing calmly with her hands.

"Ms. Sakuraba, I had assumed you'd been informed of the situation by Sora, but, since you aren't aware of what happened, I'll tell you now-"

"Sora," his mother cut in, turning and favoring him with a harsh look, "tell me now. What is going on?"

He sighed, rolling his eyes, and slumped down in his chair, crossing his arms. "Yesterday Coach Sephiroth..." He made a face, looking down, staring at the edge of his principal's desk. He didn't want to admit what had happened, really, but it was bound to come out either way, and he supposed it would be better, in the end, if he were the one to tell her. "Coach Sephiroth kissed me!" he said angrily, avoiding his mother's eyes and the noise she made and her hands, which descended on him to hold him still while she rained kisses on his forehead.

"Why didn't you tell me, Sora!" she cried, squeezing him into a hug and staring into his eyes, seemingly searching for some sort of answer, or a sign of hurt. Sora just shrugged and mumbled that he didn't think it was a big deal, which earned him an incredulous stare and a shake from his mother. "Oh my god, Sora. I can't believe..." She sighed and stopped herself, turning back to the principal and resettling in her chair, leaving one hand on Sora's shoulder. He cringed at the whole situation, wishing it could be over and done with, and that he didn't have to think about it anymore. Unfortunately, there was much more to come, and it only got worse and worse.

His mother and the principal discussed taking legal action at length while Sora imagined the mess he was about to get into in the following months. Court dates, meetings with lawyers, telling his story over and over and-

"Sora, I'm going back to work," his mother stated, pulling him out of his reverie as well as the office. He hadn't really noticed that he'd been walking, but suddenly, there he was, in the hallway during passing period, and people were staring. He sighed and hugged his mother to placate her, giving a false smile. "I'm fine," he assured her preemptively, shifting his backpack from his left shoulder to his right. "I need to go to class." With that, he began walking, muttering to himself about the whole shitty situation and shaking his head. As he passed the front gate of the school, however, he was stalled by a flash of something familiar.

'Oh my god,' he thought, stepping forward as he realized who it was. 'Riku...' The other boy noticed him as he moved, however, and made a strange face, halting Sora's progress. They looked at each other briefly, then Riku moved away quickly, heading for the office. Sora sighed but figured that at least now he'd have a chance to talk to his friend. At least he hoped.

In fourth period, his mind was abuzz with about a million things at once. He thought about what was going to happen with Sephiroth, and how much it annoyed him. He thought about talking to Riku, and possibly reconciling (maybe more). And then he thought about his dream again, confusion setting in heavily the more he considered it. In the dream, it had looked like Cloud's room, which really didn't make any sense... 'Holy shit.' He whipped his head up from where it had been resting on the desk, looking for Cloud or Leon or someone. Unfortunately, anyone who'd been present at the party was currently wrapped up in their art project and had no time for Sora or anything else. They would get annoyed if he interrupted, and grumble that he should get to his own work. The problem was, he was just the TA, and didn't really _have_ any work, so the only thing on his mind was getting to the bottom of this confusing dream that he was starting to suspect might be a memory.

After class, however, he was able to find Roxas and drag him away from lunch for a brief minute, his heart sputtering out a frantic beat.

"Uhh... what's up with you man?" Roxas asked, giving Sora a confused look. Sora just shook his head and glanced around for a minute, making sure no one was around before he said anything.

"Okay, so, I had a weird dream-"

"I don't want to hear about your sexy Riku dreams, Sora-"

"No!" Sora said, flapping his hands to shut Roxas up. "This one was different. It seemed... real-ish. I can't explain it. Look, after we played King's Cup at Cloud's the other night, where did I go? Do you know?"

Roxas rolled his eyes. "Obviously you went to Cloud's room, dumb ass. I told you before that you were passed out in there when Tidus felt you up."

"Yeah, but who took me there?"

Roxas paused, looking Sora up and down, suddenly catching on to what the other kid was getting at. "It was Riku," he confirmed, nodding slightly and waiting for Sora's reaction.

The brunette smirked and pushed his hair back from his forehead, looking away as he considered everything. A moment later, he nodded at Roxas and sped away, a new purpose driving him. He had to find Riku.

His progress was stalled, however, when he ran into Xemnas. The kid was wandering the halls with a bemused look (probably high on paint thinner) and grabbed Sora by the shoulders when he saw him, staring down at his frantic face. "What's going on, Sora?" he asked slowly, raising one eyebrow. "You look like you're in a rush..."

"I need to find Riku," he started, pushing at Xem's hands. He got nowhere, however, and was, instead, dragged outside to the back of the school. Some of his friends hung out by the dumpsters back there during lunch, he knew, but he was sure Riku wasn't there.

"Xemnas, what're you doing?" he grunted, trying to push his friend away again. Xemnas didn't say anything and forced Sora to sit down. There were five or six people there, including Vexen, Demyx, Axel, and Saix. All of them were blazed out of their minds, still passing a joint, and were barely able to acknowledge Sora's presence let alone say anything. Xemnas ignored all of them and turned to Sora, pressing his hand to the other boy's. "Roxas told me everything," he began, waiting patiently as Sora rolled his eyes and let out an exasperated sigh. "Look, Sora, I think I know something you don't, but if I tell you, it'll probably just ruin it, so will you humor me for a second here?"

Sora clenched his jaw and agreed, knowing he really didn't have a choice. Xemnas smiled and told everyone to pipe down, instructing Sora to close his eyes. "What's going on?" Sora asked, remembering, suddenly, a time when Xemnas had asked him to close his eyes, only to then shove one of his sculptures into Sora's face and take a bunch of pictures while Saix and Riku held him down. Not one of his favorite memories. The silver-haired kid seemed a bit more genuine than usual, however, and waited with a patient smile, still holding Sora's hand in his.

Sora closed his eyes carefully, then, breathing in and out evenly as he prayed that he wasn't about to be humiliated. Xemnas then instructed him to breathe in deeply and focus on each inhalation carefully. "I want you to do that until you feel like you might fall asleep. This is important."

Sora knew that the best way to get out of his current situation was to play along dutifully, so he did as he was asked, finding that focusing on his breathing helped him ignore his stress, which was always good. And, eventually, he really did feel like he could fall asleep. Xemnas seemed to notice this, and began talking quietly again, his voice barely above a whisper. "Now, Sora," he said, slipping his hand away, "I want you to think about the night of Cloud's party. I want you to carefully map out each moment as it occurred without stopping what you're doing. I want you to try and remember everything."

Sora did this without much effort, his mind half-gone and his body totally relaxed. He didn't know that everyone else was staring at him, or that Xemnas was grinning and waiting. He also wasn't aware of what he began thinking about, really. All he saw were flashes of the night. He and Riku were walking and having a good conversation, and Riku was just... glowing. Then he and Riku were taking shots, playing King's Cup and sitting close together. Then he was... stumbling and Riku was supporting him and leading him upstairs. And he was drinking the King's Cup because Sora couldn't handle it. And Sora was on his back on the carpet... He almost gasped himself out of his trance, but forced the impulse away, making sure he didn't break his concentration. Then... it was his dream. Riku laying next to him. Riku's hand on his stomach, sliding to his hip. Riku... kissing him. Sora's eyes flew open, and he jolted, his mouth wide open as everything rushed back. "Oh my god..." he whispered, putting his head in his hands. "Oh... fuck shit fuck!" He jumped to his feet only to be dragged back down by Xemnas.

"Calm down Sora," Xemnas muttered, holding onto his shoulders. "Stay here for a moment-"

"No! I need to find Riku. I've made a huge mistake-"

"Look, he's not here anymore, okay? He went home after his meeting with the principal. I caught him as he was leaving and we talked for awhile, that's why I knew what happened."

Sora paused, then sighed heavily, rolling onto his side with a groan. Then, slowly, as he thought about everything again, he smiled, covering his face with his hands. 'He kissed me. Riku _kissed_ me. That must mean he likes me back.' Sora remembered, now, that Riku had kissed him more than a little, and blushed at the memory of his tongue in his mouth. 'It was nothing like all those times with my girlfriends. He like... dominated me.' Sora went into a fit of giggles at the thought and sat up, beaming at Xemnas. "How did you do that?" he asked, shaking his head. "How did you make me remember?"

Xemnas shrugged and leaned against the wall, watching Sora. "It's just simple mediation," he explained. "I do it after I black out at parties so I know if I've humiliated myself." Sora laughed and stood, patting his friend on the shoulder. "Thanks man," he muttered, walking away to find his usual group. They were all disbanding since it was the end of lunch, so he wandered up to Cloud and walked to class with him, laughing at a story the other boy was telling and feeling a lot lighter than he had in days.

Cloud stopped just outside the classroom they were about to go in and grinned at Sora, holding up a piece of plastic. "Remember how I told you Leon, Tidus, Wakka, and I were getting fake I.D.'s?" he said, waggling his eyebrows. Sora laughed and grabbed the thing from Cloud's hand, admiring the work. "And where's mine?" he teased, flicking it back to its owner. Cloud caught it and reached into his pocket, pulling out another.

"Actually, I took the liberty of getting one done. So here."

Sora turned to him and gasped, yanking it out of his friend's hand and looking around quickly. No one seemed to have noticed. "Cloud," he whispered, staring at it, "my mom would _slaughter_ me if she found this!"

"You'd better not let her find it, then," the other boy said, grinning. "Look, we're going to Vegas this weekend, and you're not allowed to not come, and it won't be any fun if you don't have one of those. You're not even 18."

"Yeah, and, like you guys always say, I look like a 12 year old! I can't pass for 21!"

Cloud sighed, raising an eyebrow at Sora. "Well it's your choice and all, but you have to at least come with us and drive us around if you won't use that."

Sora cringed at the thought, remembering the one time he'd tried to drive them somewhere while they were drunk. Their obnoxiousness had nearly caused him to crash more than once, and he'd refused to ever be DD again unless they paid him, so no one brought it up, usually. He knew, however, that he wanted to go with them to Vegas. He also knew that Cloud wasn't kidding about making him drive around, and sighed as he pocketed the piece of plastic, nodding to indicate his complicity.

"You're such a dick," he muttered, wandering over to his seat and contemplating how he would ask his mother for permission. He could usually get her to agree to things by playing the "I'm still 17 and I'm just there to look out for them" card, but he wasn't sure if that would work this time around. 'I'll figure it out later,' he thought, suddenly wondering about Riku. 'Hopefully we'll have made up by the time this weekend rolls around.' He blushed at the idea as he realized all of its implications.

And even though he was about to begin a lengthy, unpleasant process to bring down a pedophile, and even though his best friend wasn't talking to him and he felt like an ass, Sora was in a good mood.

* * *

**End Notes: **Wow, so, I wrote more than usual. Not sure why I felt the need to ramble on and on... anyways. The thing with Xemnas where he makes Sora regress, basically, actually works. And ever since I relived what happened while I was blackout drunk I've been pretty careful while partying. 0_0 Also, I really hate dealing with legal nonsense in stories, so I might kind of skim that. It's just a pain and it's not enjoyable to read and... sigh. I just don't like it. Hopefully that doesn't bother anyone. Heh.


	8. Chapter 8

**Pairings: **Sora and Riku, obviously. Hints at Tidus/Axel. Axel/Roxas. Xemnas/Saix. And many others. Prepare for a rain of unholy sexual tension and an unheard of concentration of gay boys.

**Warning: **Shameless smutiness and general boy/boy content. Drug use and underaged drinking, cursing, fighting, and a lot of high school shenanigans. An overabundant use of the "oh-so-desirable lead" stereotype, along with the use and abuse of many other cliches. Undoubtable pheromones, padded speedos, groping and molestation. Music that I'm in love with and don't own, high schoolers bashing Hemingway, sexy black teachers in low-cut tops. And probably more to be added.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any characters involved other than like... some teachers I'm loosely basing off of people I know. I mean! Wait! Any resemblance is purely coincidental! Yeah. Gotta cover my ass. ;) Really, I don't own anything. Nothing at all.

**Jessica would like you to note: **"Sam's Town" is a song by The Killers, but it's also a hotel I stayed at once. It was surprisingly nice for how super cheap it was. Anyways, I really like this chapter because it reminds me of when I lived in the Mojave Desert and all the stupid Vegas trips I took during that time. Plus, there's this soft spot in my heart for the Strip (from afar) so I like to reminisce about staring at its lights and imagining that it's a lot nicer than it actually is. Because it's not nice. It's gross and it smells like smoke and there are tons of drunk people walking around and porn on the streets. Plus, now Vegas is starting to have less interesting stuff for people who aren't there to gamble or hire a prostitute and… just don't get me started. I'm rambling. Sorry. ^-^

* * *

**Sam's Town**

Over the course of 3 days, Riku discovered that avoiding Sora was hard work. Not going to school helped, because then he could just hide in his room and pretend to be sick, blasting music every time Sora came by and pounded at his door. Turning off his phone helped, too, because then he didn't have to see the messages Sora kept leaving, or hear the ring when he called. But even with these things lessening the burden, Riku found that his heart was tugging at him, begging him to go and make up with his best friend, even if it led to some awkwardness. 'And maybe,' he thought, shooting a Nerf dart at a fly, 'since he's been dreaming about me, it means he likes me too, and we can get somewhere with that.' He shook his head at the notion, not sure if he was ready to face the possible disappointment attached. 'Well, in either case I need to stop being a dick. I think he's learned his lesson.'

Riku sighed and stood up, stretching and shivering as the air conditioning hit his bare torso. "Fuck," he muttered, tossing the plastic pistol he was holding aside and yanking his door open, glancing down the hall for signs of either of his siblings. Neither of them were around, so he stepped out gingerly and moved to the kitchen, glancing out the windows facing his front yard to make sure Sora wasn't there. He saw no sign of the brunette and sighed - both relieved and annoyed - opening the fridge to stare at the food for a few minutes. He didn't want anything (he already knew), and grew tired of the task after a moment, but just as he was letting go of the door and padding back to his room, the doorbell rang shrilly, making his shoulders hunch up and his heart rattle out a ferocious beat. 'Sora,' he thought, half-rushing, half-tip-toeing to the door, not sure that he was ready. He paused with his hand on the knob, squeezing his eyes shut and letting out a quick breath. 'Okay!' He flung the door open and waited, eyes still closed, breath held.

"Uhh… Riku?"

It wasn't Sora's voice. Riku relaxed entirely at the realization, opening his eyes to see a snickering Cloud glancing up at him. He sighed and crossed his arms over his chest, favoring the intruder with a pointed stare. "What?" he said simply, not sure if he was annoyed because it wasn't Sora, or because it was - of all people - Cloud at his door.

The blonde smirked and raised his hand, proffering a rectangular piece of plastic between two fingers. "We're going to Vegas this weekend," he said, offering no explanation for what he was holding. Riku raised an eyebrow, waiting for more. When it appeared that he wouldn't be getting anything else, he reached out and snatched the card from Cloud's hand, eyes widening when he saw what it was.

"How the hell-"

"Sora will be there," Cloud interrupted, giving Riku a wolfish grin. "He's been oh-so-stressed without you around. He hasn't stopped talking about 'needing to see you' and 'having things to tell you' for two fucking days. You could use this as a chance to reconcile and get some alone time. A hotel room would be the perfect place to-"

"I'm going," Riku cut in, effectively shutting Cloud up.

"We'll come get you tomorrow then." Cloud nodded and stepped back. "Make sure you beg some money off your parents." He started walking away then turned back briefly, yelling, "And turn your fucking phone on, man" before disappearing from sight.

Riku sighed and stepped back into his house fully, wondering what he'd just agreed to. Then he looked at the card Cloud had given him and shook his head, feeling ridiculous. 'I better hide this,' he thought, finding a place to stow it in his wallet where no one would find it if they weren't really looking. Then he rifled through a pile of clothes on his floor to find his phone and turn it on, his heart beating just a bit louder as he did. He knew there were bound to be tons of calls and messages from Sora, and he wasn't sure how well he could handle seeing them under the circumstances.

And, just as he'd thought, as soon as everything was loaded and he'd unlocked the device, he was barraged with alerts of missed calls and texts. He had thirteen texts from Sora, a record considering that he actually hated texting. There were twice as many calls and two voice mails, both of which Riku ignored, not wanting to risk doing something stupid before Vegas. 'If I listen to them now,' he reasoned, 'I'll just want to call him and tell him I love him and… I want to tell him in person. I want it to be special.' The sane part of Riku cringed at such romantic notions, spurning him and taunting his girly sensibilities. He decided not to care, because it only bothered him superficially in the end, and locked his phone, setting it on his desk with a sigh.

He called his mom after that, asking for permission to go to Vegas for the weekend. It was mostly a formality they clung onto, as his mother had foisted over any responsibility for him beyond sheltering, clothing, and feeding when he'd turned 18, but he still asked nicely and even begged a little. He could practically hear her smirk over the phone. "Do you want some money, Riku?" she asked, a pointed tone to her voice. He snickered and said yes, and she assured him that she'd transfer some to his account. After that they hung up without his mother ever explicitly saying that he could go; they both knew the answer anyways. Then Riku decided to raid his brother's alcohol stash and shove some things into a random bag before showering and lazing about. He flopped into his bed with no ambition after everything was done, wondering what to do.

He wasn't ready to fall asleep yet - it was only like 8 p.m. - but he had nothing else going on. He sighed and laid on his bed for an hour, staring up at the ceiling and thinking about Sora. 'If we talk tomorrow, what happens? Will he confess that he has feelings for me? Will he say it was all just a misunderstanding? What do I do in either situation? I can't just have sex with him right after…' Riku paused, forcing the lingering implications of that last thought away, rolling onto his side. 'I can't think about that. I can't even consider that. I can't do that to him when he's never dated a guy before or even had feelings for a guy before… as far as I know.' Riku's mind filled with all sorts of disparaging images after that. He pictured Sora dating Tidus, and then fucking Roxas. 'They've always had a creepy relationship!' Riku fumed, getting worked up over nothing. 'What if Roxas has been taking advantage of Sora this whole time or something? That kid has issues, I bet he'd do it.' He grunted and rolled onto his other side, forcing himself not to think about those things anymore. 'It's not fair to Sora to assume that he'd let anything like that happen. I doubt he's even considered this kind of thing before. Hell, he might not even like me. I might be overestimating everything.' But as he drifted off to sleep, still tossing and turning and grumbling, he sincerely hoped he wasn't. And his dreams agreed with him.

He kept having dreams that were basically memories replaying in his mind. One was of their fight in the locker room. Another was watching Sora masturbate from his window. And a few of them were moments from their childhood. He woke up with all of these memories clamoring for attention in his brain, a headache spiking through his skull. He grabbed the side of his head and stumbled into the kitchen, noticing that it was barely 9 a.m. 'Well I did go to sleep ridiculously early.' He rolled his eyes at how much of a loser he was as he swallowed four pain pills, wandering back to his room a moment later to sit on his floor and look at his texts. He felt reasonably certain that most of them were fairly safe to read, though he still wasn't ready to listen to the voicemails.

He scrolled up to the last time he'd responded to Sora and read all the received messages below, cringing as he went.

'Riku, please talk to me.'

'I have stuff to say, open your door.'

'Riku I know you're in there.'

'I know I deserve this but… please?'

He stopped after that one, closing his eyes and feeling like a dick. 'This was just… petty revenge.' He sighed and scrolled past the rest quickly, ignoring them. He typed out a message in response and sent it before he had time to think, not sure what he was doing. He reread his own words after it was too late, pressing his lips together.

'I'm sorry, Sora. I shouldn't have ignored you all this time. I'm coming to Vegas so… we can talk there. Apparently we're sharing a room.'

There was a lull before Sora responded, the vibration of his phone startling Riku a bit. He skimmed Sora's reply with a smile, typing something vague back and dropping his phone on his bed, knowing there wouldn't be another reply (Sora really, sincerely hated texting).

He sighed as he thought over Sora's words:

'That's okay. I guess I kind of asked for it with the way I was acting before. And, yeah, I'd really like to talk to you once we're in Vegas. I need to tell you a few things.'

That seemed pretty promising, at least.

Cloud came to pick him up about an hour later, dragging Riku to his SUV with a grin. "Sora's in there," he explained. So were Tidus and Wakka, apparently, the both of them sitting in the back asleep, smelling like booze and looking like shit. Riku half-grimaced half-smiled at this, noting that Sora was in the seat next to his. He paused and looked up to the front where Leon was sitting and whispering to Cloud, then turned and favored his friend with a weak smile, not sure what else to do.

Sora, after a pause, smiled back genuinely, lowering his eyes. "Hi, Riku," he murmured, and that was enough to send Riku's heart over the edge. He was already overwhelmingly impatient. 'How the fuck am I going to survive this car ride?' he thought, slamming the door as he got in and crossing his arms, trying not to stare at Sora. It had been two days since he'd seen his best friend's face, which was probably the longest time he'd gone since they were kids and Riku got impetigo. And, even then, Sora had snuck over and sat in his window to talk to him since no one else would. Riku smiled at the memory, realizing that it had been one of his dreams the previous night. He almost said something about it to Sora, but decided that he'd wait until no one else was around. He didn't want Leon or Cloud ruining his moment.

Over the next hour, there was relative silence in the car, which didn't seem to bother anyone. It certainly didn't bother Riku, who was too preoccupied with distracting himself from Sora to care about anything else. It wasn't until they'd reached Modesto and merged onto the I-5 that anything happened. That was about when Tidus and Wakka woke up, and they were noisy as hell, complaining about how tired they were, how much their headaches sucked, yadda yadda. Riku ignored both of them and Sora seemed out of it, so Cloud and Leon carried on a conversation with the other two from the front of the car, filling the whole space with raucous laughter and gratuitous cursing.

After another 20 minutes, Sora joined in, bubbly and amusing as usual, a smile permanently plastered on his face even when the others made fun of him. Riku couldn't help but admire his friend, then, which kept him from the task of not noticing Sora. He groaned internally at this, knowing that it was going to be much harder to wait if he kept it up, but he couldn't really bother with such details when Sora was smiling so freely and looking so utterly…

Riku eventually began to contribute to the conversation, which led to a lot of fighting between he and Tidus, though it was superficial. He was pretending for the sake of everyone else.

It wasn't until they'd reached Bakersfield that everyone insisted that they stop and switch around. They were all bitching about food, too, so Cloud finally pulled over to gas up his car and scarf down something disgusting from a fast food place, switching with Sora who had agreed ahead of time, apparently, to drive part of the way. Leon switched too, giving Riku an expectant look as he did.

"Where's my thank you?" he grinned, shoving Riku playfully. He grinned back and slammed Leon into the car door, dodging a hit aimed at his head and jumping into the front seat. He nearly closed the door on Leon's fingers when he shut it, which elicited some amusement from everyone as the brunette grimaced and muttered to himself.

Riku and Sora sat in comfortable silence in the front once they got back on the road, ignoring the rowdy conversation going on in the back. They seemed to be ignoring each other, as well, but they were both painfully aware of the person next to them, and, consequently, had no idea what to say.

Finally, Riku cleared his throat and turned slightly, preparing to say something to Sora. He made sure no one else was listening before he went on, glancing back surreptitiously and then leaning towards his friend a bit.

"So… we're gonna talk later, right?" he murmured, watching the way Sora's eyes flickered as he spoke. The brunette nodded vigorously, glancing at Riku with a nervous smile.

"Yeah, totally," he whispered back, smile still on his lips. Riku returned it and brushed a hand across Sora's shoulder, breath a little shaky when he noted how red Sora's cheeks were. Then Leon barked his name and he whipped around a bit too quickly, causing a chorus of snickers to erupt behind him. He scowled at everyone as he realized they'd been watching the whole time, intruding on his time with Sora.

"Riku, you're not being any fun today," Cloud whined, eyes glimmering with mirth. "And I'm going to be stuck driving again soon so you'd better entertain me until then."

Riku sighed but smirked with it, narrowing his eyes. He unbuckled his seatbelt and, before the others could do anything about it, launched himself at Cloud, slamming his head into the seat. Cloud laughed and fought back, already unrestrained and being joined by Leon, who punched Riku in his stomach. Wakka took Riku's side just to even things out, and, five minutes later, they all ended up completely worn out in a giant heap between the front and middle seats, barely enough breath between them for quiet laughter. Tidus was done goading them all on and had dissolved into a fit of giggles, clutching his stomach and proclaiming over and over how fucking ridiculous they looked.

The others all reassumed their seats with tired grins, receiving several scowls from Sora in the process. "You guys are idiots," he muttered, but he was smiling too, and couldn't help letting out a repressed chuckle. Riku settled down after that and allowed himself to zone out once more, staring ahead at the road determinedly. He had to keep himself distracted from Sora for just a bit longer.

After a few hours, Sora pulled over and switched with Cloud again as Leon switched with Riku. They were only about two hours from Vegas and all of them were restless. Tidus and Wakka were having an quiet, intense discussion about something or other, grinning like fools, and Leon and Cloud were almost to the point of revealing their relationship (that everyone already knew about) with their little touches and whispers and smiles. Sora and Riku found themselves smack in the middle of these two pairs for the remaining duration of their drive, and neither was very pleased about it.

Riku kept his eyes trained on the desert stretched around them, counting scraggly plants in his head even though the task was impossible. Sora just shifted around uncomfortably, yawning occasionally and slumping lower and lower in his seat.

Eventually, they reached a turn-off that led to an area surrounding the Strip, the streets of which Cloud claimed were a bit quieter and easier to navigate. None of them argued, not really caring either way as long as they would be out of the car soon.

As they drove along the outskirts, Sora stared out the window with a small smile, content in the knowledge that he was finally going to be able to talk to Riku. Riku watched him with a smile of his own, wishing they were alone already. It was excruciating being made to wait.

"Dude, did you see that Indian guy!" Sora called, leaning over to poke Cloud on the shoulder.

The blonde furrowed his brow and looked at Sora in the rearview. "Which kind of Indian?"

"Wh- Dot, I guess. But what does that matter? Did you see him, or not?"

"That is super racist, Sora, and no. What the fuck are you even talking about."

"He had the biggest fucking grin on his face while he was riding his bicycle. Go back, I want to record him."

"No! I'm not turning around right now," Cloud said, rolling his eyes.

"C'moooonnn!" Sora whined. "Follow him!"

"Fuck that, you're on crack! I'm not following that guy just because he's happy."

Everyone in the car laughed, including Cloud as he realized just how ridiculous the statement sounded. Sora just shrugged and resumed staring out the window, his smile a little wider. 'I need to get him alone,' Riku thought, a million things tumbling through his brain at once. He stared at the curve of Sora's neck and remembered that he'd once had it in reach but hadn't done anything about it. He started getting ideas quickly and was forced to grind his imagination to a halt before he went overboard. He swallowed as he calmed down. 'I need to get him alone now.'

Luckily, they'd gotten to the strip and would reach their hotel soon. Riku was practically bouncing in his seat, sick of being in a car with five other guys and waiting for Sora to be in his arms. It was the biggest tease. It was killing him.

Finally, as Cloud pulled in in front of their hotel and several of them got out, Riku had a chance to stretch his legs. He stood by the car and did so, nearly sighing in relief as his muscles unwound some. 'I'm never going on a car trip again.' Then he glanced at Sora, saw his lazy smile and half-lidded eyes, and he thought that it was all worth it… _would_ _be_ all worth it if he could just-

"Hey!" Cloud held up key-cards as he passed Riku, grinning. Riku snatched one without saying a word and grabbed his stuff out of the car, beckoning Sora.

"You look tired," he said, using that as his excuse. Everyone knew why Riku was really in such a hurry, but no one said a word, and Tidus just groaned. Sora followed regardless, genuinely feeling worn out and believing - in his addled state - that Riku was just looking out for him.

Cloud drove away to park while Riku ushered Sora towards the hotel. It was big, but Riku had been there before, and he knew where to go to get to their room, which was good because his patience had thinned considerably.

They rode up in the elevator in silence, the tension mounting with each floor they passed. Riku didn't even look at Sora - he was too nervous - but he knew Sora was looking at him, giving lazy smiles and surreptitious glances. It was unnerving.

When they finally got to their floor, Riku stormed to their room with purpose, slipping the key-card into the door and throwing it open, practically shoving Sora inside. The other boy, still lacking focus, wandered over to a bed and threw his stuff there, sighing and stretching his neck.

Riku, knowing now that they were 100% alone, that he had Sora all to himself, that they could talk and say anything and anything could happen, kicked off his shoes and immediately embraced Sora, closing his eyes and breathing in the scent of the other boy. It had been so long since they'd seen each other. They had so much to say. There were so many possibilities...

"Sora," Riku breathed, squeezing him tighter. "Can we talk now?" His voice wavered slightly, which surprised even him, but he didn't let go of his friend even then, simply drew away to look him in the eye. Sora nodded and clutched onto Riku's arms, swallowing against the lump in his throat. They were staring at each other from a fairly close distance, really, and it was distracting to Sora who really was incredibly sleepy.

"Riku, I-" he choked out, his gaze falling. The words were hard to find in this situation, and Sora didn't want to screw anything up. He'd done enough of that already. He began again with new assurance, trusting that Riku would forgive him anything. "I avoided you, and I'm sorry." He paused and sighed, trembling slightly as he prepared to tell him the next part.

"Why did you avoid me?" Riku murmured, brushing some hair away from Sora's face. He was so beautiful, and it was hard for Riku to breathe with him so close, but he really wanted an answer, and he would wait patiently for his turn for as long as necessary if he could just have it. The smaller boy smiled warily and looked away, cheeks burning as he remembered…

"I was… having dreams about you," he said quietly. "Dreams where you were acting like more than a friend." He coughed and squeezed his eyes shut, shaking from head to toe even as Riku tried to steady him. Sora didn't know, couldn't have known, just how hard Riku's heart was beating, and how much he wanted to cry with just that little bit of knowledge Sora had shared. "I was confused," Sora continued, pulling Riku's attention back to him, "and nervous, and I felt like you'd hate me if you knew, so I… freaked out. And then when I was at your house that night, and I thought you hugging me was a dream, I worried that it was just going to get worse if I stayed by your side. Even after we talked in the locker room and you didn't seem to mind, I was too scared of losing you to-"

Riku crushed Sora in another hug, closing his eyes and breathing deliberately to keep himself calm. 'Does he know what he's saying right now?' Riku thought, smiling despite himself. He almost laughed, but didn't want to freak Sora out so he held it in, inhaling Sora's scent again. 'God! I fucking missed him so much.'

"Sora," he murmured, kissing his friend on the shoulder. "I wish you'd told me sooner. You don't know how long I've wanted something like this to happen. You don't understand what you mean to me… What you've meant to me for so long."

"You kissed me that night at Cloud's house," Sora interrupted, arms tightening around Riku reflexively, "didn't you?"

Riku's breath rushed out unsteadily and he nodded, pulling back slightly to look at Sora again. His cheeks were flushed, and his lips were shining as though he'd just licked them. Riku gulped and grabbed Sora's face, smiling as the boy trembled. "I like you," Riku murmured, bumping his nose against Sora's, waiting.

Sora nodded and laughed breathily, closing his eyes and nuzzling Riku who hummed appreciatively. "I like you too," he whispered, nearly choking on a sob. Riku stared and swallowed and tried not to start shaking uncontrollably, because it felt like his heart was about to melt and sear a hole into his chest, but that would have been just fine, because Sora… Sora liked him too. Sora wanted him too. Sora was crying with a smile on his face because of him.

Riku probably could have cried himself, but he suppressed it immediately by kissing Sora, hard, seeking out the other boy's lips like his life depended on it.

Sora gasped and clung onto Riku's shoulders, kissing back with embarrassing sloppiness. Riku couldn't have cared less how wet their kiss was, however, because he was in heaven. He'd never been happier in his life.

As they sunk deeper into it, his hands traveling up Sora's back and rubbing there restlessly, Riku felt like he might literally melt from happiness. His cheeks were burning, he knew, and normally, he'd have been embarrassed. But with Sora, it didn't matter. All that mattered was the tingling sensation shooting through his spine, the warm body pressed up against his, and the soft sigh Sora let out through his nose as Riku petted his lower back and pressed his tongue against his lips.

Sora opened his mouth to allow Riku's tongue to enter, and Riku savored the way the smaller boy gasped as their mouths moved together, and shivered a little when Sora bit his lip as he drew away. "Riku…" he whispered, hands running over Riku's chest before circling his neck again.

"What?" Riku murmured back, breathing heavily through his nose and squeezing the shivering body pressed to his closer. He leaned down and pressed an experimental kiss to Sora's jawline, dragging the tip of his nose down the side of his neck and pressing another kiss to Sora's throat, which earned him a sharp inhale. Riku smirked. Then he pressed another kiss a little further down, close to Sora's collarbone. He didn't get much of a reaction, but patiently moved on, slowly pressing kiss after kiss across Sora's neck, looking for the perfect spot- Jackpot. Just where his shoulder met his neck and a little lower, right above his collarbone, that was the spot. When Riku kissed there, Sora stiffened and gasped, a little whimper escaping him. Encouraged, Riku flickered his tongue against that spot, then sucked at it, stopping just before it would leave a mark. The whole time, Sora writhed and clung onto him tighter, gasps turning to breathy moans right in his ear. 'Nice,' he thought, biting him there just to feel him shiver.

"Riku," Sora whined, this time with much more purpose. He moved back to eye-level, smirk still in place, moving in closer.

"What?" he whispered, mouth hovering near Sora's. Sora groaned and yanked him forward, much to his surprise, pressing in.

"Don't stop," he gasped, words muffled against Riku's mouth.

'Oh holy shit,' Riku thought, tugging Sora's hips forward with both hands. 'Thank the fucking universe.'

Then, without further ado, he shoved Sora down on his bed, crawling over the smaller boy with a little smile. In all honesty, he was really nervous, but Sora had no idea, he was sure. The boy just kept panting slightly and looking away, his face flushed.

Riku took advantage of Sora's open mouth and slid his tongue between kiss-bruised lips, panting slightly when Sora pulled him closer and - oh fuck - _sucked_ on his tongue. "Ung, Sora," he groaned, his pants tightening. He felt Sora smirk against his lips, but didn't mind. It just spurred him on.

He yanked Sora's legs around him without breaking their kiss, using their new closeness to lean down and trail wet, open-mouthed kisses down the other boy's neck, shivers running through both of them simultaneously. He unwittingly pushed his hips down and rubbed his crotch against Sora's, choking on a gasp as he did and nearly fainting at the loud moan Sora let out. 'Fuck. Yes.' he thought, rubbing again. And Sora rubbed back this time, arching up in the most delicious way, his erection pressing against Riku's sending sparking pleasure through both bodies. Then they looked at each other for just a second, mouths open and barely separated, breathing heavily with slitted eyes, and neither was sure who moved but once they had, Sora's shirt was off and Riku's was in the process of being removed, and they were bare-chested and pressed together again, thrusting against each other uninhibitedly, moaning into each other's mouths.

"Riku," Sora choked, sucking on his lip. "Fuck."

Riku made a low noise in response, yanking Sora's hips closer, pressing harder. Then they moved again, and Riku was pulling Sora's pants down, unbuttoning his own at the same time and dragging down the zipper. But Sora took that job over quickly, shoving Riku back so he could help. Riku was so surprised, he didn't even stop Sora from removing his boxers. He couldn't help it, though, when Sora started dragging away his own. He had to get a hand in on that. He pulled Sora towards him and kissed him, slipping his hands underneath what little cloth remained on his body, fingers trailing over soft the soft curve of his ass. Sora got impatient through this and yanked them the rest of the way off without any help, surprising Riku once again as he pushed the bigger boy back and straddled him.

"Sora…" Riku breathed, clutching at the brunette's hips, eyes roaming all over. It was almost completely dark by then, and the lights from the Strip just barely streamed through a crack in the curtains, illuminating Sora's body in an enticing sliver. The way those lights flashed and danced over his tanned skin made Riku's mind a bit fuzzy, and he was barely able to form any coherent thoughts as Sora used one hand to press their cocks together and rolled his hips, leaving Riku to thrash and squirm underneath, hands tightening on the other boy's hips. 'Holy shit… Holyshitholyshit.' Riku let out a stuttering groan, trying to raise his head to look at Sora better. But he slammed back down on the mattress a moment later when Sora thrust up again and - Jesus Fucking Christ - _moaned _his name. And then yelled it. "Riku! Ah!"

"Sora!" Riku gasped, hips jerking up, little panting breaths building up in his throat. "What the fuck are you- shit!" Sora thrust again and grinned, pressing his free hand against Riku's ribs and leaning forward, his hair falling into his face a little. He used his new leverage to rub again, then slid his hand onto the mattress next to Riku. "This is how it happened in my dream," Sora panted, laughing a little and pausing.

Riku licked his lips and breathed heavily through his nose, moving his hips in a little circle that put Sora off-balance and forced him to topple forward, body pressed close to his. "How did you even come up with that?" Riku laughed, teasing, and rolled them, repositioning and grinding together with a bit more efficiency. And if it had been sexy to watch Sora thrusting against him from above, it was ten times sexier watching him struggle to control himself below. His body arched and his head fell back, and Riku almost came just from looking at him, hearing him… Holy fuck. Riku thrust a bit faster, imagining things were different. Imagining that he was pushing further, pushing _inside_ of Sora and driving him over the edge. But then all he could see was the Sora in front of him spreading his legs wider, and the Sora in front of him looking into his eyes and moaning, licking his lips. And the Sora in front of him jerking his hips so fucking hard- Then he couldn't see anything, because his vision was going white, and Sora was moaning and using his hand to press their cocks together more as they came, and his body was struggling to support itself because he was utterly dizzy with orgasm. He gave in and flopped down on top of Sora, nestling his head in the crook of the other boy's neck. And immediately after, a hand moved into his hair and began stroking with lazy drags, eventually pausing to rest against the back of his neck where it rubbed soothingly.

Riku hummed in his throat appreciatively, nuzzling closer to Sora and slowly kissing his neck. A pile of thoughts toppled over in his brain, scattering all the words he might have had in this situation, leaving him to laugh and shake his head.

"What's so funny?" Sora murmured, breath close by Riku's ear. Riku shuddered, then licked his lips, laughing again.

"I've watched you masturbate before," he admitted, laughing harder at his horrible timing and the ridiculousness of the whole situation. Sora, rather than getting angry like Riku expected, began laughing quietly through his nose, eventually erupting into full-blown chuckles.

"You're a real smooth-talker, Riku," he laughed, ruffling Riku's hair. "And how and when exactly did this even happen?"

Riku shrugged, still grinning, and rolled off of Sora to give him some air, staying reasonably close so that he could hug the brunette and nuzzle his skin.

"It wasn't very long ago actually," he murmured. "Last Friday, in the morning… anyways, I expect a private show one of these days."

Sora punched him in the arm, extricating his body from Riku's with a grin. "You're lucky I even put up with your shit," he said with a sigh, finding his boxers and walking away, closing himself in the bathroom without any regard for Riku who was left to wonder what the hell just happened. He rolled onto his back and laughed, pushing his hair out of his face as he stared at the ceiling. 'I told him I like him… but not that I love him, yet. I told him, and we just…' He looked down at himself, noting that he'd ended up with less on him than Sora, which made him feel both relieved and guilty at the same time. Still, he wanted to clean up, so he waited a minute for Sora to come out, then attacked the other boy, pushing him back into the dark bathroom. He flicked on the light and grinned at Sora, closing the door with his foot.

"You need more than just a slight scrub-down," Riku said deviously, poking Sora in the stomach. "We should take a shower."

Sora rolled his eyes and elbowed his way past Riku to the door, glancing back at him with a half-smirk and red cheeks. "I think I'll wait," he said, slipping into the main room and leaving his companion to shrug and clean himself off somewhat. When he came back out, Sora was sitting on his bed with his knees pulled up to his chest, staring at a single spot on the comforter in front of him.

"Sora," Riku said cautiously, approaching the other boy, "are you okay?"

Sora looked up at him with a smile, turning bright red immediately after and looking away. "I'm fine I just…" He paused, his complexion darkening further. "Um… Well- I don't know how to act, now… is all."

Riku smiled and cast his gaze aside, feeling slightly embarrassed himself. He had the advantage, however, of his imagination, which had been feeding him ideas about he and Sora together since they'd reached puberty. Before that, even, since he'd been convinced, when he was six, that he was going to marry Sora so that they'd be together forever (a dream which was later crushed when Sora kissed Kairi on the cheek). Now that they really were together, Riku thought perhaps things would be awkward for awhile, but they would get through it. In that spirit, he sat down next to Sora and sighed, not looking at his now… boyfriend? He didn't want to think about the terminology yet, so he picked a different topic in his mind, hoping not to scare Sora off.

"So… we still need to talk about stuff, I think," Riku murmured. "I mean, we sort of rushed right into… well, we didn't talk much before."

He could see that Sora was nodding in his peripheral vision, so he leaned back and sighed, closing his eyes. "Well, is there anything in particular you want to tell me? Or anything you want to know?"

There was silence for a moment, then Sora cleared his throat and asked a single, quiet question. "I guess I just want to know… what do we do now?"

Riku paused, opened his eyes, then chuckled, ruffling Sora's hair. "Well I'm your girlfriend now," he teased, poking Sora in the side. "Just treat me how you always treat them."

Sora shook his head, grinning. "I don't think you'd like that."

"What's not to like?"

Sora raised an eyebrow. "Well, honestly I'm a really terrible boyfriend. Why do you think I always get dumped?"

Riku laughed and leaned in, reaching to grab Sora's face. "You should just act like you always do," he said quietly, still smiling. "You don't have to try and be anything other than what you are."

Sora blushed, a slow smile spreading on his lips as he nodded, closing his eyes. "So… if I want to kiss you, I just kiss you?"

Riku nodded, allowing Sora to seek out his lips with a calm smile. Then he kissed him back, earning a little gasp from Sora. After a few seconds, they parted and looked at each other, each a little embarrassed but wholly pleased.

"Well… I guess that's easy enough," Sora murmured, clinging onto Riku and closing his eyes. Riku nodded, sliding his arms around his partner, and feeling, for the first time in his life, like he was truly happy.

* * *

**End Notes:** J.F. Christ this chapter was hard to write. -_- I don't know why but I had to skip all over the place to get it together. It took me a lot longer than it should have because of this, and I apologize. But oh my fucking gawd it was such a process. I ended up watching Clueless three times and downloading 28 songs to distract myself from my writer's block. Anywho, I finally got to the sexy times, which is all I ever wanted, really. It was the only part of this chapter that was easy to write. Hope you all enjoyed


	9. Chapter 9

**Pairings: **Sora and Riku, obviously. Hints at Tidus/Axel. Axel/Roxas. Xemnas/Saix. And many others. Prepare for a rain of unholy sexual tension and an unheard of concentration of gay boys.

**Warning: **Shameless smutiness and general boy/boy content. Drug use and underaged drinking, cursing, fighting, and a lot of high school shenanigans. An overabundant use of the "oh-so-desirable lead" stereotype, along with the use and abuse of many other cliches. Undoubtable pheromones, padded speedos, groping and molestation. Music that I'm in love with and don't own, high schoolers bashing Hemingway, sexy black teachers in low-cut tops. And probably more to be added.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any characters involved other than like... some teachers I'm loosely basing off of people I know. I mean! Wait! Any resemblance is purely coincidental! Yeah. Gotta cover my ass. ;) Really, I don't own anything. Nothing at all.

**Jessica would like you to note: **Ugh. Sorry about the slow updates. I'm on forced vacation and I have hardly any time to myself. Anyways, "Scar Tissue" should be fairly obvious. Red Hot Chili Peppers.

* * *

**Scar Tissue**

It wasn't perfect.

Riku woke up with a particularly painful headache and a muscle cramp, and his eyes were watering incessantly. There was sweat clinging to him, clinging to the sheets (which were also clinging to him). But beyond that… there was _Sora_. And _Sora _was clinging to him as well, arms cast lazily about Riku's waist and hair going everywhere.

So, it wasn't perfect, but to Riku, who hadn't wanted, pined for, _needed_ anything the way he did Sora, it felt as though it was. He could wake up bleary-eyed with a migraine every day for the rest of his life if it meant Sora would be there. With this in mind, he reached over and ran his fingers through the sleeping boy's hair, reveling in its softness, and the sweat that sat in it which was _his_ doing. 'This is… mine now?' Riku thought, mouth parting in shock. He still wasn't registering everything at a normal rate. Not since their little escapade the night before.

Still, it felt real enough to touch his heart. To pull at its fibers and nearly dissolve him completely, leaving nothing but a sobbing, manically smiling mess. Instead of succumbing to these emotions, however, Riku slipped down lower next to Sora and took advantage of the situation, curling himself as close as possible and staring at his boyfriend's face.

'Boyfriend… he's my boyfriend. He's… with me, finally.' Riku covered his face with one hand, closing his eyes and laughing a quiet, husky laugh deep in his chest. 'After all this time,' Riku thought, tears streaming, now, seeping under his palm and wetting all the skin in between, causing a distinctly uncomfortable sensation. When he pulled his hand away with a grimace, intent on wiping off all the traces of his emotional outburst, Sora was there, looking up at him, a little, sleepy cat-grin curving his lips. 'Beautiful...'

"Are you _crying_?" he teased quietly, dragging his body up some and grinning, resting his elbows on Riku's chest. Riku laughed and shook his head, scrubbing tears away with the pad of one thumb.

"Maybe I was crying but… it's your fault, you know." Riku mock-pouted, crossing his arms and looking away. "You've made me too happy."

Sora rolled his eyes and made a noise. "That was disgusting, Riku," he laughed. "I guess I make you a fucking _sap_, too."

Riku shrugged, and watched Sora yawn and stretch, his blood suddenly pounding at the new intimacy of everything. Sora was in his boxers right on top of him. Sora was stretching so casually and ruffling his hair into place. Sora was giving him sleepy eyes and lazy smiles, his warm skin so close and soft and his blue eyes boring right into Riku's soul.

Riku was so far absorbed in such thoughts that he had no control when his hand reached out and trailed over Sora's cheek. And he wasn't entirely sure what was happening as he leaned in and engulfed Sora's lips with his own, his body completely taking control when the other boy squirmed. He paused for a second when he registered what was happening, nearly stopping. Instead, he shrugged and pushed his tongue into Sora's mouth, pulling him closer and sighing when he responded. A moment later, Sora gasped for air and pulled away, glancing off to the side with a small smile and a smattering of red across his cheeks.

"I'm still not entirely used to this," Sora admitted, letting out a breathy laugh.

Riku nodded and bit his lip, trying not to feel disappointed. 'Take it slow,' he reminded himself, realizing a moment later that it was a bit late for that. He rolled his eyes.

"We'd better let the guys know we're still… alive, or something," Riku said, standing and sighing. He was aware of Sora surreptitiously staring at him, and withheld a smile at the revelation, turning to his boyfriend instead and ruffling his hair. "You can shower first if you want," he murmured, tugging his jeans back on and shrugging into his shirt from the day before. He turned and nodded at Sora before grabbing a key card and slipping out of the room, jitters suddenly making a tingling path through his stomach. He leaned against the door to their room for a moment before completely leaving, staring - in shock - at the room across from the one he was staying in. "Holy shit," he said to himself, grinning and shoving off from the door, practically running to Cloud and Leon's room.

Back in the room he'd just left, however, Sora was sitting on the bed feeling cold and unsettled, cradling his elbows in the palms of his hands. 'It feels so lonely without Riku here,' he thought with a sad smile, hoisting himself out of the bed. Sora was a little bit confused about the way Riku had left, but he couldn't fault the other boy for it, either. After all, Riku, he reasoned, had to be feeling just as mixed up and nervous as he was; he was just better at hiding it.

With a sigh, Sora quickly made his way to the bathroom to shower and dress and go through the motions, his mind plagued by a whole different rash of worries and fears from before. 'What if Riku sees this as a one time thing?' he thought, shaking his head to dismiss such nonsense immediately. 'No. He likes me. He said he's liked me for awhile. He kissed me at Cloud's house, he didn't make a move on me when he had the chance when I slept over, and he's always been nothing but respectful.' Sora nodded at his internal dialogue, ruffling a hand through his wet hair (his version of styling) and brushing his teeth quickly, flicking off the light immediately after and reentering the main room.

He tried, as he went, not to think about some of the stranger things about his relationship. But the things he was trying hardest to avoid inevitably made their way to the surface, and when they did, he couldn't suppress the burning in his cheeks, nor the gut-twisting embarrassment that caused it.

'Last night…' he thought, breath rushing as he remembered… then he cringed. 'I… I just got on top of him like it was nothing!' Sora was half confused, and half amazed at the realization, his hands shaking with excitement and fear at the same time. 'I've spent so much time fantasizing… it's only normal that I'd react in that kind of situation. I can't imagine Riku was displeased.' Then his gut twisted with a different sensation as he remembered Riku's face, mouth parted, Sora's name being gasped out by that mouth, eyelids flickering in ecstacy- 'Oh god.' Sora forced himself to think about something else immediately, substituting any disgusting thing he could summon for what had previously been running through his brain; he refused to allow Riku to find him _aroused_, even if he was his boyfriend. Sora's thoughts halted altogether after that, a whole new concept taking form.

'I'm Riku's boyfriend…' he thought. And a slow smile spread across his face as he thought it again, everything solidifying with just that word. 'I'm his boyfriend, and everything was fine, in the end. I've been worrying for nothing.' Then he remembered what Riku had said the night before and lost his train of thought again, laughing as his cheeks burned. 'I can't believe he saw me that time…' Then he laughed again. 'He saw me when it all started… that must be… ironic, or something.'

Just as Sora was moving to turn over, a smile still firmly in place on his face and his brain running at a million miles an hour, a pair of hands wrapped around his waist, making him jump.

"Ugh! Riku!" he laughed, rolling over. He pushed at his… boyfriend's face, wriggling his knees a little. "Don't sneak up on me…" His voice trailed off near the end as his stomach filled with butterflies, the sight of Riku smiling down at him nearly stopping his breath entirely. He'd unwittingly been trailing his fingers through the silver hair framing Riku's face, and was surprised to find his hand tangled in it a moment later when he came to his senses. He almost pulled away quickly in embarrassment, but swallowed the impulse when he saw the smile Riku was giving him, knowing that his subconscious response was the main reason for it. He smiled back with a contented exhale, and just sunk right into it when Riku leaned in to kiss him. Nothing mattered anymore. Everything was perfect.

Or… it would have been perfect, except that there was snickering arising from a space not too far from the two entangled boys, and both turned simultaneously to see what the source of it was, confusion written across their features.

"Fuck! Cloud!" Riku yelled, grabbing a pillow and throwing it at the blonde. "How the hell did you get in here?"

Cloud just laughed harder, falling back on the other bed and kicking his feet. "You guys are so fucking adorable," he wheezed, laughing a bit more. "I can't believe it took you this long."

Sora, having just caught up to reality in full, groaned and pushed Riku off, rolling to hide his face. Leon had just joined the bunch and was smirking at both Cloud and Riku, waiting for the inevitable fight… which took place not a second later as Riku pounced on Cloud and began pummeling him half-heartedly, his scowl slowly morphing into a grin. In the end, they both got up unharmed, Leon got a good laugh, and Sora suffered only minor embarrassment. Tidus, who was standing off in the shadows creepily, found it less than amusing as evidenced by his grumpy frown, which earned him a not-so-nonchalant elbow from Wakka. They seemed to be whispering something where they stood, but neither Riku, nor Sora could hear their conversation, and moved on. Riku needed to take a shower, which Leon and Cloud both decided to joke about incessantly before leaving. Tidus and Wakka had mysteriously disappeared on their own, so after the other boys left, Riku slipped into the bathroom and went about cleaning himself up.

Leon and Cloud came back ten minutes after.

"Tidus and Wakka are nowhere to be found," Leon informed them, his face slightly blank, though Cloud was smiling obliquely.

Riku's face seemed to melt into a frown as he took this in, the obvious reason becoming apparent to all of them immediately.

"Let's just leave him for now," Riku muttered, shaking his head and reaching out to snake an arm around Sora, thinking better of it at the last second and dropping it back to his side. Sora was both embarrassed and hesitant, but there was nothing he could do, so he let it go.

"What're we doing?" he asked, trying to lighten the mood. It worked well enough for Cloud and Leon who started babbling about all the shenanigans they were planning to get up to, which were apparently to commence immediately, as both Riku and Sora were dragged out of their room by the other two boys.

Five hours later, after a fight with a homeless person, running away from the police at least twice, and a mildly uncomfortable discussion with a hooker, Riku, Sora, Cloud, and Leon were all worn out and full of mirth, and had thus forgotten all about Tidus and Wakka.

As they reentered the hotel, Riku's mind kicked into gear and his mood dropped considerably, his mind whirring with possibilities. 'Tidus left like it was nothing,' he thought, frowning. 'I can't imagine he's thinking anything good. He's probably been seething about my relationship with Sora all day and is planning something stupid…' With this in mind, he headed up the elevator with Sora firmly under his arm, drawing out a mild blush from his boyfriend, which - though cute - was not his intention.

After some debating between Cloud and Leon, it was decided that they'd head out again after a few hours and begin what they called "the real party", that consisting of buckets of alcohol and meeting random people to recruit as attendees. Riku wasn't incredibly keen on the whole thing, and wondered why he'd agreed to the stupid trip they were on in the first place. Then, as he looked at Sora, he remembered the real reason and smiled, hoping he'd get a repeat of the night before…

"Tidus what the fuck!" yelled Cloud, effectively shattering the pleasant daze Riku was in. Riku snapped his gaze upwards, taking in a sulking Tidus with narrowed eyes. "Where have you been all day?" Cloud continued, jostling out of the elevator and nudging the other blonde playfully. Tidus grinned, apparently having prepared himself to play along, though his eyes were dead behind that smile.

"I was just with Wakka." He spoke as though that cleared everything up, and apparently it did for Cloud and Leon, both of whom shrugged and wandered to their room, taking the other two with them and chattering away the whole time. Riku, however, was unsatisfied by the answer and became even more dubious as he went with Sora back to their room. After they'd shut the door behind them, he decided it was time to share his thoughts.

"I think Tidus is planning something," Riku said calmly, watching Sora for a reaction.

The brunette paused in shrugging off his jacket, turning to stare at Riku and slowly furrowing his brow. "I… Riku don't be ridiculous," he muttered, tossing the garment he'd been removing aside and flopping onto his bed.

Riku shook his head and walked forward, on the verge of pacing out of sheer frustration. "Sora, you saw how he looked. He definitely got pissed because… well…" Riku paused, gesturing between the two of them significantly. "Because of us," he finished, finally, dropping his hands with a sigh and sitting next to Sora on the bed. "I'm worried that he's taken it really hard and plans to do something stupid-"

"Riku, I don't trust him either, but what the hell is he going to do?" Sora groaned, rolling onto his stomach and hiding his face in a pillow. "You're all here and I'm on my guard so what does it matter? You're worrying too much."

Riku bit his lip and nodded, unable to deny how reasonable that sounded. "You're right," he said after a moment, voice quiet as he slid down and twirled a lock of Sora's hair between his fingers. When the other boy turned his face and smiled, he lost his train of thought, and smiled back goofily, his mind completely blank and devoid of worry. He became even more lost when Sora propped himself up on his arms and leaned towards him with a different kind of smile, bumping his nose against Riku's playfully before pressing a light kiss to his lips.

Riku sighed appreciatively and slid his arms around Sora, wholly content to just lay like that forever and kiss his boyfriend with the rest of the world muffled in the background. For awhile, it stayed that way, too, with Sora halfway on top of him and kissing him slowly and softly, each little press of his lips tingling. And, eventually, they relaxed a bit more, became a bit closer, their bodies practically melded. And then Riku was pressing a bit more and his tongue was against Sora's lips, because he really needed more; needed it like he'd never needed anything else. And Sora was responding and moving so that he was on top of Riku all the way, straddling him and clutching onto his shoulders, and Riku was sliding his hands up and down Sora's sides… Sora made a soft noise (almost a moan)… Riku's hands grew more urgent, needy, pulling up Sora's shirt… and Sora moaned a little when Riku's skin contacted his and-

Their heads turned simultaneously at a knock at the door, both sets of flushed cheeks burning just a bit more when they came back to reality. Riku let his head flop against the pillow with a disappointed sigh, his mouth quirking at Sora's grin.

"Too bad," Sora whispered, leaning down quickly for one more kiss before extricating himself from Riku and opening the door.

After a bit of jostling and a lot of noise, Wakka, Tidus, Leon, and Cloud entered, toting bags full of bottles full of alcohol with them. Riku rolled his eyes at this and stood up, pretending to stretch while eyeing Tidus. He didn't like the look in the blonde's eyes… 'Sora's right though,' he thought, 'nothing can happen while we're all here and he and I are together. It'll be fine.'

A moment after everyone had entered the room, they all left again, dragging Sora and Riku with them.

"We know you aren't going to find anyone," Cloud said, rolling his eyes, "but you could at least accompany us on our quest. Plus, Leon's cousin lives not too far from here so it's not like we're gonna wander and find legitimate strangers."

Riku rolled his eyes. "They're strangers to us."

"God you're such introverts," Wakka scoffed, nudging Riku playfully. Riku smirked and considered putting his arm around Sora again, noting, with a grimace, that Tidus was giving him a slightly dirty look. But before he could do anything, Sora had moved away from him and was chatting happily with Leon, and Wakka was wedged between them. Riku couldn't help but be suspicious of this, but tried to suppress it, feeling like he was being a little too overprotective. He reminded himself that it was fine over and over, not really sure if he genuinely felt that way.

Ten minutes later, after a short car ride and a bout of wrestling in a parking lot, they all ended up at Leon's cousin's place, standing awkwardly in the living room and waiting. Leon was talking to the guy and they were laughing about something, and before they knew it, everyone was back in the car and they were following Leon's cousin and girlfriend to yet another house. This happened at least four times before they finally settled back at the hotel, more than fifteen random people following them up to Riku and Sora's room. Sora, Riku noted unhappily, was chatting with one of the people they'd picked up, and he could tell the guy was trying to get a little too friendly. 'Fuck,' he thought, sighing, 'I already have to worry about Tidus, and now someone else is onto him too. This is ridiculous.' But there was nothing he could do without seeming like an ass, so he just watched with gritted teeth, relief washing over him when they finally got to their floor and Sora wandered to his side.

"That guy was being a creep," the brunette whispered, eyeing the guy in question. "He reminded me of Sephiroth."

Riku nodded and smiled quickly at Sora, winding his arm around his waist. "Maybe he'll leave you alone if I do this," he murmured, leaning in before Sora could protest and planting a soft kiss against his lips, ducking back after he was done without gauging anyone's reaction. Most people seemed to have ignored it, as they were too busy filing into the room whose door had finally been opened, but the intended witness had seen it, and was - Riku noticed - making a face in their direction, lips pursed in something like disappointment. Satisfied, Riku followed everyone into the room, keeping his arm firmly around Sora and shuffling to the back, ignoring Tidus who tried to accost them.

"I think that did it," Sora whispered, laughing a little bit behind his hand. Riku glanced over and winked at his boyfriend conspiratorially, giving him a kiss, then, simply because he wanted to. Sora obliged but made him stop a moment later, noting that several people were staring at them. There was drinking already happening, and music was coming from somewhere, and the room was full of people laughing and talking and being obnoxious, but Sora and Riku were smiling, lost in their own little world. And though Sora had made him stop a moment before, he was now allowing Riku to kiss him as they sat in the corner ignoring the general fray. No one could see them anyways.

After awhile, however, everyone became rowdy and began jostling about to leave. Sora and Riku remained where they were, planning on staying in the room and continuing their previous activities privately (and with fewer clothes). What they hadn't counted on, however, was the presence of Tidus, who seemed keen on sticking around. And stubbornly, at that.

Riku shot him a look that clearly said "Get the fuck out," but he didn't budge, crossing his arms and slamming the door once the last person was gone. Then he turned, a clear scowl on his face.

"I need to talk to Sora," he said quietly, his stare completely focused on Riku.

Riku simply raised one eyebrow at the suggestion, dropping his arm across Sora's shoulders defiantly. "Go ahead and talk," he responded, smirking.

Tidus shook his head without budging, casting a pleading glance at Sora. "I need to talk to him alone," he insisted.

"And what the fuck happened last time you were alone with him!?" Riku's voice had risen to a shout, shocking all three of them and causing Tidus to flinch. Riku didn't back off, however. "I see no reason to trust you." With that, he crossed his arms and waited, hoping he could intimidate Tidus into leaving with a stare.

However, instead of that, Riku felt Sora's hand slide over his arm, shocking him enough to cause him to look at his boyfriend. "What?" he said, eyes wide. "You want me to leave? Seriously?"

Sora bit his lip and nodded slowly, giving Riku a little shrug. "I'll just… talk to him. Nothing will change unless I do."

Riku shook his head vehemently, intent on protesting until the very end… but then Sora gave him a pleading look so fraught with emotion that Riku had to give in. And give in he did. Sighing, he left the room, and reminded himself over and over that everything was going to be okay.


	10. Chapter 10

**Pairings: **Sora and Riku, obviously. Hints at Tidus/Axel. Axel/Roxas. Xemnas/Saix. And many others. Prepare for a rain of unholy sexual tension and an unheard of concentration of gay boys.

**Warning: **Shameless smutiness and general boy/boy content. Drug use and underaged drinking, cursing, fighting, and a lot of high school shenanigans. An overabundant use of the "oh-so-desirable lead" stereotype, along with the use and abuse of many other cliches. Undoubtable pheromones, padded speedos, groping and molestation. Music that I'm in love with and don't own, high schoolers bashing Hemingway, sexy black teachers in low-cut tops. And probably more to be added.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any characters involved other than like... some teachers I'm loosely basing off of people I know. I mean! Wait! Any resemblance is purely coincidental! Yeah. Gotta cover my ass. ;) Really, I don't own anything. Nothing at all.

**Jessica would like you to note: **Alright, I'm trying so hard to catch up. I decided to pull an all-nighter to sort of get back on some sort of normal sleep schedule and that resulted in this chapter, which makes it all worth it for me. ^-^ Anyways, I love Lauryn Hill and have been listening to all her songs again recently, including the one which is also the title. On a different note, I'd like to warn everyone that this gets pretty porny. I sort of laughed at myself for writing so explicitly, but my hormones took over and dictated that I keep going until I'd sated some of my ridiculous fantasy-driven impulses. Aaaaaaanyways… enjoy!

* * *

**The Sweetest Thing**

Sora watched Riku step outside with little panicked breaths, swallowing down the lump in his throat. In all honesty, he wasn't ready for the talk he was about to have, and he really wished Tidus had been willing to have Riku in the room. But that wasn't the only thing making him nervous. Really, Sora didn't trust Tidus anymore - not at all - and being alone in a room with him just dredged up that barely-remembered incident at Cloud's house… Sora shivered.

"Are you that afraid of me?" Tidus said quietly, wincing at Sora who was only just remembering what was going on.

Sora swallowed again and shook his head, looking away for fear of betraying his true emotions. 'I don't want to be anywhere near you,' he thought, dropping to sit in the chair that was nearby without preamble. He looked up at Tidus and fidgeted with his hands for a moment, then sighed.

"What is it Tidus?" he said finally, firmly fixing his gaze on the other boy, determined to be the bigger man… if he could.

After a moment's hesitation, Tidus echoed his sigh and perched just on the edge of one of the beds, staring down at his feet.

"Sora…" he began quietly, twitching slightly before straightening out, "I like you. I've liked you for… so long. Or… I dunno, maybe I just want you but-"

"Why are you telling me this?" Sora murmured. And - he couldn't help it - he put his face in his hands and kept it there, completely avoiding the troublesome conversation he was in the middle of. "Why would you do this? You know I'm with Riku now. You should also know that I know what happened at Cloud's house-"

Tidus flinched and stood up, rushing over to Sora. "I want to apologize for that! Seriously," he cried, kneeling and grabbing Sora's shoulders. The brunette tensed and kept his face where it was, hoping that, if he waited long enough, Tidus would just leave. However, he seemed intent on at least getting his point across first, so Sora sat obediently and patiently, wishing, again, that Riku was there. "Sora," Tidus pleaded, his voice cracking. "Sora… I'm heartbroken, that's all. And I'm so sorry about what I did to you. I'm no better than Sephiroth, I know, but I have to ask you something before I leave you alone, okay? Just one thing."

Sora nodded slowly, relaxing as Tidus' hands left his shoulders. He finally braved a glance over at his sort-of friend and cringed at the tears he saw on the boy's face, resisting the urge to apologize and hug him. After all, Sora was - in the end - a really really nice guy.

"What's your question?" Sora asked softly, tapping his foot impatiently despite himself, hoping that Tidus wouldn't notice.

Tidus said nothing in response, at first, and simply stayed where he was, fidgeting and glancing around in an uncouth attempt at distraction. In the end, however, he couldn't avoid what he'd brought on himself, and finally posed the question that had started this whole cycle of events: "Would I have ever had a shot?"

Sora barely heard the words that came from Tidus' mouth for how softly they were spoken, but when he registered their meaning and it clicked into place in sequence, he found himself slowly shaking his head without any realization of what he was doing. Then he smiled, because he couldn't help it: Riku had, without fail, gone through his mind immediately at the other boy's query. 'I'm really hopeless,' Sora thought, touching Tidus' shoulder.

"It's not that I don't like you," he said quietly, his eyes softening, "it's just that… well, I don't like most guys _that_ way… it's only Riku who…" Sora trailed off, his gaze wandering to a random point in the room as he thought, smiling to himself again.

Tidus sighed as he watched this expression cross Sora's face, then stood, admitting defeat. "I'll leave," he said quietly, smiling at Sora as he headed for the door. "Thanks for answering honestly. It's good to know."

Then, before Sora could really do anything, Tidus was gone, and Riku was rushing back through the door, his frantic energy clear in the expression on his face. 'He must have been pacing this entire time,' Sora thought with a grin, collecting Riku in a hug before the other boy could say anything.

"It's fine," he said immediately, reassuring his boyfriend. "Everything is fine. He didn't freak out or anything."

Riku grunted in response, obviously not ready to let go of Sora just yet. "I'm just glad that bastard didn't try to lay his hands on you again," he murmured, sighing into the embrace they were still joined in. Sora gulped and nuzzled closer to Riku, feeling all the stress and fear he'd been slowly accumulating drip away with each second that passed. "I can't believe how much everything has changed," he said quietly, not really sure what was coming out of his mouth. He'd just said it impulsively, without any sort of filter, but Riku just drew back a little and smiled at the words, brushing Sora's hair from his forehead.

"I know," the bigger boy responded, eyes crinkling. "It keeps dawning on me that we've really completely changed our relationship and how things have been going in a single night. I wasn't sure if we'd even be friends again after everything-"

"Ugh," Sora uttered, burying his face in Riku's chest. "Don't talk about that. It was depressing enough when we were actually in that situation. Now that we're out of it, let's just leave it in the past. I don't want to think about it."

Riku laughed into Sora's hair and squeezed the other boy tighter, making Sora wheeze a little bit. "That was attractive," he snorted, poking Sora's stomach playfully.

The brunette snarled and withdrew from Riku's arms, smacking him in the chest with the back of his hand, but smiling as he did, his eyes only pretending to hold anger. Riku grabbed that hand, which had been left to rest against his chest, and wound his fingers with Sora's looking at the other boy for a long time as he did. Sora - not entirely used to Riku's gaze being so intense - blushed at the attention, feeling a bit baffled that all of his fantasies were becoming real. It was dizzying, really, getting everything he wanted.

Then, with a coy smirk, Riku leaned in further and captured Sora's lips. And - god - he'd never get over how soft they were!

Sora murmured a little noise into the kiss, then slid his arms tight around Riku's neck, smiling a bit. The curve of his lips only intensified the feeling as Riku tipped his head to deepen the sensation, to taste Sora more.

"Everyone's gone now…" Sora breathed, breaking from Riku's mouth for only a moment before growling a low moan as they reconnected. He allowed Riku to push him onto the bed as he had the night before, but then he stopped, pressing a hand to Riku's shoulder insistently.

"What is it?" he panted, pausing only briefly as he lined the side of Sora's neck with kisses.

Sora squirmed, self-consciousness and arousal warring for dominance, nearly tearing his consciousness in half. He was aware, unfortunately, that the light was on, and that being with Riku under such circumstances would just be… too much. However, he was also starting to lose his sense of boundaries and limitations, because the place where Riku was sucking on his neck felt really good, as did his hands which were roaming all over, and it made his head cloudy and - oh god - he couldn't be sure just how experienced Riku was but he was really fucking good at foreplay… But, still, in the end, self-consciousness won out.

"The light's on," he said eventually, tilting his head despite himself to give Riku more flesh to grasp at with teeth and tongue and lips.

Riku just let out a little "Mmmmm…" before continuing his previous activity, ignoring Sora's protestations.

"Riku, seriously," he gasped, squeezing the other boy's shoulder.

"Why are you worried about it?" Riku grunted, pulling back a bit to look Sora in the eye. "I've seen everything."

Sora blushed but held his ground, making a sour face (because he knew that would achieve the intended goal). And - jackpot - Riku cringed, rolled his eyes, stood up, turned off the light. He stayed there for a moment, one eyebrow raised at Sora and a teasing smirk on his face.

"Anything else?" he said sarcastically. Sora smiled and shook his head, beckoning him back. He was a little disappointed with the way the coiling heat inside of him had dissipated during their small intermission, but wholly pleased when Riku started up again and the sensation came back twice as hard. He felt ridiculous (somewhere in the back of his mind) about how vocal he was being, and how easily Riku had completely dominated him, but it was just… amazing. He loved every grope and squeeze and nip, and the way Riku smirked as he pulled away clothing. He loved the feather-light touches that sent a fluttering feeling through his whole body and caused soft gasps to slip from his mouth right into Riku's ear. He loved when Riku rolled his shoulders because the motion of his muscles under Sora's palms sent tingles up his spine. But what he loved most was being completely dragged under the current and left to gasp and hold on, his whole body at someone else's mercy.

Riku - who was somewhere near the top of Sora's pants, trailing kisses across a tanned stomach - murmured something, knuckles grazing an all-too-sensitive area as he moved to unzip Sora's pants. All of this, along with the realization that Riku was biting his hip bone, brought Sora back from the sea of pleasure he'd been floating in, sending a jolt and a gasp ripping through his body.

"Ah, Riku," he panted, more scared than desperate. It wasn't that he wasn't used to it (since they'd already been together once), or that he wasn't ready for a sexual relationship with a guy (because, again, they'd already been together), but Sora was suddenly overwhelmed by the idea - the mere suggestion provided by his own mind - that he might do something wrong. He didn't want to be the only one enjoying himself, but at the same time, he didn't want to screw up and make it unpleasant for Riku in any way, and he didn't know what to do with himself. He felt as though he were holding his body awkwardly just because of the thoughts cycling through his head, and he could feel himself tensing up under Riku's scrutiny.

"Are you okay?" Riku murmured, pausing with his hands still sliding restlessly over Sora's hips, mouth only inches away from so much soft skin and barely-uttered moans.

From his end, Riku couldn't help but think things were going way too well, and that maybe he'd used up all his luck in life. He felt Sora tense under his hands and lips and wondered if he'd done something wrong, if Sora was scared, if he was pushing for too much too fast. He had a veritable swamp of anxiety brewing in his chest as each new possibility sunk in, and he forced himself to stop and assess the situation from a different standpoint, a small frown curving his lips.

But then… Sora's hand slipped from his hair to his jaw, and his fingertips trailed across Riku's face, and the slowest smile formed on the brunette's face, his body relaxing, melting, like it should. And though he'd seen so many amazing expressions on Sora's face - some experienced just the night before - the look he was receiving now brought him to his knees in a way altogether unfamiliar. It wasn't Sora when he was happy, or aroused, or angry, or pouty, or… anything. And Riku began to suspect that the flickering of Sora's eyes in that moment was truly different, and the way his features fell was something special just for Riku.

With that in mind, he let out the breath he'd not been aware he'd been holding and reinstated his previous activity with renewed vigor, drawing out a choked gasp from Sora. "R-Riku!"

The utterance only served to excite Riku more, inciting him to rip open the button on Sora's pants and drag down the zipper in record time, plunging a hand under pants and boxers without further ado and staring in amazement as Sora writhed under his ministrations. There were no words to describe the tingling sensation that ran through Riku's body. It coiled and jolted and, eventually, settled in his gut as a warm pool of lust. He was simply lost at sea, and every choked gasp and barely-restrained moan issuing forth from Sora only sent him plunging further into the depths.

He leaned closer to Sora's bare skin, sucking a small portion of it between his lips and slowly dragging his teeth across the moistened area, his pants growing even tighter at the unrestrained moan Sora threw back his head to let out. He growled and nipped at the skin again, pulling Sora's pants down and moving his kisses lower and lower.

"Wait!" Sora gasped, reaching for Riku's hair. "You don't have to- Ung!" Sora's hands stayed clenched in silver hair, but they weren't moving to stop Riku anymore, and instead were simply grabbing on for support as a tongue rolled over his cock. "Oh god… Riku!" A smile curved his lips as Riku started up in earnest, one eye open and peering up at Sora as he sucked on him long and slow. And - holy fuck - his moans… the way he was writhing so deliciously… his hands curling tighter in Riku's hair… it was all a little bit too much, and Riku was getting higher and higher on the ecstasy Sora was feeding him. Eventually, he had to reach down and do something to relieve the immense, building pressure. He stroked just a few times, multi-tasking making the process slightly difficult, but well worth it. Sora moaned after a second and stuttered that he was going to cum, eyes going wide when Riku didn't move and instead took it all, pulling back slightly with a grin after he did.

Sora's cheeks went cherry-red, the blush only deepening when he saw Riku's hand in his pants, though Riku remained unperturbed. He stared at Sora's almost naked body and slid his free hand up the brunette's side, murmuring his name as his eyes slitted with lust.

"I shouldn't be the only one-" Sora started, never finishing because he knew that actions spoke louder than words (especially at times like these), and Sora, if anything, was a man of action.

Riku's eyes widened and a soft grunt escaped his throat as Sora slid his hand down the bigger boy's wrist, into his pants, and positioned his fingers around the base of him, giving a gentle squeeze informing Riku that he'd be taking over the job. Riku saw no reason to protest.

In seconds, he had Sora completely naked, as he himself was, and the smaller boy was on top of him, stroking his erection with almost no shame. It was like his dirtiest wet dream, and he was finding it hard not to grab Sora and splay him out so he could push into the boy with fingers and tongue and - eventually - something else. He growled at the thought which seemed to spur Sora on, that drive manifesting as an amazing scenario in which the tan boy leaned lower and gave Riku's cock and experimental lick. Riku's entire body jolted at the sensation, and at the expression on Sora's face, which he could just barely make out in the darkness of their room. It was mostly just the glimmer of an eye and a small curve of lips but it drove Riku crazy, and it was positively killing him that he couldn't take Sora right then and there. However, his mind went blank a moment later as Sora became more daring and sucked Riku between his lips, his mouth warm and wet around the head.

"Fuckshitfuck," Riku gasped, not prepared for Sora's boldness. This, he told himself, is why he came not moments later, barely able to inform Sora of the impending occurrence beforehand. However, Sora, even with the warning, didn't stop what he was doing any more than Riku had, and cringed only slightly as the bigger boy struggled not to thrust into his mouth and instead finally found release. To his credit, he didn't flinch or cough, though Riku could tell, as Sora drew back, that he hadn't enjoyed the experience. He laughed, quickly stifling the noise with his hand, and stared at Sora who was now pouting.

"I'm sorry," he said through his mirth, squeezing his eyes shut. "You just looked so put off for a second… it was cute."

Sora smacked him upside the head, drawing out even more laughter until Riku noticed just how close he was. Then he opened his eyes and stared, unable to focus, suddenly, on anything else.

"Uh… Riku?" Sora murmured, cocking his head as Riku leaned forward and kissed his ribs, a smirk still on his lips. Sora was so warm, so soft, so amazing… He made a noise of appreciation and nuzzled close to Sora's stomach, realizing with a satisfied grin that Sora was aroused, again. "God you're fucking weird," Sora muttered, stomach vibrating under Riku's lips with the words. He seemed like he was about to say something else, but it came out as nothing more than a choking sound as Riku stroked Sora with his palm. He snickered at the other boy's reaction and moved to do it again, looking up at Sora's glaring face.

"Did you think I wouldn't notice this?" he chuckled, rubbing with a little more pressure. Sora bit his lip and furrowed his brow, a simple shake of the head the only reaction he could manage. 'He's trying so hard not to moan,' Riku thought, partially turned on and partially amused: '…so fucking hot…' and the former emotion seemed to be winning. "Dammit," Riku muttered, feeling himself growing hard again as he watched Sora squirm, body positioned above him, close to him, against him.

"What's wrong?" Sora whispered, slipping his fingers into Riku's hair and guiding his head back so that he was looking up. And Riku enjoyed the motion more than he really should have: He was practically purring. But the flash of concern that graced Sora's features made him cringe and pause, mind whirring. 'I shouldn't bring up the problem. He probably doesn't even want to go all the way yet. I should just play it cool.' But Sora allowed no opportunity for Riku to play it any temperature, and instead shot out a frank statement: "You want to fuck me."

It wasn't a question, nor a gentle, loving assumption, but a full-blown, confidently-stated declaration. It sounded almost like a challenge.

But Riku knew better than to take it as such, and simply swallowed, daring a glance up at his boyfriend. There was no denying that he really… _really_ wanted that… a lot. But he wasn't willing to put Sora in an uncomfortable position, or push him too far too fast, or assume anything at all when he'd just received the greatest gift on the planet (his love, or, at least, attraction), and could easily shatter everything by making the wrong move. He had to tell the truth, and, simultaneously, not allow Sora's kind, giving nature get the best of him. He wasn't going to fuck Sora because he knew the other boy wasn't ready… unless he was. Riku was getting confused about everything, and Sora was still naked and staring at him _right there_, so, with nothing else to do, he shrugged again. The gesture was met by Sora with a roll of blue eyes and a move to stand, in turn, sending a shot of panic through Riku.

"Wait!" he hissed, gripping tight to Sora's hips, which were currently in the process of moving away from him. "Sora-"

But the brunette wasn't listening, and had already knocked Riku's hands away, moving over to his bags where he began riffling through everything. Riku's heart gave a frantic jolt, and his body urged him to jump up and stop Sora from getting dressed, stop him from leaving. Stop him from ending what had barely started. But before he could give in to the instinct, he found himself face-to-face with his boyfriend once again, and a rough kiss was being pressed to his lips, startling all the breath from his lungs. "Sora?" he gasped, eyes wide and imploring even as his mouth continued to be tongue-fucked. Sora ignored him and reassumed his position from before while maintaining the kiss, pushing Riku down with one hand while the other boy struggled to figure out what was going on. Then Sora moved his lips past Riku's, over his chin, settling them just barely against his ear.

"Fuck me," Sora whispered.

And Riku had never felt his body shiver like it did when he heard those words. His whole chest felt like it might implode, and his lower body reacted almost violently as the boy atop him placed something in his hand and clung onto his neck, pressing kisses here and there. The object against his palm crinkled slightly, and Riku knew, then, what it was, its existence among Sora's belongings surprising him more than anything else. He considered asking the smaller boy about it, but decided, instead, that it was better not to kill the mood and spoil his chances. 'Holy fuck,' he thought, breath rushing, 'he's asking me to. He's asking me to, and he's being so-' Sora squeezed his cock '-god damn tantalizing… like he's not even scared… can I really?'

Again, he considered saying something that would spoil the mood, but pushed Sora onto his back instead, swallowing shakily and looking down into the other boy's eyes. He looked so delectably assured. So aroused.

Riku tried not to freak out, but, internally, he was a complete wreck, his heart stuttering and skipping beats with no traceable pattern. Then, he had to say something, because he was so unsure of so many things, and it was happening way too quickly.

"Sora," he murmured, leaning into said boy's neck, pressing his lips there as he continued speaking. "Do you understand what will happen… if we do this? Do you know how it works?"

There was a shift in the muscles under his mouth as Sora's head tilted in his direction, eyes full of incredulity.

"Do you think I'd go into this without being prepared?" he laughed, teasing, but still so calm. "Do you think I'm that naive?"

Riku paused to breathe, then shook his head vigorously, looking into Sora's eyes. They were smiling, even if his mouth wasn't, and Riku could feel his lower body growing impatient, his mind being overtaken. Still, he swallowed away all of that and resettled, trembling as he prepared to question again. However, just as he opened his mouth to speak, a set of sun kissed fingers trailed over his lips, effectively shutting him up and drawing his attention to the face of the boy who owned those fingers. Sora continued the movement and drew Riku's stare up more and more so that they were eye to eye, and he really was smiling, then. For Riku, it was enchanting and nerve-wracking all at once.

"Riku," Sora whispered, sending shock waves through his body, "I know what you must think. I know you believe I can't be certain of something like this. That I should give myself time because I've just barely become… well, gay. But the reason I'm so okay with this - you have to know - is that it's you. You doing something like this to me, though scary, isn't nearly as scary as my first time with a girl. It isn't something to be nervous about because it's… real." Sora was starting to shiver against Riku, his skin jolting slightly everywhere they were touching. It would have made Riku even more hesitant if it weren't for the continued surety in Sora's eyes. "I guess that sounds sort of inadequate but-" He paused, laughing, looking down at their entangled bodies. "-but I'm kind of in a tense situation." He highlighted this point by rubbing his hips against Riku's just a bit, making the bigger boy gasp. It also seemed to get the intended reaction because Sora just smiled as Riku bit his earlobe and rubbed restlessly at his hips.

Riku, though still caught up in all of his insecurities, and still wondering if he should really do what he was about to do, and still considering whether it was the best thing for Sora, was kind of getting lost. His body had sort of begun moving on its own, mechanically, driven by the heat building between his legs, and the way the other warm body pressed to his wriggled and panted. "Fuck," he murmured, giving in, kissing across Sora's chest and taking one pink nipple between his lips, lapping at it just briefly. Sora suddenly arched and moaned gutturally, driving a more desperate moan from Riku, who was completely settled into his daze by then.

"Mmm, god, Sora…" he breathed, hips jerking just a bit on their own. Sora's breath hitched in response and he rubbed back, letting out little, barely-uttered noises as he did. And Riku, though entirely absorbed, and wanting nothing more than to just do what Sora was proposing, was overwhelmed by a sudden sense of location. He didn't like where they were. He didn't like the thought of their first time being in a hotel, and he didn't like the thought of Sora later regretting that they'd done it there. So he had to do something.

"Sora… let's just… like this," he grunted, jerking his hips again. "Not yet."

Sora's gaze snapped up to his, eyes filling with concern, mistrust, frustration. "Why don't you want to!?" he cried, a moan cutting him off when he tried to speak again and Riku rubbed against him. Riku didn't want to deny himself the pleasure of what Sora was offering. He didn't want to stop and settle for what was happening. He didn't want it. But he knew that, later, he'd feel he'd made the right decision. So, with all the skill and control he could muster, he drove Sora over the edge, touching him all over, rubbing against him, trying to make sure that he was completely satisfied. Every time he jerked his hips, Sora arched up in response, and hissed through his teeth, having a hard time controlling himself.

It wasn't long before the brunette shuddered and - while still attempting (and failing) to look upset - came to climax, causing Riku to follow suit. For one peaceful moment, they both lay still, entangled and sated with tremors running through their bodies. But, after a short span of seconds, Sora tensed entirely. Riku, knowing that he was the cause, was about to explain himself. About to soothe Sora and tell him it wasn't the right time, that he was sorry, that he didn't want Sora to misunderstand. But in the moment he spent contemplating what he needed to say, Sora pushed him away angrily and stood, not saying a word. And, this time, unlike the last, he actually did start to put his clothes on. He was wiping at his stomach with one hand and jerking a leg into his pants with the other, his shaking breaths filling the space between him and Riku.

"Sora-" Riku murmured, stopping with a sharp inhale when Sora glared at him. He could see, just barely by the light coming through the curtains, that there were tears on Sora's cheeks, and his eyes were brimming with more ready to take the place of those he wiped away.

"Just… don't," Sora hissed, yanking his pants the rest of the way on as he stooped for his shirt.

"Sora, no! I didn't-"

"You didn't what?"

There was a good deal less anger in Sora's words than Riku had been expecting. His voice held no malice or blame, just a quiet hurt. It burned in Riku's gut and made him choke on his words, giving Sora the opportunity to continue.

"I put myself on the line and you…" He shook his head, shooting a glance at Riku again. "Do you not want me-?"

"NO!" Riku stood and stormed over to Sora, taking his shoulders in both hands and shaking him. "I don't want it to be here. I don't-" He made a frustrated noise and forced Sora into a hug, ignoring the boy's protests. "Sora… I love you! I don't just like you, I fucking _love_ you! Do you understand!?" And Riku, as he said the words, realized that that had been the problem the whole time. He'd just said it on gut instinct, not really thinking beforehand, but once it was out, he felt how true it was; he loved Sora, and Sora only… liked him, if even that. He couldn't be sure of the other boy's feelings, and it made him wary. And in his wariness, he felt that the only way to make things more solid was for them to always be meaningful, comfortable, perfect… for Sora. Because otherwise Sora would grow uneasy and leave. It was complicated, and it almost didn't make any sense, but Riku had spent too long with his love unrequited, agonizing over what to do. Now that he was somewhat closer to what he wanted, it was hard to be sure of it… of _anything_!

"I worried for so long," he whispered, squeezing Sora (who was now motionless) even closer. "I'm uneasy with how we are now, okay? I'm scared that if I do something wrong, I'll lose everything, and I can't-" He shuddered, tears sprinkling down his cheeks when he blinked, sent scattering by the quick motion. "Sora," he choked. He was trying to gather his thoughts and come up with something coherent to say to explain himself, but he was suddenly overwhelmed by all of the emotions he'd been holding back. Five years of anger and frustration and pining and self-hatred all bubbled up and brought him to his knees, dragging Sora with him. Wracked as he was with all of these confusing thoughts and feelings, he didn't really spare what he'd said a thought, though somewhere in the back of his mind he knew he'd regret it later. Still, at that moment, all he could do was hang on and hold Sora close, and try to believe that he had nothing to fear. That Sora would still be there after everything.

It wasn't until after he'd calmed down and stopped sobbing that he realized how quiet Sora had gotten, and how slow the motions of his hands were as they ran down his back. Panicking, he looked into his eyes, grasping for something there that didn't seem to exist: The damage was done.

"Sora I'm so sorry," he whispered, holding back an all new bout of tears and putting his head in his hands. "I didn't mean to tell you. I meant to keep it to myself until-" He choked, squeezing his eyes shut and holding his elbows.

"Riku it's okay," Sora murmured, touching his boyfriend's shoulder with a wavering smile.

In truth, Sora was overwhelmed himself. It wasn't that he disliked the idea of Riku loving him. Nor did he fault him for it in any way. It was just… a little bit scary. There were so many things he couldn't quite comprehend surrounding those feelings, and it was a bit too much to take in at once. On top of that, Riku was crying more than he had in his entire life, and knowing that he was the cause, and that he could do little to stop it made him feel jittery and out of control. 'I'm hurting him,' Sora thought, cringing and putting his face in his hands. 'I'm hurting him because I don't love him the same amount. What am I supposed to do about that? I can't force it. Will he be happy even if I just stay with him until my feelings grow… _if_ they grow? I might just hurt him more in the end and I can't-'

"I can't bear that," he whispered, surprised that he'd said it aloud. 'Shit! That sounds different than I mean…' Quickly, he scrambled towards Riku, determined to fix whatever damage his statement might have done. "I can't bear you getting hurt more because of me." He paused, taking in a shaky breath to steady himself, grabbing the sides of Riku's face and forcing him to look at him. "Riku," he said firmly, pressing a small kiss to the other boy's lips. "I… I can't say that I love you, I guess. But I… I care about you. I care about you so much that it hurts. Every time I think of you getting hurt because of me my stomach churns and I get dizzy. And… when I think about you leaving me…" He paused again to consider the thought in earnest, shuddering and gulping to try and catch his breath when he did. It was almost self-mutilation, thinking about something like that. He was just asking for tears. His lips trembled as they came and dribbled down his face, causing a look of shock to pas over Riku's features. "When I think about you leaving me, being gone from my life…" he whispered, sliding closer to the silver-haired boy and wrapping his arms around his head, speaking directly into his ear. "…I'm so scared that it makes me nauseous. I can't fucking live without you!"

The words rang in the silence that enveloped them, bringing with them a cascade of emotions for both boys. Nothing else really needed to be said. It didn't matter how much uneasiness or hurt or confusion still lay between them, because, for now, they were both perfectly content. As their breathing slowed and matched in pace, they drew back and looked at each other, tear-stained faces twisting into off-color grins that slowly dissolved into peaceful smiles when they kissed.

"I'm sorry," Riku murmured, meaning it. Sora nodded and said the same, bumping his forehead against Riku's and closing his eyes, resting there in his lap, feeling his body completely relax. Neither of them felt the need to move for quite some time, but after awhile, when it was getting pretty late and they both felt sleepy, Riku picked Sora up and put him into bed, dragging his pants off. He moved away for a moment to put something on and came back quickly, slipping down next to the brunette and smiling when a tan pair of arms wrapped around his neck. He wound his own around Sora's waist, and nuzzled close, thinking as he fell asleep that everything might actually be okay.

* * *

**End Notes:** Ugh. Sorry about how slow all of the updates have been, seriously. They'll be more frequent again for awhile until I go back to school, but I'm hoping to be pretty consistent even then. Also, I feel like these last two chapters were inadequate but I kind of just wanted to get them out. :/ So sorry for that as well. Jeez louise. I will fix this I promise


	11. Chapter 11

**Pairings: **Sora and Riku, obviously. Hints at Tidus/Axel. Axel/Roxas. Xemnas/Saix. And many others. Prepare for a rain of unholy sexual tension and an unheard of concentration of gay boys.

**Warning: **Shameless smutiness and general boy/boy content. Drug use and underaged drinking, cursing, fighting, and a lot of high school shenanigans. An overabundant use of the "oh-so-desirable lead" stereotype, along with the use and abuse of many other cliches. Undoubtable pheromones, padded speedos, groping and molestation. Music that I'm in love with and don't own, high schoolers bashing Hemingway, sexy black teachers in low-cut tops. And probably more to be added.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any characters involved other than like... some teachers I'm loosely basing off of people I know. I mean! Wait! Any resemblance is purely coincidental! Yeah. Gotta cover my ass. ;) Really, I don't own anything. Nothing at all.

**Jessica would like you to note: **Okay, I know I gave a warning in the uhhh warnings section but seriously: **I am a pervert.** There will be SOOOO much gratuitous sexy time all over the place now that I've broken that wall down. I mean… man, I can't help it. If there's an opportunity, it will be written. Anywho, Dave Matthews and his band have given me much inspiration as I listened to various songs by them including that which is the title! I'm kind of ashamed to admit how infatuated I am with their music… Hehe.

* * *

**Crash Into Me**

Sora felt well-rested but irritable when he woke up, his eyes bleary and puffy from crying. He sighed and twisted to sit up, staring down at Riku's still-sleeping face. Normally, the other boy would have been awake far before Sora, but the ordeal they'd gone through the day before had properly worn him out. Thinking about that, Sora cringed, putting his head in his hands. 'I can't believe I got so out of control,' he thought, hunching forward in embarrassment despite there being no one else to witness his dejection. He glanced at the condom laying on the nightstand and shivered, wishing he'd never thought to bring it. 'I don't even know what I was thinking. Riku's probably right… maybe I rushed it too much or something.' He paused in his contemplation for a moment and slipped out of bed, padding to the bathroom and turning on the shower, sinking down to sit once he was under the hot stream of water. He'd always found that thinking in the shower cleared things up best, as though the steam brought out all of the dirty feelings. Even if it wasn't literally true, it helped him feel better, so he kept doing it.

'I was treating it as something tawdry.' He paused as he processed that, realizing, with shame, that he'd not valued what he'd been asking of Riku enough. 'I don't value it because it's never meant anything with anyone else. It was just something to get out of the way… The difference is that I _want_ it to mean something. I was just too scared to wait because I know it's going to be different. It's going to hurt and suck and I want to accommodate him quickly… otherwise, he might not be okay with my feelings being so lukewarm.' He wanted to cry at that thought, wondering just how much he would hurt Riku before the end, the idea making him stiffen. 'Why am I thinking about the end?I don't want to do something wrong and drive him away. I need to carefully consider my thoughts and feelings and put them in order. I need to be with him without muddling it so much.' He nodded at the silent assertion and forced himself to get it together so he consider the things he must do. '1. I like Riku. I want to be with him. So I will. I won't hurt him as long as I'm honest with him. 2. I need to be careful not to give him any room for doubt. He needs to know that I will forgive him for anything…' Sora smiled and hid his face in his knees, realizing that he'd never treated a relationship so seriously before. He was about to shake off the giddiness imparted by that knowledge and continue his thought process when he heard the door crack open, giving him a start. Then, without warning, the shower curtain flew away to reveal Riku, his eyes a little puffy and an unwontedly soft look on his face. He smiled when he saw Sora's startled expression, snickering behind his hand.

"What are you doing?" he asked, reaching out to help as Sora began to stand, raising an eyebrow.

Sora shrugged and started pulling the curtain back into place, face burning up. Despite how unabashedly lusty he could get when they were together, it still embarrassed Sora when Riku saw him naked. Plus, he'd been caught in the middle of some very sensitive thoughts, and he wasn't really in the mood to be made fun of.

Riku, however, wasn't obliging his wish to be alone, and forced his way into the shower, shucking off the very small amount of clothing he had on in the process and then drawing the curtain. With a devilish smirk, he pushed Sora against the wall, kissing him briskly and leaving no room for admonishment, his hand drifting down to squeeze and-

"Woah! Riku!" Sora complained, forcefully breaking away from their kiss. "We just-"

Riku laughed quietly, interrupting him, then stroked Sora in earnest. And Sora couldn't really do anything when that was happening, because he still got so flustered when Riku touched him. He wondered at that even as his body jerked and he clutched on, a little noise escaping him. It had never been so hard to breathe with anyone else. No one had ever gotten him hard so quickly, or so intensely. And he'd never felt the immediate need to moan from deep in his stomach and thrust into someone's touch like he did when he was with Riku. From the very first time two nights before, to that very moment in the shower, Sora was completely entranced, and would probably stay that way for quite some time... if not forever.

But he had no more room for thought because Riku's body was pressed right against his, and they were both slick with water and gasping into each other's mouths, and he'd involuntarily brought his hand up to help things along, stroking at the other erection pressed to his. It was a lot better with the decreased friction the water provided. Riku sunk to the shower floor and Sora followed suit, obligingly climbing on top of Riku when he laid on his back. And he really had imagined it just right from the beginning, because it was probably the hottest thing he'd ever seen, watching Riku jerk and pant underneath him, eyes mere slits of aquamarine, tongue running across barely parted lips. Sora, having completely lost his mind as usual, braced himself with his hands against the floor on either side of Riku's head, adjusting his hips and thrusting forward instinctually. Riku pulled his head down and their mouths met in a flurry of wet tongues and water-slicked lips, brushing and smacking hard enough to bruise. And Sora was bearing down harder, grinding low and moaning each time Riku pushed back. It was too fast to follow, and too slick and rough and hot to maintain for too long, but somehow they managed. Riku raised his knees and they became even more entangled, and Sora snapped his hips even more, harder, breathing heavily into the kiss they'd never broken. And Riku groaned "Oh fuck yes…" right against Sora's tongue and it was so confusing… Sora was losing it, muddled and shot through with pleasure, whole body writhing against Riku's. And he couldn't kiss him deep enough. He wanted more. He sucked on Riku's tongue, hard, loving how it felt slipping into his mouth even as his hips continued to buck. And Riku seemed to _love_ that because he moaned and let out two short, surprised gasps, then used his hands to yank Sora's knees higher, bringing him even closer, pushing even harder. He had to release Riku's tongue to let out a desperate noise, arching his back slightly and making that same noise again and again as Riku growled and pushed against his ass with both hands, squeezing just before he came simultaneously with Sora. The look of relief on his face made Sora shudder and bite back a moan… Riku was really fucking hot. This thought stayed with him as his silver-haired companion opened his eyes and smiled, bringing a blush to his cheeks.

Riku laughed. "I can't believe you're blushing after that."

He made a face but it was accompanied by a smile, his brain mostly fuzzy from aftershocks and his nerves still drowning in pleasure. The way they were positioned was not helping him think, either. It helped even less when Riku gripped behind his thighs just above the knee and caused them to slide together, bumping their noses with a smile as he did. "You're getting hard again," he chuckled, eyes slitting again.

Sora bit his lip, but nodded as well, giving in and kissing Riku, going back for one more round. If they'd not been in the shower, he knew they'd be sweating profusely from how vigorously they sought each other out. That wasn't a problem, really, but what _was_ a problem was the fact that Riku hadn't locked the door any more than Sora had. And because Cloud had a key to their room, he felt entitled to just walk in as he pleased… which he did. And, unbeknownst to them - as they were too busy thrusting against each other violently with the sound of the shower surrounding them - the blonde boy could hear their moans through the bathroom door, and had enough wherewithal to reach out and try the handle for the sake of amusement. And, again, unbeknownst to them, he walked right into the bathroom, snickering with a hand over his mouth, preparing for the best moment of his life. Or, at least, _one_ of the best moments. And just as things had wound down again, and Sora was frowning at Riku's grin because he'd been roped in again despite his better judgement, Cloud threw the shower curtain open. And for this action, he earned the most ear-piercing scream Sora had ever uttered, along with the shocked silence of Riku, which slowly morphed into riotous laughter. Sora covered his face and huddled into the corner as Riku squeezed his eyes shut and laughed, the amusement only growing as Sora began pummeling him with his fists.

"You. Mother. Fucker. Why. Are. You. Laughing!?" Each hit was accompanied by one word, and Cloud had fallen on the floor as he watched, laughing so hard he was snorting. And Riku began choking on water, which just created a domino effect. Even Sora started to grin behind his hand and eventually all three of them were hunched over with tears streaming down their faces, cheeks painfully contorted from so much hilarity. It wasn't until nearly three minutes later that they managed to settle down and shoo Cloud away, wrapping towels around themselves before they left the bathroom.

Cloud was still waiting in their room when they came out, so they took their clothes back to the damp, misty bathroom, changing with barely repressed snickers. When they started taking too long there was a knock at the door and the handle jiggled a few times before Cloud's voice came from the other side.

"Hey!" he barked, feigning seriousness. "Don't you two start going at it with me in the room again! I'll break down the damn door."

Sora snorted and walked out, brushing his hand over Riku's bare back as he was still in the middle of putting his shirt on. Cloud watched with a raised eyebrow and gave Riku a wink and a thumbs up, mouthing the word "NICE!". Riku, still smiling, rolled his eyes and slammed the door on the blonde, leaving Sora to deal with him.

"Hey Mr. Humpty," Cloud said, turning to Sora with a grin. "You thinkin' about joining us today in our adventures or are you just going to- Holy fuck!" Cloud's voice had raised a few notches with the last part of his statement, making Sora jump and turn around to scowl. But when he noticed what Cloud was exclaiming about, he quickly turned away again, hiding his face. He wouldn't let the other boy know anything about what happened.

"Did you guys…" Cloud whispered, snatching up the condom and leaning around Sora to thrust it in his face. Sora pushed the hand in front of him away with an angry glare, smacking Cloud in the crotch. He doubled over and Sora grabbed the item of interest out of his hand, shoving it back where it had been. "So I'm guessing you didn't," Cloud choked out, still doubled over and wincing. "You didn't have to be so touchy, you bitch. My balls hurt like hell and I'm gonna make _you_ massage them back to life if anything happens to them." Cloud paused and grinned at the suggestion, suddenly realizing all of the implications he could use for a joke. "Ah-"

Sora elbowed him before he started, shuffling past to get his toothpaste from the bathroom, knocking solicitously and slipping through the crack Riku made while shooting a glare at Cloud.

"Maybe he'll leave if we stay in here," Sora whispered, sliding past Riku while he brushed his teeth.

Riku grinned and shook his head, doing the same. "Not likely," he said around his toothbrush. "He'll stay until he gets us to do what he wants. Or until we strong arm him outta here."

"Maybe if we make enough noise in here he'll assume we're doing something again and just… like, fuck off or something."

Riku laughed. "I don't think he has that much respect for our privacy, Sora. Wasn't today a good demonstration of that?" They both smiled and Riku spit, rinsing his mouth before turning to Sora seriously, fixing him with a frank stare. He leaned against the counter and crossed his arms until Sora was done brushing, then sighed and touched his arm. "We should talk about… well, everything. Maybe take the day to sort out our thoughts and figure some things out."

Sora nodded in agreement and set down his toothbrush, fidgeting for a moment before deciding to hug Riku, standing between his legs. A strong pair of arms immediately came around him when he moved to do so, and they both sighed, then giggled.

"We should tell Cloud that we can't hang with them today, then," Sora said, voice muffled by Riku's chest. "Tell him we have some serious soul-searching shit to do and that, you know, that takes precedence because I'm all moody and full of angst." Riku snickered and buried his face in Sora's hair, kissing the top of his head.

"I don't know if he'll buy that after how hard you laughed earlier."

Sora snorted but made no comment, leaving Riku to repress a laugh at the sudden rush of warmth emanating from Sora's skin. 'He's so easy to embarrass,' he thought, shaking his head and stroking a hand down the brunette's back.

After a moment, Cloud started making a ruckus and spewing stupid comments in the direction of the door again, so Sora extricated himself from the embrace he and Riku were still in and made a quick decision. He put on a face that was, decidedly, tragic, and winked at Riku, opening the door slowly to give Cloud a somewhat hurt-filled look, casting his eyes down.

"Riku and I have some things to talk about," he said quietly, rubbing a hand against the back of his neck to complete the effect. He even glanced back at Riku and winced, then wandered away from the doorway like he was confused about where he was going. "I'm uh… I… I think we need some time to ourselves…" Sora's voice was such a quiet, skillfully-executed whisper, that Riku could barely hear those words escape him. He was almost swept up in the illusion his boyfriend was creating for how thorough it was. He was silently impressed, and expressed as much by standing solemnly in place and crossing his arms.

Cloud, who had always been easily fooled merely because he didn't give much of a shit, looked back and forth between the two actors, shrugging one shoulder and giving a conciliatory wince. "So… you went from that performance earlier to fighting just like that?" he asked slowly, watching as Sora whipped around and flashed him an angry look, a single tear escaping the corner of a deep blue eye.

"Can you just fucking… go!?" he hissed, pawing the manufactured tear away and swallowing as he forced his lip to tremble. Internally, he was laughing and doing a little victory dance, his retribution almost complete. Later, Cloud would probably figure out that it was fake and be pissed, but, for the time being, Sora was making him feel like shit, and he knew it. That was all the payback required for the bathroom incident.

Cloud, still wrapped up in the moment and unable to think, winced again and nodded, rushing out of the room with a quiet apology. Sora, meanwhile, had broken a little bit and was pressing his lips together to hold back a smile, his eyes already crinkling from the effort. Then he snorted as his restraint completely broke, sinking down against the edge of the bed as he silently laughed and put his head in his hands.

"That was too easy," he said, flashing a grin at Riku as he joined him. Riku grinned back and stood in front of Sora, sliding his fingers through soft brown locks and murmuring appreciatively. His grin got wider when Sora looked up at him, face turning red at the position they were in.

"We'll have to do this again later," Riku said, thrusting his hips forward jokingly. Sora groaned and pushed him away, aiming a soft punch at his upper thigh.

"Don't get too cocky, pretty boy," he laughed, hoisting himself up to stand. "We still have things to talk about and I don't know how I'll feel about you afterwards-" He blanched as he registered what he was saying, immediately cringing at the guilt twisting in his gut. "Uhh. Sorry, I didn't mean-"

Riku held up a hand, smile softened but eyes betraying the unwittingly inflicted wound Sora's nonchalant words had caused. Still, knowing that Sora saw and that he was sorry was really more than enough, because that meant that he was at least aware of how Riku was feeling. It helped. He didn't say a word, though he'd intended to, and worried that his silence would be taken wrong, forgetting, as usual, that Sora knew him really well and had already registered that he was forgiven.

With a little sigh, Sora grabbed his hand, lacing their fingers together and tugging. "I don't want to stay in this room right now," he murmured, glancing at the door. "I mean, I guess we could lock Cloud out but I still don't trust him to leave us alone."

"Let's wander then," Riku said, smiling because he knew that was implicitly evident. It's what they'd always done in new places.

They headed out without any goal, weaving through crowds of people on the strip and stopping to head into air conditioned areas for short intervals. It was, after all, the desert, and even in the winter it could be hot as hell. Their sweat and hands - which were no longer joined due to necessity - were enough proof of that.

During one of their brief excursions, they took a moment to duck into a semi-hidden area, leaning against each other and feeling, for the first time, like a real couple.

"So…" Sora said, his chest rumbling against Riku's. He didn't continue for another second, leaving Riku to believe that that simple utterance had been laden with meaning. His suspicion proved to be right as Sora drew away with a little frown, still touching but sort of distant. "…you love me?" he finally whispered, gaze slipping away from Riku. They both tensed up at the question, realizing that this was the start of their talk, and it might not lead anywhere pretty.

Riku, with a sigh, pushed his hair away from his face, leaning back against the wall. He considered brushing everything off. Considered running away. Considered a million other things just to distract himself from the hard truth, but, eventually, he knew what had to be said, and knew that he owed it to Sora, because they were a couple, and they had to work it out. With a frown, he nodded, trying to catch Sora's reaction, frown deepening when nothing seemed to register.

After a moment of tense silence, the brunette looked up at his boyfriend, tilting his head slightly as if he were examining him. And it seemed he _was_ with the way his deep blue eyes bore into Riku, essentially shredding him, and his nerves, apart.

"I'm not really worried about it," Sora said slowly, eyes crinkling in a gentle smile. "I think I knew, somewhere deep inside. And… there's nothing wrong with that. I mean, we are in a relationship." Both of them smiled at the word, leaning together again without really thinking about it. They connected so perfectly. Their bodies melded together in a seamless embrace, and Riku felt stupid and mushy inside when he considered that it was almost a metaphor for how well they fit emotionally as well. He rolled his eyes.

"I'm sorry for how I acted last night," Sora murmured, arms tensing around Riku's shoulders. "I shouldn't have gotten so pissed at you over nothing. I realize now that I was rushing it too much and it made it seem… unimportant. I don't want you to think that. It's confusing and…" Sora paused, struggling for words. He had sorted out his feelings, but it was hard to convey them properly. Grunting, he forced himself on, knowing that it was going to be inadequate. "It's confusing," he repeated, "and I guess that, in my mind, I was thinking that if I accommodated you as quickly as possible, there'd be less chance of you… growing discontent. I was worried that you might be upset if I was too scared or too weak, and it would make you think I didn't want you when I do. So I pushed it and… it was too soon, you're right. This isn't the place. We have all the time in the world." The words rang with a soft finality, soothing both of them simultaneously and leaving a pang - almost an aftertaste - of sweet pain in Riku's chest. It seemed, to Riku, like he should say something. Like he should tell Sora that he didn't need to apologize and comfort him. But the other boy seemed completely content, and Riku knew - from years of experience - that he'd already worked through his end of it and was simply trying to bring their almost-fight to a peaceful conclusion. It had always been that way. He sighed at Sora's emotional independence, knowing that it would really come in handy over the years. He stopped his thoughts there, though, because it wasn't the time to get all giddy with ideas about the future. He needed to focus on Sora, and on fixing what damage they'd both done.

"Everything's fine," he murmured. And it felt true enough, so he smiled, satisfied with the words even if they seemed so simple and inadequate from the outside. "I think we both got a little too tightly wound because of how quickly things escalated. And I think we've both been worrying a lot about each other which, really, is a good thing."

"Maybe not for us," Sora snorted, drawing out a small chuckle from Riku.

"Not while we're so unstable and overdramatic, I suppose."

Sora grinned. "Our youth betrays us."

Riku laughed in response, wondering, not for the first time, when Sora started saying things like that. He sounded corny but it was cut by his secret sincerity, and the extrinsic mirth that disguised it as he spoke. And suddenly, as he considered his best-friend turned boyfriend, as he stared into his eyes and they carried him away like the tide, as he stood and felt each painful throb of his heart… he ached for home. He wanted to go home because where they were, in Vegas, on a temporary trip, it almost felt like, once they went back, things would return to normal. Sora would go back to obliviously brushing Riku's feelings aside, and the silver-haired boy would resume being an achy, tired, pining mess, curling around himself in a desperate spiral as he considered the same, depressing thoughts over and over.

In his desperation, and the tight clenching feeling it brought swooping down, he crushed Sora against his chest a bit too hard, noticing, with a wince that the other boy had gasped and was clutching at his arms painfully. He released him and ruffled a hand through his hair, feeling stupid. He'd gotten swept away by his emotions again, which seemed to only happen when he was with Sora, as ever.

In an attempt to distract from his hopeless awkwardness, he grabbed Sora's hand and led him back outside, wandering towards Tropicana Avenue. It was getting dark (which came as no surprise to the two boys since they hadn't even woken up until 1:30), and Riku could see that they were approaching the Bellagio, which immediately drew the attention of his boyfriend, whose hand squeezed a little tighter, suddenly.

"Riku…" he said breathlessly, forcing them to stop. "Look." And as he followed the line of Sora's finger, which the brunette had jutted forward immediately after his statement, he noted - miserably - that they'd become an unwitting part of some crowd… but that was just before his gaze finally settled on what Sora was looking at, which happened to be the fountain nearby erupting triumphantly, colored light dancing over the faces of everyone who cared to look. Riku, who would normally be unimpressed by such a sight as it was far too silly and commercial, was completely enthralled. And though it may have had more to do with the lithe boy standing next to him, whose hands really felt too lovely as they clasped around him, and whose cheek was just so incredibly soft as it landed on his shoulder, he felt a true sense of appreciation for the moment he was sharing with Sora, and the part that stupid fountain was playing in it. He preferred what happened next, however, as his blue eyed companion looked up and shifted his position, pressing a not-so-surreptitious kiss to Riku's lips, obviously disregarding TPO.

Riku didn't really care much that they might be stared at or whispered about, however, because Sora's lips felt amazing, and the way the light from the fountain danced from beyond his closed eyelids sent him into something of a trance. It wasn't until everything died down and they drew apart that they realized just how exposed they really were.

With a quick glance around, they noted that no one was really looking, which was a relief, though there was a guy slightly glancing back over his shoulder. But that was it. With a sigh and a laugh, Riku started walking again, leading Sora back to their hotel. He'd had rather enough of being out, and knew Sora had as well.

Nothing seemed amiss as they ambled along, and Riku and Sora had both gone so far into their minds that they probably wouldn't have noticed even if there had been obvious warning signs. However, the lack of such things didn't stop something unfortunate from happening.

They'd rounded a corner, hands still joined and eyes a little unfocused. Riku was hardly paying attention to their surroundings and Sora was no better. They both just had stupidly happy smiles on their faces and the idea that they needed to be alone on their minds as they unwittingly entered a shady back-alley. It finally dawns on both of them that something might be wrong with their situation when Sora is grabbed roughly from behind and yanked away from Riku, his surprised yell stifled just barely by a hand.

"Shut the fuck up."

The voice in his ear came as a low growl, and Sora could just barely see Riku, who was surrounded by four shadowy figures. He couldn't breathe as he watched them descending on him and his eyes began to go blurry with tears, concern for Riku overtaking everything else. And, unfortunately for the man holding him back, once his emotions took over, Sora - despite his small size - was a force to be reckoned with. Completely disregarding any concern for his own safety, he wriggled his arm in a practiced manner, slamming his fist into the guy's groin. The soft expulsion of air right by his ear and the release of his body were enough to bring a satisfied grin to Sora's lips, but he knew he needed to incapacitate or it would just come back and bite him in the ass. Without a second thought, Sora grabbed the side of the man's face and slammed his head into the nearby wall, repeating the process once more for good measure. When he saw his attacker slump down and lay motionless, he turned frantically to help Riku, stomach churning. He could barely see his boyfriend, at that point, but it became evident quickly that he needed assistance.

From where he stood, Riku couldn't see Sora at all. All he could see were unknown faces and flying fists. His mind was a broken record, playing a frantic chant of "I need to protect Sora, I need to protect Sora, I need to protect Sora" over and over. What didn't occur to him as he continuously looped this thought, was that he was facing four attackers alone, and Sora was in the hands of only one. The fact that he was the one out of his league reared it's ugly head more concretely moments later, when he felt something sting at his side. Before he could really register what it was, he grabbed onto the hand holding it and head-butted the owner in what he hoped was the face. Their grip released on what he then knew to be a knife, and they fell to the floor, so he imagined he couldn't have been too far off. However, it was only a small victory, and one that did more harm than good, in the end.

The knife in his side distracted him, and the other three people around him took advantage of this. They pushed him back to the wall of the alley, the first fist connecting with Riku's face hardly noticeable to the silver-haired boy due to the pain radiating through his abdomen. There's nothing he can do.

As his consciousness slipped along with his body, he heard a sickening thud and then another, the second one followed by a shriek and the sound of retreating footsteps. He tried to crack his eyes to see what was going on, but every sensation wracking his body pulled him back into the cold, black stream threatening to drag him under. It was clear, however, that he was no longer under attack, as evidenced by the presence of Sora, whose hands had fallen on his shoulders.

"Riku," Sora choked out, his tears streaming unchecked. "Riku!" he said again, leaning his head against his boyfriend's chest. He tried to calm down. Tried to think and process and do something, but all he could see was Riku laying on the ground with a knife protruding from his side, bleeding all over his own hand. He took that hand and laced his fingers with the blood-stained ones he now held, barely looking up as the police rushed into the alleyway. He wasn't sure who had called them, but he felt immensely grateful as an ambulance arrived and carted he and a barely-conscious Riku to the hospital.

And from there, all he could do was hope.

* * *

**End Notes: **Ugh. I don't really like chapters like this all that much, because I've never had the patience to create the proper drama. Sigh.


	12. Chapter 12

**Pairings: **Sora and Riku, obviously. Hints at Tidus/Axel. Axel/Roxas. Xemnas/Saix. And many others. Prepare for a rain of unholy sexual tension and an unheard of concentration of gay boys.

**Warning: **Shameless smutiness and general boy/boy content. Drug use and underaged drinking, cursing, fighting, and a lot of high school shenanigans. An overabundant use of the "oh-so-desirable lead" stereotype, along with the use and abuse of many other cliches. Undoubtable pheromones, padded speedos, groping and molestation. Music that I'm in love with and don't own, high schoolers bashing Hemingway, sexy black teachers in low-cut tops. And probably more to be added.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any characters involved other than like... some teachers I'm loosely basing off of people I know. I mean! Wait! Any resemblance is purely coincidental! Yeah. Gotta cover my ass. ;) Really, I don't own anything. Nothing at all.

**Jessica would like you to note: **So I'm sure you guys hated the last chapter if the reviews are anything to go by haha. Or at least the sad part… I hated it too! So I'm looking forward to doing a little cleanup in the world of Riku and Sora. Here we go. (Oh, "Hallways" is by Islands).

* * *

**Hallways**

Sora sat. He sat, and waited… and waited… and waited...

And nothing was happening, not even internally. His mind was so deeply affected, and its efficiency so completely obstructed, that he felt as though his skull might implode. The sick, dead feeling creeping its way through his bones left no room for anything but an aching sense of numbness and the vague awareness that something was wrong.

He found himself legitimately exhausted and wholly discontent, which was not a combination he was used to. He'd never experienced something like this before… well… once, but that was different. What he was mired in now seemed more real, more vivid. And though he tried not to let himself slump pathetically against the polyurethane, plastic-lined chair he had flopped into an hour before, he knew his body was sagging as much as his spirit.

Without warning, the door to the emergency ward wheeled open, revealing the doctor Sora had handed Riku over to, his face a mask of deep lines and hardened courtesy. Sora felt his heart jump-start at the sight of him, all of his hopes and worries swirling through his brain and trickling down his spine as though leaking down a drain. This was it. This was the moment of truth.

With a jerk, Sora stood, his movements unhinged and marionette-like. He walked, in the same mechanical fashion, towards the man who had just appeared, features composed while a storm raged behind his eyes. This was not like Sora at all, and he knew it, but there was something about their current situation that made his concern for Riku manifest unnaturally. It was always thusly, though, because Riku turned his world upside down.

"Is he alive?" Sora stated bluntly, breathing hitched despite his careful control. There was simply no hiding the truth of the pain he was in.

The doctor, noting that he was being addressed by the person he'd been looking for, gave a careful nod, eyeing the obviously emotional boy before him.

"Your friend is in a stable condition," he (Doctor Lombardi, if Sora remembered correctly) said gently. "His wound was clean, fortunately, and we were able to determine that no vital organs were hit. He's very lucky…" He stopped and sighed.

Sora cringed as he took in that line, wondering just how many times Dr. Lombardi had uttered it before. "He's very lucky…" It seemed inadequate and it irked him, so he exhaled heavily and tried to compose himself, knowing he might snap under pressure at any moment. It was good to know Riku was alive, but there would be no peace for Sora until he saw his boyfriend.

With that in mind, he pressed forward, intending to raise hell if he was denied even as he asked. "Can I see him?"

Doctor Lombardi, though he didn't know it, avoided a very loud, very angry Sora as he nodded. He made a motion for the boy to follow as he headed back to the injured patient's bed, and when they reached it, he stood back and ignored what was very clearly meant to be a private moment.

Sora, disregarding how inappropriate the motion was considering their setting, was compelled to passionately kiss Riku as soon as he saw him, nearly disrupting the wires and tubes connected to him. There was a pause after it was done in which the brunette finally considered the ER doctor standing nearby, but it only led him to the conclusion that he was completely justified in doing what he'd done, as the man was looking casually to the side, ignoring them. He turned his attention back to Riku with affectionate care, lacing his fingers one-by-one with the sleeping boy's. He lowered his head slightly a moment later to let out the sobs shuddering their way through him. He was overwhelmed.

"Riku…" he whispered, squeezing the warm palm pressed against his. "I'm so sorry."

There was a fluttering of lashes and a quickening of breath in the one being addressed, which in turn inspired a similar fluttering and quickening in Sora's heart. He paused, squeezing again, parting his lips slightly in anticipation.

With a painfully slow groan, Riku forced his eyes open, holding back a delirious smile at the sight of the one he loved looking down at him with so much concern…

"Who…" he paused, forcing another smile away. "Who are you?" he whispered, eyes going comically wide.

Doctor Lombardi was unable to ignore that one, and his head quirked slightly at the utterance. He knew full well that no one lost their memory from a stab wound. He rolled his eyes.

Sora, who wasn't thinking clearly due to so much stress and emotional trauma, didn't understand. He stumbled back, confused. A burning sensation exploded in his gut and filled his arms and legs.

"Just kidding," said Riku hastily, offering a half-smile.

Sora held a hand to his chest and stood as if waiting for something. He wasn't sure what to do after that final blow, so he just crumpled to the floor and sobbed, laughing intermittently along with each gasp.

Riku, for all of his previous mirth at the joke, was no longer amused. He found that the pain in his side had doubled, and realized that he'd probably just made everything even harder for Sora. He'd added something unpleasant, if only briefly, to the mixture of longing, concern, and confusion Sora had probably been plagued by for the entirety of their hospital visit.

"Hey, Sora…" he said quietly, leaning slightly off the bed to reach for his boyfriend. The jerk the brunette's body gave in response made him double back a little too quickly, sending a sharp pain up his side. The doctor, who'd continued to stand idly by through all of this, moved forward without hesitation at the hiss Riku let out, lifting any obstruction to get to the boy's wound. It was covered by a large bandage, so he couldn't see the stitches below, but the fact that there was no blood showing through was a good sign that everything was alright, so he moved away once more, this time, further than before.

Sora, though perturbed by what had transpired, said nothing and didn't move from his spot on the floor. He was still weeping, but it was a good deal quieter than it had been moments before. He couldn't help but think, as he looked up at Riku's concerned expression, that he had broken. It almost made him start laughing again.

"Sora," Riku murmured, reaching out once more. He almost made a noise again when his boyfriend obliged and grabbed his hand, but contained his expression of pain to a simple wince and a watery smile.

For lack of anything else to say, Sora breathed a quiet, "Are you feeling okay?" squeezing the hand gripping his for the third time that night. His brain kicked back into gear as he took in the vibrant green eyes staring up at him, and he made a small noise as he registered everything all over again.

"I'm fine," Riku said slowly, shaking Sora's hand and, by extension, his arm to make sure the boy was paying attention to him. "Are you okay?"

Sora shook his head. "I'm fine."

"What happened?" Riku continued.

"I hit them…"

"Sora…" The answer was insufficient.

"I hit them with part of a cinder block I found," Sora sighed, clearly avoiding going into detail. "I escaped the creep that was holding me and smashed the guys who attacked you in the head." He paused, taking in a shaky breath, then opened his eyes. "They're all in the hospital right now," he said quietly, avoiding Riku's gaze. There was nothing he could do about them, or about the thoughts now plaguing his mind. Thoughts like 'I'm a fiend, a criminal, a monster…' What he could do was comfort Riku (and himself) and try to figure out what to do next.

"Sora-"

"They called my parents," he interrupted, scratching the back of his head. "My mom was really pissed and she insisted that I come home but I convinced her to let me stay since we're leaving tomorrow anyways. The police want to talk to us, too…"

"Sora…"

"They already talked to me so… you'll just have to deal with them next. They want to know if-"

"Sora!" Riku barked, interrupting his boyfriend's distracting rambling. He didn't want to hear any more. "Stop it. Come here. Don't hide from me."

"Riku I'm-"

"I mean, it. It's enough." Riku's eyes were hardened even as he gently cupped Sora's face. He couldn't help but feel like everything was too much of a mess, and it really bothered him how shaken Sora was, and how hard he was trying to get away from it. "Just… calm down," Riku breathed, pulling Sora closer so that their foreheads were touching, closing his eyes as their breath mingled.

"Hey… look, I-"

"Sora, stop talking," he mumbled, pressing a small kiss to the lips before him. He just wanted to regain his bearings. He wanted to hold Sora. He wanted everything to be alright for a minute before it all crumbled. He knew exactly what followed their brief reprieve: police questioning, updates on the case, hearings (out-of-state hearings, no less), on and on. It was going to be stressful and dramatic and just… completely shitty. But he wanted to share what little time he had left in the eye of the storm with Sora to soften the blow. Things were hard enough.

After a few minutes of silent contact, Sora shifted, chuckling quietly next to Riku's ear.

"What is it?" the silver-haired boy breathed, reaching up and tangling his hand with Sora's silky locks.

"I was just thinking," said Sora, tilting his head into the touch. "We'll be adding more shit to our already full legal agenda. The stuff with Sephiroth… and now this-"

"Again," Riku said sharply, his voice a low hiss. "Stop bringing it up. Just relax."

"I can't relax." Sora pulled back a bit to look Riku in the eye, his features set. "I just watched my boyfriend get stabbed. And, on top of that, I nearly killed four people. I don't think…" He swallowed against the lump in his throat, gaze shooting down to the floor. Riku's eyes stayed trained on him, seeking out something… though neither really knew what.

And then it was over. The peace was broken right then by the approach of the doctor, the police, and other people who weren't Sora. Riku let it all slide, sinking into himself as everything commenced.

He was questioned, which wasn't as bad as he'd expected. Then he was given permission to leave the hospital, clutching a bag which contained his medicine in one hand, and the trembling fingers of Sora in the other. They walked in silence and treaded through time with little regard for the world's goings-on. They were both so tired and unsettled and sickened.

It wasn't until they got back to the hotel that they realized what detail they'd been completely missing. It came to smack them in the face when Cloud, who'd been calling and texting for hours, stomped into their room and shock registered on his face. He hadn't been expecting to find them there, but he was pissed when he did.

"Where the _fuck-_" He stopped and drew in a breath at the look Riku shot him, noting the way he was trembling, and the way Sora was helping him move into bed… and then the pills being administered. "Oh my god…" he whispered, eyes going wide. "What happened?"

Riku looked at Sora briefly to try and gauge how his boyfriend felt about them talking to other people about it, but Sora was too busy avoiding his gaze and mulling over something Riku couldn't quite guess at. So he shrugged and gave Cloud a quick overview.

"We were attacked. I got stabbed. Sora saved me."

A barely perceptible flinch jerked Sora's body at the last statement, but his eyes remained dead. He was moving to the other side of the room and taking his jacket off, at that point. Everyone was silent.

Cloud, who normally ran with everything and had some comment to make about it, didn't know what to say. He could sense well enough that Sora was moody - moodier, even than anyone might have expected. He could also tell that there was something else going on with the small brunette that no one was accounting for.

Feeling out of place and incredibly unhelpful, he turned slightly towards the door and shot Riku a look.

"I'll… tell the guys," he murmured, taking a single, jolting step. "And I'll come get you in the morning… when it's time to leave."

Riku nodded appreciatively and glanced at Sora, staying silent until Cloud had left.

But once it was just the two of them, he had to let it out. "What's wrong with you?"

Instead of answering, Sora shrugged, taking off his socks and then his jeans, turning off the lights before sliding into bed next to Riku.

"Sora," Riku murmured, wincing when the boy rolled to face away from him. He tried to think through what might be getting to Sora so much, and he tried to come up with something to say, but everything was a big, fat blank. He couldn't figure it out…

But then, he realized - with a sickening lurch of his stomach, he realized. His own words echoed in his mind: _"Sora saved me." '_He saved me… like he tried to save his dad. Oh god…' No one knew about what had happened to Sora's father but Riku, and it had taken him many many years to drag the story out of his reluctant friend. What he knew now was that everything that had happened to them had been an echo, a terrible reminder of what had happened when Sora was 7. Instinctively, he reached out and wrapped his arm around his boyfriend, pressing against his back with a pained wince.

"It's not your fault," he breathed, kissing Sora's ear. "It was never your fault. You were only seven-"

Sora flinched, his shoulders hunching up in such a way that Riku knew he'd gotten to the heart of the issue. And he was completely right.

Sora, who'd been occupied with the frantic action surrounding him, and then the dull silence before he got to see Riku in the hospital, had been brought back to reality once they'd gotten to the hotel. And that reality included his father's death, and the guilt he bore over it. It would have been far simpler if Riku had never been stabbed.

"It's so similar," Sora whispered, tears he'd not been aware of shedding now dribbling over his lips. "What happened tonight and what happened then-"

"I know," Riku interrupted, squeezing Sora closer. "Stop. I want you to stop, and I want you to go to sleep. I know you won't quit blaming yourself in one night because… that doesn't happen. So just sleep and feel better and we'll talk in the morning."

Sora wanted to protest. He wanted to argue himself into exhaustion and yell at Riku. But he also wanted to do what he was told and curl around the person holding him… the person he loved the most. He gasped at his own thoughts for a moment, registering, belatedly, what had passed through his mind. Then, in a rush of breath and thoughtless motion, he spun all the way around to face Riku, kissing him furiously.

"I'm sorry," he breathed, letting himself get wrapped up in the warmth of his partner's body. "We'll talk in the morning."

And rather than agree or disagree, Riku simply flopped back against the pillows and fell asleep almost immediately, everything compounding and driving him to unconsciousness. And Sora found that once Riku was asleep, it was hard not to follow him. He promptly drifted off, knowing right then that the night wasn't over yet.

* * *

**End Notes:** Phew. Short chapter. All this emotion is really rough on me. And now I've added more legal shit to deal with which I just… hate. Ahaha. I must be a masochist. -_- Anyways, I adore all of you, my lovely readers, so I hope you stay with me here even though I am frustratingly slow at progressing to… like fun things.


	13. Chapter 13

**Pairings: **Sora and Riku, obviously. Hints at Tidus/Axel. Axel/Roxas. Xemnas/Saix. And many others. Prepare for a rain of unholy sexual tension and an unheard of concentration of gay boys.

**Warning: **Shameless smutiness and general boy/boy content. Drug use and underaged drinking, cursing, fighting, and a lot of high school shenanigans. An overabundant use of the "oh-so-desirable lead" stereotype, along with the use and abuse of many other cliches. Undoubtable pheromones, padded speedos, groping and molestation. Music that I'm in love with and don't own, high schoolers bashing Hemingway, sexy black teachers in low-cut tops. And probably more to be added.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any characters involved other than like... some teachers I'm loosely basing off of people I know. I mean! Wait! Any resemblance is purely coincidental! Yeah. Gotta cover my ass. ;) Really, I don't own anything. Nothing at all.

**Jessica would like you to note: **Blargh! I need to cover a lot of ground here. And I have all these ideas for new stories that I'm now dying to write. Fuck. But anyways, the pace may be a bit quicker than usual in this little chapter, but it's for a good reason (I think…) but, you know the drill: "Crawl" is actually the opening song for Nabari no ou, and it's by Veltpunch.

* * *

**Crawl**

Sora awoke with a jolt, just as he'd expected. His mind was replaying for him what happened to his father, just as he'd expected. He'd experienced it as a nightmare, just as he'd expected... But just as the dream had ended, his father's face had morphed into Riku's… which was something he _hadn't_ expected.

Breathing out slowly, he put his head in his hands, glancing over at Riku to see if he'd woken him. The other boy hadn't stirred or even made a noise, but his eyes were wide open and staring up at Sora. They glinted slightly as he shifted, then they narrowed in pain.

"Did you dream about your dad?" Riku whispered, touching his own side - a barely sealed wound. He smirked mirthlessly at the metaphor he created for himself, realizing that his stitches could snap just as easily as Sora's mind.

Sora nodded slowly, drawing Riku's attention back to the issue at hand. "I dreamed about him," he murmured, bobbing his brown hair up and down. He paused, then looked up at the ceiling, wondering what he should say. The truth seemed the best option. "I dreamed about him, but then he became you."

They both grew silent after the admission, neither boy moving and neither knowing what might happen if they broke the tension. Not knowing what else to do, Riku sighed and laid back down, wrapping his arm around Sora's waist to drag him down too.

"Go back to sleep," he murmured, kissing his lover's forehead once he was within reach. "If you wake up again, let me comfort you. I don't want you to have to suffer on your-"

"Riku," Sora said quietly, turning slightly so that their noses were touching. He wound the fingers of his right hand into Riku's hair and thought about what had crossed his mind before he'd fallen asleep. Then he said it. Without thinking, he just said it. "I love you."

Riku's breath caught in his throat, and then rushed out all at once, his brain not quite able to register what was going on. 'Did he just…' It was true: Sora had just said he loved him. And it should have been amazing. It should have made his heart sing and his face go numb. It should have brought tears to his eyes. But it didn't. 'It's my fault,' he thought, burying his face in Sora's chest, a deep sense of unsettlement sinking in his gut. 'I can't trust those words.' And with that thought, he really did begin to tear up, his body jolting with sobs each time he realized that nothing was perfect. Nothing was ever perfect.

For a solid ten minutes, Riku cried. And then, because he was still extremely exhausted, he fell asleep against Sora again, not realizing how much he'd disturbed his partner.

Sora stared at his boyfriend as he drifted off again, wondering why he hadn't said anything in response to his confession. Why he didn't really seem to take it in.

'Is he worried that I'm not sincere?' A brief flash of anxiety at the notion made Sora twitch, but it passed quickly, leaving him with a dissatisfied pang. 'Maybe he doesn't trust me. Maybe he thinks I'm just saying it because I almost lost him, or because I've had such a rough night…'

Sighing, Sora laid his head back and allowed his tired brain some rest, letting his eyes flicker closed on their own. He was vaguely aware of being frightened that he would dream again as he drifted off, but for the rest of the night, neither he nor Riku stirred.

At 8:15 the next morning, Cloud waltzed into their room with a smile, having forgotten what had happened. The smile quickly faded when he took note of the pain in Riku's movements when the boy sat up, and the way Sora rushed to get his boyfriend some pills.

It wasn't until the room had settled back into a state of composure that Cloud informed them that they'd be leaving soon. Both boys nodded silently and waited for their blonde friend to leave, staring after him until he was completely gone. Then they set about the unpleasant tasks of getting ready. They were all made just a little bit difficult by Riku's injury, but the silver-haired boy didn't tell Sora this. Instead, he did his best to rush through everything, showering quickly and painfully, dressing without regard to his own body.

Sora watched all this passively, knowing that it was but an act. He would have helped, normally, but the looks he was occasionally shot told him not to. Riku wanted to allow Sora the fog he had been in since the night before.

Sighing, Sora went about his own preparations, flopping sideways on the bed again once he'd finished. It was about 9:00 then, and they decided to wait for Cloud to get them instead of doing anything themselves.

Riku wanted to call his mother in the meantime, because - he realized with a jolt - she had no idea about what had happened to him.

Sora watched with interest as his boyfriend dialed the phone and made the call, instantly moving to wrap his arms around him for comfort. He knew Riku was not going to enjoy the conversation he was about to have.

And he was completely right in that assumption, because Riku was nearly in tears by the time they'd finished, a deep sigh building in his throat. He glanced at Sora, whose chin was resting on his shoulder and whose arms were wound around his neck loosely. Then he smiled, because everything sucked and his life was in a shitty state, but at least he'd finally gotten Sora.

He became confused after a moment when he realized that Sora was staring back at him with a blank look, his eyes completely dead. 'What's wrong with him?' he wondered, reaching out to touch some of the brown hair that was tickling his cheek.

"Riku," Sora murmured, tightening his arms. "I love you."

It was the second time he'd said it.

Riku still couldn't feel it. He closed his eyes and let his forehead rest against Sora's. He didn't say anything.

"I love you, Sora," he eventually murmured, leaving enough space between their confessions that he wouldn't have to say "too" at the end. Then he stood and kissed the top of his boyfriend's head, moving to the bathroom for lack of anywhere else to go. He brushed his teeth a second time and ignored Sora's gaze as it followed him.

'He's upset with me,' he thought. Then he rolled his eyes. 'Well duh, Riku, you keep fucking avoiding his love confessions. How do you expect him to feel?'

His internal dialogue was interrupted by the door clicking open and Cloud stepping in for a second time that day, his face a calm mask.

"We're going," he said succinctly, slipping back through the door without saying anything more.

Riku sighed and spit out his toothpaste, rinsing his mouth and his toothbrush and rushing to the other side of the room to grab his things. Sora was right on his heels as they stepped through the door and met up with Cloud and the rest. They were all waiting, varying expressions on their faces.

Wakka inexplicably had an arm slung over Tidus' shoulders and was whispering in the blonde's ear, but neither Riku nor Sora could find it in them to care. They were both upset with each other, and with the silent tension running between them.

They ignored all idle chatter directed at them, they never looked anyone in the eyes, they never stopped moving. It was distressing to the rest of the group, and they knew it, but, again neither of them cared. And neither of them could do anything else.

The ride back would have been awkward, except that Cloud insisted that Riku and Sora sit in back to give Riku the option of laying down. But Sora suspected the real reason for putting them there was purely selfish: they could ignore the two moping assholes if they just shoved them as far away as possible.

He didn't mind, really, so he accepted the exile without a fuss, watching impassively as everyone else's mood perked up. He didn't think for the entire ride home, just observed. And Riku… Riku was too worn out to do anything. He stared straight ahead and lost himself, not quite asleep but not quite awake.

They spent an entire 10 hours that way, only moving enough to relieve any discomfort they were in. And when each of them was dropped off back at their respective home, they said nothing to anyone. Sora, despite having been snubbed and put through hell, kissed his boyfriend goodbye lightly, walking up to his front door with his head hung.

They left before they saw what happened when his mother came to the door, or they would have known that he was dragged inside bodily by a pair of hugging arms and made to sit on the couch while his sobbing mother held him.

Riku suffered a similar fate, though he was hugged by three people simultaneously and patted on the shoulder by a fourth. Despite how stifling the hugs were, and how much his wound hurt when they squeezed him, he couldn't help but smile and relax, his whole body going limp. Because he was finally home. And, without realizing it, the trip he'd been on for barely three days felt like it had lasted three years.

Sora, who was feeling similarly as he curled closer to his mother, wondered what was happening to Riku, though his chest hurt when he considered it. 'My confession was never accepted,' he thought, frowning and letting a tear slip. 'He never believed me when I said I loved him, and now we're both caught in two huge legal messes, and I bet mom will-'

"Sora Ian Sakuraba, you are grounded," his mother said, interrupting his thoughts at exactly the right time. He'd been expecting as much.

He groaned, resignedly, but hugged his mother even tighter, glad to have someone to fuss and cry over him. Someone familiar and un-confusing. His mother was perfect, in that instant.

After a moment more of hugging him and sobbing quietly, she sniffled and pulled back, smoothing down his hair and cupping both of his cheeks, searching his eyes for something. "Are you okay?" she asked earnestly, kissing his forehead a few times. He sighed and relished in the touch, for once feeling no embarrassment or inconvenience. Then he nodded, even if he wasn't sure he really was okay, because he knew it was what she needed.

A few seconds passed before she sent him up to his room, telling him that his grounding would end in a month. 'A month…' he thought wearily, trudging up the stairs. 'Maybe all of the legal bullshit will be taken care of by then.* Maybe Riku and I can have a normal conversation under normal circumstances about normal shit then. Maybe Riku and I can just be a fucking _couple_, then.' He grimaced as he thought about his boyfriend ignoring his confession again, wondering what could possibly drive the other to behave that way. 'You'd think he'd be ecstatic,' he thought, tossing his bag across his room and dropping into his bed unceremoniously. 'You'd think he'd want to hold me and kiss me and be my boyfriend after that, but no. No, he's got to have his complicated Riku thoughts and his complicated Riku feelings… fuck.' Sora realized, ironically, that all of the things that were pissing him off about Riku were things that made him love the other boy as well, and laughed at his own stupidity. 'I'm so fucking needy.' And just as that thought slipped through his brain, he unwittingly fell asleep, not even bothering to change out of his jeans.

The next morning, everything hit him once again, but he couldn't even react. He was so worn out. Slogging out of bed, he showered and got dressed only to lay back down. He had to get to school in an hour, and then he had no idea what might happen, so he tried not to think about it.

Riku showed up in his window as he always did, and they walked silently to school, barely looking at each other. Sora was considering, the whole time, what he wanted to say and do, but he couldn't even handle it. Everything was far too up in the air.

The whole day at school, the both of them were quiet, withdrawn. They didn't talk to each other, or their friends. They had no presence. And it was all of this silence and non-interaction and stupid daily bullshit that made Sora decide that he was going to have to put his relationship aside for awhile. It wasn't something he necessarily wanted to do, but after school, while he was walking home, he got a text from his mother indicating that they'd begin meeting with lawyers starting that very day, and that cinched it for him.

Riku was going to be involved in some proceedings himself, so he wasn't sure what to do about Sora any more than Sora was sure what to do about him. In the end, he probably wouldn't have been surprised by Sora's thought process if he'd been aware of it.

And after they parted that day and everything began in earnest, they were dragged into an increasingly tight spiral of new tasks, all of which seemed to trump the previous with their degree of unpleasantness. Sora never saw Riku because he couldn't - and he'd decided not to - and Riku never saw Sora because the brunette was basically ignoring him.

Riku knew why. He knew that things were just too stressful and too uncertain in his boyfriend's life for him to worry about being with Riku. But it still pissed him off.

After all that trouble the two of them had gone through before when Sora had ignored him, he was doing it again, heedless of how much it might hurt both of them. And it _was_ hurting both of them. Sora was depressed and moody, and spent whatever free time he had mooning over Riku. And Riku was back to the start, behaving much as he had during the worst times in the five years he'd spent pining for Sora.

Though they were both aware of the problem, however, neither did anything to change it. Riku, who normally would have hounded his lover until he broke, simply ignored the current circumstances in an attempt to be understanding. And Sora… he was just lost. He was so stressed and tired and utterly ragged from everything going on in his life.

* * *

**End Notes:** Ahaha. I'm laughing because Sora's middle name is Ian. But it's sad because that was his dad's name (oops you didn't know that but now you do). :/ It's also sad because I named his father after someone I (was) am close friends with (?). He and I are going through a rough patch, and maybe that's good because it's helping me write this story. Haha. Anyways, I will try to update sooner this time. I just got caught up experimenting with writing something else and it was hard to stop once I started! Plus, I injured the middle finger on my right hand partway through writing this and it is currently splinted to my pointer finger. I can still type (obviously) but it slows me down. (OH, and it might be slow soon because I move into the dorms on Friday and I have a bunch of shit to do before that but I'm still going to try really hard to hammer it out!)

Oh! And the asterisk. *I know that it would definitely take more than a month for all of the nonsense to be settled, but I am expediting it because, as I've said before, I HATE IT! I don't want to go into detail, and I don't want it to be part of, or further, the plot. I know you're thinking I should have just left it out then but it's too late. :D

Also, also (not to ramble… even though I am) I know this chapter is really short, but, as I stated at the beginning, there was a lot to cover, and I just wasn't that keen on going into details details details nonstop with all of this, so I haven't. I apologize if it's super shitty and disappointing but that's just life. And, TBH, I like simplistic chapters from time-to-time. They give my mind some space to breathe. Not just from a writer's POV but also as a reader. ^-^ Anywho, happy reading!


	14. Chapter 14

**Pairings: **Sora and Riku, obviously. Hints at Tidus/Axel. Axel/Roxas. Xemnas/Saix. And many others. Prepare for a rain of unholy sexual tension and an unheard of concentration of gay boys.

**Warning: **Shameless smutiness and general boy/boy content. Drug use and underaged drinking, cursing, fighting, and a lot of high school shenanigans. An overabundant use of the "oh-so-desirable lead" stereotype, along with the use and abuse of many other cliches. Undoubtable pheromones, padded speedos, groping and molestation. Music that I'm in love with and don't own, high schoolers bashing Hemingway, sexy black teachers in low-cut tops. And probably more to be added.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any characters involved other than like... some teachers I'm loosely basing off of people I know. I mean! Wait! Any resemblance is purely coincidental! Yeah. Gotta cover my ass. ;) Really, I don't own anything. Nothing at all.

**Jessica would like you to note: **I started writing this before I had written chapter 13 for some reason. I don't know why but I really enjoyed writing this one. It conveys the ways in which Sora is adjusting, and how he changes from situation to situation. "Beautiful My Monster" by Husky Rescue.

* * *

**Beautiful My Monster**

Sora was still avoiding Riku… sort of. Since his grounding, he'd not really had time to see him, even at school. And with all of the shit going on, he really didn't think he could be blamed, either. That's what he continued to think.

He was tired. Tired of trials and investigations. Tired of sneering lawyers and fake smiles. He was just so damn tired. And lonely.

Though he'd chosen his own exile, he wasn't handling it well. And when he thought about it, the thing that made his stomach churn the most was how much he missed Riku. And also the fact that said person had never responded to his confession.

He glanced over at his boyfriend (if he could still be called that), and let out a hefty sigh, dropping his head onto the desk in front of him.

"Sora," Mrs. Geringer said precisely, rapping her knuckles against the board. "Is there a reason you're sleeping in my class?"

"No, Mrs. Geringer," he said immediately, knowing it was futile to explain that he wasn't. That teachers dealt in the world of what _seemed_ to be happening instead of what _was_ happening.

As if affirming this assertion, she cleared her throat and approached the brunette, raising an eyebrow. He let her chocolate eyes bore into him, ignoring the rest of the class: all of them were snickering.

"Okay, Sora," his teacher said quietly, a twinge of sympathy laced with something else passing over her features. Then it was gone and she was as hardened as ever. "Please tell me what you thought of 'The Snows of Kilimanjaro'. You've yet to contribute to our conversation." As she moved away from his desk, Sora cleared his throat. He'd read the story, and he knew he was expected to give some simple analysis to appease her, but he was suddenly overwhelmed by how much he'd genuinely _hated_ the story. He'd absolutely loathed it.

Normally, he'd ignore his personal opinion in such instances and give a simple answer to shift the attention away from him, never being one to create waves. However, in this case, he felt he had to say something. He wasn't sure why the anger that surged up inside him dictated that he must, but he couldn't deny the feeling, either.

"God," he muttered, shaking his head, slapping the book containing the work down on his desk. The action startled everyone in the room, who had grown silent with the strange intensity of Sora's gaze. "Such a trite, pointless representation of human nature!" His voice was an even growl, but his eyes were flashing. Something had overtaken him. "He writes as though everything is justifiable, when really he's just looking for an excuse to be a shoddy writer with not a single poignant thought in his head. His worldview is so narrow and filthy. It feels like I'm reading something written by a cynical twelfth-grader with passing knowledge of the English language and a burning desire to appear intelligent at the cost of meaning." He paused, drawing in a breath, his unreasonable anger dying down and leaving him with nothing to say. So, rather than continue, he just closed his mouth, staring ahead at the board with no expression. Everyone waited, holding their breath, seemingly expecting an explosion. But as the silence persisted, they all shifted to face the front again, discomfort clear in their expressions.

"Okay," Mrs. Geringer said airily, clearly trying to ignore the unpleasant atmosphere. She looked to Riku, who was staring at his boyfriend confusedly, but shook her head and decided to go back to talking to the rest of the class. The two boys in the back were disturbing her inner peace.

As class slowly resumed at its previous pace, Sora took note of Riku's gaze on him and forced a pained smirk, wishing he could stop feeling so stressed out and just be with his lover. There was nothing calm or steady about his life, unfortunately, and Riku seemed to have a little bit too much of both going for him. It just sort of pissed Sora off, though he knew that was unreasonable. It was just as unreasonable as the constant fear that plagued him; he was still haunted by the death of his father, and each time he looked at Riku, he remembered, and he was scared. He was forcing it away for the time being - because there was so much else to deal with already - but it would surface subconsciously as often as it could, permeating his dreams, leaving him delirious and terrified. He would close his eyes after his nightmares to try and calm himself, but then he would just see flashes of his father's dying face. And as his father smiled and said his name for the last time, his features would morph and, suddenly, it was Riku in that alley. It was Riku saying his name and slipping away...

The bell rang, dragging him out of his thoughts. He collected his things hastily and exited without a word, still ignoring Riku as the boy trailed behind him.

"Sora," he heard, the quiet pain in that voice disturbing him. He felt compelled to turn but controlled the urge, quickening his pace. Then a hand wrapped around his arm, yanking him back a bit. He was forced, then, to stand face-to-face with the person he'd taken to semi-avoiding. It would have been unpleasant to be held the way he was normally, but since it was Riku doing it, he couldn't have cared less. He really was missing his best friend turned boyfriend, and he couldn't stop himself from reacting to the sudden contact. Especially since it was contact he'd been so deprived of. He sunk into the arms before him, closing his eyes and resting his forehead against Riku's collarbone.

Riku, who hadn't been expecting the reaction, took a moment to register what was happening. But the moment Sora breathed against his chest and pressed closer, his arms slipped around the brunette in a crushing grip on their own, collecting the warmth of the body they contained. "I miss you," Riku breathed, heart clenching as Sora nodded.

"I miss you, too, I promise," Sora muttered, knocking his head lightly against the bone he was leaned against. "I don't want it to be like this, but… it's hard. Everything is hard right now."

It was Riku's turn to nod, then, which he did, his grip tightening just a fraction. "I know."

They were silent, and they both realized, then, that so was the hallway. And it wasn't for lack of people. Everyone in their immediate vicinity was staring. Sora, who probably would have freaked out about something like that not a month before, just smiled at the realization. He knew that there were more important things than the stares of one's peers.

And Riku, he couldn't have cared less. He was just happy to have Sora in his arms. In the spirit of this, he drew back and brushed a lock of cinnamon hair from his boyfriend's face, moving in for the kill without a second's hesitation. There was a minor collective gasp at the motion, which only served to spur him on more. What's more, Sora didn't stop him, but gently slid his hands over Riku's back, palms flat. Everyone just continued to stare and murmur, but the tardy bell was about to ring, so they all slowly scattered, leaving the two embracing boys to their moment.

Riku smiled as they gently pulled away from each other, a laugh burbling up in his chest, getting louder and louder. Sora cracked a grin as well, his own laugh rising with Riku's. Soon, they were in an empty hallway laughing into each other's shoulders, being pulled away - still laughing - by the vice principal.

He sat them down in his office with a sigh but they were far beyond caring. They'd purposely laced their fingers together between their chairs, and the vice principal's gaze was now firmly trained on that pair of hands. On top of that, they were _still _sniggering quietly and glancing at each other, their complicit mirth only cut by the sadness in both of their eyes. Shit still sucked.

Clearing his throat, the vice principal - Mr. Vizoolik - finally managed to tear his eyes from their ostentatious homosexual display. Then he cleared his throat again, because he had nothing much to say.

"Okay boys," he said, sighing. "I know you're both going through… a rough time right now, but that doesn't excuse blatant disregard for the rules. I would give you a simple talking-to under most circumstances, but considering your records, I'm going to have to assign you detention for this week."

"I can't," Riku said immediately, face now completely flat and blank. He meant for it to be that way, as well, because he knew from experience that it unsettled Vizoolik. "I have to be in court on Thursday and Friday, and so does Sora."

The man looked back and forth between the two boys, sighing for the third time since they'd entered his office and rubbing between his eyes. "Then you will go tomorrow and the following Thursday and Friday. If there are issues with that, we can reschedule again until some amount of time you normally have free is spent in detention."

Sora smirked mirthlessly, his restless anger overtaking him again. "So I see it doesn't really matter if we learn a lesson as long as we serve some time," he said flippantly, baring his teeth. "I guess all that matters is that we're inconvenienced for no good reason to feed into your-"

"Okay, Sora!" Riku laughed, slapping a hand over his boyfriend's mouth with a nervous smile. "Let's uh… let's not say anything we'll regret later."

Mr. Vizoolik didn't address Sora's interrupted speech, seeming unimpressed with it. "Go to class, boys." His voice was somehow precise and indifferent at the same time, and Riku noted - feeling somewhat impressed - that he didn't even look at them as they left, commencing his actual work instead.

"Vizoolik has really calmed down since our freshman year," he chuckled as they walked out, pausing when he saw the tension in Sora's shoulders. "Sora-"

"Sorry," the brunette muttered, walking a good distance ahead. "I just don't have the patience or the time right now. We'll talk when all of this is over."

And without anything further, he walked away, leaving Riku to wonder what he'd done wrong. 'I guess I shouldn't have stopped him mid-rant,' he thought, shrugging and stuffing his hands in his pockets. He sighed heavily as he walked to class, taking his time. 'I know it's unreasonable right now with how unstable our relationship is. I know it would just be harder to try and work out everything going on in our lives _and_ work out our relationship - especially with the whole "I love you" thing - but can't he just… be with me, sometimes? It shouldn't be that hard. Maybe he'll let me kiss him again…' It was then, right as he was walking into a classroom of idiots squawking about what they'd seen in the hall, that he remembered that he and Sora had just performed a major public display of affection. He also remembered that he was in the same class as Sora and that the boy had come on his own ahead of Riku. That couldn't be good.

And, just as he expected, there Sora was, fists clenched and head down, scowling at the floor with red cheeks. 'I shouldn't have kissed him,' Riku thought with a groan, slapping one hand to his forehead. 'Fuck.'

Quickly, before anyone could get too hurtful, Riku did one of those cartoon skidding-in-front-of-someone-to-protect-them kind of things and held up his arms, letting out a nervous chuckle. "Uhh, guys that was just a prank," he said, poking Sora surreptitiously to inform him that he should take that moment to sit down. However, he seemed to be ignoring the telepathic message because he didn't move. In fact, when Riku looked back at him, he was raising his head, and that anger - that strange, unbridled fury that had been seeping into Sora of late - flashed dangerously in his eyes. "Sora, wait-"

"It wasn't a fucking prank," Sora said loudly, cutting off all of the laughing, yammering, staring assholes. They all got silent, some of them shifting nervously. They hadn't expected Sora - cute, lovable Sora - to become so… hostile.

"It wasn't a fucking prank," Sora repeated, casting his gaze slowly around the room. Riku put his face in his hands so that he might convince himself that what was happening wasn't happening, but he could still hear Sora's voice. And when Sora touched his shoulder, he felt it all too keenly. "Yeah. I'm in a relationship with a guy, and it's not really any of your fucking business. And I'm sorry if that offends you but you can seriously eat a dick if it does because you're just an asshole." Then, because he had nothing more to say, and he was incredibly ineloquent when enraged, Sora walked to his seat, and dropped into it, staring fixedly at the board.

Riku followed suit quickly, feeling, for once, like he was the one being protected, rather than the one protecting. Sora was his knight in shining armor. He almost laughed at the thought, but didn't when he saw the way Sora was glaring at everything and nothing.

Spurlock entered the classroom a moment later, and expressed his confusion at the silence by cursing vehemently and saying things just to get a reaction. Slowly, the others in the room responded to him, going back to ignoring Sora and Riku. The only person aside from them_ not_ joining in was Cloud, and he was staring at the ground, probably contemplating his own relationship.

About thirty minutes into class, when it became clear that Sora was serious about ignoring him and was too engrossed in his work to pay him any mind anyways, he walked over to Cloud and sat down in the desk behind him, tapping his shoulder. The boy smiled, turning to address Riku slowly.

"How's your wound?" he asked, poking the air in the general direction of said wound.

Riku shrugged, then rolled his shoulder on that side. "Still hurts like fuck," he said, grimacing. "But it's healed up a lot. I went to the Cal health center and they said it looked pretty good." He sighed, pausing partway through because that wasn't really what he wanted to talk about.

"So what's on your mind?" Cloud said, turning all the way around in his desk and smiling. He was always good at getting to the heart of things.

"Well..." Riku started, glancing back at Sora.

"Ah, say no more." Cloud raised one hand sagely, closing his eyes. "Your boyfriend is being a prissy bitch again and he's having weird emotional issues because of you getting shanked and shit. I get it."

Riku furrowed his brow, shaking his head with a smile. "Yeah, I guess," he muttered. "It's more like… he won't talk to me about anything until all of this bullshit we've been dealing with gets settled. But it's kind of hard, you know? I want to-"

"You want to fuck," Cloud said matter-of-factly, face blank. He was staring directly at Riku now, blue eyes completely sincere.

Riku just raised an eyebrow, knowing that his friend must be messing with him. "You know that's not it."

"Well what else could it be?"

Riku rolled his eyes and lowered his voice. "Just because you and _Leon_ have such a simplistic relationship doesn't mean everyone does."

"No, I guess not," Cloud scoffed. "I suppose it's better to have a bunch of angsty bullshit and deep feelings and whatnot-"

"I never said complicated was better." Riku frowned and looked at Sora again.

Cloud snickered. "I think you two just need to fuck the pain away."

"Okay thanks Peaches."

"You're such a faggot, Riku," Cloud laughed. Riku grinned in response.

"You know, I would beat the shit out of you for using that word if you were anyone else," he muttered, rolling his eyes again. "But back to what we were talking about…"

"Yeah, yeah. Sora's all moody and you can't get laid and poor Riku, boo hoo." He paused, then adjusted for the serious half of his statement. "But, in all seriousness, I don't think there's anything you can do. Remember in third grade when I called Sora an asshole and he got really pissed at me because he thought I was serious when I was really just trying out new words, and then he wouldn't talk to me even after I gave him three ring pops and promised to be his slave for a week?"

Riku nodded, sighing at the weak analogy. "I get it," he muttered, leaning on his hand, "he's stubborn, I can't force or bribe him."

Cloud nodded as well. "It's all in his hands, of course. That's how Sora works my friend."

"I know."

"I know you know, but it seemed like you needed reminding."

"But I don't think he should be allowed to be like that just because… well, because he's like that, you know what I mean!?" Riku grunted in frustration, pulling at his hair. "We all just let him act like a spoiled brat sometimes."

"You know he's kind of grown out of it a lot," Cloud said, seemingly ignoring Riku. "I think that the only reason you're saying that now is because he's in an extreme situation - you both are - and that's bringing out the rough sides of his personality just like it's bringing out the shitty sides of yours. Tough times and all that. You know the saying."

Riku scowled, but quickly hid it when Cloud flashed him a smile, trying not to let his friend get the best of him. He was a huge fan of schadenfreude.

"Well I guess this talk has been pointless," Riku sighed, flopping most of his torso down on the desk defeatedly. "I guess I'll just have to deal with it."

Cloud patted his head. "You can either soldier through, like a man. Or you can continue to be a faggot and whine about it every second. Your choice."

Riku sat up. "Dude, seriously. It's not okay to keep using that word, and I _will_ castrate you and fuck you with your own dick."

Cloud's eyes widened and he started laughing, a snort escaping him every few seconds only furthering the hilarity. In his opinion, vulgar things became a _million_ times more vulgar, and therefore a million times funnier, when they came out of Riku's mouth. The kid was usually so much more classy.

Riku rolled his eyes and stood, walking back over to his desk, resigned to his fate. 'I'll just wait it out,' he thought with a sigh, slumping visibly.

Sora, who was trying really really hard not to look at Riku, and trying really really hard to appear disinterested in the conversation he'd missed, frowned at his paper and thought something similar. 'I just have to wait for this legal battle to be over, and then Riku and I can work this out. And as he did his work, he tried to believe everything would be fine, knowing, subconsciously, that it very well might not be.

The rest of the day wore on in a haze, which was usually the case after the arduous task of fighting off grogginess for the first two periods was done. Sora found, at the end of school, that he didn't want to go to swim practice. He'd been skipping it so much that it seemed like a chore to show up. He usually had a legal engagement to use as an excuse, but this time he just had detention, which he went to passively, most of his anger having been used up during his first few classes.

When he saw Riku already waiting in the library, his arms crossed and a scowl on his face, he felt his heart skip a beat, and became nostalgic for the early days of dreams and shameful masturbation. But then he remembered Riku's wound. He saw the way his boyfriend's motions differed from usual, their cadence interrupted by mindfulness of his injury. And then the whole cycle started up again. Pain, guilt, shame, anger, father's face, Riku's face, trials and lawyers and police reports. It was giving him a migraine.

With a sigh, Sora took a seat far from Riku, knowing that whoever was supervising would inevitably separate them anyways. They were veteran detention attendees, after all. Normally, he would pull out some homework he'd left unfinished to work on throughout the hour-long ordeal, but he found that he had no energy for such things, and simply let his head fall on the table before him instead. He fell asleep almost immediately, and apparently the supervisor didn't care because he was woken a full hour later, Riku's voice slowly luring him out of his rest. In his grogginess, he reached out for the person shaking him, winding his arms around a slim waist and nuzzling his face into taut abs. 'Mmmm… Riku's smell,' Sora thought, still caught in his daze. 'I love this smell. I love this person.'

He stood, barely, his eyes only slightly open, and smiled at Riku, kissing him sloppily.

And as much as Riku wanted to push him away and scowl for the sake of petty revenge, he rather enjoyed what was happening and decided to just go with the flow. He was never one to say no to a good thing.

But just as Riku was venturing to press his tongue into Sora's mouth, the brunette gasped and pulled away, snapping out of his sleepy trance.

"I'm going home," he said immediately, grabbing his board and his backpack, running through the halls before Riku could even move to catch him.

And Riku knew he had no chance of even trying, because Sora was bound to go as quickly as possible, and it wasn't really an easy thing chasing after someone on a skateboard. Especially someone who was trying desperately to avoid you.

Rolling his eyes, Riku picked up his things and walked out in the same direction Sora had gone, trudging home at a painfully slow pace. A lot had happened that day, but he wasn't really sure if any of it mattered. In fact, he was pretty certain that 99% of his day had been unproductive. Maybe it only got to him because he'd been so damn busy every other day of the past month. 'I wonder if Sora feels this restless,' he thought, staring at the sky and kicking a rock. 'I wonder if he'll give up soon…' That would be preferable. With the way they'd kissed before, Riku wasn't sure he would last much longer without contact. They would probably tear each other apart by the time they did work everything out, and that really couldn't be healthy… even if it was pretty hot to imagine. Riku shook his head, kicking the same rock. 'I bet he went back to his weird almost wet dreams or something.' Riku cringed when he realized that that probably wasn't true, and cringed even more when he realized that Sora had probably been having nightmares. The same nightmares over and over. He knew that was usually how Sora coped, somehow. He would dream and dream until he finally faced the problem.

'Shit.' Riku unlocked his front door and wandered into his house, dropping by his room before moving to the kitchen. All of his thinking and pining and emotional turmoil was making him hungry. His father was there, surprisingly, staring into the freezer with an unnecessary amount of concentration.

"There's nothing in here," his dad grumbled, stopping to look at his smirking son.

"Why do you sound so concerned about that?" Riku chuckled, shuffling to the pantry and grabbing snacks. He wasn't in the mood to microwave anything.

"Well I wanted ice cream," his dad sighed, shutting the freezer and turning to him.

"You're going to get fat, dad."

The man smiled in response. "Come on Riku, look at me." He raised his obviously skinny arms, turning his upper body this way and that. "I'm the epitome of physical perfection."

Riku scoffed. "Last time I checked you couldn't do even half as many push-ups as me. Even Aki can manage that much."

"Ahaha. You're being mean to me again, son. It's bad for your inheritance."

They shared a brief smile and moved on to more boring topics like school and police investigations. When that was out of the way, Mr. Ryuichi favored his son with a harsh stare, inviting him silently to spill his guts. He could always look right through Riku that way.

Riku sighed. "Sora and I are… fighting, kind of. I dunno." He looked off to the side, realizing with some embarrassment that his father probably had as much of an idea about Riku's feelings for Sora as his mother did. He hadn't told them they were together, yet. Then his eyes widened as he made a realization. "Argh! I totally forgot about him telling me he loved me!" he said, feeling frustrated. "There's just been so much going on…" He looked up at his father, face going beet red. "Uhh-"

His father laughed. "Riku, I know how you feel about Sora. And I can only guess by your words that you've entered a… relationship. So let me give you some advice." He paused and walked over to his son, clapping one hand on his shoulder. "Take things into your own hands, or they'll slip away."

And with that, he left, a knowing smirk on his face.

Riku just stood and let his thoughts roll over and over in his head. 'Sora's probably really really pissed at me for never accepting his confession… and the more I think about it, there's no real reason for me to deny him. Why can't I just believe in him? I've believed in him in so many other ways, yet I doubt him when he tells me his feelings. He's probably so fucking hurt. God dammit!' He clenched his fist, contemplating his father's words. 'Take it into my own hands…' Then, without really considering the consequences, Riku ran from his house, sprinting all the way to Sora's in what was turning into a full-blown thunderstorm. 'Great,' he thought, standing outside in the rain. 'The one time we get fucking rain in here.' He rolled his eyes, then latched onto the pipe he normally climbed, using various hand and foot holds he'd grown accustomed to as he went. Before he knew it, he was outside Sora's window with no fucking clue what to do. 'Shit.'

But before he could tap on the window obnoxiously, or even pull out his phone to call his boyfriend, the blinds shot up and the glass that was blocking him moved up and away, allowing him access to the dry room beyond it. He ducked inside gratefully, standing away from Sora's bed so that he didn't get it wet, trying to be courteous… well, as courteous as one can be after making an impromptu visit via window.

The person on the receiving end of this visit was eyeing Riku warily from the head of his bed, legs pulled up to his chest.

"I only let you in because it's raining," Sora said, breaking the silence.

Riku nodded, feeling his stomach turn and his brain turn to mush. He'd had so much to say only moments before, and now… now he was drawing a blank. After a few more silent minutes, Riku finally gathered his thoughts and sat on the floor, preparing for a lengthy conversation.

"I love you, too," Riku said simply, hoping that the implications would not be lost on Sora.

And as slow as the brunette could sometimes be, he was just quick enough to understand. His eyes widened, but he said nothing, simply nodding when Riku seemed to search his eyes for some acknowledgement. After realizing that he would receive nothing more, Riku chuckled dryly, scratching the back of his head.

"I guess that's how you felt when you said it to me and I didn't respond," he muttered. "Sorry."

"Why wouldn't you accept it until now?" Sora said abruptly, his expression deadly serious.

Riku sighed. "I… I don't know. I guess I was too scared."

"Yeah… scared. Okay-"

"Sora, I'm serious!" Riku got up in a flash, charging towards his boyfriend and grabbing him by the shoulders. "You don't understand because you didn't spend five years believing you were in love with someone who would never love you back." He choked on a sob and bit his lip, pausing to collect himself before continuing shakily. "I didn't know what to believe because it was hard enough to believe that you even wanted to be with me… so I was a dick. I'm so sorry-"

"Riku," Sora sighed, tugging on his shirt, "…I get it. Apology accepted… but I still can't do this right now."

"Why not?" Riku shook the brunette again, forcing him to look. "Why can't we just… be together and not deal with this and just…"

Sora shook his head slowly. "You understand. I know you do. You know me better than I do, sometimes."

Riku nodded, because that was true. And then he shook his head angrily, feeling conflicted. "I don't want to go back to how it's been for these past two weeks. They were almost as bad as that time before-"

"I said not to talk about that," Sora growled, obviously perturbed. He swallowed down the lump in his throat and stood close to Riku, wrapping his arms around the boy's neck. "I want to as much as you-"

"You obviously don't because you're just being stubborn," Riku insisted, pushing him back a little. "You keep acting like I'm going to constantly pick fights with you, or bring up our relationship, when, really, if you think about it reasonably, I'd just be there to comfort you. Isn't that what being in a relationship is about? Can't we just be there for each other and not complicate it while this is going on, and deal with all that other shit after all of this shit is-"

Sora stopped him with a kiss, winding his hands in Riku's damp hair and pulling the bigger boy closer. He purposely opened his mouth quickly and slid his tongue across Riku's. He was tired of talking. And he was also thinking that Riku was probably - no, _definitely_ - right, and it really didn't have to be so stupidly complicated. They didn't always have to make things hard for themselves. He was learning that little by little as he aged.

"Mm… Sora," Riku murmured, kissing his boyfriend back despite himself. "Don't avoid…" But Sora did something with his tongue that made Riku forget what he was saying, and then they just fell onto his bed and continued kissing, the comparative warmth of Sora's body melting Riku to the core.

There was a shift and a tug, and then Riku was laying comfortably between Sora's legs, and they were probably going to start stripping clothes because the brunette was groaning slightly and his body was just so warm…

But it was not to be, because Sora had forgotten, and Riku had forgotten, and the lock on Sora's door had forgotten, that while Sora was grounded his mother would barge in without knocking as part of his punishment. And it was in that moment, when Riku was yanking Sora's hips closer and panting into their kiss, prepared to do some thoroughly awesome things to Sora, that the smaller boy's mother exerted this parental privilege… and then just stood there.

Riku had paused with his hands under Sora's shirt, and Sora had paused with his hips arched up, and Sora's mother had paused with her mouth all hanging open… and then they all jumped into motion. Riku flung himself off of Sora painfully, cringing at his wound. Sora righted his clothing and curled into a ball to hide his red face. And Sora's mother stormed into the room and began yelling at both of them, waving her arms everywhere.

"Sora! You should know the rules of your grounding by now!" she screeched. "And RIKU! You should know better than to come while he's grounded and not even ask me to see him! And how come neither of you thought to tell me you were in a relationship, huh!? Because I'm pretty sure this is the first I'm hearing - well, _seeing_ - of it! And I expect you to explain everything to me right now Sora because this is not acceptable. I want Riku to greet me properly." She crossed her arms after her rant, staring down her son and then, when she got no response, her son's boyfriend. "Well?" she said loudly, switching back to Sora.

Slowly, the brunette peeked out from behind his arms, blue eyes wide with uncertainty. "Wait, mom," he murmured, uncurling slowly. "Are you saying… you're okay with me dating Riku? You're okay with me being with… another guy?"

Sora's mother gave her son an incredulous stare (mouth all open again) and looked up at the ceiling, shaking her head. "Oh my god my son thinks I'm a bigot."

"So you are okay!?" Sora asked, suddenly excited. Riku glanced at him, then back at his mother, not sure how to feel. On one hand, he'd gotten some things out of the way, and Sora seemed more relaxed. But, on the other, they were now revealing their homosexual relationship to his unsuspecting mother in the worst possible way. Though Sora didn't seem to mind. He was regaining something of his bubbly affability.

"Oh my god," his mother said again, glaring at Riku. "I'm obviously okay with you being… whatever. Gay, straight, bisexual, pansexual… gender-fluid, I dunno. I don't care. Just…" She looked at Riku again. "Ugh. Pick a better boyfriend than _him_."

Sora laughed, then stood to hug his mom. She held up a hand to stop him, making a face. "I don't want to hug you after seeing that," she said, raising an eyebrow. "And I still want him to greet me properly… and then leave."

With a grin, Sora grabbed Riku by the hand, following his mother downstairs. Riku let himself be dragged along, completely resigned to what was going on. 'I can't believe she interrupted at the best part,' he complained silently, rolling his eyes. He was feeling so sexually repressed.

Once they were downstairs and Sora's mother had settled on the couch, Sora pushed Riku forward and told him to greet her properly, apparently not understanding that Riku had no fucking clue what that meant. He tried his best anyways, figuring it must be something like asking a father for his daughter's hand in marriage. He stifled a snicker at the metaphor and cleared his throat.

"Uhh… Ms. Sakuraba can I… date your son?" he said unsurely, scratching at his side to distract from the discomfort he felt.

Eventually, after making Riku stand for some time, Sora's mother nodded, standing to pat Riku on the back. "Now you have to leave because Sora is still grounded," she said, turning him by the shoulders and pushing him towards the door. "Say goodbye!"

"W-wait!" Sora yelled, running after them. Before his mother managed to completely force Riku out into the cold, rainy world, Sora slipped between them and fit in one last kiss, earning a disgruntled "Ugh" from his mother. Then the door slammed.

They stood for a moment, both registering what had just happened. Like mother like son…

He looked at his parent, grinning from ear-to-ear, waiting for some sort of comment.

His mother just rolled her eyes and wandered away. "I can't believe you're dating that asshole," she muttered derisively, her voice barely audible from so far away.

Sora chuckled and shook his head. "Yeah… me neither."

* * *

**End Notes:** I kind of realized this earlier, but I've never mentioned that they live in Berkeley. Oops. Oh well. It doesn't really matter, anyways. Sigh. Okay so I stayed up really late writing this and I'm going to this overnight beach thing tomorrow (or today, I guess) and I know I'm going to be TIRED. ^-^ But I'm glad I got this chapter done because I love it for many reasons. One of those reasons is the whole ring pop/slave for a week thing which happened between me and one of my friends long ago in the days of innocence. I write so much unimportant bullshit here. I'm gonna stop now. Heh


	15. Chapter 15

**Pairings: **Sora and Riku, obviously. Hints at Tidus/Axel. Axel/Roxas. Xemnas/Saix. And many others. Prepare for a rain of unholy sexual tension and an unheard of concentration of gay boys.

**Warning: **Shameless smutiness and general boy/boy content. Drug use and underaged drinking, cursing, fighting, and a lot of high school shenanigans. An overabundant use of the "oh-so-desirable lead" stereotype, along with the use and abuse of many other cliches. Undoubtable pheromones, padded speedos, groping and molestation. Music that I'm in love with and don't own, high schoolers bashing Hemingway, sexy black teachers in low-cut tops. And probably more to be added.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any characters involved other than like... some teachers I'm loosely basing off of people I know. I mean! Wait! Any resemblance is purely coincidental! Yeah. Gotta cover my ass. ;) Really, I don't own anything. Nothing at all.

**Jessica would like you to note: **"R U Mine?" - Arctic Monkeys. Omg I'm so sorry for how long this one took! I just started school and I've been so damn busy and I hate my social life because it makes it impossible for me to sit down and write. :C But I finally managed to get it out. Jeez. So frustrating.

* * *

**R U Mine?**

Sephiroth was found guilty. Guilty as charged. The gavel clapping against the sound block gave Sora's heart a jump-start, and the noise and the verdict brought a smile to his face.

He avoided the gaze of everyone in the room but his mother, allowing her to envelop him in a tearful hug. He closed his eyes and rested his forehead against her shoulder, breathing out very slowly. He could feel the stare of the man who'd just been convicted on his back, and he could feel the restless energy of the courtroom as people began moving and reacting. Before he could be swept up in what was happening, he grabbed his mother and rushed away.

They left as quickly and surreptitiously as they could manage, but there was still a big fuss. Sora ignored all of it and kept moving in swift determination, feeling the weight of one milestone being lifted at last. He couldn't yet express how much better he felt, but his heart was soaring anyways, and he really wished Riku was with him…

At the same time, the other boy was wishing something very similar as he sat at home, awaiting a call regarding what had happened in Vegas. Both he and Sora were anticipating the final trial, which would determine Sora's culpability and the sentencing of the man who'd stabbed Riku. The other attackers had already been sentenced and were in jail with massive head injuries.

What pissed Riku off about the legal system - aside from the fact that his extensive dealings within it were an impediment to his personal life - was the fact that Sora was even in question for his actions. In Riku's mind, Sora had saved both of their lives, and probably prevented further crimes. But, of course, he'd injured the four men he'd bashed with a degree of severity that made it a necessity to investigate him. And despite the reassurances Riku had been given regarding Sora's situation, the silver-haired boy was unsettled. They'd told him many times that his boyfriend would likely get off scott-free but… it was enough that there was even a slight chance of Sora going to jail.

Riku shivered as his thoughts trailed towards the worst case scenario. He stood to alleviate the chills he was feeling and moved to his bedroom, flopping onto his bed and staring up at the ceiling, one hand on his stomach. 'I haven't talked to him in three days,' he thought idly, picking at the fabric of his shirt. 'I wonder if he'll call me after his trial…' Unfortunately, Riku knew the answer was no, and sighed as he grabbed his phone to take the initiative as always. However, just as he reached for it, it buzzed violently and fell from his night stand. He grabbed it and answered without looking, shocked to hear Sora's voice on the other end.

"Sephiroth was found guilty." The statement was immediate and filled with relief, and Riku knew Sora had smiled as he said it.

"Thank god," Riku breathed, falling back against his bed. His whole body seemed to relax, much to his surprise. "I hadn't realized how tense I'd been feeling about it until you told me that," he admitted, laughing a little.

Sora was silent on the other end, but Riku suspected he was smiling.

Tentatively, he ventured for something more. "Can I see you today?" The lack of immediate response from the other end told him what the answer would be.

"I want to see you, I really do," Sora said quietly, setting up for a gentle 'NO'.

Riku sighed to cut him off, smiling mirthlessly. "I forgot you're still grounded."

"Yeah…"

There was another pause, and then Riku heard Ms. Sakuraba talking in the background, probably telling her son to get off the phone.

"I have to go, Riku," Sora murmured, probably giving an apologetic wince despite the fact that they couldn't actually see each other's expressions.

Riku nodded, assuming that Sora would just hang up after that. Instead, there was yet another pause, and then, in the barest whisper came "I love you," before the phone clicked and there was complete silence. Riku grunted in dissatisfaction, throwing his phone into a pile of clothes angrily.

'This is stupid,' he thought, shaking his head. 'I fucking hate everything. I can't even think properly. Is he my boyfriend or not? Is he going to let me in, or is he just pretending? If he'd just talk to me, at least…'

Riku had managed to get very little alone-time with Sora even at school, though they occasionally snuck off to make out. And Sora never wanted to say more than a few words about anything that wasn't trivial, which was starting to irk Riku.

Just that day, he and Riku had been out behind the school, and Riku had tried to bring up their relationship, but Sora basically walked away from him. "You said we wouldn't try and deal with this until everything else was dealt with," the brunette had said. And that was that. There was nothing Riku could do, because he _had_ said that. However, he was starting to regret it, because it really wasn't that hard just to work out a few simple things. 'One thing at a time,' Riku reminded himself, sighing as he closed his eyes and rubbed between them. 'I can't expect him to react well to me in our current situation.'

Just as he was planning on falling into a listless daze, the doorbell rang, startling him out of his reverie. No one else was in the house, so he was obligated to answer the door. With a grunt, he stood, wandering angrily towards the door. He swung it wide unceremoniously, raising an eyebrow and crossing his arms when it was fully open.

He sighed. "What do you want, Cloud?"

The blonde shrugged with a smile, shoving past his friend without asking. "I just came to talk."

"We have nothing to discuss. I'm too tired."

Cloud just ignored the protests and invited himself inside, entering Riku's room and sitting down on the floor. The other boy, knowing that he had no choice, went in as well and sat on his bed, wondering why he had such bad luck. He really didn't like seeing Cloud when he was down. The guy was always happy.

"Soooo… how's it going with Sora?"

Riku winced, knocking his head against the wall. "Fucking terrible, thanks."

Cloud snickered. "Well I guess you can't expect too much from him when things are going so poorly in general."

"Yeah. Whatever. Look, why are you here?" Riku's impatience was turning into a migraine, and he'd not even gotten the call he was expecting.

"I'm here to ease your burden," Cloud said, his voice heavy with meaning. Then he reached into his pocket and unfurled a plastic bag full of weed.

Riku shook his head. "No."

"But you'll feel so much better."

"No."

"C'mon! No one else will smoke with me and I want you to feel better and be happy and just be high-"

"NO."

"Riiiikuuuuuuu!" Cloud whined, smacking his friend on the knee. "You know you want to. You _know_ you do. Remember that time you were really really upset because Sora had sex for the first time with that chick he was dating and you almost cried, but then we got high and you were totally better? It'll be like that. Come on!"

Riku rolled his eyes, mouth open in preparation for another "No.", but then he considered it more carefully… 'It's true,' he thought, mouth twisting, 'I feel better afterwards. And maybe it'll help me clear my head…' He sighed, cast his gaze to the side, and then finally gave up, nodding surreptitiously. Cloud noticed and spared Riku's pride by simply smiling and standing, shoving the drugs back in his pocket. "Let's go to my car."

Riku nodded and followed his friend, feeling depressed about what he was about to do. 'At least I'll feel better afterwards,' he thought, rolling his eyes.

"You have a drug problem," he said idly, shooting Cloud a look. "Seriously. You should do something about that."

Cloud just shrugged. "I suppose so, but I'm not too worried about it right now."

Riku wasn't sure how to respond to that, so he just kept quiet and hoped that they would get to Cloud's car soon because he was becoming progressively more upset as time passed. By the time they finally made the short walk to the vehicle, got in, and drove out to a safe spot, Riku was scowling and wishing he could see Sora.

However, twenty minutes later, as he lay back in the passenger seat with smoke floating all around him, he no longer remembered why he was so upset. He turned to Cloud, who was busy staring out the windshield and laughing at nothing, then started laughing too, inhaling a good deal more smoke as he did. When they both finally settled back down, he let his head loll and stared at his blonde friend.

"I seriously love Sora so much!" he declared, turning his hands so they were face up and then shoving them to his forehead. "I just… I really love him. I can't wait until we can figure everything out. I can't wait until we can finally be perfect together, because that's how it's going to be. We're going to be so perfect. Just so perfect."

Cloud nodded emphatically, then slowed the motion down, bobbing his head over and over as he said nothing. "I feel you man," he said eventually, hunching into the steering wheel. "I… I love Leon, too. I think he's mad at me though…"

Riku sprang (or, in his mind, at least, he "sprang") forward and stared at Cloud. The other boy rarely shared anything about his personal life or his relationship with Leon.

"Why do you think he's mad?" he said quietly, eyes comically wide (though he was unaware of it).

Cloud was silent for a moment, then he turned his face to Riku with a goofy smile. "He said the same thing you did," he murmured. "He said I have a drug problem and that he wants me to calm down with it and that we should talk about our relationship and stuff. He says he feels like I'm not serious about him because I'm so…. like nonchalant and stuff. And now he won't talk to me."

Riku frowned, noting the similarities in their situations immediately. "Why are our bastard boyfriends so keen on avoiding problems?" He laughed after he said it, though it was completely devoid of humor. "Why do they think that will help anything?"

Cloud shrugged, then began pouting, his frown growing deeper and deeper as he sunk back in his chair. "I think Leon and Sora are both really alike. I mean, on the surface of things, I'm way more like Sora, and you're way more like Leon, but when it comes to troubled times they both react the same way, whereas we like to face our problems head-on, you know?" He shook his head for far too long due to his inebriation, then paused. "We should both call them."

Riku's eyes widened. "That's a great idea," he said seriously, nodding. "Yeah. Let's call them. We have so much more… so much more clarity than usual right now. We need to use it."

"Yeah," Cloud said, also nodding, eyes growing wider and wider. "I'm gonna get out of the car and call Leon so you stay in here and call Sora. Go!" Without any further dallying, Cloud jumped out of the car, slamming the door and half-jogging away. Riku stayed where he was and pulled out his phone, wondering briefly if what he was about to do was really a good idea. But the part of his brain (the sober part) that was telling him not to do it was inexorably overridden by the part of his brain (the high part) that told him that what he was doing was the smartest thing ever.

After he'd dialed, he waited for what seemed like forever, staring fixedly at the sheen on the window and wondering where it had come from. He dragged his finger across the glass in awe, eyes going even wider than they already were.

"Riku I'm grounded," he heard, the voice on the phone startling him.

"Oh shit!" he said, smacking his hand to his forehead. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry baby!"

"What the fuck-"

"Sora, I love you so much," Riku said loudly, curling all the way forward so that he was leaning against the dashboard. "I love you. I want to be with you forever. I want to make you happy, and I want to marry you, and I want to adopt a million children with you, and I just want us to be together-"

"Riku-"

"Seriously, Sora, you're my whole world. You've always been my whole world. Can't we just be together?" His voice was a whine by that time, and it was quickly degenerating into dry sobs. "I love you. Can I see you? I want to see you so much…"

"Riku…" Sora's voice was quiet and careful, clearly strained by various emotions. Then there was a soft sigh. "Riku, I love you too. I want to see you too. I wish I could…" There was a pause, then another sigh. "You're really high right now, so… let's talk after… after Wednesday."

Riku furrowed his brow. "Why Wednesday?" he said, completely forgetting their previous topics. He was suddenly overwhelmed by curiosity about Wednesday.

"You didn't get a call?"

Riku shook his head, then remembered that he was on the phone. "What call?"

Sora sighed. "The call about our last trial? It's on Wednesday. I can only imagine that you were too busy getting baked with Cloud to answer your phone."

Riku cringed, the sober part of his brain screaming profanities at him. "I'm sorry," he said simply, not sure why he was apologizing other than because it seemed like the right thing to do.

"You've done nothing wrong," Sora answered. "I mean… I've been a huge dick about things and just expected you to take it under the pretense that everything's too stressful. Really I'm just being a pussy about this. I'm the one that's sorry Riku. I've been so unfair to you… and I couldn't even face it."

Riku felt his whole body being torn to shreds internally as Sora sobbed softly through the phone, wishing and wishing that he was next to his boyfriend then to comfort him and kiss his tears away. 'Oh god. I made him cry.' He swallowed down his own tears and closed his eyes, just listening to the sounds coming from the receiver.

"I made you cry," he said desperately, his voice choked. "I'm so sorry! Shit. Shit shit shit. I can't believe I made you cry-"

"Riku," Sora interrupted, sniffling, "I love you. And I miss you. And we can have a nice long talk after the trial and… everything's going to be perfect."

Riku nodded emphatically, wiping at the tears he'd tried ineffectually to stifle with his sleeve. "Okay," he whispered. "I'll be waiting."

There was a click, and then the phone beeped to notify him that Sora had hung up. In his impaired state, he couldn't even really react to the sudden lack of anything to do, so he let his whole body slump low into the seat, permitting the high he was experiencing to overtake him completely. Most people thought too much while they were high, but Riku was a firm believer in just letting himself be, and that is what he did for almost an entire hour while Cloud was out of the car. He didn't even really feel the time pass because his mind was in such a fog, and when his blonde-haired companion finally reentered the vehicle, he just buckled silently and zoned out as he was driven home.

When they reached his street and were just outside his house, he finally gained the presence of mind to say something. "How'd your talk go?" he asked quietly, voice slightly hoarse from the smoke.

Cloud shrugged, then smiled, scratching the back of his head. "He got mad that I was high, but then… we had a really good talk." He looked more serious than Riku had seen him in a long time as he said this, which made the silver-haired boy inexplicably happy. With a goofy grin, he enveloped Cloud in a sloppy hug, laughing as the other boy grumbled.

"I'm glad man. I'm glad." And without anything further, he got out of the car and sidled up to his front door, sobering himself up as best as he could before he walked inside.

His mother was in the living room when he went in, and, normally, she might have asked him what he'd been up to, but Riku had put on an angry face on purpose to deter her. She'd been awfully respectful of his privacy since his legal battles had begun.

"Hi honey," she said as he passed, smiling as he looked over at her.

He gave a tiny smirk in response, then rushed to the bathroom, intent on showering. He was sure he smelled terribly of weed.

Ten minutes later, after he felt he'd sufficiently cleansed himself of incriminating scents, he remembered that he should check his phone for the call Sora had mentioned. And, just as his boyfriend had said, there was a message stating the date and time of the final hearing. If he hadn't been so high, he might have become anxious and over-thought everything. He was incredibly glad, then, that he wasn't sober.

Flopping onto his bed, he decided it would be better to drift off rather than giving in to his munchies, and promptly fell asleep thinking of Sora.

And Sora was also thinking of him, staring out his window and wishing he had the gift of foresight. 'Or just common sense, maybe,' he thought angrily, feeling like an idiot. 'I'm so stupid. Shit.'

After Riku had called him while high and blathered on about loving him and wishing things were okay and whatnot, Sora had become properly depressed. He'd known from the start that avoiding Riku was a bad idea, and he'd known that he'd be upset about it in the end, but he hadn't realized just how much it was going to affect him. He was stressed from his day-to-day life, and instead of making it easier by keeping his distance from the one thing that truly made him happy, he'd just fucked himself, and the person he loved, over, and probably done some irreparable damage to their relationship… or at least that's what he thought. He knew he was being melodramatic.

'I'll fix it when we're finally done with all of this,' he thought, covering his face with his hands. 'I'll fix everything and then we can be together again…' His cheeks burned with heat as he remembered _being_ with Riku, and then, shamefully, and with some nostalgia for the past, he reached down. 'Oh god… I don't want to do this but…' He remembered Riku's face as he came in the shower. He remembered Riku's hands and lips and tongue all over, making him hotter and hotter, teasing and coaxing. He remembered Riku's hips thrusting against him, the way the other boy's muscles had rippled and tensed, and the way he'd said Sora's name… _Shit_.

"Nnn, Riku," he called softly, the words coming out despite himself. And then he rolled over in shame, his body shivering slightly. He initially didn't want to move. He wanted to just lay and enjoy the aftershocks, but he felt too nervous and too distressed, so he jogged down the hall and took a shower. After that, despite how brimming with thoughts his mind was, and despite his worries for the future, he laid down and went to sleep immediately, wishing that it was already Wednesday.

* * *

**End Notes:** Jesus I've had a rough, long week. Once again, sorry for how long I took. It's also kind of shitty that this is a bit of a filler chapter, but I swear the next one will come much quicker since I have the weekend. I've already started on it.


	16. Chapter 16

**Pairings: **Sora and Riku, obviously. Hints at Tidus/Axel. Axel/Roxas. Xemnas/Saix. And many others. Prepare for a rain of unholy sexual tension and an unheard of concentration of gay boys.

**Warning: **Shameless smutiness and general boy/boy content. Drug use and underaged drinking, cursing, fighting, and a lot of high school shenanigans. An overabundant use of the "oh-so-desirable lead" stereotype, along with the use and abuse of many other cliches. Undoubtable pheromones, padded speedos, groping and molestation. Music that I'm in love with and don't own, high schoolers bashing Hemingway, sexy black teachers in low-cut tops. And probably more to be added.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any characters involved other than like... some teachers I'm loosely basing off of people I know. I mean! Wait! Any resemblance is purely coincidental! Yeah. Gotta cover my ass. ;) Really, I don't own anything. Nothing at all.

**Jessica would like you to note: **So "I Still Remember" is by Bloc Party, and I'm super happy to be writing a nicer chapter than I have been. I know my others are all fraught with… angst and struggle and people internalizing things. Ha. Life. Anyways, I'm ready to make this story go somewhere.

* * *

**I Still Remember**

Sora spent the entirety of his weekend chastising himself, moping, and thinking about Riku. Then, when Monday came, and he'd become sufficiently needy, he had a passionate make out session with his boyfriend behind the school resulting in them skipping first period and earning more detention. He felt justified in his actions.

On Tuesday, the vice principal threatened suspension when he found them hidden in an odd corner of the hallway, and gave them a lengthy and uncomfortable lecture about PDA. They sat silently as they listened with their hands interlocked.

And then Wednesday rolled around.

Neither boy had said much to the other during the previous two days for fear of jinxing themselves, but now they found that it was impossible to get even a single cogent thought out. Riku sat with his lawyer with his arms crossed, scowling at the floor. Sora also sat with his lawyer, but was being forced to pay attention as the man rambled about the proceedings and what might happen. He felt fortunate, then, when they were finally called to the trial.

It was a grueling, nauseated walk down the hall, then a heart-pounding entrance to the courtroom, all followed by the inevitable rush of anxiety caused by fear of the unknown. Sora gulped.

And then… everything went just fine. It was faster than both he and Riku had expected, and Sora was not punished in any way. Riku's attacker was given the maximum sentence possible, as well. And then the final gavel clapped down. Another hug was given, mother to son, and then it was all done, over, finished, complete.

Sora could have wept tears of joy. He glanced at Riku and smiled, his heart thumping wildly when the other boy smiled back. They were finally going to fix what he'd broken.

As everything was settled and they left the building, Sora grabbed Riku's hand and turned to his mother, grinning wider than he had in over a month.

"I'm off grounding now, right?" he said, squeezing his boyfriend's fingers.

Ms. Sakuraba sighed, then patted her son's shoulder, giving a nod. Then she leveled Riku with a stern look that clearly said "I'm watching you" before heading for the parking lot.

Sora turned to Riku slowly and let his head fall to the boy's chest, sighing heavily. "So…" he murmured, unable to complete whatever thought might have followed. It was too overwhelming, the idea he was mulling over.

Fortunately, Riku picked up the slack. "We can meet up later," he suggested, tilting Sora's chin up with a gentle smile. "We can go to our spot."

"We haven't been there in forever," Sora said, lips curving as he leaned up to kiss Riku. "I'll call you when we get home."

Riku nodded and pulled back a bit, walking off to call a cab. He was taking a different flight back to Berkeley than Sora and his mother, and had to get to the airport quickly. Thus, Sora was left to mope and pine some more while he spent forced time with someone that was not Riku.

He zoned out during the short flight, slept during the car ride home, and immediately bolted inside the house to change when their destination was finally reached.

"Mom I'm going out!" he called, stomping into his shoes and running out the door. He felt invigorated.

He called Riku partway to the other boy's house, grinning for no reason as he informed his boyfriend of the situation. Two minutes later, they were standing outside on the sidewalk, hugging each other harder than ever before.

"Let's go," Riku breathed, the words ghosting just over the top of Sora's ear, sending shivers down his spine.

He nodded and grasped Riku's hand, not worrying about anyone else in that moment. Even if someone saw them, he wouldn't care - he was on top of the world.

They walked in companionable silence, enjoying the breeze and the slowly sinking in feeling of freedom. Sora was becoming utterly hyperactive at the thought that he could now do as he pleased, that everything was fine, that he could figure out himself and figure out his relationship. Thus, by the time they reached "their spot" - a creepy abandoned playground that no one had ever gotten around to tearing down - he was bursting with anticipation.

He scrambled up the jungle gym himself and sat atop, hooking his knees around one bar and hanging upside down. Riku joined him and leaned with an amused smirk, crossing his arms.

"We should talk," Sora said, remaining in his compromised position.

Riku laughed but nodded in agreement, watching as, at length, Sora moved back into a semi-dignified pose (well, as dignified as Sora ever managed).

They both sighed once this was accomplished, neither really sure where to start.

"Um…" Sora uttered, scratching the back of his head with a wince. "I guess I'll just start from the beginning."

Riku bobbed his head slowly, twiddling his thumbs and waiting. He'd honestly never been so nervous about anything in his life, and he wasn't really sure why.

"Okay, well, I love you, Riku," Sora murmured, touching his boyfriend's hand. "I mean that. I want to be with you, and I want us to work. I… I just wasn't being open enough with you. I wasn't willing to talk and I think it's because I wasn't used to the new aspects of our changed relationship. If we'd still been best friends, I would have unloaded on you with no problem, and I would have handled everything so much better, but…" He paused, sighing, and squeezed his eyes shut. "I just kept seeing my dad when I looked at you, after what happened. It only passed recently, honestly, and I'm still dealing with some… residual… stuff… I know it's no excuse, none of it, but I want-" He paused again, hands clawing at the air as if grasping for an answer. "I just want us to be together. I want it to be simple like it always has been, and it took me all this time to realize that I can let it be that way. Nothing has to change except… except that I love you, and I want you."

Sora stopped, giving Riku an earnest look even as his cheeks burned. The markedly differing temperature of the air made his skin that much hotter, and he only became more self-conscious as Riku stared. And for a moment, that's all the silver-haired boy did.

His gaze was so intense that Sora felt the need to look away after a moment, but he wasn't really uneasy. He knew that Riku was considering what he'd said very carefully. He knew Riku would come back with the perfect words, like he always did, and then sweep him off his feet. And they'd be fine again. He just had to suffer through the brief, uncomfortable silence.

However, Sora found that his expectations were left unmet as Riku, without a single word, mashed their lips together forcefully and desperately. The intensity behind the kiss told Sora that Riku was, for the first time in their lengthy friendship, completely at a loss. He pulled away from Sora's mouth very briefly and breathed "I love you so much" before resuming, the motion slowing and deepening. Sora fisted his hands in Riku's shirt, trembling slightly as he attempted to keep from falling. Riku didn't let up even at the distressed shift and slid his tongue into Sora's mouth, gasping a little to get some air.

"Riku… I'm gonna-" And then before he could get the word "slip" out of his mouth, he did just that, barely catching himself on the bars as his weight shifted.

And Riku couldn't help it. He let out an explosive laugh, hunching over with the force of it as he looked on.

Sora scowled, struggling back into a sitting position and shoving Riku who rolled - still laughing - down the side of the jungle gym and landed on his back in the dirt.

It only served to make his laughing more wheezy and, therefore, more amusing, which led to more laughter. Sora tried not to join in, but found it irresistible and _had_ to cave. So, with tentative movements, he came down from where he was and straddled Riku's stomach, grinning down at the bigger boy. There was a brief moment where they both continued laughing, and then a short, grin-laden silence where Riku dragged his knuckles up Sora's arm.

"I like this position…" Riku joked, grabbing Sora's hip.

Sora rolled his eyes, but continued smiling. He liked it too. A lot.

"Hey," he murmured, going onto all-fours with his hands on either side of Riku's head. "It's been awhile." He let his eyes slide closed as he said it, then licked his lips, trailing the tip of his nose over Riku's cheek.

He heard and felt the soft breath the other boy expelled and smiled, taking his time to kiss him. Riku, however, was impatient, and moved his head up, lips pulling at Sora's. They stayed that way for a moment, then Sora shifted a bit, his body heating and his mind going hazy. At the low smacking of their lips in the otherwise silent air, he moved his hips down, pressing closer to Riku. The other boy hummed a little in his throat and ran his hands up and down Sora's sides, inching his fingers under the hem of his shirt. They broke from their kiss for a second and looked each other in the eye, seemingly deciding whether they really wanted to go for it. And then they came back together with intensity, gasping and touching and altogether abandoning reason.

Riku yanked Sora's shirt away along with his own, breath coming raggedly as their chests pressed tight together. He cupped his hand over Sora's growing erection without hesitation, tired of waiting. Sora groaned in response and flicked his tongue against Riku's roughly, sending shivers down both of their spines.

He felt Sora push his hips up and grind a little, and then he decided it was time to stop playing. Rolling them both, he stripped Sora's pants away and slipped his hand under his boxers, watching with hooded eyes as his boyfriend squirmed under his touch. There was a brief moment where he considered that they were out in the open and at a park, no less, but that was quickly swept to the side when Sora reciprocated Riku's touch and yanked on his shoulder.

And then the touching quickly degenerated to full-blown stroking, and panting into each other's mouths. And then it was over. Just like that.

Sora not knowing what to do in the situation he was currently in, let out a bubbling laugh against Riku's shoulder, squeezing his eyes shut. "God we've really been holding ourselves back." he said, wheezing. "We didn't even last two minutes."

Riku sputtered and laughed as well, shaking his head and glancing down.

"Yeah and your hand's still in my pants," he said with a smirk, raising one eyebrow.

"So's yours," Sora replied, shoving his boyfriend away and grabbing his pants. Once he'd found them, put them (and his shirt back on), and waited for Riku to do the same, he grabbed the other boy's shoulder and kissed him with a smile.

"We'll figure out something else later," he said meaningfully. "My mom is going to be gone this weekend."

Riku's mouth fell open unbidden, and he favored his brunette lover with an intoxicated stare. "Uh…" he uttered dumbly, scratching his head. "Um, but won't she be expecting us to… take advantage?"

Sora shrugged, winding his fingers around Riku's. "It's not like she can stop it. And she didn't say anything regarding you, or about not having guests over soooo..."

Riku shuddered at the picture his mind was forcefully painting, biting back the urge to shove Sora back on the ground and do more than just jerk him off. Feeling on edge, he yanked his boyfriend's hand and began walking, pausing to give him a brief kiss with a smile on the way.

Sora, feeling more than satisfied with the result of his day and the resolution he'd reached with his boyfriend, let his heart soar and his mind wander as they quickly returned home. It was already dark by the time they made it there.

They went inside Riku's house in a rush, trying to warm up; the mist and cold of Bay Area nights tended to really sap one's heat. They hunkered under the silver-haired boy's covers and shivered close together, slowly taking in each other's heat and building it up under the blanket.

They stayed quiet the whole time, both lost in their own thoughts, which were, inevitably, centered around the other. It wasn't until they were sufficiently toasty and comfortable, with Riku's hand trailing slowly up and down Sora's spine and Sora's breathing completely relaxed and even, that either thought to feel the obvious sexual tension. But once they did, it was hard not to grow a bit fidgety.

Sora's breath hitched, his skin tingling as Riku's fingers dragged over it for the millionth time. At the sound, Riku's heart-rate increased just a smidgen. And when Sora heard that, he gulped and noticed how close they were. And Riku noticed that Sora's lips were parted and his breath was coming out heavily between them. And Sora noticed that Riku was staring down at his mouth and felt how warm his boyfriend was, and how good it felt to have his hips pressed roughly against another set, even when it hurt a little. And then they were both feeling every little roll of muscle and shift of bones and change in breathing and heartbeat and pupil diliation… Riku, with a shuddering little breath, slid his hand all the way up Sora's arm, taking his time, enjoying how soft the skin under his palm was. Then he moved it down over the dip of his boyfriend's neck, lingering there and watching as the blue eyes looking into his slowly slipped shut, and the unsteady breath coming from the other set of lips was cut by a tongue darting out to wet those lips… He leaned in, torturously slow, and just barely grazed over them with his, gulping for a second and shuddering at the tingles the non-kiss sent through him. Then he moved in just a bit more, sighing through his nose at the sound of them shifting under the covers, growing closer. Sora slid his hands all the way up Riku's back, making him shudder and press into the kiss just a little bit more, still going ever-so-slowly, not moving past the barest touching of lips. He breathed out heavily through his nose again and slipped his hands around Sora's waist, pulling him closer and humming a little when the other boy put his arms tight around his neck. He pressed his lips just a bit closer, pulling at Sora's just barely, and savoring the restrained breath his lover let out. He did it again, then trailed a few soft kisses from Sora's chin to his collarbone, shifting even closer again and pushing his tongue, finally, into the other mouth. They stayed like that for a moment, rubbing their tongues languorously together and taking their time. And then they broke apart for just a second, laying with noses still touching, smiling and nuzzling closer. And Riku couldn't even stand how fucking gorgeous Sora looked like that, with his eyes crinkling at the edges and his cheeks just dappled with red. There was nothing more precious or breathtaking or perfect than Sora, to him, and that expression became him so well… He leaned in and kissed him again, because he had to, and there was no more "slow" or "gentle".

Sora tugged at him, pulling him closer and smiling into the kiss, which only spurred him on more. He smiled too and pushed Sora onto his back, sliding his hands roughly into Sora's hair and pinning the other boy, biting at his neck for a moment before returning to his lips.

"Riku…" Sora breathed, petting his hands down Riku's chest and resting them at the top of his pants, unbuttoning them slowly.

Riku smiled into their kiss again and slipped his hands under Sora's shirt, letting out a little "Mmmmm" when Sora made a noise.

"Oh my GOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSHHHH!"

Riku's head whipped up faster than he'd thought possible at the sudden intrusion, his eyes going wide when he realized who was standing in his doorway.

"Kota!" he yelled, jumping up and grabbing the open door, a mixture of emotions running through him. "What are you doing!?"

The little girl in the hall was too dumbstruck to do anything but look incredulously back and forth between the disheveled boy on Riku's bed, and the older brother she now knew to be dating said disheveled boy, her eyes as wide as saucers and her mouth open as she did so.

She raised her little arm and pointed at Sora, staring up at Riku. "Sora really IS your boyfriend! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! MOOOO-"

Riku stifled Dakota's cry with his hand, glancing around to make sure no one was coming to heed the muffled call. "Kota," he said quietly, kneeling next to her and putting his arm on her shoulder. "Quit making a racket over nothing. Mom already knows."

That seemed to shock her even more than her previous discovery, and she couldn't really process any more than she already had without overloading, so, with a strange look of confusion and defeat, she turned and hunkered down the hall, entering her own room while looking like a defective robot.

Riku furrowed his brow, not sure why her demeanor had changed so quickly, then shrugged and shut his door, locking it this time. It was then that he took in Sora, who - during the conversation with Dakota - had moved all the way against the wall, and was covering his face with his hands, snickering into them.

Riku grimaced and considered thwacking his boyfriend in the face with a pillow, but then decided that he'd rather just flop onto his bed and sigh until the other boy took notice of him.

'Too bad she had to see that at eight,' he thought, shaking his head. 'I really should start locking my door all the time. She's at a way too curious age…'

He rolled onto his side and poked Sora in annoyance, growing impatient. He wanted kisses and snuggles (and maybe more) again, and Sora was taking too long being amused and stuff.

The brunette finally uncovered his face and grinned at Riku, casually draping himself over the other boy after he did and nuzzling close.

"Something like that always has to happen, doesn't it?" he murmured, giggling.

Riku sighed, then nodded in concurrence, running a hand through his boyfriend's hair.

"I'm impatient for the weekend," Riku admitted, smirking at Sora.

Sora returned the smile and pressed a soft kiss to his mouth, closing his eyes and cupping his cheek. And Riku belatedly felt all of the emotions involved with Sora float up and grasp him, his heart nearly shattering from the strain as he realized that he really, truly had him back. That he was finally with him, and everything was finally okay, and fixed and fine. And the pain only increased when he heard Sora murmur "Me too", and sigh against his chest. Everything was really too perfect.

* * *

**End Notes:** I have had… the worst two weeks. So much fucking drama and people being selfish and passive aggressive... So I really apologize for how late this came and everything but I'm in a pretty bad state, honestly. Haha. Anyways, hope you enjoyed! ^-^


	17. Chapter 17

**Pairings: **Sora and Riku, obviously. Hints at Tidus/Axel. Axel/Roxas. Xemnas/Saix. And many others. Prepare for a rain of unholy sexual tension and an unheard of concentration of gay boys.

**Warning: **Shameless smutiness and general boy/boy content. Drug use and underaged drinking, cursing, fighting, and a lot of high school shenanigans. An overabundant use of the "oh-so-desirable lead" stereotype, along with the use and abuse of many other cliches. Undoubtable pheromones, padded speedos, groping and molestation. Music that I'm in love with and don't own, high schoolers bashing Hemingway, sexy black teachers in low-cut tops. And probably more to be added.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any characters involved other than like... some teachers I'm loosely basing off of people I know. I mean! Wait! Any resemblance is purely coincidental! Yeah. Gotta cover my ass. ;) Really, I don't own anything. Nothing at all.

**Jessica would like you to note: **"All My Alibis" is a sexy lil song by El Sportivo & The Blooz. Gonna just jam out while I write this chapter. WARNING: Smutsmutsmutsmutsmutsmut. That is all.

* * *

**All My Alibis**

Riku was nervous for the remainder of the school week. He showed up feeling jittery and unsettled, and left with a dry mouth and aching muscles. And it was all because Sora had invited him over for the weekend.

Every time he saw his boyfriend, with his beautiful azure eyes and downy chocolate hair, he felt an overwhelming sense of a longing that was just on the verge of being satisfied. It was making him crazy.

He probably masturbated more to thoughts of Sora than he had during the month-long hiatus they'd taken, and he felt a mixture of shame and possessiveness each time he looked into his lover's eyes: an action which only served to make him more unsteady.

Thus, after two torturous days of tantalization and extreme longing, Friday came like a blessing and swept an unrestrained sense of relief through Riku, calming him entirely. That is, until he was faced with the actual situation he'd been anticipating.

Sora's house - just as the boy had said - was completely empty. It was also completely full (absolutely brimming) with the presence of _Sora_, and the idea of _Sora_, and even the physical being of _Sora_. And that just made Riku entirely impatient.

He restrained himself despite that, however, and entered his boyfriend's home with caution and false-bravado, tensing up on the couch next to the brunette even as the boy curled easily into him. He breathed slowly as he felt the lithe body next to his sink closer, gulping.

'Okay, Riku,' he thought carefully, slowly putting one arm around Sora. 'This is no big deal. This is nothing. We'll be fine. ALTHOUGH HE DID ASK YOU TO FUCK HIM THAT ONE TIME-' He shut down his mind as a different part of him - a part more extremely governed by his dick - tried to butt its way into the picture to ruin everything. 'REMEMBER RIKU? REMEMBER WHEN HE SAID "Fuck me" ALL SEXY AND NAKED AND YOU JUST CHICKENED OUT BECAUSE YOU WERE A WUSS? REMEMBER! WELL NOW YOU CAN REDEEM YOURSELF. YOU SHOULD TOTALLY FUCK HIM-'

"Uhh, what do you want to do?" Riku asked, clearing his throat and glancing around guiltily, subconsciously worrying that Sora could totally read his mind and totally knew that he was thinking about sex. "We should, uh… do something."

Sora shrugged, closing his eyes and smiling as he leaned into Riku. 'He smells so good…' Riku thought, unconsciously pressing his lips against the top of his boyfriend's head. He almost recoiled in shock, but decided that would be far more suspect than if he remained as he was. So he waited, wondering if Sora was enjoying the awkward silence, or if he was even aware of Riku's tension.

"Hey," Sora murmured, jolting Riku out of his thoughts and nearly causing him to jump. There was a pause, and then a shift as Sora hauled himself up and swung around, straddling Riku's hips. 'Uh-oh.' He forced his hands not to wrap around anything, and stopped to consider what he should do. Then Sora tilted his chin up and gave him a serious look, kissing him once on the lips. "Quit being so nervous," he said, kissing him again. "You're making me ten times more nervous than I already am with how tense you are."

Sora kissed him again, this time slower, and Riku sunk into it completely , losing himself in the long-sought-out sensation. He'd never get over how good it felt.

He breathed out through his nose, clenching his shaking hands into fists and fighting the urge to rip all of Sora's clothing off and fuck him senseless. 'Ugh. I'm going to hurt him if we do it like this,' he thought, feeling frustrated and guilty simultaneously.

"Hey, Riku," Sora breathed. He was staring, looking into the other set of eyes before him, clutching onto unresponsive hands. Sora shook those hands. "Are you going to participate, or not?" he grumbled, narrowing his eyes as he watched Riku's delayed reaction.

'Oh fuck,' Riku thought, gulping for what seemed like the millionth time. 'I'm going to hurt him-'

"Sora…" That was all he could manage for a moment as he reigned himself in, counting the seconds it was taking for his breath even out. "I'll tell you the truth," he breathed, finally letting his hands do what they wanted, grunting slightly as his fingers dug into Sora's thighs. Sora, who reacted only by gaping, trembled slightly at the touch, expression tinted with fear. "I want you so fucking bad," Riku admitted, growling. "I want you so. Fucking. Bad. And if we do anything right now, I'll probably hurt you. I don't want to hurt you… so let's take it easy. Let's-"

But Sora, apparently, was intent on not listening, and proceeded to shove his hand into Riku's pants. Before Riku could properly react to this wonderful/terrible development, Sora slid to the floor, on his knees, and started yanking Riku's jeans lower, ignoring Riku's unintelligible babbling and frantic motioning.

Riku jolted as Sora succeeded in the task he'd been working at, his mouth falling open as he realized what was about to happen. Sora said nothing, and didn't look at him as his lips wrapped around an increasingly painful erection. "Oh fuck…" he gasped reflexively, moaning a little and slipping his fingers into Sora's hair. The other boy responded by sliding his hand under Riku's shirt and licking the underside of his dick. "Fuck. Sora. Fuck fuck fuck." His mind was growing steadily more hazy as he looked down at his boyfriend. He'd never seen anything hotter than Sora going down on him. And when the other boy smirked and looked up into his eyes, he almost came without warning. He managed to at least gurgle out some form of alert before it happened, in the end, though he didn't expect Sora to respond to said alert by staying exactly where he was. It was almost too much.

"Jesus, Sora," Riku breathed, brushing brown locks out of the other boy's face. He was finding it hard to settle down, even after what they'd just done, and the look on Sora's face post-blowjob was not helping. He half yanked his pants back up and grabbed the other boy, kissing him roughly. Sora ran his hands through Riku's hair and snickered into the kiss.

"Let's go upstairs," he breathed, petting his hands down Riku's chest and moving to stand up, not waiting for the other participant to catch up.

Riku awkwardly hopped until he was fully situated back in his pants, and then proceeded to dash full-tilt up the stairs (which Sora had already ascended), only to find his lover with his shirt half pulled off. And he was looking over his shoulder at Riku as he shimmied the rest of the way out of it, which was just asking for it, really.

Riku made a sound (something like "Urgh") and tackled Sora into his bed, kissing all over the now bare, sun-kissed skin under him as it shivered with the laughter of its owner. He felt warm hands in his hair and gentle rumbling under his lips as Sora settled down and started _really_ feeling his ministrations. And then he _moaned_.

Riku didn't pause what he was doing, just let out an appreciative shiver and bit Sora's hip, licking the divot between the start of his groin and that jutting bone. He wanted to leave hickeys all over - something he'd previously barred himself from due to Sora's position on the swim team. Now, however, there was nothing stopping him from marking what was his. He left a rough trail of bruise-like imprints, laving his tongue over each one as he made it as an apology. Sora didn't seem to mind, anyways, as he was squirming and panting out Riku's name and just being way too sexy, overall.

He growled out the brunette's name briefly, then started trailing little kisses down his torso, stopping just above the top of his jeans as he slowly unzipped them and sucked on the spot directly above his button. He absolutely adored the jerky way Sora wriggled under him, and the barely-stifled moan the boy let out each time Riku found a good spot. It sent a little electric current through his nerves each time he heard that noise, and he became more determined to keep getting it to happen. He stripped Sora bare, whole body trembling as he finally saw his boyfriend completely naked, something he'd only done in the dark, previously. Sora seemed to have forgotten until then that it was still light outside, and immediately began squirming as Riku stared.

"R-Riku! Close the curtains!" he gasped, trying to cover himself and sit up simultaneously.

Riku completely ignored Sora and moved in to kiss him, sliding his hands up and down the boy's sides. "You've no reason to hide from me," he breathed, sucking on a spot on Sora's neck that he knew to be particularly fruitful. Sora's shoulders trembled and his breath rushed past Riku's ear in a damp stutter, making him even more impatient. He stripped off his own clothes, hoping to make Sora more comfortable, and took his time to feel the brunette all over, trailing his fingertips over every exposed inch of flesh he could find.

It was effective in that it left them both breathless with aching groins. There'd been too much buildup already.

"Riku," Sora breathed, clutching onto his boyfriend's neck, lower body begging for attention. "Will you do it this time?"

The words almost stopped Riku short, but he knew better than to waver. He didn't want to give Sora any cause for concern. So instead of speaking, he just pulled back and nodded, pressing calm kisses to Sora's lips.

"If you're sure you're ready…"

Sora remained silent at that, but they both knew the answer was yes. The whole reason they were there was for what was about to happen. Riku cringed at the knowledge that he was going to hurt Sora… a lot. It didn't matter how gentle he was. It didn't matter that he had experience. Sora was going to be in pain, and it was going to be Riku's fault.

With a sigh, he reached down and stroked Sora's erection, jolting in response when the smaller boy jerked his hips. "Are you sure?" he murmured, saying the words into Sora's cheek and following them with a kiss. Again, Sora said nothing, but let his actions speak. He reached over to his nightstand and ignored Riku's questioning gaze, dropping something into his hands. Riku looked down at it in shock, realizing that Sora was actually more prepared than he was.

"Ummm…" was all he could manage. And then Sora was directing him silently, urging him to do something via the language of a long, deep friendship. They understood each other even if others would not.

Riku gulped and tried not to think as he popped the cap of the bottle he was holding and dribbled the familiar substance within on his fingers.

"The buildup is only making it harder," Sora said insistently, an edge in his voice. He was slightly panicked, and he was trying so hard to hide it.

Riku leaned in - because there was nothing else to do - and kissed Sora on the mouth, trying to give him some source of comfort as a single finger slipped inside of him. He writhed immediately, probably intensely uncomfortable with the intrusion. However, he settled down soon after, giving in to Riku's forceful kiss. 'God,' Riku thought, simultaneously turned on and freaked out. 'This is too hot… this is too fucking hot…' That part of his brain was resurfacing then, screaming at him in all-caps just as before. 'GET ON WITH IT NOW RIKU SHOVE THAT OTHER FINGER IN AND WORK HIM UP. MAKE HIM CUM SO HARD HE CAN'T EVEN MOVE AND THEN PUT THE THIRD IN AND THEN FUCK HIM. IT'LL FEEL SO FUCKING GOOD RIKU CAN'T YOU-' He shut all of it down by closing his eyes, feeling weird and schizophrenic. 'I have to be gentle.' He reminded himself several times, even as he watched Sora jolt in pain as the second finger entered him.

If he was totally honest with himself, watching Sora's chest heaving and arching up, watching his hands twisting in the sheets and his muscles quiver, watching sweat bead on his skin and dribble away slowly in delicious little rivulets… watching his whole body jerk and his legs spread wider and his mouth fall open to let out little moans of "_ah ah ah_" was the hottest. Fucking. Thing. Ever. It was only barely topped soon after as Riku found the right spot and Sora's whole body spasmed in pleasure.

"Fuck. Riku." Sora panted, an intense, unintelligible moan following. "Oh fuck… oh _fuck_."

Riku moaned in response and laid a trail of sloppy, open-mouthed kisses down Sora's neck, grasping the boy's hip as it gyrated and chuckling. And the best part of that was Sora's arms coming around him and Sora's moans directing themselves right into his ear.

Sora gasped against his cartilage and Riku moaned again, fingers working inside of the brunette carefully, whole body aching almost to the point of numbness.

"I'm sorry, Sora," he breathed, adding one more finger and immediately clamping his mouth down on the other boy's, expecting the pained cry that came with that final digit.

It was a pained minute or two after that, in which Sora gasped and trembled and squeezed his eyes shut, and Riku cringed and licked his lips and tried not to attack Sora. He was dying to put it in.

Eventually, Sora seemed to insist that something happen, and, without opening his eyes, squeezed Riku's shoulder. The bigger boy knew that he really was ready, and that he would have to do it eventually, but… he was so scared of hurting Sora.

Still, Riku obliged and positioned himself slowly, letting out a careful breath, truly nervous for the first time in his life. 'I'm having sex with the person I've been in love with for the past five years,' he thought, staring down at Sora, who still had his eyes squeezed shut. 'This should be the best moment of my life…' And before Riku could really debate whether it was, or not, Sora let his eyelids flutter open and smiled, grabbing Riku's hand and kissing his knuckles. "I love you," he whispered, breath hot. And Riku decided that it really, truly _was_ the best moment of his life. Nothing had ever been more perfect or meaningful. "I love you too," he answered huskily, his chest aching.

He pushed in slowly… so slowly. And, of course, Sora cried out. It was going to be hard. It was going to suck. It was going to be painful. Still, the brunette made no protest as the bigger boy moved in further, gritting his teeth and clutching onto the hand still grasped in his.

And ohmyfuckinggod it was so hot and felt so good that Riku was losing his mind even as he controlled himself. He paused to give himself a second, taking in all that was happening. There was light streaming in through the window nearby them, casting it over Riku's shoulder onto Sora…. and Sora looked so perfect, his body just barely dewy with sweat and arching and twisting this way and that. All of his lightly defined muscles were taut and his dark eyelashes fell in a spray across his cheeks, playing against the blush that was present there. Riku could have come just looking at him, probably. His hips jerked unconsciously at that thought, and he breathed in slowly as Sora let out a noise, reminding himself to be more careful. He moved in closer, determined to not overdo it. 'I won't put the whole thing in,' he told himself, rocking his hips forward and breathing out at the strain. He was dying to move and dying to feel that tight heat all the way down… everywhere. But he wouldn't. He wouldn't. He wouldn't.

He pushed forward a bit again and moaned, gulping. Sora opened his eyes again and bit his lip, grabbing the sides of Riku's face. "I won't tell you to stop," he breathed. "If you don't keep going it'll only hurt worse, though. So you'd better get on with it." In the spirit of this, Sora wriggled his hips down, wincing and gasping even as he continued, forcing Riku to go in further. It wasn't much progress, really, because it wasn't that simple, but that action alone was enough to spur on Riku, who immediately pulled his hips back and thrust in again. And the cries Sora let out became more lewd, at that point. It was about to give Riku a brain aneurism, he was certain.

"Fuck, Sora," Riku growled, yanking on the brunette's legs and pushing in again, licking his lips. He paused to readjust, and then moved his hips in a slim circle, finally doing what he'd told himself not to: he was all the way in. And he just had to stop and truly experience how amazing Sora felt. He let out an appreciative - and entirely unintentional - moan, and pulled back just slightly, thrusting in a controlled amount. He could hear Sora gulping and feel him trembling, but he just couldn't help it anymore, he was going insane. Fuck. It was so damn hot.

To his credit, he was incredibly gentle even after that. He moved so slowly and carefully that Sora actually became numb fairly quickly and was able to handle the pain. And even as he got closer and closer to coming - his whole body tingling intensely and telling him to seek out that heat more - he kept himself in check. Only the final snap of his hips was a little rough, and if he'd stopped to think about it, he would have pulled away since he hadn't asked permission to cum inside of Sora. But, as usual, the brunette was amenable to everything, and seemed to enjoy the experience, moaning in sync with Riku as he came harder than he ever had in his life. It was then that Riku noticed the smattering of fluid on Sora's stomach, as well, which shocked him more than he could say. He'd been helping Sora along through the process, trying to comfort him and not let his erection die from the pain, but he hadn't been expecting Sora to come.

Sora probably would have slapped him for staring if he'd not been so busy recovering from everything. As it was, he was too exhausted to even care that Riku was looking down at his dirty, sweaty, naked body. Or that Riku was still inside of him with a flaccid cock. Or that Riku was now gulping and pulling out slowly because he felt bad.

"Riku," Sora murmured, reaching out for his hair. He winced, but smiled slightly as Sora's hand ran through his locks and over his scalp. He grabbed the hand that was tangled there and kissed the palm, rolling it over and trailing his lips over the back.

"Are you okay?" he asked softly, throat clenching before the answer even came. He'd hurt the person he loved most in the world, and even though it was consensual, and even though Sora had wanted it just as much as he did, it made him feel like shit.

"Riku, I'm fine," Sora said breathily, clearly perturbed by the pained look in his boyfriend's eyes. "I know that look. Stop feeling guilty. Stop blaming yourself like you always do. I wanted this."

"But still, I-"

"Riku!" Sora interrupted, sitting up with some effort. He swatted away Riku's hovering hands and pulled on his boyfriend's face, forcing him to look in his eyes. "I love you. I want you. It's just as much my responsibility, and, honestly, the pain was well worth it. This is nothing."

Riku sighed, wishing it wasn't so easy for Sora to influence him while simultaneously thanking the universe that the brunette could calm him so thoroughly. When he thought about it, Sora was the only person who could ever break through his stubbornness, and that made him happier than anything else, really.

With his conscience somewhat cleared, Riku could work on helping Sora recover, and did so calmly, bathing and clothing the exhausted boy with little struggle. An hour after they'd slept together for the first time, they passed out in Sora's bed with stupid smiles on their faces, both feeling more perfect than they had in their entire lives.

* * *

**End Notes: **As usual, I've failed in being quick about writing this. I won't even bother trying to make promises at this point, haha. I'm sorry for how long it takes, guys. If I wasn't in school... sigh. I'm going to start allotting time for fic-writing every day.


	18. Chapter 18

**Pairings: **Sora and Riku, obviously. Hints at Tidus/Axel. Axel/Roxas. Xemnas/Saix. And many others. Prepare for a rain of unholy sexual tension and an unheard of concentration of gay boys.

**Warning: **Shameless smutiness and general boy/boy content. Drug use and underaged drinking, cursing, fighting, and a lot of high school shenanigans. An overabundant use of the "oh-so-desirable lead" stereotype, along with the use and abuse of many other cliches. Undoubtable pheromones, padded speedos, groping and molestation. Music that I'm in love with and don't own, high schoolers bashing Hemingway, sexy black teachers in low-cut tops. And probably more to be added.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any characters involved other than like... some teachers I'm loosely basing off of people I know. I mean! Wait! Any resemblance is purely coincidental! Yeah. Gotta cover my ass. ;) Really, I don't own anything. Nothing at all.

**Jessica would like you to note: **Here we go! "Death" is by White Lies, Riku and Sora have finally fucked, time to get this new chapter done... and I took forever again. In summary: I'm stressed out, full of anxiety, a bit pissy and having a rough time right now.

* * *

**Death**

Morning washed over Sora in the form of a tingling sensation that started on his face and traveled all the way to his toes. It was pleasant and warm, and it pulled him from sleep in the gentlest way he could imagine. Which was really for the best considering the immense pain his body became wracked with immediately after.

He bit his lip, cringing at how leaden his bottom half felt, and how the ache that had just begun there slowly grew into full-blown, roaring pain. He whimpered despite his efforts to stifle such urges, effectively jolting his bed partner awake.

"Sora!" Riku gasped, shooting up and touching his boyfriend's face. "Are you okay? Are you sick? What's the matter?" It seemed to dawn on him, immediately after he'd asked the questions, that the answer to them was something quite obvious. "Fuck," he murmured, closing his eyes. "Let me go get something."

Sora watched as Riku slowly moved out of the bed, breathing steadily to draw his attention away from the pain. He had known ahead of time that it was going to hurt a lot, but he really wasn't as prepared as he'd believed, and was thus suffering far more than expected. He whimpered again and closed his eyes, wondering what Riku was getting and hoping it would actually help.

Seconds later, Riku reappeared with a heating pad, a glass of water, and a fistful of aspirin. He set about administering all three and watched with a pained expression as Sora laid back and breathed steadily.

"I thought I told you to stop feeling guilty," Sora murmured, smiling and pinching Riku's cheek just hard enough to make a point.

Riku swatted the hand away, but grabbed at it as he did, kissing the knuckles. "I know."

Neither said anything else for quite some time, which was fine with Sora considering how much it hurt to do anything but lay completely still and breathe. However, once the rather large amounts of medicine he'd taken set in, he was able to talk and laugh with ease.

Thus, their day went on. Sora got up and they made far too much food and ate it all. They showered together and managed to hold themselves back during the process. They lounged around on the couch and watched movies as Sora ran his hands through Riku's hair. They spent the whole day this way, feeling completely content and with little need for conversation. It wasn't much of a surprise considering their luck, then, that something came up to ruin everything.

The phone rang, which was an uncommon occurrence on its own when Sora's mother was away. However, what shocked Riku more was the sudden ashen tone Sora's face took on after he picked up and heard what the person on the other end was saying. It made him worry, so he stood and silently put his hand on Sora's side, idly stroking with his thumb and ignoring the ache in his chest. A few moments later, after Sora had murmured a few things into the receiver and hung up, the brunette turned to Riku and leaned his head on the bigger boy's chest, not saying a word. It took all of Riku's patience not to immediately start questioning him, but he knew Sora would let him know in time what was going on.

"My grandma's dying," Sora said quietly, pausing to shift a little on his feet. There was pregnant silence - a lull that did not cease even after Riku had adjusted to the words that had just been spoken. He didn't know what to say.

"Shit, Sora-"

"I'm going in two days to see her," Sora interrupted, pulling away and wandering off without looking at Riku. "She wants to tell me some things. My mom will want me to stay for quite some time. I'll probably come out to my family and stuff…"

"Sora…"

Riku swallowed. He still didn't know what to say. With that thought in mind, he promptly shut the fuck up and went about the awkward process of attempting to accommodate Sora. He couldn't help but be overtaken by selfish thoughts, however.

'Just when things were going so well, just when we finally took that step, we were getting so much closer…' Riku sighed, but stifled it and pretended it was just a noise accompanying his movements. He followed a silent Sora back to the living room and ignored the heavy air as he sat next to the boy. 'This is annoying,' he sulked, wishing he could be more selfless. 'I just want to love him but… he's always been the type to clam up when something bad happens. I'm never going to be able to comfort him if he just sits there.'

Riku silently warred with himself for a good five minutes as he stared at Sora, contemplating his options. He couldn't decided whether he should just force his boyfriend into an embrace and hold him there, or if he should allow the brunette to sulk. 'Fuck it.' He grabbed the tanned body next to his with a needless amount of strength, crushing it to him and petting down its hair. 'It's like hugging a chinchilla,' Riku thought, feeling guilty as the bones under his grip began to shake and a whimper escaped the pair of lips that had become smushed against his chest. Then, without preamble, Sora became a sobbing mess. A sobbing, shaky, clingy mess. And as much as it pleased Riku, being smothered by Sora wasn't very conducive to proper breathing. After a few minutes, he had to semi pull away. The unfortunate series of events that followed this action didn't do much for Riku's relationship with Sora's mother.

First, the front door opened and revealed Ms. Sakuraba, her expression somber and a certain air of defeat hovering around her. Then, as she registered that Sora was, in fact, sobbing and straddling Riku, she flew into a rage, yelling and pointing at the two boys, saying something about sex and "forcing". Next, Sora clung onto Riku tighter and glared at his mother, yelling back and making the situation worse. It only escalated from there, and Riku - feeling completely caught in the middle - had no idea what to do. He sat useless through the whole ordeal and tried his best to comfort Sora.

In the end, Sora's mother sat in a chair opposite the couch and silently indicated that it was time for Riku to leave. And as much as he felt like a total dick for it, Riku was relieved. He wanted no more to do with the fight that was happening, especially since its subject matter was a bit… touchy.

He extricated himself from Sora very carefully, hovering for a moment as he decided whether he should kiss him goodbye or not. He was about to settle for a brief brush of fingertips over Sora's cheek but the brunette grabbed him and forced what he'd been contemplating to happen, glaring at his mother still as he did. Riku straightened himself awkwardly afterwards and rushed out of the house, his movements becoming nearly frantic as the air around him crackled.

Sora, who was still stuck with his mother inside, was overwhelmed with anger and sadness and frustration. And Riku leaving only made it worse, unfortunately. He felt himself growing steadily more desperate, his emotions enhanced. His mother, never one to sit and watch him cry, quickly forgot her own illogical anger and sat with her son, hugging him and rocking him quietly.

"Mom," Sora murmured, clutching onto her shirt, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry about this and everything-"

She shushed him. She didn't know what to say. Neither of them did. So they sat, quietly, enjoying the warmth and the companionship and the calm brought on by the presence of a relaxing entity. They weren't sure what they'd fought about - or why - after the confusion of what had happened. Their world was flipped on its head, it was as simple as that.

It was strange for Sora how suddenly and quietly everything came about, and it hadn't sunk in fully until his mother had come home. The knot of anxiety slowly settling into his stomach seemed prepared for a lengthy stay. He sighed as he swallowed it down.

"She'll be glad to see you," his mother murmured, mouth moving in the space just above Sora's head. He nodded up towards it and sniffled, still unsure of his voice. There was too much floating in the air that needn't be cleared, yet felt like a burden on them both. In the seconds that followed, they disengaged from one another and left the room silently, too disoriented and laden with emotion to do anything other than that.

Sora, once he was alone and safely in his room, contemplated the space around him. He stared at his closet, which was characteristically overflowing and messy. He glanced at his desk and window, and was somehow overcome with the urge to throw one through the other. He refrained, however, and moved on to his bed, jaw going slack as he looked at it. It was so messy and strewn about, the presence of two boys having wrecked it completely. He might have smiled wistfully or paused to appreciate the cause of such things under normal circumstances, but all his memories served to do for him in his situation was to remind him that he was a terrible grandson for getting distracted by love.

He flopped down on his mattress and stared over at his laundry hamper, noting that his original sheets were there. Riku had stripped them while Sora had been showering…

'Awesome. My grandma's dying, and all I can think of is Riku…' Sora chided himself silently, rolling over and over in his bed and wondering what he should do. Grief was ill-suited to a boy of his temperament, and he'd never quite gotten the hang of sulking/moping/grieving, etc. Any spectrum of emotion below "optimistically average" was incomprehensible to him. So he opted for simple existence, mind going blank. It must have reflected in his eyes as well, because the following Monday at school everyone continually commented on how tired he looked. Really, Sora wasn't tired at all. He'd done nothing but sleep after his mother had come home, and was prepared to do so once again on a flight later that evening.

Riku was nearly silent that whole day, heeding Sora's unspoken wish to be (semi) left alone. In fact, the only indications he gave that he even cared about Riku's presence were the brief moments when he would entwine his fingers with the bigger boy's as they walked, extricating them again seconds later. It was probably a thoughtless reaction, but that only served to frustrate Riku more.

He saw him off at the airport, nonetheless, hugging him for a long time and kissing the top of his head, selfishly wishing that Sora didn't have to go right when things were getting good.

However, there was no avoiding the trip. There was nothing that could be done by either party, so Sora went. He was wired and jittery the entire flight, unfortunately, and by the time he was in Maryland, he felt like he'd run the complete gamut of human emotion.

Once they landed and got their bags, Sora and his mother got in their rental car and drove a long way to their destination, the only sound accompanying their trip being the patter of raindrops against the car. Sora was silent, a sudden calmness overcoming him as his mind wandered. He stared out at the trees he passed with idle disinterest, flooded with memories.

'I wonder if grandma's house looks the same,' he thought, scratching an old scar. 'I wonder if we'll eat crab together like we always do… I wonder if she'll call me "Sora-bear" like she always has… and then we'll go to the koi pond and stare at the fish and talk… or pick tomatoes…'

Sora was jolted out of his reverie by a sudden lack of motion, the source of which happened to be their arrival at his grandmother's house. He looked over at his mother, furrowing his brow as she stared at him with concerned eyes.

"Sora…" she murmured, touching his hand.

He shook his head for a moment, still baffled, then noticed the sensation of something wet rolling down his cheek. He reached up to rub away the tear, realizing then that he'd been crying for over an hour during the drive without even being aware of it.

"Uh… I was just thinking about the past," he explained feebly, more disoriented and unsettled than ever. He opened his car door shakily, slamming it and rushing away from his mother's prying eyes with an unnecessary freneticism. The rain served to wash away any evidence of his previous activities, which served him well as he entered the house he'd known so well as a child. He paused just outside the screened-in porch, running his fingers over the worn down wood with its chipping light blue paint. He smiled. 'It's exactly the same.' He pushed open the light screen door and walked inside, noting that his mother had joined him somewhere in his mind. She didn't say anything, but he could see that her face was still etched with concern and her hand was hovering oddly nearby. He began to turn with a shaky smile but was stopped midway by a pair of arms.

"Hey baby-doll!"

The words were rasped out beautifully by what Sora knew to be his aunt Molly's voice. A sudden smile blossomed on his face as he hugged the thin woman back, noting that she looked even more tanned than he remembered. She drew back from him and grinned, appraising her nephew approvingly.

"Aw, Janie, he's just the cutest and he keeps getting cuter!" she rattled out, her accent thick and her words as quick as ever. "Come on inside you two and see your grandmum."

Sora swallowed but did as he was told, noting that his mother was completely silent and a little bit shaky. He wanted to grab her hand, or maybe move closer to her, but he couldn't find the strength to do so as he moved through the small hallway that served as the entrance and past the kitchen into what he knew to be his grandmother's bedroom. All three of them paused outside the door as his aunt knocked. There was a heavy pause, then a soft voice called for them to enter.

Sora watched as his mother and aunt immediately did so, overwhelmed by the undercurrent of the whole visit and the implications of what they were about to do. He would have paused to consider such things further, feeling more contemplative than before in his time of woe, however his aunt was having none of it and dragged him into the cool room, yanking his wrist affectionately. His breath hitched a bit as he took in the familiar room and the familiar woman sitting therein.

"Hi grandma," he choked out, reaching to take her hand as she held it out for him.

She smiled warmly at him and he almost burst into tears. He held himself in check, however, and breathed unsteadily, squeezing the frail fingers gripped in his own.

"Hey honey," she murmured, squeezing back. After a moment, she broke eye contact with him and waved her other hand in the air. "You two can leave now. I want to talk to my grandson."

Sora's mother looked at him, then at her mother, then nodded and walked out, shutting the door behind her. It seemed strangely foreboding.

"Oh goodness," his grandmother sighed, patting the armrest on her enormous chair with a smile. "Sit right here honey."

He sat obediently, never letting go of the hand still clutched in his. He felt calmed by that hand, which had always been the case ever since he was a baby. His grandmother had been the only one who could stop him crying at his worst.

She sighed again, drawing his attention back to the present.

"You're so big now," she said with a smile, blue eyes identical to his crinkling genuinely. He couldn't help but smile back wistfully. "I used to be able to sit you in my lap Sora-bear."

Sora smiled and hugged his grandmother softly, resting his head on her shoulder. She silently patted his back, warm hands calming him entirely.

"I'm ready to die," she said softly, gripping his upper-arms. "I'm too old for my own good."

Sora choked out a sob and a laugh at the same time, shaking his head where it rested. "Don't say that, grandma."

"Well, it's true," she chuckled. "You know I'd never lie to you. I promised you when you were little."

Sora sobbed again, stifling a something like a wail with his hand. "I don't want you to go…" he whispered, sniffling repeatedly and pulling back a bit to look at the woman he'd spent every summer of his life with. He shook his head vehemently, scrubbing at tears with his sleeves and allowing himself to be a child again. The warm, calm presence of his grandmother always seemed to bring that out in him.

He squeezed his eyes shut, blocking out his dying grandmother and the reflection he could see in the mirror on the other side of the room. He wasn't ready to face either, yet.

He slid to the floor next to the giant recliner his grandmother was sitting in, leaning his head against the cushion and simply existing with her. She stroked his hair soothingly and sang a familiar lullaby under her breath, slowly pulling him into a peaceful sleep.

* * *

**End Notes:** Uh, so… I know this chapter might be kind of… confusing? It's meant to be a bit disorienting and scattered, mostly because that's what the death of a family member does to people. Or at least to me. This is kind of a personal chapter because I'm slightly basing it on things I wish I'd had time to say and do when my great-grandmother died. Anyways, we're back in the dreary bits and I'm sorry, but what would the story be without some turmoil, huh?


	19. Chapter 19

**Pairings: **Sora and Riku, obviously. Hints at Tidus/Axel. Axel/Roxas. Xemnas/Saix. And many others. Prepare for a rain of unholy sexual tension and an unheard of concentration of gay boys.

**Warning: **Shameless smutiness and general boy/boy content. Drug use and underaged drinking, cursing, fighting, and a lot of high school shenanigans. An overabundant use of the "oh-so-desirable lead" stereotype, along with the use and abuse of many other cliches. Undoubtable pheromones, padded speedos, groping and molestation. Music that I'm in love with and don't own, high schoolers bashing Hemingway, sexy black teachers in low-cut tops. And probably more to be added.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own people because I don't believe in slavery okay that's not even cool to suggest guys

**Jessica would like you to note: **Yeah, so that was depressing! I hope this one is a bit less… mournful. I mean, it's still about some pretty heavy stuff, but I'm trying to tone it down with the sadism I seem to have towards these characters. "Ode to My Family" is probably my favorite Cranberries song, and you should all listen to it even if you don't like such things. DO IT!

* * *

**Ode to My Family**

Sora's grandmother died the day after she saw him.

His aunt Molly said it happened quietly in the night, much as the doctors had predicted. All Sora could do was nod in response as he slid into his mourning garb. There was no room left for thoughts, let alone words. All he could muster was a sort of heavy silence that made his whole body feel like a weight sinking into the ocean. It was an unpleasant feeling.

Still, he was fine. Even after he'd heard the news he hadn't cried any more than when he'd seen her for the last time. Instead, he'd been completely calm and composed, probably storing up everything for the funeral to be had that day. The funeral she'd planned herself just before her death.

Sora's mother entered the room just after his aunt Molly, her jaw set and eyes slack. She looked about the same as he felt. The two nodded at each other and then walked outside, greeting various family members as they moved out onto the front yard.

It was all a blur for Sora, who was too deadened to anything to give proper responses. His uncle Greg gave him a huge, boisterous hug, as usual. Leonard and Kaitlin were more reserved but still fairly jolly considering the circumstances. The only ones who seemed fully affected by the occasion were Sora and his mother, and that only served to evoke an acute loneliness in him as he watched everyone file into their vehicles and drive leisurely towards the funeral home.

He and his mother felt comforted in the silence of their own car.

When they reached their destination, the crowd of family members they'd just greeted almost seemed like a different group of people. It was as if they'd flipped a switch just for the event itself, rather than for the cause of the event. Sora felt an overwhelming outrage somewhere deep inside, but his emotions were too dampened for anything but grief to surface. He stumbled inside and sat where he was told to distract from its rising presence, suddenly fully aware of himself and his surroundings. And it was all because of the casket at the front of the room.

Tears spilled down his cheeks as he laid his eyes on his grandmother for a second time, her body no longer warm and smiling as it had been. He squeezed his eyes shut to block it out, but the presence was pervasive, giving him flashes of memory that couldn't be stopped.

He remembered sitting in her kitchen eating pancakes and laughing as she smeared butter on his nose. He remembered cracking crab legs with her on the porch when no one else was around, the sounds of their laughter the only thing cutting through the incessant chirp of crickets. He remembered tripping on the stairs and her swooping in to pick him up and rock him in her arms. He remembered moments upon moments upon moments, and it broke him down completely. She'd never call him Sora-bear again.

He bit his hand as a loud sob struggled its way out of his throat, barely aware of what the man at the front of the room was saying. He had no interest in the eulogy.

The only thing that interrupted Sora's spiral of thoughts was a strange, out-of-place memory that surfaced, nearly halting his tears. It was of Riku holding out his hand and smiling. And the silver-haired boy was comforting him after he'd lost something special his grandmother had given to him. 'It's okay, Sora. Your grandmother's love is still there even if the object is not. She'd be happy to know you care so much.' Sora smiled despite himself, tears dripping over his upturned lips. 'I wish Riku was here,' he thought, clutching at his pant-leg in lieu of his boyfriend's hand. He glanced up at his grandmother's casket and sighed, pressing a handful of tissues to his face. 'You'd have liked Riku, grandma.' He smiled a second time and remembered her face when he'd told her.

'I have a… boyfriend, grandma.'

'Oh sweetie, that's wonderful.'

'I-'

'I know what you're going to say, Sora-bear, and you never had a reason to worry. Anyone you love must be a beautiful person. I'm sure I'd love him, too.'

His grin widened even as his tears flowed, and he wished bitter-sweetly that he'd been able to actually bring Riku with him. 'He should have met her. He should have been here with me.' He sobbed a little harder at that, his emotions thrown for a loop as people stood to talk. His aunt Molly got up and said a few brief words, her face completely soaked with tears. Then his cousin Dexter awkwardly stood and talked fondly of their grandmother for some time. And then, much to his surprise, Sora's mother went to the front, casting her gaze back at the casket for a moment with a half-smile and tears running down her face. That broke him down more than anything.

"My mother was someone special to us all for so many reasons," she said softly, nodding her head. "She kept us all safe, provided for us, and never judged anyone unfairly. She was the best example any of us could have asked for, and I'm thankful everyday that I was blessed with a parent like her." She paused to collect herself briefly, shooting another glance back at the casket. Her next words came out in a gasp, a crack warping her voice as more tears poured. "She never played favorites with anyone, because, with my mother, everyone was her favorite. We all felt special when she was around, because everyone _was_ special to her… There has never been, and will never be, someone like her in my life again." With that, Sora's mother sat down and the service ended. Everyone stood and passed the casket, speaking quietly to the person they were there for. Sora made sure he was last.

He paused at the edge and looked down at her face, scrubbing away every last tear on his face until he could smile at her one last time. "Thank you for everything, grandma," he whispered. He turned back and handed something to the person who would close the casket, asking that the item be placed inside before that job was done. His request was met with a nod and he walked into the hall where everyone else was standing. There was a table with some of his grandmother's collection set on it, and various family members were picking items to take with them. He passed by this area quietly, the specific items he wanted already clear in his mind. He got into the car with his mother once again, and they waited until it was time to drive to the cemetery.

The drive there was short, and the lowering of the casket was even shorter, which suited all those involved just fine. Sora shed no more tears as he watched everything, feeling warmer and calmer with the main event over. He thought briefly about Riku some more, but cast that aside guiltily when he was with his family again, wondering when it would be appropriate to bring such a thing up to them.

It wasn't until the reception that he considered actually taking a moment to do something.

His cousin Dexter stood and announced that he was getting married, smiling at his girlfriend who was sat next to him. Everyone seemed to respond well, and there was a small fuss made, but Sora wasn't sure if it would be the same if he told them what he needed to. He looked to his mother, wondering how she felt, then sighed and realized that he needed to focus his thoughts on his family instead of himself. However, as the day wore on and people came to talk to him, he found it hard to not bring it up.

"Hey there sweetie," his aunt Molly said, sitting right next to him and patting his shoulder. "How are you? You cried a lot at the funeral."

Sora swallowed and gave a watery smile, trying not to look as bedraggled and short-tempered as he felt. "I'm alright now," he answered quietly, letting his eyes drift down to the table cloth in front of him.

His aunt sighed and patted his shoulder again, mentioning something he didn't listen to about Dexter's wedding. "It's nice that he's finally settling," she murmured, glancing over at the person in question. "And what about you, Sora?"

He looked up at her, only half-listening. "Huh?"

She chuckled. "I mean, do you have a girlfriend."

Sora stared at her blankly for a few seconds, then, in a moment of pure psychosis, burst into hysterical laughter. He turned and slumped forward on the table as the fit overtook him, muffling the sound with his arms and hoping no one was noticing just how fucking insane he looked. Then he glanced up at his aunt with a mirthful grin, eyes twinkling.

"I have a boyfriend," he said calmly, snickering a little at the perplexed look he was now being given.

"What-"

"I said I have a boyfriend." He nodded solemnly this time to make sure she didn't think he was joking, wondering how long it was going to take for her to go into hysterics. However, he never found out such information because everyone was completely silent and staring at him. He turned and dragged his gaze over the people surrounding him, wondering how much they'd all heard.

"Yeah, uh… I have a boyfriend," he said loudly, clenching one fist. "I guess you all heard that so I thought I'd confirm…"

"Oh, honey, that's wonderful!" his aunt Molly laughed, slapping his arm. "Did you tell your grandma before last night?"

Sora looked over at her, then at his now smiling, chattering relatives, and felt completely unnerved. "Wait… what?"

"You did tell her didn't you? She'd be heartbroken if she knew you didn't- I mean, not that that's really a concern-"

"Wait…" he interrupted, holding up a hand. "You're not… angry or… surprised?"

She snorted, raising an eyebrow at him. "Well you never did keep a girlfriend for long did you. And I'm not even going to address the fact that you thought we'd get angry. We're your family, honey, and not one of us would ever have an issue with anything that makes you happy."

"Uhhh…"

"Oh stop looking so confused and tell me about your boyfriend," she laughed, rolling her eyes.

Sora paused to consider his aunt, then the rest of his family, mouth slightly ajar and brow furrowed. "Um…" He paused again and laughed. "His name is Riku," he started turning back to his aunt. He told her all about the person he loved for quite some time, pulling out his phone to show her a few pictures at which she exclaimed at how good-looking Riku was.

He felt his mood lightening as the event wore on, after that, thoughts of Riku and fond memories of his grandmother replacing the overwhelming grief he'd experienced earlier. He knew it was still there in his heart, of course, but he was having an easier time thinking of it after the positive reaction he'd gotten in regards to his sexuality.

"I heard you talking to Molly about Riku," his mother murmured, interrupting his reverie as they drove back to his grandmother's house.

Sora nodded, fidgeting a little. "She asked, so…"

His mother sighed, rolling her neck. "You know, I really don't have any problem with Riku, Sora."

He stared at her incredulously until she explained herself, feeling sure that it was a joke.

"Oh, come on, Sora," she said, elbowing him. "I haven't been that harsh."

"Mom you yell at him **every** time you see him!"

"Well maybe I'm just worried," she laughed, her eyes twinkling evilly.

"I think you're just using him as a punching bag."

She snickered. "Even if that's true, I really don't have any problem with him. I'm actually glad he's there for you. He cares about you a lot… it makes me feel more secure about your future."

Sora snorted, but smiled as well, touching his mother's shoulder. "Thanks, mom."

She nodded, turning her head slightly towards him. "She would have liked him, too," she said quietly, parking the car. And before Sora could properly react to the comment, she got out, leaving him to contemplate everything by himself. He sat there for just a moment, shell-shocked and overcome with emotion. Before he could sink into a fit of wistful tears or laugh-sob himself into a stupor, he followed his mother into the house, jogging behind to catch up.

Then came the awkward packing up, which Sora decided not to allow himself to wallow during. He stuffed all of his clothes away and lugged his suitcase to the car as fast as he could, glad to be out of his mourning clothes and back in his normal garb. It wasn't until he'd reentered the house that he became somber again, the task following the previous one even more laden with meaning.

He did wallow during this one, half-smiling, half-frowning as he carefully placed the contents of a particular shelf in a predesignated bag. His mother sat outside the room as he did this, her quiet presence helping him through the difficult process.

"Let's go," he murmured, nodding at his mother once he'd finished. She nodded back and walked with him to the car silently, looking at the house one last time. Everyone else was arriving at that point, their jobs a bit longer and more involved than Sora's.

He and his mother hugged everyone goodbye as they passed and drove back to the airport in a daze, boarding their plane not five hours after the service. Sora held the bag he'd filled the whole time, deep in a trance. He fell asleep at certain points, awakening fully once they were in California again and stumbling to his mother's car for yet another drive. This one was thankfully short, and he arrived home greatly relieved.

His mother immediately stumbled up the stairs and probably to sleep. Sora, on the other hand, sat in the living room for quite some time, contemplating the items in his possession. He pulled out his phone after awhile, dialing Riku's number thoughtlessly.

The other boy answered almost immediately. "Sora, are you home?"

He closed his eyes as he took in the voice on the other end of the phone, realizing with some regret that he'd really, sincerely missed it during his self-imposed exile. After a pause, he sighed. "Yeah."

Quietly, Riku responded, sending shivers through Sora's spine: "Are you okay?"

There was another pause during which Sora contemplated the answer to that question, his mind full of about a million other questions. Then, as mindlessly as he'd dialed Riku's number, he murmured, "Can I come see you?" His heart gave a little jump as he registered what he'd just said, but the beat smoothed out again once he'd accepted the fact that those words had really come out of his mouth. There was no going back from there.

"Come to my window."

"Okay."

"Don't knock too loud."

"Okay."

"And don't touch my mom's car, her alarm's really finicky now."

"Okay-"

"Sora…"

"Um… yes?"

This time Sora was left to wait, and his mouth went dry during the awkward pause. He smiled, feeling strange and jittery, yet completely at home.

In the end, all Riku said was, "See you soon."

So without further ado, Sora stood and slipped outside, heart thundering again as he came back to himself. 'Oh god… I'm going to see him in the middle of the night,' he thought frantically, remembering their activities of not three nights ago. His face was burning. 'Fuck.'

By the time he actually reached Riku's house, he was zoned out again, but he hadn't completely rid himself of his jittery excitement. The feeling was packed home when he felt the difference in temperature between the night air and Riku's room on his face and hands. And it hit him more fully as he flopped onto the bed through the window and was immediately met with a hot pair of lips. He shook at the smacking sound their lips made, nearly moaning when Riku's tongue slid slowly over his. He had to at least give a little whimper. He saw Riku grin after the noise and smacked him with a pillow, grinning as well as he sprawled back out. His boyfriend lowered his face to the crook of his neck, pressing soft kisses just around the edge of his jaw up to his ear.

"Hi," he breathed, giving Sora goosebumps.

"Hi," the brunette breathed back, rolling onto his side to face the other person. There was something so personal about the moment… he wanted to feel it more fully. He kissed Riku gently, tangling his hand in silver locks and bumping his knees against another set.

"Mmm, Sora," Riku murmured, hands gliding over his hips. "Do you wanna talk?"

"No," he responded immediately, pushing Riku onto his back. He straddled his boyfriend and noted that he was wearing a shirt, which was rare. He fixed that immediately, drawing out the process. He felt strange, like he was dreaming, though he knew he wasn't. It was almost like being high but without the loss of control.

Sora looked down at his boyfriend calmly, smiling and letting his hands trail over his now bare chest. "I love you, Riku," he murmured, moving in for another wet entanglement of mouths and tongues and lips. Riku made a little noise into the kiss, pushing his hands flat over Sora's legs and down, rubbing up with his hips just a bit. Sora shivered as this happened, immediately rectifying the problem of how overdressed he was. Riku followed suit and wrapped his arms tight around Sora's middle, pressing gentle kisses to his stomach.

Sora tangled his hands in Riku's hair again and enjoyed the other boy's ministrations, smiling when he turned his face up for a kiss.

"You're being so gentle and nice today," Riku chuckled softly, running his fingertips slowly down Sora's back. "Are you sure you're okay?"

Sora smiled and nodded, leaning in for another kiss. "We'll have plenty of time to talk later…"

Riku groaned slightly at that remark, pushing Sora onto his back and kissing his collar-bone for quite some time. Sora felt so sensitive that he nearly jumped out of his skin when Riku's fingers ghosted over his lower body.

"R-Riku!"

The silver-haired boy chuckled, moving his hand again and continuing his exploration of Sora's chest. "You're more sensitive than usual."

Normally Riku would have earned a smack for such a remark, but Sora really was feeling gentle… and besides, he was a bit distracted by what was going on between his legs.

Riku had slipped a finger in already, and Sora hadn't felt any discomfort at that. 'Strange…' he thought, jolting slightly as another joined the first. 'Oh god…' Riku was touching that spot - that place that made him see white - and he was barely able to stifle the moan that built in his throat at the sensation. He gasped, instead, shuddering at the low chuckle Riku let out against his skin. He felt strange. Good, but strange.

His hips jerked a little as Riku stroked him, making his body tremble even more.

"Ugh, put it in," he pleaded, shocked at his own words. He would have gaped at himself if he could, but Riku was doing a good enough job of that, his face a mask of shock. Sora had never seen him look so surprised. He smiled.

"C'mon…"

"Ugh, Jesus Christ, Sora," Riku shivered, breathing the words right against Sora's neck. But he pushed in even as he murmured into that skin, breathing growing steadily more erratic as he felt Sora tense and relax. "I love you so fucking much," he growled, pushing his hips forward once. Sora yelped just a bit, then licked his lips, surprised that it didn't really hurt.

"Mmm, Riku," he whispered, panting against the other boy's neck. He felt so close to the person he was joined with. His heart began to beat in sync with Riku's, his breathing matched Riku's, even the slow slide of his hands over the bigger boy's shoulders was the same cadence as Riku's hands moving over his skin.

"I missed you," Riku breathed, lips pressed just behind Sora's ear. They both shivered as Riku moved his hips slightly yet again and licked his lips. There was a pause where they both simply clung onto one another, relishing the moment and the intimacy of it. Then, slowly, Riku lifted his head, pressing soft kisses over Sora's cheeks and back down to his ear. "Are you okay?" he whispered, rubbing at his hips. Sora gulped and nodded, biting his lip and moving a little, drawing a groan out of Riku.

The silver-haired boy slowly began his motions again after that, pushing into Sora even as the brunette clung onto him. It was strangely intense, and if he'd known what Sora was feeling, he probably would have said he was feeling the same. He gulped at the overwhelming emotion of it all, wondering why it was so much more emotional than the first time had been. He had no cause for complaint, however, and, therefore, kept his mouth shut. He moaned after Sora did, breathing going ragged as he pressed an open-mouthed kiss against his boyfriend's neck.

Then he felt Sora's hands at the backs of his knees, pulling him even closer and he nearly came from that alone. He shivered and hugged the body under his tight, stifling a groan as Sora gasped and arched up, orgasming at precisely the same time as Riku.

"God…" Riku breathed, shutting his eyes as his body tensed and relaxed entirely.

"Yeah," Sora agreed, nuzzling up to Riku's neck. "I don't know how… that… yeah…"

Riku let out a little laugh and collapsed on his side next to Sora, squeezing the other boy so tight he thought he must be hurting him. Sora gave no indication of this however, so they both clung on as tight as they pleased.

Much to their collective surprise, they fell asleep that way, which wasn't the most pleasant thing when morning came.

First of all, Sora was in pain again, though not as severe or attention-needing. However, the bigger issue was that Aki walked into the room and got a good eyeful of them nakedly clinging onto each other, and neither of them woke up quickly enough to do anything about it.

"Get the fuck out!" Riku jumped up from the bed and shoved his brother, slamming the door quickly afterwards and locking it. "Shit."

Sora lazed where he was with a smile on his face, sprawled out on his back with sleepy eyes. "Hehe. I've never seen you look so embarrassed," he chuckled, yawning and stretching.

Riku shook his head and crawled over Sora, pressing a single, long kiss to his lips.

"Are you high?" he muttered, smirking as he yanked on something resembling clothing.

Sora grinned and followed suit, ignoring Riku's presence at his back. "I have to go home soon."

Riku nodded and laced his fingers with Sora's, gently pressing a kiss to his neck. "Will I see you later today?" he murmured, brow furrowed slightly.

Sora sighed and nodded, yawning again. "I can't come to school, though," he responded, smiling. "I feel a bit too drained."

Riku grinned.

After rolling his eyes at his boyfriend, Sora hopped out of his first floor window, vaguely aware of the pain radiating through his lower body and how much it was going to bug him later. Plus, he felt sticky… inside. He shuddered.

"Ugh, bye," he groaned, kissing Riku once and trekking back to his house. He flopped into his own bed for a moment when he reached it, contemplating whether his pain, his griminess, or his tiredness deserved precedence. In the end, he settled on popping a handful of ibuprofen and jumping in the shower, which actually turned out to be a bad/fantastic idea since it left him dizzy and sated and ready for sleep. He promptly passed out in that state and didn't wake until he felt a hand sliding over his butt.

"Riku don't sneak in here while I'm asleep," he groaned, hugging his pillow and squeezing his eyes shut even tighter. He heard a snicker and realized that it wasn't the familiar sound he was used to. He would have scurried away in shock and hidden in the corner if he didn't know who it _actually_ was.

"Get out of my room, Roxas," he yawned, hugging his pillow even tighter. "I want to sleep some more."

Roxas snickered again and invited himself into bed with Sora, talking right into his face. "Rough night?" he asked, his voice absolutely dripping with the hint of an evil grin.

Sora punched him in the stomach, smiling in satisfaction as he stretched and repositioned. "Yes," he answered finally, talking over the chorus of wheezes he was being treated to. "How about you?"

"Asshole."

Sora snickered this time and decided to sit up, moving with some caution as he was unsure how much pain he might be in. There was some, but it was manageable.

After his friend had recovered and was laying back on his bed again, he went right into the story of his weekend, sparing no detail. It was Roxas, after all.

The blonde nodded and patted his friend's arm the whole time, waiting for the tale to be over to say anything.

"Well it sounds like it went basically how you expected, then," he murmured, shifting around. "Are you okay now?"

Sora nodded and stared up at his ceiling, thinking about his grandmother and Riku and everything else. "I think I'm better than I've been in awhile, actually," he said with a frown. "I just can't figure out why."

Roxas shrugged. "Maybe because your grandmother got to accept Riku just before she passed…"

Sora nodded thoughtfully. "Maybe…" He shook his head to clear it a moment later, frowning at Roxas. "Anyways, shouldn't you be in school?"

Roxas laughed. "It's 4 o'clock, man. Your boyfriend- actually, it's not even fun to call him that anymore since it's not a joke. _Riku _is probably on his way here. I'm sure he'll be thrilled that I beat him."

"Why would he care if-"

"I don't, actually," Riku said from his window, body slung across the sill in the usual manner. He smiled coolly at Roxas, then warmly at Sora. "Hey."

"Hey," Sora responded, smiling back wistfully. He was vaguely aware of Roxas looking disgusted at his side, but decided to ignore it and wait for the annoyance to leave.

"Alright well," Roxas said, rolling his eyes and sighing as he jumped up from Sora's bed. "I think you two have outgayed me for the day, and now I feel I should leave before it spreads-"

"Oh shut your pansy ass up," Sora snorted, kicking his friend in the back. "We all know you're going home to take some fire crotch dick, Roxy."

Roxas pretended to look offended as he moved past Riku, sticking out his tongue in a juvenile response.

"Well I doubt Sailor Moon over here even has pubes," he said with a laugh, swinging out the window. "What color would they even be-"

"Silver," Sora yelled, laughing as well. "Duh!"

Roxas let out a short laugh before he was completely out of range, after which Riku shut the window and occupied the space the blonde had previously been in.

"God your friendship with him is freaky, Sora," he said, but he was grinning as he did.

Sora smiled in response and laid on Riku's chest, closing his eyes.

"So," Riku murmured, running a hand through Sora's hair, "do you want to tell me about what happened?"

Sora shrugged, feeling more in the mood to cuddle than to talk about serious matters. He eventually started the story up again for his boyfriend, however, giving a lot more emotional detail than he had in the previous telling.

"I have the favorites from her collection…" Sora murmured, hugging Riku tighter.

"What collection?"

Sora paused, smiling and pointing at the little figures on his dresser.

Riku glanced over, perplexed, and then grinned at Sora.

"Bears," he murmured, kissing the brunette's forehead. "Just like she used to call you…"

Sora nodded in response, a single tear escaping his eye as he remembered that he'd never really be called that again. All the little bears seemed even more precious when he thought that, serving as his own special reminder of who he was to her, and who she was to him.

'Sora-bear,' he thought, clutching Riku's hand. 'I guess I'm not that person anymore.' And then he promptly fell asleep.

* * *

**End Notes:** Ah nostalgia. Um, as I said in the previous chapter's end notes, these were fairly personal. My great-grandmother didn't collect bears, but she did have a collection and she did call me a nickname based on that collection. It's something I hold really dear so that's why these chapters have a sort of sweet, sentimental tone to them. Anyways, we're getting closer to the climax! Wonder what's gonna happen...


	20. Chapter 20

**Pairings: **Sora and Riku, obviously. Hints at Tidus/Axel. Axel/Roxas. Xemnas/Saix. And many others. Prepare for a rain of unholy sexual tension and an unheard of concentration of gay boys.

**Warning: **Shameless smutiness and general boy/boy content. Drug use and underaged drinking, cursing, fighting, and a lot of high school shenanigans. An overabundant use of the "oh-so-desirable lead" stereotype, along with the use and abuse of many other cliches. Undoubtable pheromones, padded speedos, groping and molestation. Music that I'm in love with and don't own, high schoolers bashing Hemingway, sexy black teachers in low-cut tops. And probably more to be added.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own people because I don't believe in slavery okay that's not even cool to suggest thanks

**Jessica would like you to note: **Aight, this might be sort of an anticlimactic build up towards the end. I'll let you all know now that there will only be one more chapter after this one. There is the possibility of a sequel but I'm really itching to move on to my next project and this one is completely on a schedule that I set up before-hand. I also fully intend to set up a series of side-stories: one for Tidus and Wakka, one for Axel and Roxas, and one for Cloud and Leon. They'll all be sort of tied in with this one which might be kind of fun and interesting!(?) It's my first real foray into fic-writing and it is, thus, a bit unpolished and poorly structured. I hope to do better in the future though! And it's been a learning experience and a trial. Guh. I'm being really long-winded so I'll shut up now.

* * *

**All These Things That I've Done**

Sora and Riku spent the four months following the events that had started their relationship working on said relationship. Sora decided to really open himself up, telling Riku that he lamented not bringing him to his grandmother's funeral and speaking up when he had a problem. Riku worked on being less controlling and needy, which was actually fairly easy as his trust in Sora's feelings grew. In the end, they really were perfect for each other.

They came out to their group of friends officially during the span of time, idly supplying the information during lunch one day to a chorus of claps and whistles.

"We always knew you'd take the step one day," Leon grinned, clapping Riku on the shoulder. "Kiss your bride!"

Sora rolled his eyes. "Hmm. Maybe another couple at this table will grow some balls and own up to their disgusting love for each other one day."

"Are you talking about us?" Wakka grinned, slinging his arm around Tidus. The blonde went a deep shade of red in seconds flat, groaning and hiding his face in his hands. "I'll admit it now," the ginger continued, shaking his partner, "Tidus is my boyfriend. Right dearest?"

Tidus groaned again at the sarcasm but looked up with a smile, headbutting Wakka's shoulder. "Yeah whatever…"

"Aww," Cloud yelled, shoving at his two friends, "I wish I could say I'm surprised but I can totally see you two going at it-"

"And I can totally see you sucking Leon's dick, perhaps - oh, I dunno - on a 14 megapixel camera somewhere in my backpack-"

"Fucking dick," Cloud snarled, leaping at Tidus and scrabbling for the blonde's bag. "You'd better be lying…"

"Just admit to it," Riku drawled, rolling his eyes and stabbing a breadstick with his finger. He leaned his head on Sora's shoulder disinterestedly, yawning and closing his eyes. "We all know you two bone like five times a day. It's been common knowledge since… eighth grade?"

Leon dropped his face into his hands as Cloud fumed, half-laughing half-sulking as he realized how incredibly stupid he'd been for thinking anything could be kept secret in his friend group.

A few days later, the two boys finally did confirm their relationship, earning a similar reaction to the one Sora and Riku had received. They were all completely open, then, as the school year wound down. Roxas and Axel became a more integrated part of Sora's clique, and Xemnas and Saix hung around as well, creating a well-rounded and rowdy group.

However, Sora and Riku became a bit more concerned with the future than the present as they began receiving letters from colleges they'd applied to. Both boys, though not necessarily dependent on each other, wanted to go to the same place. But it didn't seem entirely possible considering their difference in scholastic aptitude. Riku had always been naturally smarter though Sora's work ethic was better. In the end, they couldn't quite decide what they wanted.

"Well I think you should just go to Davis if you get in," Sora sighed.

Riku, who was perched at the foot of Sora's bed, gave a shrug, eyeing the rejection letter he'd previously been handed. He knew that there was a different sort of letter probably waiting for him at home, but he really didn't want to consider what it would be like to go through college without Sora.

"I'd rather go to Santa Cruz…"

"Don't sell yourself short, Riku. It doesn't matter if we go to college together if we don't do the right thing to secure a future for ourselves. Think about the big picture."

"Santa Cruz is just as good," Riku argued, turning to face his boyfriend. "You know that, in the end, I can be just as successful coming from there. And I hate Davis. I don't want to live there for four years."

Sora sighed again but didn't protest, not sure if Riku's arguments were actually valid, or if they just sounded nice because they were what he wanted to hear; he was just as antsy as Riku for them to live together in college. But he didn't want to feel like he was holding his partner back.

"…I want to talk to Spurling about it first," the brunette said, finally, glancing over at Riku who furrowed his brow.

"Why would you want to do that?"

Sora shrugged. "He knows a lot about the UC system and… I just don't want you to make the wrong choice."

"UGH," Riku groaned, flopping onto his back. "Why can't you just trust me baby?"

Sora wrinkled his nose. "How many times do I have to tell you not to call me pet names? It's gross."

Riku grinned. "I only do it to bother you, of course. What would our relationship be without my humor?"

"Significantly less vexing and ridiculous," Sora yawned, standing to stretch with a grin on his face. Riku grabbed his ass with a similar grin, moving to stand just behind him.

"Maybe you're right," he whispered, nipping at Sora's ear, "but I think bedroom activities are a lot more fun when you're agitated."

Sora snorted but flushed bright red, giving in to Riku's touch with no hesitation. They were getting quite practiced at the aforementioned 'bedroom activities'.

A week or two later, they decided to officially speak to Riku's parents about their relationship, seeing as they'd neglected to do so under the pretense that they already knew. Sora went to Riku's house for dinner and the two unceremoniously dropped the news there.

"So, Sora and I are dating," Riku drawled, forking mashed potatoes into his mouth. "And this has been going on for awhile, I guess… How long has it been, babe?"

Sora rolled his eyes and nudges Riku in the ribs because pet names still pissed him off, but then he smiled. "About five months," he said quietly, shrugging.

Riku's parents both just nodded and grinned, neither surprised at this turn of events. Dakota pouted, probably still traumatized from having seen them canoodling. Aki burst into laughter and immediately started in with the ribbing, even going so far as getting Riku scolded for the naked mishap he'd been part of many months prior.

"If you're going to have Sora over, you'd better ask next time young man," Riku's mother said in her most motherly tone. "And I expect your door to stay open from now on when he's here."

Riku rolled his eyes but conceded, knowing that they always had Sora's house to fool around in since his mom was gone so often. He glanced over at the brunette at his side, noting with distaste that he was having an involved discussion with Aki about something or other. However, when he turned his blue eyes to Riku's all of the annoyance he'd been filled with was gone in a flash, completely replaced with a strange, warm sentimentality. He liked having Sora in his house, with his family, comfortably existing in that space like he'd always been there. It made everything feel more real and special. He laced his fingers with his boyfriend's under the table, at once comforted and overwhelmed by the feelings surging up in him. And then he sighed and continued eating.

Following their official announcement, Riku and Sora spent a good deal more time at Riku's house than they had before, much to Riku's chagrin. He liked the freedom afforded by Sora's empty house a lot more than the stifled air in his own. If his parents weren't interrupting them, it was Dakota, or worse, Aki.

Still, their relationship laughed in the face of its beginnings, going so smoothly it seemed unreal. They both decided, in the end, to go to UC Santa Cruz, even though Sora continued to feel like Riku might be making a mistake. However, it didn't really matter to either party that much, because it was what they both wanted. They started looking for apartments in the area immediately, deciding not to live in the dorms. Roxas and Axel looked with them, both planning to attend the same school as Riku and Sora. They ended up finding apartments in the same building, and Axel even got Riku and Sora jobs at a nearby diner via his brother.

Planning for the future made both Sora and Riku giddy with anticipation, which didn't help them wait out the few months left until graduation. They went by quickly, however, providing both boys with an endless sense of both joy and sorrow.

The night before the event itself, their group of friends gathered for one last big hurrah at Cloud's house. They all sat and reminisced about the good times somberly, each and every one of them wondering what the future held, and what would happen once they went their separate ways. Wakka and Tidus were both going to UC San Diego on sports scholarships. Leon and Cloud were moving to San Francisco where Leon had gotten a job and Cloud was going to UCSF. Kairi and Namine were both staying in Berkeley while Kairi went to the UC and Namine attended art school. As far as everyone else was concerned, they were to be as scattered as leaves on the wind, moving to all different places with little consistency. It was sobering, and a little bit scary to consider it. Everyone was off to become an adult.

However, the time for that had not yet come because they still had to graduate and spend their final summer together. And so it was that they went into the ceremony the following day with a certain bitter-sweet pang. They all sat and listened to the speeches given by their friends (Zexion was the Valedictorian and Kairi was Salutatorian), they stood and cheered when the music began playing and it was time to cross the stage, and then they walked, receiving their diplomas and ending their high school careers. All of the couples present embraced and kissed as they tossed their caps, and the group of friends - all of whom had sat next to each other - the group now cemented in the school's memory as the largest LGBTQ clique in history - they all did the same. It looked like a gay pride display, but it was really just a show of genuine love. There was no fear or hurt left. There was nothing important to any of them but the rest of their lives to be spent with the person each of them loved. It was so touching, it moved several people tears, not excluding Sora, who grinned into the kiss he was sharing with Riku as tears slid down his cheeks.

"Cry baby," the bigger boy whispered, smirking.

Sora chuckled and tilted his head back to take in his boyfriend's face. "I fucking hated high school."

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**End Notes:** I ended on that final line because it was the last thing I said before the ruckus died down at my own graduation. Heh. Anyways, these chapters are probably SUPER boring but I don't know what to do about it some I'm just gon keep on writing.


	21. The End

**Pairings: **Sora and Riku, obviously. Hints at Tidus/Axel. Axel/Roxas. Xemnas/Saix. And many others. Prepare for a rain of unholy sexual tension and an unheard of concentration of gay boys.

**Warning: **Shameless smutiness and general boy/boy content. Drug use and underaged drinking, cursing, fighting, and a lot of high school shenanigans. An overabundant use of the "oh-so-desirable lead" stereotype, along with the use and abuse of many other cliches. Undoubtable pheromones, padded speedos, groping and molestation. Music that I'm in love with and don't own, high schoolers bashing Hemingway, sexy black teachers in low-cut tops. And probably more to be added.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own people because I don't believe in slavery okay that's not even cool to suggest thanks

**Jessica would like you to note: **SO! It's been a fun ride! We've had some laughs (maybe), some tears (probably not), some uh… idk wet panties? Yeah I'm gross sorry. Anyways… this is the end, sort of. Like I said in Ch. 20, possibilities! There WILL be side-stories because I really want some action between these couples I slashed! They'll be pretty brief and maybe just one-shots… I'm not sure yet. I would say you should check out my next project but I'm not sure how it's going to be received since it's kind of… odd. I dunno you can look at your own discretion. I have another story posted that I'm now contemplating providing more chapters for so I DO want to plug that here: Go read that! It's pretty funh! Yeah that H was intentional. ANYWAYS AS USUAL I AM RAMBLING SO HERE'S THE GODDAMN FINAL CHAPTER! SMUTSMUTSMUT

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**Ashes to Ashes**

Sora breathed in heavily as he set the final box down on the floor… _their_ floor. He looked around at all of their stacked up belongings and smiled, raising his arms to stretch and work off some of his excitement. This was his home with Riku. This was his new life. He let out a loud noise of joy simply because he could and closed his eyes, throwing his head back.

"Are you ascribing meaning to meaningless things again, you weirdo?"

Sora's face immediately fell into a pout as Riku's voice reached him, also causing a drop in his arms as well as his mood. He opened his eyes and leveled his boyfriend with a harsh stare. It was met with a casual smirk and dismissive stance, Riku's usual "I'm Riku and I lean against things with my arms crossed to appear cool and composed" pose making an appearance. Sora stuck out his tongue, childishly, and turned to begin unpacking, smiling slightly.

"But you know," he said to the figure behind him, "there really is meaning here. It's our first time living together, first time taking a major life step together… don't make me feel stupid for getting just a little bit mushy over it."

Riku chuckled and moved past Sora to help him, briefly touching his lover's back as he did. "I know," he murmured, leaning in and kissing him on the cheek. "I feel the same. I was just teasing."

Sora gave a little chuckle and nodded. It was a silent affirmation that he knew and all was well. They both knew as much, by then.

For the entire rest of the day, they unpacked their belongings and chatted about nonsense, slowly settling themselves into their new way of living. When it was finally over, it was past midnight and they were sore, sweaty, and thoroughly disgruntled.

"I'm gonna take a bath," Sora said wearily, wandering towards the bathroom and shutting himself in, no longer giving a shit that everything was in its place there. It almost made him angry with how downright exhausted he was. Still, sinking into hot water after such a long, tiring activity made him immediately happier, and he gave himself a moment, as he settled, to really take in what was happening. 'I'm here, in my new apartment, about to start at my new school and new job… with Riku. I'm living with _Riku_…' Despite the many months they'd been together (and years as friends, before that), Sora still felt embarrassment at certain times when he considered such things and showed as much to the otherwise empty bathroom by sinking under the water and closing his eyes. He squeezed them shut tighter to end his thought-process, feeling slightly overwhelmed. It was then that a familiar pair of hands slid over his hips, jolting him out of his watery display of mortification. His eyes flew open and he gasped, causing him to inhale a bunch of water. He thrashed and came up to the surface, choking and coughing all over a laughing Riku.

"Dammit Riku!" he gulped, smacking at his hands. "Don't scare me like that. I could have died."

Riku just continued to laugh and stood to remove his shirt. Sora, just recovering from his fit, was just out of it enough to be caught watching as his boyfriend took off his clothes, which earned him the usual smirk and the presence of another body in his bath water. Riku was kneeling over him in the water, grinning wildly and pressing forward with hands planted on either side of his body.

"Hi," Riku murmured, lifting one hand to place under Sora's back.

Sora gulped and breathed out a little as he took in their current position, never having experienced such a thing with Riku. They'd done it in the shower, but never the bath. "Hi," he responded shakily, raising his hands loudly from the water to clutch onto Riku's biceps. "Um-" He was cut off by the press of his lover's lips, which met his in a wet kiss made all the wetter by Sora's previous submersion. The sound was all too familiar, but the occasional splash made it somewhat different, giving Sora little electric shock each time it happened. Riku moved in warm and slow, hands gliding over Sora's back and down to pull his legs around his waist. And even though his back was killing him and his hands were swollen, he couldn't help but feel exactly what he knew Sora had been feeling earlier when he'd made fun of him.

"I love you," he whispered, because he did, and it seemed like it needed to be said. "Just for the record," he continued wryly, kissing Sora again and moving a hand up to his nipple. Sora gasped and clutched onto Riku tight, cheeks flushed from heat and arousal.

Riku grinned and sucked water from Sora's cheek, moving towards his jaw and down his neck until he reached his chest. Sora complied immediately, dropping his head back and moaning as Riku's tongue circled his nipple and then moved up his chest again to lave over the hollow of his throat. He pushed his hips forward impatiently, then, rubbing his growing self against Sora's skin. Sora gave an encouraging gasp and moan in response, muttering something incomprehensible against Riku's neck. 'His breath is so hot,' he thought, panting slightly and rubbing again, moving his hands, now, someplace else.

Sora moaned yet again at the usual sensation of Riku's fingers entering him. They'd gotten so used to each other's bodies that Riku could get him completely hard with just one press, and that was what he did, licking his lips and panting in earnest as Sora groaned and clutched tighter to him. 'He's so fucking hot,' Riku thought, clutching onto Sora's thigh. He was amazed that even after having had sex so many times, he was still completely mesmerized by Sora. He didn't think he'd ever get tired of watching him squirm.

"Riku," Sora gasped, pressing his lips to Riku's ear, "fuck me now."

"Oh god."

And he really couldn't ever deny Sora anything - let alone that - so he slipped his cock in without really thinking, letting out a stifled groan at the heat and the slickness.

"Feels so good… Sora," he murmured, pushing in further.

"Nnn! Drain the water."

Riku reached back and did as he was asked, letting Sora get used to him inside until the water had gone down enough. Sora laid all the way down, then, and clutched at the backs of Riku's knees, chest arching up and eyes slitted. Riku stared down at him with the usual lust, getting an eyeful before he was too far gone to think. 'Damn,' he thought, hips moving of their own accord, 'he always looks so fucking good… so hot…'

Sora cried out as Riku thrusted in earnest, arching up more and squeezing his eyes shut. "Oh god."

And then it all went a little hazy as Riku continued to move and Sora continued to moan and wriggle until finally Sora's whole body spasmed and Riku's did soon after and they both needed to be cleaned up. Riku removed himself from Sora before flopping down on top of him, breathing hard and still twitching slightly post-orgasm. Sora's hands trailed over his back as he lay, his own gripping onto his boyfriend's water-slicked thighs. He breathed a sigh against Sora's neck and planted an open-mouthed kiss after it, nuzzling close.

"You're heavy," Sora complained, rubbing Riku's back a bit harder to indicate that he wanted him off.

"Mmm, sorry," Riku grinned, raising up on his knees and staring down at Sora again.

Used to the scrutiny, Sora simply stared back with a cocked eyebrow, a smirk slowly growing on his face. "Turn the water back on and clean me, asshole," he said, laughing and sitting up. And Riku happily did as he was told.

After they were done bathing - and fucking on a previously perfectly good towel - they snuggled up in their bed, both completely exhausted.

"I think this is the most comfortable - and grateful - I've ever been in my life in a bed," Riku murmured, yawning and planting three quick, lazy kisses against Sora's neck.

Sora nodded in concurrence, a sloppy grin plastered on his face. "I think this comforter is my new favorite thing."

Riku scoffed. "I thought I was your new favorite thing."

"You're hardly new, Riku," he laughed.

"Mmm, but this is, right?"

Sora cocked his head in confusion, not understanding.

"I mean all of this," Riku murmured, indicating 'all of this' with a wave of his hand. "Living together, sharing an apartment and a bed and bills and the whole shebang."

"Oh so now who's ascribing meaning to things?" Sora muttered, punching Riku in the chest lightly. "You're becoming a sap."

"It's your fault."

"Yeah, I know."

They fell silent after that, each absorbed in their own thoughts as they drifted off. Riku could think only of Sora, and what it meant for him to be with the person of his dreams, finally, fully… Nothing could have been more perfect to him than laying in _their_ bed in _their_ apartment at the start of _their_ new life.

And as for Sora, he was lost in similar thoughts, daydreaming about how daily life would be for him thereafter. 'We'll eat breakfast together, and oversleep together. I'll come home and see just Riku. And if I've had a bad day, I won't have to deal with anyone but Riku. He'll cheer me up, and I'll cheer him up… and maybe we'll get married someday or something…'

As he fell asleep, mind overflowing with mushy sentiments and contented dreams, Sora felt, for the first time in his life, like he was exactly where he wanted to be. Where he should be. He felt perfect.

* * *

**End Notes:** Well, I hope you liked this little wrap-up! Shoot me a message anytime if you're bored or have a request. Secret Longing is over and out


	22. Secret Longing Side-Stories: 1 AkuRoku

**Pairings:** Axel/Roxas

**Warning:** Smutsmutsmutsmutsmut. You have been warned. Also, a lot of cursing and really informal language/writing. Smarmimess and offensive stereotyping, too. Just a lot of offensive shit, man.

**Disclaimer:** These bitches ain't mine.

**Jessica would like you to note:** This story is kind of dumb and really pointless. But I like it so whatever.

* * *

**Love At First Sight**

I met Roxas like this: he came bursting through the double-doors leading to my secret (not-so-secret) lunchtime hideout and toppled me over… And I'm not so sure what happened after that because I was blazed out of my mind, but he was really warm and nice smelling and he had this super attractive little smirk on his face that I couldn't quite place. And then, just like that, he was gone again, followed soon after by a boy who looked eerily like him but with brown hair. I, in my addled state, had no idea who either kid was. I didn't even know what was going on, but that doesn't really matter. What does matter, however, is the split second of eye contact I'd sustained with him. Blue eyes boring into me so sincerely. I was fucked from that moment on.

It was just a moment of, 'What the hell…' And a wrenching pain shot through my chest. Now, normally I'd probably have described it more as a pang… but, like I said, I was really high. Everything's a bit amplified when you're high. So it hurt like hell. It felt like eternity flashed before my eyes as I sat, and a gargantuan gaping chasm split the earth only to swallow me moments later with a crunch and a bang and then a floating, serene feeling… or some shit like that. I'm not good at describing things. Anyways, I totally knew it was love. So I was fucked.

Now, normally, one would not approach the person they'd fallen in love with at first sight without hesitation and simply proclaim their feelings if they did not know them. Let alone if they didn't even know their name. However, I found myself compelled by the sensation welling up in me (and also probably by the weed) to chase down the gorgeous person I'd just seen and do just that. You can imagine the result… but I'll tell you about it anyways.

I waltzed in the direction I'd seen blondie and brownie run, as I'm wont to do when I'm not functioning properly, and found that they were having a rather intense wrestling match which the brunette was obviously winning. "I give!" blondie yelled. And his voice was like… fucking awesome. Plus he still had that really great smirk on his face and he was all flushed and sweaty… mmm. Where was I going? Oh, yeah okay so, I walked up to Roxas and offered my hand, because that seemed like a suave, gentlemanly thing to do. But I forgot to smile, I guess, so I ended up just looking creepy (so Roxas says), and he hesitated to take it just long enough for me to second-guess myself, but not long enough to stop the train-wreck that was coming.

"Uh, I'm Axel," I started, helping the kid up and secretly groping his hand… which is a weird thing to do in general… but love does that to you. Anyways, I was just groping his hand and standing there all awkward, and this other kid - brownie - someone calls for him (this guy Riku I knew of because he was pretty much the hottest guy around), and brownie's gone after that, trotting up to hot-Riku and leaving me in the perfect position. So I blurt it out. "I love you."

There's a pause here. A really long one. Roxas is staring at me, and he's really sexy and still smells good and his face is just nice to look at, too. Plus, I can feel all this heat coming off of him and his clothes are askew and - damn - he's just looking better by the second. But then he pulls his hand away because he notices my groping, I guess, and starts laughing his ass off. Like seriously full-blown laughter is coming out and he's doubled over and holding his sides and stuff. It's really cute so I smile, because it's impossible not to love his laugh since I so thoroughly love him, I figure. But then he straightens and shakes his head at me and says "You don't even know me," and wanders off, giving me the iciest, coldest shoulder I've ever encountered.

Okay so now fast-forward a bit. I'm not baked anymore, so I don't sound so utterly retarded. I try not to get that high anymore because it apparently makes me do stupid bullshit like ruin my chances with really hot people. Basically, I'm sitting with all my asshole friends in that same spot where I first got bowled over - physically and emotionally - by Roxas. It's just a shitty wall to lean against with some dumpsters nearby to cover up the smell of cigarettes and weed. Demyx is playing his guitar which is honestly just annoying the fuck out of me. Saix is just making stupid googly eyes at Xem, who is as oblivious as ever. I feel sick just looking at them because I know that if either ever owned up to their feelings, they'd be fucking each other on the daily and having sweet, lovely moments where they could be mushy and in love and it just fucking _hurts_. I'm rambling. I ramble a lot. Anyways, Roxas ignores me for a month after I tell him I love him. I can't say I wasn't expecting it considering that I seriously did not even know him in the slightest before that encounter. Like, really, I don't know what the fuck I could have been thinking. I had to learn his name from someone else, that's how bad it was.

Anyways, I'm mopey and depressed and I hate being like that because it's so antithetical my nature. I'm Axel, for Christ's sake. I'm known for not taking shit seriously. For making a joke out of every situation. For fucking remorselessly and still being friends with the people I screw over because I'm just that goddamn charismatic. But it seems charisma doesn't get me anywhere with Roxas so I'm at a loss. I tried, for about a week, to stalk him and get his attention. And I failed. A lot.

I would stand in places I knew he'd be walking and lean casually against something (usually with Zexion in tow just so I didn't actually_ look_ like I was stalking him). Then I'd make a joke or some witty remark. I'm good at that. But I never got a reaction. In fact, if anything, this only made things worse, because the moment he noticed I was doing this, he began switching up his routes. He's sneaky like that.

So I stopped doing that.

The next thing I tried sort of worked because it actually got his attention… though not in the right way.

It was passing period, which was only six minutes of shuffling around and bullshitting between classes. I usually used it to loiter by the dumpsters with the aim of being late to class. However, I'd devoted all of my more recent passing periods to Roxas, because I seriously couldn't stop thinking about him. He was an itch in my brain and heart and other various organs. But I digress.

So I'm standing by my locker, glancing around in a not-so-surreptitious fashion. It's not on purpose, mind you, I'm just a man on a mission. Anyways, my creepy, stalker eyes catch sight of Roxas and I'm immediately propelled towards him by the invisible forces within me. Love is like a demon.

He's going to his locker, which is perfect, because that's where I want to go. I intend to catch him unawares. I follow and follow (in my usual, creepy stalker fashion), and then I stand a few feet behind him as he actually gets where he was going. I don't know exactly what to do so I just go up to him and grab his shoulder. And his conditioned response to this, I guess, is to grab my fingers really fucking hard and squeeze. I make a really weird noise at a pitch I wasn't previously aware I could reach and I'm letting go even though I don't want to because that fucking hurts.

"Ow, Roxas, what the-"

"Stop fucking stalking me," he growls, turning his icy blue eyes to me slightly. "I will castrate you if you set so much as a finger on me again."

I nod really emphatically because I want the pain to stop, and I am rewarded by him letting go. It's awesome, for a second, but then it's really painful again because he hates me… and I fucking love him. I don't even know why I love him, either. It's a pretty sick infatuation. And I thought love at first sight was bullshit.

I sigh and wander away because I don't know what to do with myself. And, fortunately, I'd finally gotten to switch to music class with Demyx that period so I was actually looking forward to that. It was a small piece of happiness, but it served me nonetheless. So I reach the band room and wander in, smiling and saying hi to Demyx and Zexion as I do, flopping down next to them in their haphazard positions on the floor. And then, as I look around the room, making eye-contact with a few people I recognize here-and-there, who the fuck do I see? 'Of course.' And there he is, glaring at me, probably thinking I'm stalking him, which just makes me want to die. So I turn away in embarrassment because I can't stand him looking at me like that. I can't even stand him looking at me at all when he hates me so much. But I guess everything became fine after that because he didn't look at me at all for the rest of the period.

Anyways, I got into a class with him. I would now see him every day whether he wanted me to or not. That was a victory.

But he still ignored me for the rest of the month.

I tried really hard not to let it get to me. And Zexion and Demyx helped distract me, too, with their bickering, which was endlessly amusing to fuel. And fuel it I did.

"Demyx, if you fucking dog-ear the pages in my textbook again so help me-"

"Zexioooonnnn," Demyx whined, putting on a puppy-dog face. "How else will I know what to study? You refuse to help me so-"

"He refuses to help you because you have an IQ lower than my retarded cousin-"

"That's not really appropriate to say Axel-"

"I fucking do not you asshole!"

"C'mon you guys, take a joke-"

"I can't even think with you two noisy assholes around-"

"I'll fix them, Zexy, see? I'm fixing the pages-"

"I don't even know what the big deal is? I'm just saying, Reno is retarded and he has a low IQ. It's not like I said anything that isn't true or that's derogatory in any way-"

"Ahem!"

Now, when Zexion, Demyx and I all looked up in unison - really comically, I might add - I don't think any of us was expecting Roxas of all people to be standing there having made the previous throat noise to get our attention. It showed on pretty much all of our faces, though Zexion looked stone-faced as ever to the untrained eye. I noticed the slight twitch his brow made, though, which was enough to let me know that he was just as surprised as I was. Demyx was just being Demyx and gaping up at the love of my life. I smacked him in the forehead without looking and smiled up at Roxas slightly, so I didn't look creepy. Then I cleared my throat as well.

"Uh… can I help you?" I said quietly, trying not to sound like an asshole. Well, just trying to not sound like anything at all, really. I didn't want to leave any room for misunderstanding.

He stood there looking down at me for a minute, a slight frown on his face (which was really attractive) and a line between his brows. He stayed like that for quite some time, too, which was really inconvenient for me since I was smiling. It would get really weird if I just kept grinning up at him. In the interest of saving face, I lowered my chin and coughed into my hand, straightening out my stupid smile.

"Wh- what's up?" I tried again, giving a more earnest face this time. He still didn't say anything for a minute, and each passing moment was making my heart race just a bit more, so I almost said something else, but he quickly cut me off before I started.

"Do you want to hang out this weekend?" he said, his face never changing.

And for a minute, I could have sworn he was fucking with me. I didn't know what to say, because I really had never wanted anything more in the universe than to do just that. But if I said yes, and then I thought it was going to happen, and then - suddenly - he pulled the rug out from under me, I didn't know if my heart would recover. But before I had a chance to speak, he started up again, effectively keeping me from saying something completely idiotic.

"I know you're probably thinking this is a joke, but I'm serious," he muttered, scratching the back of his head. "We should hang out."

"Uh… yeah! Yeah I really… I would really… want to… do that…"

"Okay well I guess I'll figure some shit out by Friday so I'll talk to you then."

And before I could even attempt to speak - again - he walked off, back completely stiff.

And my heart basically crumpled up like a paper ball after that because I had a date with Roxas.

"Holy shit," I whispered, grinning stupidly at Demyx. "Dude… that…."

Demyx grinned back. "He asked you out."

Zexion just shook his head and went back to reading.

I didn't even care about his shitty attitude, for once. That's how excited I was.

So Friday rolls around, and Roxas had ignored me for the two days after he asked me to hang out, weirdly enough. I didn't try to talk to him, either, because I was just too scared he'd change his mind. Still, Friday rolled around and he came up to me in class just as he had before, looking all brooding and weird. But he was still really hot. Anyways, I stood up, because I figured I should, and he actually beckoned me away, which just made me 500 times more nervous than I'd been previously. I walked with him to the corner of the room really awkwardly, though I probably looked about the same as normal. I'm pretty good at hiding it when I'm fucking awkward. Anyways, we get there and he starts talking about getting my number and I'm just nodding emphatically and giving him anything he wants because I fucking love him. So I put it in his phone and he texts me his address and tells me to go there after school, which is weird. I almost ask why we don't just go together at the end of the day, but then I find out why that isn't happening as some adult pops their head in the door and calls for him. He takes all his stuff and leaves me standing there melting into a puddle, a retarded grin plastered on my face.

I walk back over to Demyx and Zexion after a second because I don't want to seem like a weirdo. And then for the rest of the day, I did nothing but think of Roxas and the fact that I was going to his house… it was almost too good to believe, and I was having all sorts of crazy doubts. 'What if he's just looking for a quick fuck? What do I do then? What if he doesn't even like guys and he thinks I'm disgusting and he just wants to corner me and beat the shit out of me? Or what if he thinks I'm playing some kind of prank with all of this "I love you" stuff and wants to beat the shit out of me for that? Or what if-' The bell rang, silencing my stupid brain. I reacted to the sound faster than I ever have in my life, speeding out of the classroom and looking up Roxas' street address on my phone. He lived in a neighborhood not too far from mine, actually, which was really convenient. I wandered in that direction first and then found my way from there, easily, passing a broken playground I'd played on as a kid on the way. I was nervous. The whole time I walked, my hands shook. I didn't know what to do with myself so I kept licking my lips and glancing around, hoping some sign would present itself. Hoping that the universe would provide me with some sort of guideline. No such thing came, however, and I was left to bumble and stumble my way to Roxas' front door step, which I then stood on for at least five minutes.

Anyways, I finally worked up the courage to ring the doorbell after some time, which made my heart thunder a billion times faster than before and my palms sweat profusely. Roxas answered the door and swept all of that physical sensation away, replacing it with a whole new set of love-related ailments.

"Hey," he said casually, stepping away from the door to indicate I should come in.

I did that, murmuring some sort of greeting that I don't remember. I hardly looked around as I stepped over the threshold and heard the door slam behind me. I was too freaked out. I was too psyched up.

So, Roxas probably noticed this because he put his hand on my arm and sort of raised his eyebrow, silently questioning my sanity, I'm certain. I just smiled a little to reassure him, because I knew that's what he wanted. And, anyways, I just wanted to know if something was going to happen to me or if I was really going to get to hang out with him.

"So," he said, heading off to the right and causing me to follow, "I don't know what you like to do, Axel, but I don't like to do much of anything, so if you really want to hang out, that's what's gonna happen."

I paused, mulling that over and momentarily forgetting my nervousness. "I don't like to do much either, man," I muttered, shrugging. "So it makes no difference to me."

He turned back and smiled at me, stopping at a door and swinging it wide. 'Holy shit… I get to see his room.' And, sure enough, it was his room, messy and dark and just as wonderful as I'd expected. And it smelled like him. Anyways, I was stoked to be allowed into such a private space so early in our… friendship? I didn't know what he was aiming at yet. It was a lot to handle at once. I walked in after him and he shut the door, stomping over to his bed and flopping down unceremoniously. He gestured for me to sit wherever, which I did, choosing a particularly unthreatening spot on a bean bag he had nearby.

And then we just… started talking. I hadn't expected it, but it was really incredibly easy. It didn't feel forced or uncertain at all, and I found myself completely relaxing before I knew it. Everything I'd previously been worried about melted away.

"There's this problem I have with my best friend… he's a total extrovert, and he's really rowdy and I just… I can't handle it all the time. It's weird because we're basically brothers, but he's definitely not someone I can be around all the time. It wears me out." I nodded and rolled my eyes, thinking of Demyx and Larxene.

"I know what you mean, man. It's like they run on different batteries. And I'm of the opinion that extroverts are too wrapped up in themselves by nature to even really try to get it when an introvert says they don't want to go out, they don't want to do something, etc. I get where they're coming from, but they never try to get where I'm coming from."

Roxas nodded emphatically, leaning his head back on his wall. "And that's the main problem I have with Sora. We get along so well in every other way, but he just doesn't spend enough time thinking about himself in the way he should. He just thinks about himself in terms of what will make him happy. And that's great, I totally admire that, I just don't know how to relate, a lot of the time."

"Ah, but opposites attract, they say."

"I guess… but that's not true, really. Not in this case."

I sighed. "I don't think it's anything you can change. I think it's shitty, and it's not fun being in that situation, but you have to just roll with the punches sometimes. It can't be something you stress yourself about when you really can't make it any different."

Roxas looked at me for a moment, seemingly thinking that over. Then he smiled, really warmly. And all of my love just surged up powerfully once more, overtaking everything else. I looked out the window and gulped to distract myself from it, noticing then that it was dark.

"What are you smiling about?" I asked, smirking slightly myself as I turned back to the blonde. He shrugged and fiddled with his fingernails.

"You're different than I expected," he stated simply.

"So… is that good or bad? Make an assessment."

He grinned. "Good. Definitely good." He paused, thinking something over for a minute, then sat forward, looking into my eyes very seriously. I gulped. "Want to know what I thought of you before?"

I gulped again, but nodded, wondering what kind of face I was making. I schooled my features into a calm mask and sat back, waiting.

"I basically thought you were just some burnt-out loser who got a kick out of seducing blonde guys and didn't give a shit who he hurt." I cringed, glancing off to the side to hide it. He snickered, and then said, "But that was before I had actually met you."

My gaze immediately whipped up to meet his, and I saw something completely unexpected in his eyes: affection. I'd never seen anything close to that expression on his face before. It suited him just as every other mien he'd assumed did, but it made insides melt so much more than any of the others.

"It pissed me off," he said quietly, interrupting my thoughts, "when you told me you loved me like that."

"Um… Roxas," I said, casting my eyes to the ground. "I'm really sorry I-"

"I wasn't finished," he cut in. "I was pissed off because I thought you were completely full of shit. I was pissed off because I thought you'd found out from someone and you were just messing with me."

I looked up at him again, and this time, my heart dropped into a black hole somewhere in my body, because those eyes - those beautiful blue eyes of his - were full of tears, and those tears were spilling out furiously. I wanted to reach for him but I wasn't sure if I was allowed. And besides that I was too busy wondering what the hell Roxas was saying. 'Is he saying… he liked me? Or that he does like me? What the hell…'

"I remember you, Axel. I remember the first time I ever saw you, even though you don't remember me."

I shook my head, my mouth falling open of its own accord as I tried to formulate words. I wanted to ask what he was talking about. I wanted to ask why he was crying. I wanted to ask why he had to make my whole body ache like that…

"We met Freshman year," he said, halting my thoughts for a second time, "but you don't know it. I don't think you knew it then. When I saw you, your eyes were red and you were laughing at something really stupid that kid Demyx was saying to you. I saw you, and I…" He looked away (probably feeling embarrassed), and I saw his cheeks go red. Then I saw that he'd stopped crying and he was growing calm again, despite how adorably nervous he looked then. I almost acted on my instincts and lunged at him for a hug, that's how fucking cute he looked. I cleared my throat, causing him to look at me again. "I loved you too… from that moment on. I loved you, and you didn't even notice me."

So… here's the thing about when someone you love tells you they love you… it's indescribable. It's not that I lack the ability - although… I guess I said earlier that I do, but that's not the point! The point is, my whole rib cage felt like it might implode and my throat clenched up a lot and the shuddering breath I tried to take in nearly made me choke because I have never been more filled with emotion than I was when he told me that. And the weird thing about it was, I had no second thoughts. We hardly knew each other. We'd both fallen in love at first sight. It didn't even make sense for us to _like_ each other. Yet I didn't give even the slightest iota of thought to any of those things because I fucking loved him and he fucking loved me, and I guess that's what it really meant to fall for someone.

Okay, so, back to what happened. I just sat there like a dumb-fuck for a good minute, staring at Roxas with my mouth wide open and weird, panting breaths wheezing out of me nonstop. And then Roxas sort of stumble-lunged at me and pressed his really warm, really soft lips against mine. It was the best kiss of my life.

I grabbed him, instinctively, wrapping my arms around his waist and sinking into the bean-bag chair further, which was really nice. It all felt so warm and comfortable and familiar and PERFECT. I couldn't wrap my fucking head around it, so I was on cloud nine, falling deeper into this feeling. And then he opened up his mouth and I was totally floored, because the feeling of exploring his mouth, of him just passively allowing my tongue inside, was so hot I felt like I might get hard just from that. It was that intense.

So we continue on like that, because it seemed to be mutually pleasurable from the way Roxas was letting out all these little noises. And then it just degenerated, mostly due to the fact that my natural instincts and personality come out when I'm turned on. And turned on I was. I grabbed under his legs like the animal I am and hoisted him up, taking the two steps to his bed required and pushing him down on it. And - god damn - I have never seen anything hotter than the expression that crossed his face then. He was laying on his back, staring up at me with slitted eyes, and his cheeks were more red than I'd expected, and his lips were all kiss-bruised and wet and parted so he could pant out beautiful things like my name, which just sounded too resoundingly sexy coming from his mouth… where was I going with this? Anyways, I pretty much lost it there and started attacking his neck, dragging my tongue all over that silky skin, seeing which bits made him react the most. And the whole time his throat is vibrating under my lips with these amazing moans that are making me way too horny to think. Plus his hands are running down my chest encouragingly, his eyes are fluttering closed, each breath he lets out is a gasp now… I push him down further (if that's possible)… I want nothing but that sound in my ears forever… his back arches up and he's just as impatient as I've been getting. Foreplay wasn't necessary for this, it seemed. We were both so lost. I just grabbed him and pawed his clothes off. I ran my hands up his sides roughly and stared at his body. I panted when he squirmed and licked his lips. I let him sit up and undress me, and that's never happened before. Usually I'm so completely in control. But I want to give in to him. I want him to be just as much a part of this. And it's because I love him. I love him without reason and without explanation. It makes no sense. None of it makes sense, but it feels so god damn right. And he's special to me even if just in that moment because the fact that I'd given in even the smallest amount meant something on its own. But all of those thoughts, which flitted quickly through my brain at the time, were drowned out immediately after by _pleasure_.

Roxas was not unversed, I discovered. Neither was I, obviously, but I was just a little shocked when he idly turned us so that I was on my back. And I was more than just a little shocked when his mouth slid over the head of my dick. In fact, I was so shocked, I found myself gurgling out Roxas' name in a way I'd never thought possible, my fingers winding into his hair of their own accord. Surprise blow jobs are definitely the best blow jobs. Anyways, he sucks me off for a little bit until I'm sufficiently impatient and a little bit frustrated. And then he just smiles really devilishly when I growl and flip him onto his back, because he's been waiting for me to do that, I'm sure. Then he silently supplies lube from somewhere - I don't even know. But I was so distracted by the fact that he had it, and that he was so unfazed by everything, that I didn't question its origins and simply went about preparing him. And that was definitely my favorite part.

I got to watch him squirm and gasp and grow painfully hard. His body was already just barely dewey with sweat, and his lips looked even more slick and beautiful since they'd been on my dick. And each time I teased him, flicking my tongue against his inner thigh, or biting just around the edges of his groin, he'd let out these breathy '_ah ah_' noises that just drove me insane. Finally, he got tired of it, however, and grabbed my shoulders really roughly grinding out "If you don't fuck me now I'm going to rip your balls off" which was enough threat for me. Actually, it wasn't even necessary considering how much I was straining for release. I was, after all, having sex with the person I loved.

God… it was hard to control myself. Just putting the tip against him, all slick and warm and needy… (guh) it almost sent me over the edge. I gulped and started pushing into him, and he let out a new moan each time I got further in, which was making it even harder. Then he clutched onto my shoulders and hugged me, so I hugged him back and closed my eyes, breathing in through my nose and letting it slide the rest of the way in. He moaned right against my ear then, gasping a little and then punctuating it with a kiss pressed wetly to my jaw. I shuddered and gulped for a second time, unable to stop a gasp myself, which I stifled using the skin of his neck (his beautiful milky neck) and then I… I felt all the warmth (physically and emotionally), so I let it pull me in. I let him clutch onto me tighter and, somehow, clutched onto him tighter while still making it work. I imagine it looked really ridiculous from the outside, but no one was watching anyways, so they wouldn't have seen the two love-crazed fools gripping onto each other painfully and frantically grinding together… for a woefully short time. I guess it was because I love him, and probably because he loves me but neither of us lasted more than five minutes, tops. And that was just too depressing to think about. Except that, at the time, all I could feel was the intense pleasure, the joy of release, the mind-rending impact of getting exactly what I wanted from exactly who I wanted… I felt totally complete, as gay and corny as it sounds.

"Damn," Roxas muttered, squeezing me tighter and not allowing me to pull out. That was fine with me, however, since I really didn't want to pull out… ever. Then he muttered something else, which I didn't quite hear and sighed. I would have asked him what he'd said, but I was really enjoying the aftermath of my orgasm too much, so I just laid there, clutching onto him for dear life and memorizing his scent, hoping that it was rubbing off on me and sinking in.

After a moment, Roxas turned his head (I couldn't see, but I could feel it) and he murmured a small "Hey," and nudged my shoulder, so I finally pulled out and rolled off of him. He immediately repositioned himself against my side, which made my chest ache. I wrapped my arm around him and wondered what I should say or do, but I couldn't even think properly, let alone form sentences. I couldn't figure out how he was so composed.

"Well that was embarrassing," he said, laughing a little. I glanced down at him and raised my eyebrow, shrugging.

"I guess it was pretty short…"

He snorted.

"Okay, _really_ short," I grumbled, scratching at my sex-hair. "But, you know, it's not like we don't have an excuse, or whatever, being lovesick fools, and all."

I stared at him, waiting for a response. He tried to hide his face, but I forced him to look at me, because I was really curious what kind of expression he was wearing. I could see why he'd tried to hide it. He was biting his lip, but not without reason: he was holding back tears, and failing to do so, I might add.

"God, Roxas," I sighed, breathing in shakily to keep my own from rising, "you should have told me before now… you should have at least talked to me, or… something. It's weird that you didn't pursue me at all until I started stalking you."

He laughed through his tears, and rubbed at them uselessly, pressing his forehead against my shoulder hard enough to hurt. I didn't mind, though, because I understood. I wanted to hold him so tightly that he would bruise. I wanted to bite every inch of his skin and then hold him some more. Because I suppose being in love is somewhat like fear. Fear that you'll lose something that has become more important than yourself. It's irrational and possessive, and it makes you want to be a little bit retarded and mean. But I'm bad at describing things.

Anyways, Roxas just stayed like that against my shoulder for a minute. And I could feel him smile when I squeezed him as tightly as I could probably crushing his ribs. He pressed a small kiss to my chest following the action and slid his hands up into my hair, pulling back a bit and looking me in the eyes. It was probably the first time we honestly looked at each other. I fell so much harder just because of that moment.

We looked at each other like that for a ridiculously long time, bumping noses casually and smiling like fucking idiots. Then he leaned in really slowly and kissed me so softly I thought I would die from suspense. We didn't reinstate our previous, more passionate kissing; it was just a soft entanglement of lips and the tips of our tongues that felt so pleasant and warm I almost fell asleep. But I didn't want to fall asleep because it was the best goddamn sensation I'd ever experienced (aside from, you know, fucking him). Anyways, we did that until Roxas' neck got tired, and then I made him lay down and I kissed him, for a change. And we did that until _my_ neck got tired.

And then we both sighed and laid back and stared at the ceiling sleepily, because sex makes men tired. However, Roxas seemed to dislike the idea of falling asleep and insisted that we get up a few minutes later.

"You're going to be my date," he informed me, standing to grab something. "We're going to a party, but first I need to shower. Come."

I didn't understand half of what he said, and I didn't really care all that much either because I knew that I was going to get to shower with him. So, yeah, that took priority in my brain. And if the sex in his room was short, the sex in the shower was fucking record breaking. Something about seeing him all steamed up and water-slicked and pressing his hands against the shower wall made my head go fuzzy. But neither of us really gave a shit anymore, I guess, because Roxas laughed it off and I just grinned and kissed him.

Anyways, I really was his date, it seemed, because we went to a party at this guy Cloud's house. 'I forgot this was going on,' I thought, glancing around once we'd gotten there. Then I looked at Roxas, who was talking to Leon Lionheart. 'I guess I forgot because I knew I was going to be with him.' I grinned and went into my usual, charming asshole mode. I was having a good night.

And it only got better. Roxas and I stayed together the whole time, bullshitting with Tidus and his friend Wakka in the den and eventually playing King's Cup with hot-Riku and Roxas' best friend. Then, when it was all over, Roxas pulled me away to the back yard and we laid in a chair and made out until our noses were frozen and our eyes were watering.

"We should go back to my place," Roxas suggested, nuzzling up to me. I smiled and nodded, and we left. And the whole time I could only think about him. My mind was fuzzy with alcohol and exhaustion and cold, but there was nothing more important to me, then, than the person at my side.

"I finally caught you," I said, smiling and winding my fingers with his as we walked. I felt really corny and stupid saying it, but I was too inebriated to stop myself. "I love you, Roxas. I really do."

He turned and smiled at me as we walked on, gripping my hand tighter and giving me the most earnest expression I'd ever seen. "I love you too," he said, and that was all I really needed to hear.

It was the only thing that mattered.

* * *

**End Notes:** So, I had fun writing this because I enjoy stream-of-consciousness and whatnot. Plus, Axel is probably my favorite character. I know it's a bit uh… weird? Corny. Short. It didn't seem necessary for me to be 100% accurate with characterization, either, because I am always of the opinion that the characters would be pretty different IRL, without a rating influencing their words and actions. So it might not satisfy those who desire Roxas acting exactly as Roxas is "supposed" to act, and Axel acting exactly as Axel is "supposed" to act. That kind of thing. Anyways, hope you enjoyed. Feel free to PM or review or call me names and say my story is stupid. Whatever you wish.


	23. Secret Longing Side-Stories: 2 Cleon

**Pairing(s):** Cloud/Leon

**Warning:** Some serious sexing. Like… hardcore. Lemony and sentimental. Also, there ain't no title. I'm done with titles.

**Disclaimer:** These bitches don't belong to me.

**Jessica would like you to note:** These two are one of my favorite pairings so this might get a little long-winded, okay? I can't help it! I like the thought of men who are equal in stature being together… there's just something about that. Idk. ANYWAYS, here's this shit.

* * *

Dial the world back a few years, to Christmas Eve 2007. That's where everything starts and ends, for me.

I was stumbling around Cloud's family home in a haze of glory and titillation, my cheeks warm from the booze I'd snuck while the adults weren't looking, which, if you caught them late in the night, wasn't a difficult task to accomplish. Everything looked electric to me, in that state, young as I was. My eyes were so heavy from inebriation and exhaustion that the lights hanging everywhere, the neat-and-tidy decorations placed carefully in every nook and cranny of the place, the enormous tree that could barely contain the volume of presents underneath, and everything else I saw dazzled me. I was in a comfortable haze, lost in a perfect dream world of holiday spirit. A world where my sad reality didn't exist.

It was in this state that Cloud snuck up on me.

I can say now, in hindsight, that it would have been a terrible idea on his part if he hadn't been complicit in what followed. But the reasons for that assertion will become evident very shortly.

So, as I said, I was snuck up upon. It was in the middle of the circuit I'd been making from the living room to the kitchen and back again. Just at the corner where the dining room met the hallway, an arm came up around my chest and the hand of the other covered my eyes, as both dragged my away. I was too drunk to fight, fortunately, or I might have accidentally started an unnecessary tussle with the only person I'd ever consider my equal in such things. Anyways, that's not what happened.

Instead, I stumbled back with the person pulling me, simply stating "uhhhh" rather than actually uttering anything coherent. I felt a rush of breath pass by my ear at that, a familiar snicker following as Cloud revealed himself.

"Why were you wandering around, Leon?" he asked, lowering the hand covering my eyes while still hanging on with the other arm, leaning around to look at my face. "Are you really that drunk?"

I stared back, stupidly, caught in a deeper trap than Cloud intended. I wanted him so vehemently. I was only 14 years old, but I already knew exactly how much I loved him. And, in my alcohol addled brain, the idea arose that I should kiss him while he was so close. Hold him to me, while his arm was still so available. Touch him, while he was vulnerable… But I shook those thoughts away dutifully, the more sane (sober) parts of me reasoning that I ought to behave myself.

Cloud laughed again, clearing my head, giving me something to smile about. I grinned idiotically - which is not something I do - and nodded a bit, trying not to focus on how close his lips were.

"I'm… pretty far gone," I muttered, laughing and pushing my hand back through my hair, glancing at him as I did. "How about you?"

He shrugged, picking at his fingernails and (regretfully) lowering the arm that was wrapped around me. "I drink my parent's stash when they're gone all the time," he said, glancing over to where all of the adults and younger children were congregated. I looked over too, because I really had little control over myself, and looking at Cloud was dangerous, to say the least. But, anyways, Cloud was apparently looking for a different reason.

"They don't even notice we're gone," he murmured, still staring. "That's good. We can just go upstairs now."

I nodded my concurrence, imagining how nice it would be to flop into my usual guest bed and pass out. I was too tired to be drunk. Thus, I followed Cloud to the stairs, trudging along behind him silently and entering his room in about four stumbles once we'd reached the top. I really was ridiculously tired. Therefore, I immediately fell onto the first bed I encountered, which happened to be Cloud's. It didn't really matter to me. I'd done it before, anyways.

It wasn't until the door clicked shut and the lock turned, and the blinds were drawn until it was almost pitch-black, that I felt the tension that Cloud must have been experiencing the entire time. It was so thick I might have choked, if not for how drunk I was. It was too late to properly react to it, however, because I was quite suddenly mounted by Cloud. My eyes shot open.

To see him straddling me in the near-darkness kick-started my heart violently, and the rush of breath that followed was enough answer to his silent question, I guess, because his lips met mine a moment later. They were soft, warm, slightly wet. They felt so perfect; more perfect than anything I'd ever experienced before then, and it was electric. He paused for a moment after he'd done it, staring down at my face, searching my eyes for some kind of reaction.

I felt completely sober in that moment. I reached up and ran my hand down his cheek, eventually letting it come to rest on the side of his neck. I could feel his pulse matching mine through my fingers.

"Cloud," I whispered, reaching for his waist with my other hand. "Is this a dream?"

I didn't believe that it was - I was very aware of my state of consciousness - but it seemed like something that should be said. I wanted him to know that I wanted him, and that I'd dreamt of him before. And I really wanted him to kiss me again.

He smiled and shook his head in answer to my question, leaning close enough for me to feel his breath on my face. I shuddered.

"Does that mean you've imagined this before, too?" he whispered, one hand wandering down my torso. I gulped but managed a nod and a small "yes". However, I was too impatient to wait for any more questions after that, because I really wanted his mouth on mine. So I grabbed behind his neck and pushed us together, controlling the movement enough that it wouldn't hurt either of us. He gasped when I did it, but didn't protest, giving in almost immediately and relaxing his body against mine. And, oh god, every point where we touched was electrifying. To be so close… I'd thought it impossible, and now he was completely pressed against me. I could feel every breath move through him, every heartbeat… still, I was a bit preoccupied with what was going on with our mouths. When I rubbed my tongue against his, he didn't just let me in like the girls I'd kissed had done, he fought back. He pushed for dominance, and I loved it. It was impassioned.

He panted into my mouth and gave in after a few moments. And then we both let out shuddering breaths and began exploring in earnest, hands roaming and kisses becoming more forceful and hectic.

I grabbed the back of his head roughly and squeezed his ass with my other hand, suddenly overtaken by the lust I'd previously been controlling. And he…_ moaned_. I'd never heard a sweeter sound. I moved my hands, pressing my fingertips just against the small sliver of skin revealed by his shirt. He shivered and pressed closer as I dragged the hem of it up, briefly separating his mouth from mine as I pulled it up over his head. And I'd seen him shirtless countless times before, and been entranced every time, but this was different. In this moment, I was allowed to touch where I'd been previously restricted from such things. So touch I did. I groped him all over, pausing here and there to appreciate the goosebumps forming all over his torso. I licked his bottom lip and chuckled, unable to suppress it.

"What are you laughing about?" he panted incredulously.

I smiled as I pushed his hair away from his forehead, pressing a softer kiss to his jaw and then his Adam's apple. "I'm just so pleased with your reactions," I murmured, running my hands up and down his back. The muscles there tensed and relaxed by turns under my fingers, sending shivers up my spine. I licked my lips. "Cloud…" I whispered, lingering over one of his nipples. He seized up when I squeezed experimentally, letting out a gasping breath immediately after. I leaned up to flicker my tongue against the neglected one, sucking on his skin hard enough to leave a mark.

I paused after a second, however, because I could suddenly feel, very keenly, Cloud's crotch pushed up against mine. It was so obviously hot and hard even through his jeans. I let out a weird noise and pushed him onto his back after that, removing my own shirt and grinding against him once I was positioned to do so. Sparking pleasure rippled through me, intensifying as I looked down and saw Cloud's mouth falling open and his back arching up. 'Oh fuck…' That's all I could think. My mind was clouded… no pun intended.

I pushed against him again and our chests touched. We both briefly looked at each other to confirm this was happening, and to connect again because the kissing made it that much better. And then he reached for my button and I reached for his and it seemed like a second but who knows how long it took because all that really mattered was that we were both naked and we were both trembling and Cloud's mouth was so incredibly hot and wet against mine…

I remember him touching me gingerly, at first, probably too nervous to really assert himself. I remember I was the one to grasp him and push him down, stroking none-too-gently using only his precum as lubrication. He started touching me in earnest, then, moaning into my mouth, pushing our cocks together and then crying out a little as I thrust my hips. I had become more beast than man, by that point. I was grinding against him mercilessly, fueled by alcohol and lust and long-suppressed feelings.

"Fuck," I muttered, biting his neck. "I love you."

He nodded in response, clutching onto me harder. "I love you, too. For a long time…"

I panted against his neck, wanting so badly to cum, but not wanting the connection to end. Therefore, I decided to throw caution to the wind and stopped what I was doing, shoving Cloud down onto his back and leaning down to suck him off. I'd never done anything of the sort before, and I was drunk so I didn't have a clue what I was doing anyways, but the minute my lips slid over him he let out a loud moan and shivered. And once my tongue contacted the head, he came without warning, nearly causing me to choke. I managed not to, however, and was treated with the sight of Cloud post-orgasm, his head lolling to the side and his lips parted just slightly. He didn't stay like that for long, however, because I was still in need of some relief, and he was always a giver.

It was his turn to push me down, once again, and this time I got to watch him go down on me… which was probably more than what I required considering how close I was. I came almost as quickly as he did, barely grinding out a warning before I did.

I flopped fully onto my back once it was over, breathing a little bit harder than normal but overall in a perfect state. Cloud crawled forward to lay next to me so I pulled him into my arms, clenching my teeth. It was starting to hit me just how much this moment would impact our lives, and just how much it was going to mean to me.

I laughed.

"Again," Cloud murmured, a hint of amusement in his voice, "what the fuck are you laughing about?"

I shook my head. "I just… can't believe we both loved each other and didn't realize it. How stupid."

Cloud shrugged. "It's not like we don't have the rest of our post-pubescent lives to be together, now."

I laughed again. "You're right," I said, closing my eyes and squeezing him.

I passed out after that and I'm told by Cloud that he did as well. We both woke up sticky with sweat and rather uncomfortably glued together, but we laughed it off and kissed anyways, because that was the first morning of the rest of our lives. I feel kind of... strange and sentimental about it, in hindsight. Waking up like that, smiling and laughing together, knowing we had something secret going on as we went downstairs to experience the house in all of its holiday grandeur again, but this time as a couple: it was exhilarating for me.

So, fast forward to now. We've been together for 5 years, and our friends accepted it like it was nothing. In fact, for the greater balance of our relationship, everyone legitimately pretended they knew nothing about it. I always assumed we were hiding it well enough, and if we weren't, it didn't seem to matter. Plus, I'm not necessarily the "open and emotionally available" type, so it wasn't a subject that bore discussion under any circumstances.

As far as our life together goes, there's hardly anything to complain about. One would think we'd get tired of each other, or we'd start to waver in our feelings, or one of us would change as we matured and no longer feel the same love we did before. However, none of those things ever happened. As Cloud changes, he just becomes more like who he has always been, the best sides of him - my favorite sides of him - standing out more and more. And I can't speak for him, but he certainly never shows signs of getting tired of me. He'd tell me endlessly if he did… which is another thing I love about him. So maybe he complains that I'm too quiet sometimes. And maybe I complain that he gets angry too much. And maybe we sometimes have really hot, pissed off sex to get over our fights. But I wouldn't change any of that. I can handle it all, because I will never love anyone the way I love him. My whole life, since I was a child, I've loved him. From the minute we met, from the second he turned and smiled at me and introduced himself, everything has changed. My world would be nothing without him.

**Cloud's Journal:**

I found Leon's journal today, and he wrote a lot about me. I don't know what came over him… it would be real fucking embarrassing if anyone else ever saw that shit. He wrote it like some gay porn.

I swear he just gets weirder and weirder the older he gets. He's quiet and moody and withdrawn. Even when he's dicking around with all of us and appears to be having fun, I can see the strange, distanced look in his eyes. He's not really there.

The only time I see him connect is when we're together, alone. As usual, he's never as horny as I am. I always want him to fuck me, and he just wants to take his damn time and touch me everywhere and kiss me and… I adore it. I love him. I love him so fucking much. It sounds corny, just like he did in his little entry, but I can't even deny the intensity of it. There's something so deep and stormy about him that only I get to fully experience. It's special. I see sides of him that no one else will ever see.

I've seen him angry and depressed and emotionally drained. I've seen him overjoyed and touched and on the verge of tears. I've seen everything and I've seen nothing, and that's what makes it all so rewarding. Being with him is never boring, never tedious. I can always talk to him, I can always laugh with him. He constantly surprises me while meeting my expectations all the same. It's impossible to put into words, as stupid and stereotypical as that sounds.

It's a gut-instinct and a wholly academic assessment as poignant and particular as any endeavor at knowledge all rolled into one. It's a feeling that becomes so chemically addictive and forceful that the impact is almost jarring enough to drive me crazy. I can no longer distinguish this sensation from dependence. Is it love or just obsession? Either way, I am stuck with this insipid happiness he brings to me. I could never even conceive of leaving him, or of him leaving me. I'd kill him if he did. I'd kill myself, if he did… well… I probably wouldn't. The truth is, if he left me, I would want him to be happy, because love - while selfish - is still something of a sacrificial experience. I would sacrifice my happiness for his. I know he would fight just as hard to prevent that if it came to it, and that only makes me love him more. The fact that he loves me back so profoundly creates this never-ending loop. My love for him fuels his and his for me fuels mine. Who knows what the limit is? All I know is that it keeps growing and changing. It cannot be contained. It is all-consuming and terrifying, and it elates and crushes me all at once.

It's unfathomable. And so is my life without it. So is my life without _him_.

* * *

**End Notes:** err. As usual I just blathered on a bit and got all gross and sexual and sentimental and mushy. We all love that shit though, right? I dunno. Whatever, I need to stop writing these end notes. I probably won't though.


	24. Secret Longing Side-Stories: 3 XemSaix

**Pairing(s):** Saix/Xemnas

**Warning:** Sex sex sex. I say it every time ok. It's true. I like to write the sex.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own things. Any things.

**Jessica would like you to note:** This and the one following will be the end. I will then start working on my other story, 'Sweetest Touch', after which I plan on posting some of the stuff I've been writing on the side that forms the start of my other project. And then I might do a sequel to 'Secret Longing'. It might not even be worth it at that point, however, because I'm not sure how long all of that will take. Ah, well, here's a chapter titled after the Richard Hawley song which inspired the writing of it.

* * *

**The Ocean**

The man who inspires me is corporeal. He is not god or the sun or any other traditional icon of worship, he is just Saix. But _just_ is such an ugly word for me to use when describing him. He is so much more than _just_. By no means is he a paragon or a hero. He is no one of great note or great wisdom, though to me he is everything. No, he is a person, with limits and fears and a great many flaws. But each and every one of those flaws and limits and fears draws me in like a sickness. I am entranced by him. His perfection - as well as his imperfection - sends me reeling.

Though he is quiet and strong, though he believes in very little and is academic in his approach, though he looks down upon others and scoffs at petty insecurities, I find him endearing and unbelievably cute. I want to hold him. I love him.

Perhaps that is why I keep making statues of him. I strive and strive for the perfect rendition of him, one that will capture not only his figure and likeness, but his spirit. I stare at waves for hours thinking of him. I stare at the clouds by the sea and daydream about when he'll finally be mine. And then I go home and sculpt him, hoping that maybe that what I create will come to life. It never does, however. No matter how perfectly I make him, he is never in my hands. Just as the formless clay I make him with each time sits shapeless in my palms, so do my dreams of being with him as I watch them and let them vegetate. I've never been very proactive, and maybe that's why I will never have him.

Perhaps the universe likes to play tricks on me. Perhaps I was made so passive and spaced-out because Saix is so incredibly aggressive and aware. Maybe he would someday want me back and be the one to come for me.

Or perhaps the world would present me with the perfect opportunity. Perhaps I could find a way while still moving forward at the same pace, without fear to stop me. Yes, perhaps that's exactly what happened.

I was going to model for an art class, which I did often. I did this weekly to help the Community College, and because the money provided kept me from running out of clay. However, they wanted another model this time. They wanted another male model of similar height and build to pose alongside me. And for this, of course, I knew I could ask only one person. Saix would agree because he agreed to most things I proposed. He never had a reason not to and he would always do things that offered him some reward. The money he would make was enough incentive.

Thus, he and I ended up in our underwear together, prepared to be posed by a room full of spectators. I would have been jealous that they could see him were I not so entranced by the sight of his body. I'd seen it in only glimpses before; a flash of skin during PE as his shirt hiked up, a quick peek in the locker room when we changed, that was it. But now I was seeing him in full, almost completely naked, and it was breathtaking. As an artist, I appreciated the lines, the contours, the form and shape of it. But as someone who loved him, I appreciated much more. The smoothness of his skin. The haughty way he held himself. The curve of his ass-

"Okay we need you to form this pose, please," the instructor called, holding up a picture. I raised my eyebrows but did not protest, moving to grab Saix as the picture showed.

"Wha-! Wait wait!" he said, flushing bright red (god he was cute). He pushed at my forearms weakly. "I- I don't know about this…"

"Come on Sai," I breathed, flaring my nostrils in impatience. I just wanted to touch him. "It's not a big deal. What are you worrying about?"

"Just… that's…" He glanced back at the picture the instructor was still holding and shuddered, making me gulp. I really didn't need him to tell me why he was freaked out. Anyone would be a bit nervous being pinned in such a sexual position, in their underwear, by their very obviously gay friend. But I had to pretend it was nothing, so I pushed him down while he was distracted, lacing the fingers of one hand with his as was shown in the picture, and pulling him up by the back of his neck with the other. Saix glanced over to where I had pinned his hand, then looked up at me, and then down at where our crotches were almost touching.

"I- I- I-" he stammered, glancing around at the already scribbling class. "Why can't they just use the original picture!" he protested, squeezing his eyes shut. I licked my lips while he wasn't paying attention, wishing that we were doing this somewhere more private. I was enjoying how tense and nervous he was, though, so I toyed with him a little, pressing forward just the slightest bit.

His eyes shot open immediately as he gaped at me.

"What are you doing?" he whispered. But he wasn't angry like I expected, he was… god he was turning bright red. And his lips were trembling. Maybe I did't know anything, after all.

I wanted to test my new-found theory some more, but decided it would have to wait. Besides, Saix was suddenly too composed and too distant for me to reach. He'd shut himself off, just as he always did when things got uncomfortable. I sighed and held the pose, going into "work mode" so that I wouldn't grow weary of our current situation. I was still impatient, after all.

After about an hour, the class finished their sketches and we were allowed to move. Saix waited patiently for me to pull away from him, then stood and gathered his robe unceremoniously, walking out of the room without putting it on. I grabbed mine as well and sped after him, worried that he'd get away from me if I let him.

We'd changed in the university locker room, which was empty but for us, and would be until the following day. Thus, it made for an eery setting in which to talk.

I saw his back from the door, still bare though he now had jeans on. If anything, it only made him sexier. I wanted to jerk him off like that and dirty those jeans.

"Hey," I said, sneaking up on him. He jumped but didn't turn to face me, instead putting on his shirt and ruining my fantasy. I was in the perfect position, after all, standing just behind him. All I would have to do is reach around and hold him. Kiss his neck and feel his milky skin under my palms. Then trace one hand down to his button. Or maybe just slip it under both - underwear and pants - and grope him once, getting him just a little bit hard. Then I'd whisper in his ear, lick the space just behind it. Take the lobe between my teeth and suck on his neck more. Stroke him until he was calling my name.

I clenched my fist to keep myself in check, letting out a weary breath instead of doing any of those things. I couldn't handle it if he rejected me now.

"So, why are you backing away from me now?" I asked, meaning it metaphorically. Most people had to question me after I spoke thusly, but Saix always got it. And he did this time, as well, turning and opening his mouth once before shutting it resoundingly. He then stared at me for a few seconds before turning back to his task.

"You're teasing me," he said bluntly, putting his foot up on a nearby bench to tie his shoe, not once looking at me. "You're messing with my head and I don't want to deal with it."

"Wait, what do you mean, Saix?"

He ignored me, tying the other shoe angrily and reaching out to grab his bag. I intercepted his hand and yanked him towards me, forgetting, for once, that I am passive and spaced-out and instead deciding to live very much in the moment. His body collided with mine, and before he could pull himself away or do anything to stop it, I had his face in my hands and I was kissing him. It wasn't an aggressive or overly bold kiss, but it was a kiss nonetheless. I was expecting some sort of reaction, though not the one I got, of course, because what happened next was something of a dream. His arms came around me and pulled me closer, and I held onto his face and kissed him harder, because I was certain I'd spent too much time inhaling paint fumes again and was hallucinating. But, no, it was real. And the more I felt his lips press against mine and his body relax against me the more I became aware of just how real it all was. Really, maybe I don't know anything.

As usual, I went with the flow, finding it hard to stop myself once Saix was in my grasp. I didn't even pause to tell him I loved him, or to revel in the fact that maybe he loved me too. Instead, I let his hand guide mine to his button, and I let my fingers undo that button. And instead of stopping there, which might have been a normal response for me, I pulled off his shirt as well, pressing my mouth back to his once the obstruction was gone, feeling all of his skin against mine. I was still in my underwear, after all. I felt him shifting, removing his shoes again since they would get in the way, then I did the rest of the shifting for him, pulling his pants down and kneeling in front of him. When I looked up into his eyes, his cheeks were bright red, his lips were trembling, but his eyes were as deep and enticing as the ocean. And just like a wave, I was dragged under, my body compelled forward by an unrelenting force. I kissed his stomach and felt his hands wind themselves up in my hair. I let my tongue dip into his bellybutton and then moved my mouth lower, to the space just underneath. His whole body shivered for a second, then seized up entirely as I groped his cock through his underwear.

He let out a noise and murmured something when I pressed with my lips through the cloth again. I wanted to hear more, to feel more, so I finally stopped teasing him and exposed him entirely, taking his entire length in my mouth slowly. He let out a loud gasp and grasped at my hair when I sucked, and when I moved some and let go, using my tongue to trace the length from the bottom up, he moaned so beautifully I could feel my own groin beginning to ache. On my knees as I was, looking up every so often to see his slitted eyes and his gasping mouth, it was the perfect act of worship. I wanted to complete it. I wanted him to release in my mouth and become putty in my hands, but he compelled me again with those eyes, looking down and pleading with me.

"Xemnas," he gasped, pulling my hair a bit, "you can… take me… please."

It was a request I really couldn't deny. So I stood up and seized his arms, leaning into his ear and watching him shiver.

"Turn around," I whispered, watching in satisfaction as he did. He arched so perfectly, too, so knowingly. It was a ritual, in my head, another act of worship I'd played out many times. But who knew that it was the same for him. I, of course, didn't, because I really did't know anything.

Well… maybe I know some things. I know that my love is a painful love, and I know what must be done to make it bearable. I grabbed his left hip and stood behind him, dying now to show him how I worshipped him. Oh how I worshipped him. I was utterly throbbing with worship. I watched his face as I pressed one slicked finger in, breathing out and licking my lips as he squeezed his eyes shut and clenched his fists against the lockers. I was on fire.

I kissed down his spine as I snuck another finger in, rubbing myself against his ass because it was getting so incredibly hard not to. I squeezed his hip harder and he seemed to like that, which only fueled my lust.

"You seem to like pain," I murmured, biting his side.

"Ah!" His cries echoed in the silence making me go numb. "Xemnas…" he panted, glancing back at me. The way his eyes pleaded made me feel lost. I pushed another finger in, knowing it was going to hurt him no matter how much oil I used. He just moaned when I did, however, completely undermining my whole being just as he'd always done. Watching him rock back made my passivity disappear. I wanted him so deeply it couldn't be stopped.

I growled - so unlike me - and removed my fingers, pushing my cock in instead. And that first thrust was so difficult. It wasn't just the pressure or the resistance or the way Saix trembled. It was the warmth and the slickness and the moan that ripped out of his throat. He was incredible. I grasped both his hips now, pushing in further and further until he was used to it, keeping myself in check by staring into his deep eyes. Deep yellow eyes, much like my own but so much more beautiful. So much more consuming.

I pushed into him, and then pulled back and did it again, just like I'd imagined, just like I'd always wanted. Except it was better than that. I had to lean forward and rest my forehead against his upper-back. I was too overwhelmed.

"Ugh, god, Saix," I ground out, pushing into him again and again. Driven by love and lust and an intense longing. "I love you…"

"I- I love you, too," he gasped, trembling and arching his back now, his eyes flickering wildly as I began stroking him. We were both so close to coming. I moved to pull out but he stopped me.

"Inside…" he mumbled. At which point I lost all control and ended up doing just as he wanted, my body tensing as I was overcome by orgasm. I leaned against his back as I did, panting against his skin even as his own body gave in and he released in my hand. I licked his shoulder-blade because I could, nuzzling him without moving from our lovely position.

I realized I hadn't felt him up enough, which made me sad, so I ran my hands up and down his sides, exploring here and there and tweaking his nipples.

"Ugh, stop," he said, his voice trembling. "Pull out. I'm in pain."

I did as he asked and immediately turned him and collected his body in my arms, humming in satisfaction as his arms came up around my neck.

"You never told me you loved me," I said into his hair, breathing in his scent and memorizing it.

He shook his head. "Neither did you."

"Well I don't think anyone could expect me to do anything like that," I reasoned, groping him curiously. He slapped my hands away and started gathering his clothes, trying to hide the smile on his face and replace it with a frown. I grinned and pulled my underwear up, realizing I needed to clean my cock off and Saix was going to need some washing as well… that made me grin even more.

"Can you come to my place for awhile?" I asked, leaning against the lockers and watching him getting dressed through his discomfort. He shot me a look and narrowed his eyes, shaking his head.

"I'm already in enough pain, thank you," he said coldly, stomping into his still tied shoes and wandering towards the door. I scrambled to put my clothes on and ran after him, my shirt only half-way on, still barefoot.

"Hey, look, I'll control myself," I said as convincingly as possible, "I just…" He stared at me as I tried to figure out what to say, waiting. I sighed. "I just want to make sure you're not clay in my hands," I said finally. It sounded pretty good to me, but he just laughed, shaking his head and running one hand back through his hair.

"You're insane," he said, tweaking my ear. I smiled in response, hoping that meant he would come. "I'll come," he confirmed, taking my hand after I'd finally gotten my shoes on and walking with me towards my house.

And when we got there, I made very sure that he wasn't a hallucination, or just clay in my hands, or even just a daydream by the ocean. I made sure he was real, and that I finally had him in my hands. It seems that neither was ever really in question.

* * *

**End Notes:** My favorite, by far, definitely. I liked this one a lot because the way I characterized Xemnas in the main story is pretty much how I am, and writing as him was easy because that's how I am in my head, for the most part. It's like a little glimpse into my basic mind. Heh.


	25. Secret Longing Side-Stories: 4 Zemyx

**Pairing(s):** Demyx/Zexion

**Warning:** Sex sex sex. I say it every time ok. It's true. I like to write the sex.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own things. Any things.

**Jessica would like you to note:** I'm totally listening to 50 cent right now...

* * *

**21 Questions**

Zexion was ignoring me.

It wasn't unusual, or anything, because he was pretty much _always_ ignoring me, but it was still depressing. I didn't know what to do with myself when we were hanging out and he wouldn't do anything with me.

"Zexioooonnn!" I whined, rolling around on my back next to him, bumping him on purpose. "Pay attention to me."

"Demyx, I'm busy," he said blankly, scribbling something in his notebook. "I have AP tests this week."

"Yeah but you've been studying a _lot_ and you don't even need to worry about passing because we all know you will c'mooonnn Zexyyyyyy!"

He sighed, rubbing the space between his eyes like he always did when I was being really annoying. I didn't care, though, because it meant that at least he was paying me some attention. I grinned and reached up for him, trying to get him in a hug before he changed his mind. But he simply leaned back when I lunged, leaving me to fall back on the floor and pout.

"Zexioooonn-"

"Stop it, Demyx! All you do is beg for attention! If you're going to hang around while I'm studying you need to learn patience, or, better yet, just leave!"

I frowned, feeling a bit dejected. Even if I was annoying (on purpose) and couldn't study with him (because I'm not smart enough) and didn't have anything to do (because I took easy classes for senior year), he could at least try to be nice. Well, I always think that, but it's not true. He's too nice to me, if anything. I take advantage of that, probably… But, anyways, I just didn't think it was such a stretch to want to spend time with my boyfriend. He had plenty of time to study when I was gone. Like, I play my guitar for hours when I'm sitting around alone, and it's not like we have infinite amounts of time to be together. He was just being stubborn.

"Zexion," I said, normally this time, "can't you just give me some of your time? I have to go home in like an hour anyways… you have all night after that-"

"It's not like we aren't together all day!" he growled, turning his face away from me. I raised an eyebrow at that, not sure if he wasn't getting it, or if something else was going on.

"Zexion," I said again, reaching for his elbow, "look at me."

He shook his head, turning further the other way.

"Zexion…"

He continued to avoid me, so I sat up and wrapped my arms around him from behind, grinning when he shivered. I put my chin on his shoulder and, in another attempt at annoying him, bit his ear. He shivered harder.

"Why are you avoiding me?"

He paused for a minute, then shook his head. And though he tried to hide behind his bangs, I saw, for a second, how red his cheeks were. 'Oh!' I thought, grinning. 'I see…'

"So… why are you shivering?" I said, smirking.

He just shook his head again, tensing up some (probably trying not to shiver). He can be so cute sometimes.

"Why are your ears red?"

I slid my right hand a bit lower on his stomach, moving towards his hip. He grasped my wrist before I got too far, gasping and then holding his breath, nearly turning his face to mine. 'Fuck… now I'm starting to get embarrassed too…' Instead of attacking him right away like I wanted, I decided to see where I could take our little game, wondering if that was what turned him on so much… the, what is it? Anticipation. I licked my lips.

"What about your cheeks?" I murmured, blowing his bangs so they lifted some from his face. He made a noise (something like "eep") and tried to reach up, but I stopped him, grinning as I did and grabbing his chin with my left hand. "They're red too," I whispered. I licked his ear this time, pressing up closer against his back when he shivered. 'This is fun…'

"Do you like this hand…" I pushed my left hand up under his shirt and brushed his nipple, "or this hand?" I asked, rubbing just at the edge of his groin with my right. He made a noise at both, trying to stifle it with his hands, which only made him tremble more. I snickered and licked my lips, trying not to move too fast… but I was getting pretty impatient.

I licked his neck, next, nuzzling close and pressing a few kisses after. "Do you like it when I kiss your neck?"

"Ugh…" was all he could respond, and then I saw his eyes slip closed, which was a good sign. I pressed a longer kiss on the same spot I'd just licked, sucking a little bit while pinching his nipple.

"Can I leave a hickey on you?"

He shook his head like he'd been doing before, turning his face to me fully, then. His eyes were watery, which was probably the result of trying to hold back all his moans. Not only that but his lips were trembling, pretty much begging me for a kiss. So I leaned in and slid my tongue between them, licking his soft tongue. He gasped but let me in, finally moaning fully when I licked the roof of his mouth. I moved the hand covering his groin closer to the actual target, grinning into our kiss when he pressed up into my touch. But I was still trying to be patient, then, because teasing him seemed to be getting some good results. Therefore, I pulled back from our kiss again and picked him up, dropping him on his bed a few feet away and pulling his legs apart.

I rubbed up against him once we were finally positioned right, making him gasp a bit. I lost my cool after that, because Zexion… when he's turned on he becomes the most fucking sexy creature on the earth. It's such a huge change in personality, for him. Most of the time he's so quiet and determined, and then suddenly he's this panting, disheveled, lusty-eyed god arching his back under me and pushing back with his slender hips and it's like… how could I _not_ fucking swoon.

"Ugh, do you know how hot you are?" I whispered, still playing even when I was serious. "Do you know I'm getting hard just looking at you?"

He shuddered, still not responding but grabbing my hands and placing them on his body. "Touch me…" Oh my fucking god. Did I mention that Zexion gets really sexy when he's turned on because _oh my fucking god_ does he get sexy…

Well, anyways, after that things became a bit less talkative. I couldn't really focus on asking questions when I was focusing on properly feeling Zexion up okay?

I took off his shirt and groped from hips to chest, leaning down to press kisses here and there, dipping my tongue into his bellybutton briefly. I couldn't help but leave hickeys all over him, after that, so that's what I did, marking as much of his soft skin as I could get to before he stopped me. He got a bit flustered and pushed me on my back, completely surprising me. I could only watch as he pulled off my shirt and unbuttoned my pants while straddling me, his eyes glazed over… Jesus.

He groped my cock through my underwear once my pants started coming down, grinning when I shivered. I licked my lips and grabbed him for a kiss, kicking my pants the rest of the way off and moving to take his off as well. He let me do so calmly, and I could feel his hands in my hair as I kissed his stomach and squeezed his hip. I knew he was smiling because how could he not be? He smiled a lot when we had sex, and especially when I got really into it.

So, anyways, I had to push him down again after that because I was pretty intensely turned on. He always tried to stop me when I did it, but I pulled off the rest of his clothes and sucked him off anyways.

"Agh! Demmmmm…" The way he held the "m" and trailed off like that let me know that, despite his fighting, he approved of the activity, so I paused and licked the whole underside, rubbing my tongue ring against the separation between the head and the rest. He gasped and pulled my hair a little, making me groan. Impatience was rare in Zexion, so any indication of it made me a little bit antsy.

Thus, I moved forward, grabbing the bottle of lube I knew was in his nightstand semi-secretly, pressing kisses all over his face while I did that, which made him grin and push at my chest. Then, while he was still not paying attention to what I was really doing, I pushed my finger in, loving the way he trembled as I did it. My hand was relatively cold compared to him, which I knew only made it feel better. I licked my lips and relished watching him arch and claw at his sheets, wondering how he got so sexy… oh yeah. I did that.

Feeling a little cocky, I pushed the next two fingers in at once, hoping he would approve. And, of course, he did. I'm assuming he really was just as impatient as me because one second he was biting his lip and barely tensing up, and the next he was full-on moaning and grabbing my shoulders and practically _begging_ me to fuck him.

In fact, he didn't wait for me to finish what I was doing and instead pushed me again, pulling my underwear partway down and, for the first time ever, grabbing my cock and guiding it right up against him. I was pretty shocked, so I know I looked fucking dumbfounded, which I think made him smile because that's what he was doing as it slid into him and he slid lower. Ugh. I wasn't even wearing a condom.

And then he licked his lips and bit the bottom one with the same look of concentration he wore when he was studying… He had to rest his hands on my chest and lean forward some to get his bearings, but the next motion was his hips circling just slightly. He shivered when he did it, arching back on one specific spot and letting his head roll back, and _fuck_ I was squeezing his legs so hard without knowing it because I_ knew_ he was feeling so good. I could see it in the way his chin was trembling and his body was moving on its own… and, well, I was feeling pretty fucking amazing myself. He moved in a circle again and then leaned forward more, using his arms to prop him up better so he could get more leverage. Then he fucking took me to heaven. Jesus, I didn't know he could fuck like that, seriously, but it was… incredible. I became so engrossed I didn't even think about it when I pushed him down on his stomach and pushed in from behind, driven hard by his stifled moans and gasps… and the way his body shuddered when he came. I kissed up his spine when I could feel that he was going to finish, reaching around and stroking a few times in rhythm with my thrusts before I felt it on my hand. And then I couldn't really help going after him because… Zexion sounds really hot when he comes. Zexion is just really hot, basically.

Anyways, flash-forward.

Zexion kicked me out of his house.

Again, this is not unusual. He tells me every time, "Your mind is constantly filled with thoughts of pursuing things which eat up valuable time. Things which distract from my routine and my studying." And then he slams the door in my face and yells goodnight. But I know what he does after, is the thing. I know that he stops by the door and smiles… though that's mostly a guess. But an educated guess. Because I **do** know, for an actual fact, that he leans against that door he just slammed in my face. He leans against it and slides down with that smile on his face. I can hear it when I stand outside and lean against it myself. And I smile.

* * *

**End Notes:** So, this is it. This is final. I'm marking Secret Longing as COMPLETE! But there will be a sequel. I feel a need for it. I might get started on it sooner rather than later because I've been thinking that I want to completely finish my other project and work on two simultaneously to put myself on a schedule for the upcoming semester. Like, incorporate fic writing into my class/study/volleyball/reading/video-gaming schedule. We shall see.


End file.
